


The Longest Road Home

by WytchDr



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: AU/fucking with the storyline, All manner of bad things, Also good things, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Birth, Brain Injury, Children, Cultural Misunderstandings, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I promise a happy ending, I will tag each chapter, Literal Alternate Universes, M/M, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Psychological Torture, References to past mental illness, Saruman fucked up the time/space continuum, Slow Build, Spatial Anomalies, Torture, bullshit medical procedures, dimensional shifting, gratutious swearing, made up dwarven traditions, my degree is not in medicine, omg research, references to past violence, the Q continuum would be proud
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-02-05 09:32:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 48
Words: 148,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1813678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr/pseuds/WytchDr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young mother with a troubled past finds herself in unlikely company. With no way back and nothing to return to she finds the only way she can- forward with in the company of thirteen dwarves, a wizard, and a hobbit. Her path will lead her across Middle Earth and will disrupt all she knew of the events that should have followed. </p>
<p>*Seriously, read the tags. I will try to tag each chapter individually in the notes but I'm not kidding. It hurts.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> References to aftermath of torture.

She was running in the dark with no sense of direction. She didn’t know how long she had been running but her body was done and she stopped involuntarily, falling to the ground. She laid there heaving deep, ragged breaths, clutching the child who had long since fallen asleep in her arms. Eventually the night seemed to seep in and weigh her down. The sounds of the night were suddenly deafening in her ears. Before, when she was running, the birds, the insects, the rustle of leaves and the breaking of twigs under her bare feet, none of it she had been able to hear over the sound of her own heartbeat and breathing. Now, recovering from her exertion, she could hear their voices in her head, she could see them, she could see her husband, she could feel the pain, and her memories consumed her.

For a time she lay still, listening to the unearthly sounds of this strange forest. It was so unlike anywhere she had ever been. Somewhere, there was a horrible screaming, a guttural cry of anguish that seemed to be pulled from the living earth and in her mind she wondered what could be making such a sound. In a moment, her heart shattered as she realized she was making the sound, she was crying, her hurt having been so great that her body was mourning its pain without her consent and she gave herself over to her pain with wracking sobs. 

Xxx

“Fili, what’s that sound? That keening, do you hear it?” Kili whispered in the dark.

“It’s no orc, that’s for sure, but we need to check it out. It’s close by.” Fili and Kili stood up and walked towards Bombur.

“Bombur,” Fili nudged him with a foot. “Bombur, wake up.”

“What is it, lad?” Bombur mumbled.

“Kili and I are going to go scout out something in the woods. Keep watch for us. We should only be minute.” Fili and Kili breezed by Bombur who was only barely managing to sit up by the time they were out of the camp. 

Carefully, they crept closer to the sound, pausing now and again to peer around rocks or shrubs. Finally, they found her. She was naked and curled around a small child. She cried, her body shaking, and she didn’t notice the brothers’ approach until they were over her.

Kili knelt, “Are you okay? We heard you crying and we…”

She stiffened and pulled away, gripping the child so tight that he woke and began to cry. “Leave us alone! Don’t touch us!” She managed through tears.

“We’re not going to just leave you here like this. Come on, we’ll take care of you,” Kili smiled as he reached out a hand, but she continued trying to back away.

“You’re not here to help me- you’re with the others. They sent you back to finish the job!” She stood and was backing away when she fell. The brothers were over her again in a second and in her state her voice cracked and her next words were muffled by sobs, though no less determined. “Just do it quick. I’m tired, please don’t draw it out anymore. Just do it. But… take my son first. I don’t want him to watch me die.”

Kili put his sword away before speaking. “No one here is going to finish any jobs tonight. I promise. Food, clothes, a look at your injuries- nothing more. If you want to run away in the morning no one will force you to stay. Does that sound fair enough?” When she just stared at him Kili sighed, “Look, we’ve thirteen more companions we can call for to make you come with us. You won’t last the night out here, not with the racket you’re making, and you’re endangering the rest of us with it too. Please, miss, uh, say what is your name?”

Before she could think to stop herself she answered his question, “Ellie.”

“I’m Kili and this is my brother Fili. So now that we’re introduced proper we can be off, alright?” Kili extended his hand again but Ellie’s face knit up tight with rage and frustration.

“You’re fucking kidding me? I’m supposed to buy that shit? There is no way you’re Kili or Fili or whoever you say you are. I’ve stumbled onto some renfaire and now, rather than call the fucking police, you’re gonna what? Rub some kingsfoil on me and make it better? Fuck off!” She scrambled to her feet, holding the still screaming child. “If idiots like you are out here we can’t be too far from a road. If I can find someone decent then maybe they’ll call an ambulance, take me to the hospital, something. Jesus, I found the goddamn idiot brigade.” 

She scrambled to her feet again and started off into the woods with her child but Fili and Kili cut her off.

“Look, we haven’t a clue what you’re on about, miss, but you’ll be coming back with us.” Fili stated flatly. Then he gave a shrill whistle and moments later she could hear a commotion off in the woods.

“You’re going to take me back with you? What are you going to do? Force yourselves on me? A bunch of cosplay, larping fools out for a weekend camping and what? Just kill us already! Just fucking kill us and end this! I’m so goddamn tired of this! Just finish it!!!” She was practically screaming at them while the little boy wailed and clung to her skin for dear life. 

Fili knocked her knees out from under her, catching her as she fell. He clamped a hand over her mouth and spoke softly in her ear, “No one is going to do anything you don’t want, but you are coming back to camp with us. The more you scream and yell the more likely that someone or something will come and finish you off. So come off it, lass. There’s no time for this.”

About that time Thorin, Dwalin, Dori, Nori, and Gandalf came bounding up. 

“Who is this?” Thorin demanded.

“Her name is Ellie. We heard her crying all the way out here from camp and we came to check it out. She’s on about someone trying to kill her and thinks we’re idiots. That’s about all we’ve gotten out of her so far.” Kili explained.

Thorin approached her slowly and put away his weapon. Ellie knelt, gently rocking the child in her arms. “Will you come willingly or must we drag you?”

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t count as willing when I’m going one way or the other.” She snapped.

For a moment Thorin eyed her and then he turned and motioned with his head, “Bring them.” Fili and Kili flanked her and Nori and Dori moved behind her. She walked slowly, stumbling in the dark. Momentarily, she wondered at how she had run so far without tripping as now she could barely keep her feet at a slow shuffle. Ellie stumbled and fell several times, unable to catch herself while holding the child. Each time Fili and Kili caught her just before she hit the ground and helped her back to standing. 

The camp was small and consisted of some tied up ponies, an array of bedrolls, and the remnants of a smoldering fire. Upon their arrival the fire was stoked and she was led to a bedroll where she was directed to sit. The brothers disappeared, returning a moment later with a spare tunic and trousers.

“It’s not much and I doubt it will fit well, but it’ll give you some modesty.” Kili smiled as he held out the clothes. 

Hesitantly she reached out and took them. “Thank you,” she whispered. She had been sure of their impending death only minutes ago, but here they were giving up a bedroll and clothing for her. Her head spun as she tried to make sense of everything around her and rather than clothe herself she simply sat in shock with her arm drooping to her side, clothes still in hand. 

An older dwarf with a small leather case came up and sat in front of her. “I’m Oin, Miss Ellie. The lads said you might be injured and I was wondering if I might have a look.”   
The fire was blazing again and the other members of the group sat around watching. 

“Who are you? I mean really. You’re not Oin, just like those boys aren’t really Fili and Kili. None of you are these people. I mean you’re probably Bob Jones during the week. Lemme guess- accountant? Lawyer? Professor of English lit? Why do you guys keep up these pretenses? Why not let me go? Please, I just want to go to a hospital. Please.”

Oin stared at her with confusion and kindness eyes, “Lass, none of us have any idea what you’re on about. Come now, let me start with your hand.”

Oin reached for her hand but she pulled it away, “Are you trying to fuck with me? Thorin Oakenshield and company, complete with terrified Halfling and old gay wizard? Let me guess you’re going to go retake Erebor in the morning and find the Arkenstone. Because I’m the only motherfucker that’s ever seen the movies or read the book. Right. Totally believable.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm and disdain.

Thorin rose and came over to tower over her, “How do you know of our quest? Are you in league with those who would oppose me?”

“Thorin,” Gandalf began carefully, “this young woman is more than she appears, but she is not our enemy. I would council you to treat her kindly.”

“To answer your first question, I know of your quest because it’s a damn children’s book. Everyone knows. And to answer your second question, do I really look like your enemy? I’m a hugely pregnant naked woman that you found crying in the woods carting around a small child. I clearly have some enemies of my own but you? I could care less about you and what you do… or pretend to do in your off hours.” She had decided that it was best to answer their questions, more or less, for now. Humoring her current captors seemed better than angering them. 

Thorin looked pensive and brought his hands together in front of himself. “I see,” he sighed. “Maybe you would care to explain more about what you’re talking about?”

“I would care, thank you very much. Your nephews promised me food and I want it. It’s been two days since I’ve eaten and almost as much since I’ve had any water.” She paused and her voice wavered for the first time since she encountered the dwarves, “Being so pregnant I feel like I’m getting close to dying from thirst. Please, just give me some food and water. I’ll tell you whatever you want.” She looked down, ashamed to admit her weakness and gently rubbed her son’s hair. The child seemed weak to her and he had already fallen asleep again in her arms. Ellie wondered to herself if he had gotten anymore food or water than her and she worried about his well-being.

Thorin nodded his head to Kili who began scrounging in their packs for some food that could be eaten without preparation or rehydration. Fili retrieved his water skin and brought it to her. She pressed it to her lips and drank half of it before stopping and looking at her son. Gently she roused him.

“Water, sweetie. Do you want some water?”

“Wata! Wata! Wata!” came the reply as the child shrieked clutching at the skin. Greedily, he drank until he choked and Ellie tipped him over her hand as she patted him on the back.

“Shh, I know. But we’re not gonna be thirsty anymore. It’s okay baby. Drink slow, okay? Here.” Ellie helped him tip the skin up again and he drank more but with less haste. When he was finished she drained the skin completely and held it out to Fili.

“More please.”

Bofur tossed Fili his skin and he handed it to Ellie. As he traded skins with her he noticed her hand for the first time. On her left hand her little and ring fingers were severed at the middle knuckle. The bleeding had slowed to a slow ooze but in the fire light he could see where the blood had run down her entire arm and dried. Ellie could tell that Fili was looking at her hand but her thirst was so overwhelming that she didn’t even register shame or humiliation. Moments after taking the skin, it was empty and she was handing it back, requesting another. 

Oin spoke up, “I know you’re thirsty, but you shouldn’t have any more right now. After so long without water your kidneys are weak. Drinking too much now could overwhelm them and make you sick. How about some food instead?”

Ellie nodded and accepted the dried meat and stale bread that Kili offered her. The center of the bread, the softest part, she offered to her son, while she fought with the crust and jerky. After eating the lad settled in her arms.

“Not yet, Ari. When was the last time you got to go potty, hmm? Your clothes are all wet and smelly. Let’s clean up first,” she said sweetly.

“Dunno, mama. Very wet.”

“Alright well lay down, let me change you.” Ellie began disrobing the child. 

“Don’t you worry yourself with that.” Ellie looked up to see Gloin coming to join her. “I’ve got me a wee lad at home, although it’s been a few years since I’ve had to do this. Sit and let Oin care for you.” The child was so sleepy that he barely resisted the strange bearded figure disrobing him and wiping him clean. 

“Now, then lass, let me have a look at that hand for starters.” Oin prodded. “Mmm, how long ago did this happen?”

“Sometime yesterday I think… it all blurs together.” For the moment she was confident that they weren’t about to kill her or her son and she lowered her defenses, just a bit, to save energy she told herself.

“Well, it’s fine for the moment. Let’s have a look at the rest of you.” Oin motioned Fili and Kili to help her move closer to the fire for a better look. There were several gasps and Balin whispered, “Mahal, help us,” when he got a better look.

Both wrists were torn and ragged from her bonds. Her face, back, and legs were covered in blackened, raised welts and there were burn marks up her ribs and over her large belly. Clearly drawn knife wounds ran down Ellie’s right arm and across her breast, the dried blood obscuring any other wounds that might have been in the area. Her face had one deep burn on the left side starting by her mouth and ending in her eye. 

“Well, lass, you’re looking pretty rough, but it’s nothing that won’t heal with a bit of rest. What do you say we clean you up?” Oin tried to smile but she brushed him off.

“Except my eye. My eye will never heal and we both know that.” She paused and her shoulders sagged. “Can I just sleep for now? I haven’t lain down in days.”

“Sure dear. We can do this in the morning. Lads grab her those clothes and let’s get her decent,” Oin commanded to Fili and Kili. 

With no small amount of wincing they negotiated her into the borrowed clothes and onto the bedroll. Ari was already asleep in Gloin’s arms, wrapped in a blanket, and Ellie didn’t see the harm in leaving him there. It wasn’t as if having him with her would make him any safer since she knew the group could overpower her at any moment. Thorin’s mind raced with questions but after having gotten a better look at her state he couldn’t bring himself to bother her. She fell asleep moments after laying down.

Sometime in the night, Fili and Kili, who were sleeping on either side of her- both for her protection and that of the company- were awoken by the sounds of muffled sobbing. Fili moved to say something of comfort until he realized that she was still asleep. The brothers exchanged worried looks and Kili, being the one who had given her his bedroll, moved next to her. He slipped his arm under her so that her head was resting on his shoulder and chest and he wrapped his arms around her. 

“Shh, Ellie, it’s going to be alright. You’re safe here with us. It’ll be alright, shh, shh…” Kili kept speaking softly until her sobs ebbed away and she clutched at his shirt with her battered hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Shortly before dawn Kili managed to disentangle himself and upon rising he was greeted by a smirk from Dwalin.

“Stay warm last night, lad?”

“She wouldn’t stop crying. It was all I could think of.” Kili mumbled, reddened about the ears at Dwalin’s tacit implication. The smirk on Dwalin’s face faded and he nodded before turning to pack his things on his pony. 

“Best not be getting too productive there, Dwalin,” Oin called out. “If we’re to keep her with us we can’t be moving on today. At strong as she seemed last night, it could put her and the baby in danger if she doesn’t rest at least a day. That be alright with you, Thorin?” Thorin nodded and turned to look at her sleeping form. In the dim light before the dawn she looked fine if one overlooked the bruises on her face, but soon they would see the truth and, if what little they saw last night was any indicator, it would be not be a heartwarming occasion.

Bofur was happily rocking a still sleeping Ari in his arms when Ellie woke. She started at the unfamiliar surroundings and scrambled to sitting only to cry out at the pain of moving. 

“Oh gods, why wasn’t this a dream? Why am I still alive?” Ellie hung her head and cried softly. Fili came to sit with her and gently put an arm around her shoulders.

“I know, I know, but you’re safe here with us.” 

Ellie pulled away from his embrace and looked at him with anger and confusion. “I don’t understand why you won’t let me go. Why won’t you take me to the hospital or at least call an ambulance? Why? I need help. I don’t need to be stuck in the woods with you- no matter how kindly you think your intentions are. You’re not helping me- why can’t you see that?” She turned her head and looked at the ground.

Thorin came over and knelt beside Ellie, “No one is keeping you here against your will. You and your son are free to leave whenever you choose, though I would not advise it. If you think that you can find your hospital or ambulance out there in the wilds then by all means go. We will send you with what little provisions we can spare.”

Ellie’s brow furrowed and she stared at Thorin. “You think I’m not messed up enough? You think this is funny? Do you really think that I believe this little game you’re playing with me? This is not fucking Middle Earth! It’s a fairytale, a children’s book, they made it into a movie- it’s not real, you’re not real. But you know what is real? This,” she held out her hand showing off her severed fingers, “this is real. What’s real is my baby that hasn’t moved in over a day, my baby that is dying or dead. That is real. My eye that they burned out with a blow torch. My family murdered. That’s what’s real- not you, not your story, not this charade. You’re fucking with my life and it’s not funny! No one is laughing goddammit.” While she had intended to remain calm, it didn’t last and by the time she was done with Thorin she was shouting at him. 

Everyone in the camp had stopped what they were doing, except Bofur who continued to gently rock Ari, and they listened with surprise at the woman who dared to yell at Thorin. Thorin just sighed heavily.

“What can we do to assure you that we are doing all that we can?” Thorin asked. 

Ellie shook her head, “I… I… I don’t know.” She threw up her hands in frustration and then turned to Gandalf, “Use your magic to do the pine cone thing.”

Gandalf looked at Ellie with suspicion and raised his eyebrows. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re referring to, my dear.”

Ellie sighed with exasperation, “Fine. How far have you gotten on your quest so far? Where are we?”

“We left Bree eleven days ago,” Thorin answered.

“Oh, so not to the pine cone bit yet. Well it doesn’t matter, you can still do it. So go on wizard, light us some fun colored pine cones. If you can show me your magic and prove to me that you don’t just have a zippo in your staff then we’ll be getting somewhere.”

Gandalf shook his head lightly but assented anyway, “Very well.” He gathered a few pine cones from the ground and began lighting them with his staff and blowing on them. Once they were sufficiently lit he tossed them onto the fire pile one by one. “Are you satisfied?”

“Your staff, Magneto.” Ellie held out a hand and reluctantly Gandalf approached her offering her his staff. She turned it in her hands and looked long at the end that the old wizard had used to ignite the pine cones. 

“Fine. I guess you’re a fucking wizard, whatever,” she grumbled returning the staff. She shook her head and put head in her hands. “I’m losing my mind. I thought it would have taken longer- I don’t know, at least a week. Jesus I don’t want to do this again. I just want to be sane. Just breathe, Ellie- this isn’t real. If I can just get a grip, this will get better and go away. I just need to wake up. I’m probably already in the hospital, it’s just the morphine that’s got me seeing shit. It will wear off soon and when I wake up none of this will be real. I just need to hang in there, just a little longer.”

Oin had gathered his supplies for dressing her wounds and came up behind Thorin. Thorin stood and placed a hand softly on Ellie’s shoulder before walking away and Oin sat in his place.

“Mornin’ Miss Ellie. I know you’re havin’ a hard time lass, but until we get this straightened out for you it couldn’t hurt to let me get your wounds all cleaned up.” Oin waited for her to further the interaction but she stood shakily and walked away. 

“Where are you headed?” Oin called after her.

“I gotta pee. Gimme a minute,” she yelled over her shoulder. Thorin nodded to Dwalin and he followed from a respectable distance to make sure nothing happened to her. She returned after about two minutes and sat facing Oin. After a moment of thought she extended her damaged hand and, wordlessly, he began to wipe away the dried blood with a wet rag.

“The rest of you need to make yourselves scarce for a while. Bathe, scare up some game for dinner, gather firewood. Go.” Thorin commanded. Ellie would need to remove her clothes soon and there was no sense in having an audience for that. Fili moved to stand but Ellie took his hand.

“Don’t go,” she pleaded, tears welling up in her eyes. Fili moved back to where he had been and rubbed her less injured hand carefully in his.

“I can be here as long as you want,” he smiled. 

Thorin was conversing with Balin, Dwalin, Kili, and Gandalf when Bofur approached.

“What would you like me to do with the lad?” he asked quietly.

“Take him with you to the creek. He loves a good bath, but watch him- he’s too small to swim yet. You can’t let him be in the water unattended,” she paused a moment before adding a hasty, 

“Thanks.” Ellie offered Bofur as much of a smile as she could muster and looked away, unable to watch a stranger wander away into the woods with her sleeping son in his arms. 

“How far along are you?” Oin asked quietly after several more minutes.

“Seven and half months.”

“I’m not familiar with human pregnancies, so how much longer does that leave?” Oin asked. As he spoke the others came and sat around together, off to the side of Oin. She knew they had questions and she assumed that they would take this time of relative privacy to ask her.

“Six to nine more weeks, although I would guess somewhere in between. Are we still going to be in the middle of nowhere when the baby comes?”

“No,” came Thorin’s reply. “Gandalf has counseled me to visit Rivendell. He says that the elves would benefit both you and our quest. I was initially opposed to the idea before you joined us but it seems now that we now have no choice. We should arrive there in another three to four weeks, far ahead of the birth.”

Ellie nodded. Part of her wanted to yell more about how stupid all of this was, but she simply couldn’t. They seemed to truly believe everything about the story and it was so much easier to just believe, or at least go along with it all. Fighting it took so much energy and so far it didn’t seem to be doing her any good. This is the first step to losing yourself to this, Ellie, she warned herself. You stop fighting now and you never will again, don’t you see it? This is how they break you. She could hear the warning in her heart but instead she slumped over onto Fili and he gingerly wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Oin talked her through what he was doing as he treated her hand and wrists and Fili held her tight whenever she winced or whimpered. Cleaning her eye took more effort, with Dwalin holding her head steady while Oin worked. Bofur told them later that her screaming could be heard at the creek nearly a half mile away. The rest of the treatments were less difficult, although still trying. Salve was applied liberally to her burns and the cuts on her arm, shoulder, and chest were stitched shut. By the end of it, she was shaking uncontrollably in Fili and Kili’s arms. Kili had come to join his brother in helping her put her shirt back on and she had clutched his hand with her less injured one. Thorin watched his nephews hold the shattered woman and got up, thinking better of questioning her in such a state. 

After half an hour had passed Ellie was more or less composed again and Oin went back to her. Kili delicately took his leave and Ellie lay down for Oin to check on her baby. He was positive that things were fine- her kidneys were working which meant that she hadn’t been poisoned and she would mend. 

“But I can’t feel it move, Oin. That can’t be good,” Ellie reasoned.

Oin nodded, “I understand your worry but I’m sure it’s unfounded. The baby is simply saving its energy in reserve because of the recent strain. Once you get a bit more food and water in your belly I’m sure he’ll perk right up.” Oin smiled and patted her knee as she sat up. “Let me know when you feel some movement so I can check up on you.” Ellie nodded and leaned back against Fili. 

“Do you want some food? We didn’t make breakfast yet, I’m sure you’re hungry.” Fili offered. She nodded heartily and asked for some water to go with it. Food and water did wonders for her spirit and soon she was chatting amiably with Fili about swords and armed combat. 

The rest of the group returned shortly thereafter and soon Ellie was sitting in a small group with Fili, Kili, Bofur, Ori, and Ari. Ari had thoroughly enjoyed his time at the creek and happily bobbed up in down in Bofur’s lap stealing bites of the fairly tasteless porridge. He seemed to have recovered relatively well from his ordeal and she hoped that it really would be so easy. 

“So can you teach me some Khuzdul? I’ve heard it spoken a little and I like the way it sounds, but I only know a few words.” Ellie asked.

“We can’t teach you. It’s a sacred language that we only speak with our people.” Fili explained.

“I thought as much but it was worth asking anyway.” Ellie shrugged as she made faces with Ari.

“So lass, tell us what words you do know,” Bofur pressed.

“Hmm, _'nadad'_ is brother, _‘Khazâd’_ is dwarves, _‘Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu!’_ is a battle cry something about the axes of dwarves and something else. There was another saying I heard, lemme think how it went…. Oh, I remember now but it’s not exactly the nicest thing to say.” Ellie paused and blushed ever so slightly. It was barely visible around the edges of her bruises.

“Ah, now lass, you can’t be leaving us hanging like that. Out with it.” Bofur prodded.

“All right then, but don’t go being all offended- I told you it wasn’t nice. _Îsh kakhfê ai-‘d dûr-rugnu_.” 

Before the phrase was all the way out of her mouth Fili and Kili were howling with laughter and rolling around on the ground, Bofur almost dropped Ari, and even Ori was cackling, although he was a bit flushed. The reception of said phrase had Ellie almost in tears with laughter. The ruckus drew the attention of the others and they looked on with happiness at the sudden outburst. It was the first pleasant moment all day.

“Aye lads, what’re you telling the lass? She’s a lady and doesn’t need to be hearing all the foul words coming out of your mouths.” Dwalin chided.

“But Dwalin,” Kili protested, “she said it. I swear. We haven’t been teaching her anything lewd, honest!” 

“And what did you say, Miss Ellie?” Dwalin asked, a devious smile on his face. Even Thorin was smirking.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not saying that again,” she managed in between fits of giggles.

“Aw, come on now. You can’t be keeping just to yourself.” 

“Kili, you say it,” Ellie ordered as she bumped his leg with her foot playfully.

“Mahal, no! Uncle would kill me if I spoke like that- especially around you and the little one.”

“Looks like your options are drying up, lass. What was it then?” Dwalin prompted.

Ellie shifted uncomfortably, “Bofur asked if I knew any Khuzdul words. I listed a few and one, umm, particularly rude phrase.” She paused and looked up at Dwalin who was grinning from ear to ear.

“Go on, out with it,” he goaded. There were some chuckles from around the camp and everyone, even Thorin, was waiting with rapt attention. Ellie blushed deeply.

“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you- _Îsh kakhfê ai-‘d dûr-rugnu_.” 

The camp exploded with laughter, although poor Bilbo just looked on with confusion. After the dwarves composed themselves somewhat it was Thorin who spoke first.

“Where did a young woman such as yourself learn such a foul phrase?” Thorin asked, still smiling from his laughter.

“You.” Ellie said with all seriousness.

The camp fell silent and all eyes watched her. “What do you mean by that, Ellie?” Thorin pressed.

“I’ve told you, it’s all a story. You got mad and said it to… someone.” For some reason Ellie thought better of mentioning Thranduil’s name just yet.

“Who?”

“Maybe it is better that we do not yet know, Thorin. Ellie seems to have knowledge of events that have not yet come to pass. It might be best not to indulge in such information because doing so might change the course of events.” Gandalf advised.

Thorin thought for a moment, “Could we not gain an advantage if she truly does possess foresight?”

Gandalf was formulating an explanation when Ellie stepped in. The idea of mentioning his impending doom to Thorin didn’t seem wise as he had already once accused her of being the enemy and she instead decided to borrow what she had learned of time travel from other fantasy tales. “Thorin, I only know the story. It’s not foresight- it’s one possible outcome. If the story deviates, even a little, I won’t be able to offer you anything of value. It’s very possible that my very presence has already changed the storyline. Also, there’s no guarantee that what I know wouldn’t make your fates worse rather than better. Please, don’t put this on me, Thorin. I could be responsible for the fate of all of Middle Earth if this went wrong.”

The dire nature of her explanation had the desired effect and others acquiesced.

“She’s right, Thorin. I will take council with Lord Elrond about this when we reach Imladris but until then let us not speak of what may yet come to pass.”

Thorin nodded grudgingly and Ellie let out a small sigh of relief. An awkward silence fell over the camp which was only broken by Kili.

“So what other dirty words do you have hidden in there?” he jibbed.

“In Khuzdul? Unfortunately none, but if you were even partially paying attention to anything I’ve said I’m sure you’ve heard more than your fair share of our swear words. Those I can give lessons in quite well. I can even teach you to swear in Spanish.” Ellie offered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu: Axes of the Dwarves! The Dwarves are upon you!
> 
> Îsh kakhfê ai-‘d dûr-rugnu: May my excrement be poured upon the naked-jawed (ones)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References to past attempted rape/non-con. Explicit violence. Emotional aftermath of torture. References to difficult birth, complications, and perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (postpartum/postnatal depression, postpartum-PTSD).

By the time she had finished speaking everyone in camp had returned to their activities and she was left again to talk with her little group of friends. They quickly descended on her offer of more swear words and it wasn’t long before midday and another meal. Bofur took Ari to explore around the camp, Ori went to help his brothers gather firewood, and Fili was called away by Thorin. Ellie chatted casually with Kili about archery. 

“I’m truly a horrible shot, but I love to practice. My uncle used to take me bow hunting when I was little. Maybe once I’m a bit stronger you could help me with it,” Ellie asked.

Kili beamed, “I would be honored! My own people don’t care much for archery. We need it just as every good army does, but most people want to find their glory with axes or at least swords. I don’t often hear from others who are interested, mostly the others just pick on me.”

“Really? That’s terrible! It takes just as much skill if you’re truly good at it. People can be jerks, Kili.”

Kili nodded in agreement and the conversation lulled for a moment. “Say, Ellie, last night…”

Ellie waited for Kili to continue but when he didn’t she looked up, “What about it?”

“You were crying in your sleep and Fili and I didn’t know what to do so I, uh, pulled you into my arms. I hope that’s okay. It helped but you kept saying something. I was wondering if you could tell me what it meant.” Kili sounded a little guilty, but Ellie figured he was just worried that he may have violated her very tenuous trust.

“It’s okay, Kili. What was it?” 

“Isaac.”

Kili heard Ellie whimper and he reached out, taking her hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t need to answer,” but Kili’s apology was too late to stop the cascade of emotions that followed. Within moments Kili was pulling her tight as she sobbed. The sobbing gave way to shaking and then to retching. When finally Ellie stopped heaving Kili pulled them away from the mess and they sat like that for quite some time.

“Kili…” Thorin growled when the first strangled sobs left her and Kili looked up at his uncle shamefully.

“Thorin, with what she’s been through it’s to be expected. Don’t bother Kili about it right now, at least she lets someone hold her. It’s better than most.” Balin chided. Thorin conceded the point with a nod and went back about his business. 

Most of the company was unfortunately familiar with the effects of torture. While they were unsure of many of the details, their experience told them that in most cases, the details were irrelevant- the grief was the same. They let her be with her emotions- trading Kili for Fili for Balin for Bofur, not speaking but just keeping her company- until dinner arrived. When all were seated and quietly eating Balin finally broached the subject.

“Ellie, dear, we need to have a telling so you can talk about what happened. It would do you good to get it out in the open and if there really are others out to kill you we should know what we face.” Balin’s voice was soft and it was simply a suggestion, there was no hint of command.

Ellie drew in her knees, as far as she could against her large belly, and sat quietly

“Lass, I know this isn’t easy, in fact it’s probably downright humiliating, but most of us here have sat where you’re sitting at one time or another. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Sighing deeply, Ellie unfurled hers arms and legs and tried to find a more comfortable position, any position that might be comfortable. Being pregnant, injured, and stuck sitting on the ground was impossibly unpleasant.

“It started about six months ago. We were walking home from church with another family. Two young guys, kids really, forced us all into an alley at gunpoint. One of them took our friends’ eldest daughter and dragged her down the alley behind a dumpster. The other grabbed their second daughter and tried to start with her right in front of us so I offered myself in her place. Well, more accurately I came on so strong that he wanted me instead. He let the girl go and when he finally put his hands on me I used the opportunity to smash his head against the wall and knock him out. We took his weapons and my husband and I snuck towards the other guy. Isaac, my husband, distracted him and I killed him before he could hurt the girl. We all got away- a little worse for wear- but no one got raped. We thought it was over and that we could go on, but a few days later the police told us that the boys were doing a gang initiation and to watch our backs, though they certainly didn’t offer any advice or protection of their own.

“We worried for a while but after six months we just assumed that nothing was going to come of it, of course that was exactly when something came of it. We were on our way home from church again when they came. It was so quick and we were beaten and tied up in the back of a van. They took us to an abandoned apartment building and left us tied up with some water. I don’t know why they left us water, maybe to keep us alive longer for the others. I think the guys who grabbed us were just lackeys or something because the ones who showed up the next morning were different. That’s when it started.” Ellie paused and struggled to find the resolve to go on. When it became apparent that Ellie wasn’t about to speak Bifur took her hand and muttered something in Khuzdul. She wasn’t sure what he said but it felt comforting.

“ _Dolzekh menu_.” Ellie offered and Bifur smiled. 

Thorin raised an eyebrow at her. “I see you learn quickly. We must be more careful with our words if you’re not to be fluent by the time we reach Rivendell.”

Ellie smiled, “Don’t worry yourself about me. It’s not like I know anyone else in Middle Earth to teach your language to.” Thorin nodded and a second later the weight of her words hit her. “Jesus, I’m doing it. I’m believing this. ‘I don’t know anyone in Middle Earth’- well no shit Sherlock. I’m not in fucking Middle Earth.” Ellie ran her hands into her hair and gripped tightly. “If I can’t get a handle on this I’ll lose myself. This is just a dream. Get a grip. It’s just a really shitty dream.” Ellie gasped as a terrifying thought took hold. “Oh sweet Jesus, what if none of this is real? What if everything, all of it- even Ari and Isaac- what if it’s all just delusions? Gods, I can’t tell anymore!” She pulled her knees up against her belly and started to rock back and forth.

“Ever as I pass through the ways do I feel the presence of the Gods. I know that in aught I do they are with me. They abide in me and I in them, forever. No evil shall be entertained for purity is the dweller within me and about me. For good do I strive and for good do I live. Love unto all things. So be it forever. Ever as I pass through the ways…” she began again, praying fervently under her breath. 

The company fidgeted uncomfortably around the fire at Ellie’s most recent break with sanity. After what must have been the tenth or eleventh repetition of the prayer Balin softly called her name but Ellie didn’t respond. Balin tried twice more with no success and he motioned to Fili who sat to her left. Fili repeated the process while gently shaking her arm to no avail. As a last resort Fili took the pad of his thumb to one of the many raised welts on her back and began to apply pressure.

“Oww! What the hell, Fili?” Ellie shouted, jerking away from him.

“I’m sorry, we were trying to get your attention but you didn’t answer. We were getting worried.” Fili gently rubbed her back where he had pressed to soothe away the ache. Ellie just glared at Fili and pulled her legs closer. 

“Fine. You’ve got my attention. What did you want?” she snapped.

“You need to finish your story.” Balin reminded her. 

Even in the dim light of the camp fire they could see her stiffen and she shook her head. “Not right now. I wanna wait until Ari’s asleep. I know he can’t really understand but he saw a lot and heard everything else. I don’t think it would be right to talk about it in front of him.” In her mind, she knew she was just grasping for a delay while a little voice whispered to her not to give in so easily so she changed the subject. “Why are you so eager to hear the details of what happened? Is it just morbid curiosity? It’s kind of nosey, to be honest.”

Thorin shook his head, “I assure you it’s not to be nosey. It is tradition that the warriors would sit down to tell their stories to their brothers in arms after a battle. The pain of war is not some shameful secret. It is the price we have paid for the honor that we have won. We only share to strengthen one another. We assumed that you would have a similar tradition, do you not?”

“We don’t but even so I haven’t been to battle. I’m no brother of yours. I’m not even a man. Why share that tradition with me?”

“After Smaug came and we were forced to leave Erebor there was little distinction between those who went to battle and those who did not. We all suffered equally. It would have been unfair to leave our dwarowdams and dwarflings to suffer in silence and so we learned to share our burdens together, but if a telling like this is not your custom we won’t ask you to share anymore than you are comfortable with.”

Ellie watched Thorin as he spoke. She could see the pain that he carried as he remembered his own losses and struggles, but she could also see the compassion that he had for her and she could see it in the eyes of the others around the fire. 

“No, it’s alright,” she said after a long pause. “I like the idea of sharing. We don’t do it with my people. You’re expected to fight your own battles yourself and you’re expected to do it silently. There are professional listeners, we call them therapists or counselors, that you can talk to and they’re trained to help people overcome their troubles, but you can’t just talk to family or friends. It doesn’t work that way. Some of us think it’s stupid and we try to share but it’s hard to know who will listen and who will shun you. Some people won’t talk to you again if you share with them.” Ellie paused. She knew they understood her explanation- it was clear cut, but for some reason she thought a story would explain it better.

“When Ari was born it was a difficult birth. I labored for three days, it was such slow-going. His head was turned sideways and he got stuck for a while but they managed to get him turned and we were finally making good progress. Then, suddenly after all of that I started to bleed heavily and we started to die so I had an emergency cesarean. After…” Ellie was deep in thought, recounting Ari’s story when Oin interrupted.

“What’s that lass? A cesarean?” Oin asked, interested in this unheard of practice.

“Oh, right, it’s where they cut the baby out of your stomach.” 

“And you survived that?! How?” Bofur interjected. 

“Oh, yea, I guess that sounds a bit crazy, huh?” Ellie smiled awkwardly and rubbed the back of her neck. “It’s pretty common actually. It’s a tough recovery but lots of women do just fine. But for me I didn’t take it so well. Having my baby taken from me like that, ripped from my body, it just messed me up, not to mention that we both almost died. I had nightmares almost every night for a year and even when I didn’t dream I still couldn’t sleep well. I had panic attacks, even thought about killing myself for a while. I found out later that lots of women get sick like that after a baby and especially after a hard birth but because no one talks about it I ended up nearly dying before anyone would help me. At one point we even told my sister and mother that I was sick and asked for help. They stopped visiting after that, told me that I wasn’t grateful for my baby, that if I loved him I would let it go.” Ellie paused and slumped a little remembering the betrayal she felt but then she smiled. “It’s kind of awkward but I think I like the idea of sharing. It’s certainly better than going it alone.” 

Oin shook his head, “I’m still amazed that you survived the birth. We have something similar but we only use it when there’s no other choice and it’s always at the cost of the mother. It’s no wonder you had such a strong reaction.”

Ellie nodded, “It used to be like that too, but it’s commonplace now. It’s rare for women to die in childbirth anymore. I think it’s about one in four or five thousand or something. We’ve got strong medicine and good doctors.” Oin just shook his head in amazement. “You know, I would be glad to tell you what I know about how they did my birth if you would be interested.”

“I would be very much appreciate that.” Oin bowed his head lightly. 

Across from Ellie, Ari bounced noisily in Gloin’s lap, and chirped little half words about his newest fascination- beards. Gloin seemed to be having a fine time holding the child, although Ari was clearly showing signs of weariness as he paused to rub his eyes in between fits of bouncing and giggles.

“Ari? You look tired, darling. Come have mama sing you a song and we can snuggle down to sleep.” Ellie offered. 

In a moment, Ari was up and out of Gloin’s lap bounding to fall onto his mother. Ellie stifled a whimper when he fell on her and she drew him close. “Now what song would you like to hear?”

“Baby Jame!” Ari squealed.

“Okay, we can do that.” Ellie pulled Ari close and began to sing softly. “There is a young cowboy who lives on the range…”

By the end of the first verse Ari was snoring softly against Ellie’s breast but she finished the song anyway. Gloin soon approached with a blanket.

“Here, I can hold him if you’d like,” he offered and together they negotiated the lad into Gloin’s arms. 

Again a silence fell but Fili quickly reached for Ellie’s hand. “Ellie…”

She sighed. “I know. I’m trying to work up the courage. Just thinking about it makes me feel like I’m gonna lose my lunch all over again but I guess there’s no use procrastinating,” and with that she launched into her story. It was summer and night had come late so it was just shy of midnight when Ellie could no longer continue.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurray! More descriptions of violence! 
> 
> Also, there's some talk about modern religion, I don't mean to offend anyone- it was just a topic of conversation but there's a reason for it later... sorta.
> 
> Also, sorry if it's boring as sin. The next chapter will have more feels and stuff to make up for it.

“It’s too much all at once, I can’t, I just can’t. No more tonight.” Her words came out in stutters in between her sobs as Fili continued to hold her. 

“Agreed,” said Thorin. “It’s late and we need to be getting some sleep.” He paused, “You are very brave for telling your story and in all you have been through. To be honest, I don’t think anyone expected you to have suffered so much- your injuries are extensive but you bear them better than should be expected. How much more do you have left to tell?” Thorin looked at the ground, clearly weighted down.

“I… I think it was sometime in the afternoon the first day when… when…when Isaac… There’s still the rest of that day and the next before I escaped,” she managed.

Balin rubbed his face with his palms, Dwalin crossed his arms with his face unreadable, Kili angrily whittled at a stick with his pocket knife, Ori had scooted slightly closer to Nori, and poor Bilbo was white as a sheet and clutching his stomach, looking as if he might be ill. Fili, Kili, and Ori had never sat through a telling before but both Fili and Kili had been exposed to the material through Thorin, Balin, and Dwalin as part of their training and preparation as royal heirs, although hearing it from the source was an altogether different experience. Ori, on the other hand, was relatively sheltered before being asked to join the quest. He was fairly convinced that his only role was as scribe and he was fine with it, but listening to Ellie reminded him that truly he was not cut from the same cloth as the others. Bilbo simply wondered why he ever set foot out of the Shire and if he would ever again see Bag End.

The company lingered about the fire until Thorin rose, went to Ellie, and laid a hand on her shoulder saying, _“Dayamu Khuzan ai-menu.”_ Immediately, everyone else, save for Bilbo and Gandalf, followed suit. 

Fili and Kili led her to her bedroll and helped her to lay down. When the others had all settled for the night Ellie nudged Kili with her foot.

“What does it mean? _Dayamu Khuzan ai-menu_?”

“You didn’t hear it from me, okay?” Kili waited for Ellie to agree before continuing. “It means ‘Blessings of the Ancestors Upon You.’ Usually we say it in parting but we also use it in tellings. It means that they heard you and they’re you offering their support.”

“I think I’m growing to like dwarves. Even if you are just delusions, at least you’re polite delusions, and if I have to go out of my mind at least the company isn’t terrible.” Ellie mused. Maybe it was just the lateness of the hour, but as she fell asleep she couldn’t find the energy to care anymore about fighting this new reality. 

Xxx

The morning had a late start. Oin checked Ellie’s wounds once more and rebandaged her eye. The resulting screams terrified Ari who tried to attack Oin with a rock. Bifur snatched up the lad and hauled him off out of sight of the camp.

“You bred a rowdy little thing in that one.” Dwalin quipped in between shrieks, his fingers firmly attached to her head.

“Just like his father,” she laughed. The laugh was cut short and she stiffened at the words that she spoke, but there was no breakdown this time, no tears. Ellie had spent her tears in the night and for now, at least, she was numb.

Oin finished up by checking her belly again. He mashed and prodded for a minute and smiled.

“Your baby is fine, just very tired. I can feel him move when I touch him. Just give it a few more days and he’ll be back to keeping you up all night.” Oin reassured her and patted her belly. 

They broke camp quickly. Ellie rode on Bilbo’s pony and Bilbo rode with Gandalf. The ride was much less than enjoyable and she occupied herself making conversation with Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Ori. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Ori started timidly.

“Sure. What is it?”

“The place you said you were going home from- in your story- what was it called?”

“Church. Do you have those?” Ellie asked.

“No. I haven’t ever heard of such a thing, would you explain it?” Ori’s inquisitive nature overcame his internal monologue which was constantly reminding him of politeness and her people’s apparent personal space.

“Sure. A church is a house of worship for our Gods. We meet together and spend time in reverence or thanks or learning or whatever we’re talking about that week. I know you guys have Mahal, do you not do that for him?” she asked.

Fili shook his head, “We live our lives as our ancestors did- keeping the holy days, keeping our traditions, living with honor, learning our sacred language. We don’t take time out of our lives for worship because our lives are worship.”

“That’s really neat. Not many people actually try to live their principles back home. Lots of folks are what we call ‘Sunday/Wednesday Christians’- which is to say that they’re only really religious when they’re in church,” she finished with a smirk.

“Sunday/Wed… what?” Bofur asked.

“Oh, Sunday and Wednesday are the names of days of the week that people go to worship services and Christians are the followers of the religion called Christianity,” Ellie explained. From there, numerous questions about religion followed and Ellie found herself digging through her memory trying to find bits and pieces that she could remember to explain different world religions. The concept of varying world religions was new and wildly interesting to the dwarves since everyone in Middle Earth, regardless of their race, followed the same basic theology even if their patron deities varied. 

“So, I’m not sure I understand this, you believe in one religion but you go to the church of another?” Fili asked, clearly confused by the idea.

“Yep. I’m Pagan which actually fits decently well with Catholicism and it’s the church I grew up in. They’re decent folk. Just because I don’t believe all of what they say doesn’t mean nothing they say is valuable. Their messiah, Jesus, said some really important things and having a church community is really important for me. I still go to services with other Pagans on the sabats or holy days,” she explained.

“Wow. You can choose your religion. That’s amazing. I want to write down some of the stories of your people’s beliefs if you’ll let me,” Ori asked.

“Just let me know when you want to, I’ll answer whatever questions you’ve got.” Ori positively beamed at her offer and then the conversation turned to music. Before long the lilting words of strange songs reached the ears of Thorin far ahead. Thorin turned to Dwalin who was smiling, as much as Dwalin ever smiled, at the sound, and let out a small sigh of relief. 

The day’s travels went more slowly than expected and ended earlier much earlier than Thorin would have wished, but Oin made it clear that Ellie was endangering herself and the baby with the continued exertion of riding. As soon as they made camp, Ellie laid on the ground, not ten paces from her pony, and fell asleep immediately. She woke as the sun was setting and hobbled off into the woods to relieve herself. 

“Just in time for dinner!” Bombur called as her saw her reappear.

“It appears I have immaculate timing,” she joked. 

Ellie slowly managed her way to the camp fire and had a seat. A few moments later Fili and Kili joined, sitting one on either side. The brothers had grown protective of the newcomer. Neither of them was particularly attracted to the beardless woman, but something about her drew them to her. Maybe it was that she was relatively closer in age to them than most of the others and that they got along better for it, but Fili knew he had other reasons. Being the more thoughtful of the two brothers, he knew that Thorin could never comfort her the way she needed. Thorin’s station as king demanded a level of detachment that left him little to offer to someone so raw. But in the end, it may have just been the years of suffering he watched in his mother and uncle. He had so desperately wanted to comfort them but had never known how. It was the realization of a lifelong burden in Ellie- he could do for her what he never could for those he loved. Fili silently pondered the thought as he ate his dinner.

Ari was gleefully playing catch with Dori with a small rock when dinner was doled out. Rather than eat with Dori, Gloin, Bofur, or one of the others he was comfortable with he threw himself into Nori’s lap.

“Hungie! Wanna eat!” Ari chirped as he bounced.

“Ari, what do we say?” Ellie admonished.

“PEAS! Peas wanna bite! PEAS!!!!” Ari shrieked.

“Much better, thank you Ari.” Ellie sighed.

Nori just looked hesitantly at the child, “I’m not sure I should be the one to care for the lad.” He finally sputtered.

“Oh, nonsense, Nori. Besides, do you some good to get some of your food nicked. A thief for a thief. It’s really only fair.” Ellie quipped with a sly smile. A round of laughter rose around the fire and Nori looked vaguely embarrassed. Ellie immediately regretted her choice of words until Kili spoke.

“It seems her stories are fairly accurate. I doubt we’ll be getting by with much anymore.” This was met with more laughter and Nori reluctantly feeding the babbling child in his lap.

Once dinner was over and the supplies packed away, the circle reformed around the fire. Ari showed no signs of weariness having slept significantly during the day with his various companions during the ride. The dwarves quickly implemented a rousing round of keep away and Ari was crawling into Ellie’s lap only twenty minutes later. 

“Song Mama!” Ari chirped.

“And what song shall we have tonight?” Ellie inquired.

“Hobbi song! Hobbi song!” he squealed loudly.

“Woah, okay! Okay! We can sing that. Would you mind if the others joined us? Sometimes Mama forgets the words and I bet they could help.” Ari nodded enthusiastically and Ellie began to sing.

“Far over the Misty Mountains cold…” as Ellie sang the others joined in immediately, albeit with a bit of confusion. Once Ari was asleep Gloin came over to retrieve the child as per their new nightly habit.

“So the Hobbit Song? I didn’t realize that song had anything to do with hobbits.” Kili joked.

Ellie smiled, “Oh hush, I know it doesn’t. It’s just what Ari calls it. You know how kids have the strangest ideas sometimes.” She was lying through her teeth but it was much easier than trying to explain why the quest to reclaim a lost dwarven kingdom would be almost entirely about the burglar rather than the king. 

Kili scooted closer and took her hand, nodding when she met his gaze. It was with his support that she began her telling anew.

Xxx

Ellie was describing her escape as the waning moon rose in the sky. There were nods and grunts of approval as she spoke and it gave her confidence she needed to go on.

“I guess the ropes just got weak after a while. I could see that they were fraying on the beam so I wiggled as much as I could when they were in the room and then, when they were gone, I mustered all of my strength and lifted my legs to hitch around the beam for a final attempt. With my hands all bruised up and with my fingers all bloody I couldn’t undo the knots but I managed to rub the rope harder against the beam and it broke within a few minutes. Honestly, I think I got lucky. That rope was nylon and probably two-hundred pound test, that it broke when it did was just dumb luck. 

“When the rope gave way I lost that little bit of support and my legs gave out and I hit the floor hard. I picked up one of the broken bottles that was on the floor and used it to cut the ropes on my wrists. I thought I might sneak out if they had left for a while but then I heard them coming my way. I snatched up one of the bottles that was already broken and had a good edge on it and waited by the wall next to the door. I got really lucky and only two came in at first. I got the first the throat with the bottle and the second in the stomach when he grabbed at me. I finished him off by cutting his throat too. 

“The second one had a gun so I took that…”

“A gun?” Kili asked.

“Umm, yea, it’s like a small cannon, maybe?”

“Cannon?”

“Damn, nevermind that. It’s a weapon that shoots a small piece of metal really fast, fast enough to go through somebody. They’re really dangerous.”

The dwarves all looked at each other with wonder. Weapons were, by virtue of their current profession, something with which they were well acquainted. They rarely encountered anything new or more dangerous than their normal fare. This would, at a later time, merit more discussion.

“Anyway, I took the gun and when the others came in I shot one and the others went running. It gave me a chance to get to the next room where I had heard Ari crying. Once I had him, I ran for the door and a couple of them ran out ahead of me, but another grabbed me just before I made it out. He grabbed my arm so I shot him but I couldn’t get the gun back so I just let go and ran out the door.” Ellie shook her head and sighed. 

“And then you were just here?” Gandalf asked.

“Yep. I opened the door and I saw the road but the moment I stepped out I felt the crunch of leaves under my feet. I looked all around me but all I could see was the night- the building was gone, but I could have sworn we were in or near the warehouse district. I figured that the two who had run out of the building right before me were probably nearby and I didn’t want them to catch me so I ran until I collapsed where you found me, of course now I’m not so sure they came here at all. That’s all I know,” she concluded.

“That truly is a mystery, although just one of many at this point,” Gandalf mused.

After a pause Thorin spoke, “Have you told all that you wish to?”

Ellie stared at the ground. “I… I don’t know. I just wanna go back home but what would be there? I mean I’m not saying I want to stay here forever, no offense or anything, but what would it get me? I don’t have anyone left. I’m sure our disappearances are all over the news. If I ever showed back up people would never leave us alone, I would always be _that_ chick and people would just look at me with pity or something. And what would I tell them when they ask where I've been? ‘I went to fairytale land for a few days.’ They would think I was nuts, take the kids away, and lock-up me up with the other nutjobs. I don’t want that.”

“What about your family or Isaac’s? Surely, they would take you back,” Bofur pointed out helpfully and several of the others nodded.

“They got my family too. I guess I left that out. It almost seemed so small compared to everything else, just a minute of grief that was just swept away by everything else. And Isaac’s family isn’t anybody I want to ever see again anyway. They’re consummate assholes.”

Kili rubbed her shoulder gently and Ellie leaned into his touch and closed her eyes, breathing softly and trying to keep herself from crying again.

Dori broke the silence. “What happened to your family dear?” 

“They shot them. I saw the video on one of their phones. I’m sure it was real,” she murmured.

“We don’t know what means, lass,” Gloin gently pointed out.

Ellie nodded and swallowed. “Guns again. One shot to the back of the head for each of my parents and my sister. The video and the phone, I don’t know how to explain that. Just go with me on this- they had proof.” Kili pulled her close as she shuddered and she buried her face in his shoulder.

“Did your husband have any brothers?” Balin asked after giving her a minute.

“One but he died in a drowning accident when he was ten.”

The dwarrow seemed oddly affected by that answer but said nothing more and Ellie was plenty happy to let the conversation lapse again. Tellings might be beneficial, she conceded, but they were certainly exhausting and Ellie was already falling asleep on Kili’s shoulder when Thorin’s voice roused her.

“Your telling strengthens us all and we are glad to share this burden with you. If you need to speak on the matter again do not hesitate to ask.” With that Thorin approached her and the round of _“Dayamu Khuzan ai-menu”_ began again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback including graphic descriptions of violence.
> 
> Translations at the end of the chapter.

The road to Rivendell was going very slowly. Even as Ellie healed from her injuries she grew more heavy with child and so the travelling remained arduous and slow. After the first few days with the company, the shock of her trauma wore off and her mental state took a sharp turn for the worse as it all began to sink in. At all times Fili or Kili could be found with her- never leaving her to be alone in her pain. She was withdrawn and had refused further attempts to engage her in a telling. 

It had become concerning that her nightmares were so pronounced. Most nights Ellie awoke several times in tears, often screaming. Thorin and Dwalin were worried that her cries would attract the wrong type of attention and they doubled the night watches. Gone were the cheery conversations and light melodies that she had initially shared during their rides.

Panic attacks and flashbacks had also begun to haunt Ellie. One day, as the company was preparing to break camp, Dori was tightening the saddle on his pony and threw a strap over the seat. The strap made a snapping sound when it made contact and Ellie found herself hanging by her wrists in the dimly lit and otherwise abandoned tenement building. The man she remembered as Vincente was standing next to Isaac with a length of orange extension cord in his hand.

_“Tú quieres saber porqué? Te diré porqué. Porque ustedes me avergonzaban. Miguelín fue mi hijo y ahora parece que no puedo criar un hijo capaz, parace que estoy debil. Pero vamos a remediar esta problema.”_

Vincente swung and the cord landed with a crack across Isaac’s back again and again, as it had done many times over the last few hours. Ellie felt the tears roll down her face as she listened to his pleas and she felt her left arm wet with blood as the bonds dug into her wrist when she moved. For a moment she thought about Bethany and Emily- had saving them been worth it? Was their innocence worth all their lives? No, it was not and in that moment she felt no guilt in wishing that she had let those boys take them that day in the alley.

“Please, just let her go, _déjala ir, por favor_ ,” Isaac begged. “Let her and our son go. The children did nothing. They don’t deserve this. Please, just kill me instead.”

“Isaac NO!!!” Ellie screamed.

Vincente laughed, “ _Señor_ , I was going to kill you anyway.”

“ISAAC!!!” Ellie screamed. She knew then that she would watch her husband die and her heart shattered. Ellie could do nothing more than scream his name until Vincente silenced her with sharp blow to the face.

When Ellie had first gone into the memory it had gone unnoticed. As the flashback progressed it was Bifur who noticed something was not right, “Fili, Kili…” Bifur motioned to Ellie, her face had gone white and her remaining pupil was blown wide with fear. The brothers ran to her and Kili gently pulled her to the ground while Fili attempted to get her attention. 

“Ellie! Ellie wake up! Ellie look at me!” Fili implored. 

The company stilled as Ellie began screaming for Isaac and the princes tried to calm her. Over several minutes, her screams got quieter but she was still unreachable.

“Lad, try some water,” Balin suggested. 

Kili looked over his shoulder, and a skin came flying at his head. He immediately uncorked the flask and poured it onto her hand. “Ellie, can you feel the water? Focus on that feeling. We’re right here. Can you remember? You’re not thirsty here with us.” 

When Ellie looked up and saw Fili’s face she wasn’t sure where she was. Momentarily, panic descended and she began to struggle in Kili’s grasp.

“Let go! Let go! Don’t hurt me! Please, you don’t have to do this,” she pleaded. Kili tightened his grip as she wriggled but Balin shook his head and called to him.

“Let her go, laddie. She won’t go far. Just let her breathe a moment.”

Ellie was on her feet and backing away from the company when she caught sight of Ari clinging to Nori. It was clear as the panic on her face gave way to understanding and hurt and instantly Kili was at her side. 

“It’s okay now, Ellie. We’re here. It’s okay.” He repeated those words over and over. Ellie just slumped to the ground and clung to Kili. While the two of them sat on the ground Thorin called to the rest of the company to be ready to ride when Ellie was recovered. 

As her sobs quieted to whimpers Ari worked up the courage to call out to her. At the sound of his voice the final vestiges of the illusion fell away and reality bore down on Ellie like a warg on its prey. “Ari!” she called and Nori set the child down. Mother and son embraced for a moment before Fili came over.

“Ellie,” Fili said putting a hand on her shoulder, “Do you think you can ride? We need to be getting on.” Ellie nodded and after a few more minutes of preparation the company set out. Ari was returned to his place with Nori as Ellie’s growing stomach prevented her from riding with the child safely. Kili rode close enough next to her to be able to hold her hand.

Xxx

Ari had grown very attached to Nori after their initial difficulties and Ari followed the sly dwarf like a shadow. Being a boy, the company had taken it upon themselves to begin teaching him to use a weapon, even though he was only two years old, and to that end Bofur happily carved him a little wooden sword and shield. The company spent much time battling the lad around camp in the evenings. It was one of the few things that Ellie watched with any signs of enjoyment.

It was a gradual thing as Ellie clawed her way out of the pain and it would be many long years before she was recovered, at least emotionally. What finally gave her the foothold she needed to make the first step was Thorin.

Thorin had taken the second watch one night and he was whittling a stick to stay awake when Ellie sat up. She had been crying and whispering in her sleep and woken with a start. Sitting, she braced herself with one hand behind her on the ground and the other rubbing the top of her belly.

“Are you alright?” Thorin whispered. Ellie nodded and stood up. Thorin joined her and gathered her blanket, directing her to sit with him. 

“Are you sure? You look pained.” Thorin pressed.

“It’s just stretching pains. I had them with Ari, too. Really, it’s nothing.” Thorin nodded. They sat silently for a long while and Ellie watched the stars.

“I hate this place sometimes.” Ellie said while looking up. “Back home I used to watch the stars at night with my dad when I was little and when I got married he bought me my own telescope. The night sky was always like a blanket- wherever I was I could see a piece of home, but it’s not like that here. I don’t recognize any of the stars. They’re beautiful but they’re not mine, there’s no comfort there anymore.”

“Do you still think that this is a delusion?” Thorin asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve been stuck here for weeks and I haven’t had a single glimpse of home. I’ve been crazy before but even then, sometimes, light from the real world would filter in through the darkness and I would understand, but it’s not like that here. It really feels real. Mostly, though, I think I’ve just stopped caring. I just want to go on with life and since I’m obviously stuck living in this one I might as well not bother myself about whether or not it’s real.”

Several minutes passed before she continued, “It’s fucked up you know. If this isn’t real, it means I’m going crazy inside of a delusion. That’s pretty meta. But it’s moments like this- in the stillness and the quiet where it starts to fall away and I remember who I am- at least I think so.”

“The grief smothers you,” Thorin interjected.

Ellie nodded, “Yea, and sometimes it gets so strong I would swear I can’t even remember my own name anymore.”

Thorin nodded, “I can understand. I know what this is like.”

“You’ve been trapped in another dimension?” Ellie joked. Thorin looked side-long at Ellie and narrowed his eyes and Ellie smiled. “So how do you mean, then?”

Thorin took a deep breath before speaking. “It was at the Battle of Azanulbizar where I lost my father, grandfather, and brother. We had gone there thinking that we could reclaim the lost kingdom of our forefathers after we lost Erebor but we were overrun. I was fighting when I heard the pale orc roar and I looked up to see my grandfather’s head in his hand. I couldn’t breathe- I felt that weight of the mountain had settled over me and was crushing the breath from my body. The others, they credit me with running in and engaging the beast with Dain but in truth it was simply reflex. I didn’t make a conscious choice to do it. The rest of the battle was a blur and I can’t remember any of it. My heart was so broken that I could no longer think.

“After the battle I found my brother, Frerin. He was dying, run through with an orcish blade. I held him in my arms while his life blood poured out through my fingers. I wanted so much to be strong for him, for everyone, to save him, but when he finally died I wept like a babe, clutching at his body. It was Dwalin who finally dragged me away. I don’t know how long I was there like that. 

“My father survived that day, but only in body- his mind was gone with grief and not long after he set out to reclaim Erebor alone. It was after that that I became King. I never knew what had happened to him until Gandalf told me at Bag End- he died in the dungeons of the Necromancer.”

“In Dol Guldur?” Ellie asked.

“Yes.” Thorin paused and collected himself for a moment. “I had nightmares and memories, like yours Ellie, for a long time. More than once I found myself back at the Walls of Moria staring down the pale orc only to waken and find I was training with Dwalin or Balin. Sometimes I would see Frerin, lying still where I had found him, and I would run to him to find nothing there. This isn’t easy- Dwalin went through this too, so did Balin, Bifur, and Gloin. It takes time but it does get better.”

Ellie fought back tears as she spoke, “I don’t know, I mean I feel so… weak… vulnerable. I couldn’t do anything to help. I just watched as they killed him. I couldn’t stop them from hurting me, from hurting Isaac, from hurting Ari. And my family… I… I was helpless. It’s the fear- it’s so overwhelming. I feel like I can’t do anything. Hell, if it weren’t for y’all we’d be dead by now. I can’t even care for my own child, Thorin.”

Thorin looked at Ellie with a mix of confusion and disbelief at that statement. “Can you not? You killed two, possibly four, men escaping- you saved yourself and your son. You even fashioned your own weapon. You are strong and you can defend yourself but, as with all of us, you cannot do it alone. 

“I could not protect my grandfather or Frerin. I could not save my father from his grief or the gold-sickness. I am a seasoned warrior who had years of training with weapons in hand. It changed nothing, Ellie.”

Silence fell between them and Ellie had almost nodded off when Thorin spoke, “You’ve been with us for a time. What do you think of Balin and Dwalin?”

The question was unexpected and she didn’t know why he should care about her opinion of his advisor and bodyguard. “Balin is wise and Dwalin is, well, a bit rough around the edges you could say, but they’re good people. Why?”

Thorin ignored her question, “Do they seem strong to you?” 

“Absolutely.” The response was immediate and without doubt.

“It was the morning after the battle. We were still gathering our dead and searching for survivors when Dwalin found their father, Fundin. I could hear his wailing echoing from the walls, even before I could see him. Balin got there before I did. They sat upon the killing field in each other’s arms sobbing like little children. I have sat with Dwalin many nights like you are tonight with me and he repaid the favor in kind many times over. 

“You do not think us weak but we were helpless to save those that we loved just as were you. Why do you hold yourself to a higher standard than you hold a king and his kin? We were trained for this and the pain took us as it has taken you. You judge yourself too harshly, Ellie.” Ellie could hear the tacit command in his voice; Thorin meant it as more than just friendly advice to be forgiving to herself. 

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Thorin put his hand on her shoulder, “We can help you bear this burden, Ellie, but you have to let us.”

Ellie nodded her head, unable to find the words. Thorin removed his hand and they sat in silence for a long time. It was only after Ellie’s tears had stopped that she turned to Thorin. “Do your people have stories you tell about the stars?” 

Thorin nodded.

“Will you tell me those stories, Thorin?”

Ellie could see a thin smile split Thorin’s hardened features and he nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Tú quieres saber porqué? Te diré porqué. Porque ustedes me avergonzaban. Miguelín fue mi hijo y ahora parece que no puedo criar un hijo capaz, parace que estoy debil. Pero vamos a remediar esta problema.”
> 
> You want to know why? I'll tell you why. Because you embarrassed me. Miguelín was my son and now it looks like I can't raise a capable son, it looks like I'm weak. But we're going to fix that problem...
> 
>  
> 
> "...déjala ir, por favor..."
> 
> ...let her go, please...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Birth. Nothing complicated or scary but if birth is a thing for you just skip it, no plot lost.
> 
> I apologize in advance for murdering neo-Khuzdul. Translations at the end.

“Thorin, Thorin,” Ellie whispered louder as she shook the snoring dwarf. It was yet an hour to dawn.

Gripping her wrist tightly with one hand and producing a dagger with the other, Thorin sat bolt upright and pressed the blade to her throat before recognizing the face, “Ellie, I could have hurt you. Please don’t wake me like that again. What is it? What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know how much longer it is to the elves but we need to get a move on. This bun ain’t baking for much longer.”

“Is it time?” Thorin’s eyes were wide in worry.

“Not now, but by tomorrow at the latest, probably today. There won’t be any more walking for me once this gets rolling. I was hoping we might get moving in case this comes sooner rather than later,” Ellie explained.

Thorin nodded and standing up he spoke loudly, “Prepare to break camp! We travel as soon as we can be mounted.” The camp dissolved into a flurry of activity and within ten minutes they were underway. 

Finally squared away on their ponies the company finally had a chance to question the sudden order. “Is everything alright, Thorin? You’re not usually one to be hasty,” Balin asked.

“We still have two days ride to Rivendell at our current pace and Ellie’s time is approaching rapidly. She thinks no later than tomorrow,” the king replied.

The eyes of those within earshot went wide. “Mahal, this is no place for a birth. She’ll catch every ear for a hundred leagues, not to mention the state she’s in. If the elves are half as skilled in healing as the rumors say they’ll be a great benefit for her and the child. Could we send on a small group to Rivendell? They could request assistance and the lad would be out of harm’s way if things go ill.” Balin had long been the voice of reason with Thorin, and, though he did not fancy asking the elves for anything, Thorin knew he could not endanger Ellie or Ari further.

“Very well,” he managed after a time. “Gandalf!” When the wizard approached Thorin explained the plan and split the group. Gandalf, Bilbo, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, Ori, and Gloin would go ahead with Ari. Thorin and the rest would muddle along as quickly as they could. The forward group, lead by Gandalf, set out at great speed. 

Initially, Ellie was disconcerted when Gandalf left with the others, certainly he could have been of some assistance in the event of complications, but Balin explained that no one else knew the way and no one else knew the elves there. “No sense in chancing the elves shooting everyone on sight,” Balin had explained.

It was just after midday when Ellie dismounted. “I can’t ride anymore. We can keep going but I just need to walk a bit,” she panted.

Oin stopped and dismounted, “Let’s have a look at you. Have a seat.” She rested contentedly on the ground while Oin checked her vitals and felt her belly. “Are you having pains yet?”

Ellie shook her head, “Nothing really, just false labor. It doesn’t bother me sitting or walking but it’s damn unpleasant on the pony.” 

“Well, you’re doing just fine if you want to keep walking.” Oin concluded. With considerable help, Ellie stood and the little company made their way again. 

It was late afternoon when Ellie began to pause in her walking and about an hour from sunset she began to cry out at the pain. The road had fanned out as they neared Rivendell and the hillsides were too steep to make camp; Thorin was forced to halt the company in the open. Quickly, Fili and Kili gathered firewood and Thorin went to fetch a pot of water from a spring they had passed not long ago. Then the waiting began. 

Fili and Kili had never had anything to do with birth before and were fidgety and on edge. The four older dwarves just sat back, lit their pipes, and tried not to interfere with the process. It was slow going and the night passed as her pains slowly got closer together. Several times Ellie was overcome with emotion- missing Isaac, fear of her first birth, fear of birthing in the wilds,simply the stress of prolonged pains- and Fili and Kili took turns comforting her. Just after dawn Ellie began pushing with earnest and the dwarves began to prepare quickly. 

“Get her up to squatting lads. Let her lean back on you and hold her up.” Oin ordered. Ellie was on the ground, folded forward over her knees when Kili touched her.

“Ellie…” Kili started with a gentle voice.

“Get your hands off me! I’ll break your damn neck,” she roared. Both Fili and Kili flinched and Kili even took a step back. Thorin and Dwalin came up, pushing the dawdling princes out of the way, and grabbed her forcefully, setting her back to her heels. This time there was no protest. 

“I’m gonna support you to keep you from tearing,” Oin said as put a hand to her perineum. Growling, she snapped her legs shut.

“Alright now, none of that, lass.” Dwalin ordered and both he and Thorin wrenched her legs apart. 

It was less than a minute before the baby slipped into Oin’s hands. Ellie let her weight sag back against the two sturdy dwarves and closed her eyes. Oin spit out a string of commands at the young brothers who ran back and forth retrieving items. Once a blanket was set out Ellie was carefully laid out on the side of the road holding her new baby.

“It’s a boy, I’ve got another son,” she sobbed. “Oh, he’s beautiful.” For several minutes Ellie simply cried and stroked her son’s dark brown, almost black, hair. 

Dwalin was grinning from ear to ear and clapped Fili on the back. “Ain’t that the best thing you ever seen? I remember when you lads were born. You’d ‘a thought Dis had turned into a warg for the sounds coming outta the room. Dams are a right handful but worth every bit of it.”

Fili just nodded. He and Kili both looked a little shell shocked from the experience.

Once the afterbirth was delivered, the babe nursed and swaddled, and the mother cleaned up the pair promptly fell asleep. The dwarves cleaned up, packed what they could, and rested having had little sleep themselves the night before. When Ellie woke at mid-morning Thorin and Balin were the only two awake.

“How do you feel, Ellie?” Thorin asked. 

“Great actually. Gods that was easy. I didn’t realize it could be like that. After the first time… I don’t know what I expected.” Ellie smiled at her son.

Both the dwarrow laughed. “You certainly had a different opinion a few hours ago. As I recall you threatened to break my nephew’s neck,” Thorin reminded her.

Ellie giggled and blushed, “Yea, sorry about that. Still though, this didn’t hurt half as bad as Ari.”

“You know,” she continued after a minute, “I never expected to have a couple of battle hardened dwarves as birth attendants but in a pinch you do nicely.”

Thorin and Balin laughed lightly. With still closed eyes Dwalin grumbled, “Was always my dream to be a midwife when I grew up.”

The resulting laughter woke the rest of the group, including the babe who eagerly attached himself to a breast. 

“So, have you chosen a name yet?” Kili asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Ellie looked at the babe that laid next to her, “No. Isaac and I hadn’t agreed on anything yet and I hadn’t given it any thought since. I didn’t want to be so hopeful as to name him before I saw him born alive. Isaac wanted to name him Liam but I never liked it. I wanted to name him Ezra which means ‘help’ but now I feel like I should choose something else entirely.”

“Well, what does Ari mean?” Fili asked.

“It’s Hebrew for lion... Do you know what a lion is?”

“We have those,” Fili answered smiling.

“I mean I have some ideas, but I don’t know where we’re gonna live or do and I don’t wanna give him a name that would be silly later.”

The others nodded and sat pensively. 

Suddenly, Ellie smiled, “Bran. That’s what I’ll call him. Bran Isaac Michaels. It’s perfect.” Ellie smiled as she stroked her son’s hair. 

“What does it mean? And why does the lad need three names?” Balin asked.

“Bran was a sailor of old who went into the other world and saw many amazing things. It’s also the word for raven, just like his hair. As for the three names it’s tradition with our people. The first is the name you’re called, the second is usually in honor of someone although it’s perfectly normal to just pick something that sounds nice if you don’t like anyone well enough to name your child after them, and the last is a family name. So instead of saying ‘Hi, I’m Balin son of Fundin’ you say ‘I’m Bran Michaels,’” Ellie explained.

“So what’s your complete name?” Kili asked.

“Eleanor Katherine Michaels née Fields.”

“That was a bit more than three, lass,” Balin pointed out.

Ellie nodded, “Yep. When a woman marries it’s tradition for her to take her husband’s name, although she doesn’t have to. So my legal name is just Eleanor Katherine Michaels, but my full name means you add ‘née Fields.’ ‘Née’ means ‘born as’ and Fields was my family name before I married.”

“That sounds unnecessarily complicated,” Oin mumbled.

Ellie laughed, “You know, now that I’ve explained it I think I have to agree. But more importantly I haven’t eaten since yesterday. Is that in the cards?”

The small company immediately agreed that food was indeed in order and quickly prepared some more porridge. The majority of the rations had gone with the others and they hoped that the elves would arrive soon with some more provisions as Ellie wouldn’t be up for riding until the morrow.

Indeed they were not left to hope for much longer. The sounds of an approaching company drew their attention and the dwarves drew their weapons, closing ranks around the mother and child should the newcomers not be welcome. Ellie drew a small dagger from the belt on her trousers which lay nearby. Fili had gifted her one of his many weapons several weeks prior and she had never been more grateful than at that moment. 

“ _Shamukh!_ ” Bifur shouted as soon as the two companies could see one another.

Kili responded heartily, “ _Sanu-umdûm inùdoy!_ ” 

The returning dwarves cheered loudly and, after Gloin explained to their hosts what happened, the elves joined in. When the party reached Ellie, the babe was happily passed from person to person while she was helped into the back of a wagon and their things loaded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shamukh!  
> Well met!
> 
> Sanu-umdûm inùdoy!  
> It's a boy!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No real warnings for this chapter... just some dialogue.

When it finally happened Ellie was not surprised but it was devastating nonetheless. Oin had carefully kept the dying tissue of her eye cleaned away, the upper and lower lids long having been lost, but the wound would not heal. Only two days after giving birth and arriving in Rivendell it was decided to remove the remainder of the failing organ. Bran was wet nursed by an elf, always under the watchful eye of a dwarf- they were grateful but did not trust the fairfolk to be alone with the babe, having had little time so far to evaluate their trustworthiness- and Ellie was given a sleeping draught. She was grateful that she would not have to endure the pain of the operation but even so she was unable to lay flat or walk from the searing pain for several days. Fili and Kili had promised that she would never be alone and they kept their word. Indeed, even during the operation, and against the wishes of the healers, Kili sat and waited in the corner. 

For the meantime, the Thorin and his company waited in Rivendell. They would be glad to see her and the children safely housed, and although much doubt still surrounded the idea of leaving her with elves, it was certainly better than taking her again on the road. While Thorin and Dwalin were impatient about the further delay they hoped that, given time, Gandalf might be able to gain insight from Ellie’s knowledge with the help of the elves. It was a prize worth waiting for even if meant suffering salads and floral scented soaps for a time. 

Under the care of the elves Ellie healed very quickly. She insisted that she felt fine about a week after the operation, though both Oin and the elves disagreed with her, and she reminded Gandalf that they had many things to discuss with Elrond. 

“Well, now that you are somewhat recovered we should summon the others to our meeting as well,” Gandalf mentioned. He and Elrond had come to visit Ellie in her room and, much to the dismay of Fili, Ellie actually asked the prince to leave.

“What others?” Ellie looked worried.

“The Lady Galadriel of Lothlorien and another of my order, Saruman the White.” Gandalf answered.

“Absolutely not,” Ellie exclaimed. “The Lady of the Wood is fine, but not Saruman.”

Both Elrond and Gandalf looked shocked, “Would you care to explain your dislike of the wizard, Ellie?” Elrond inquired with brows raised.

“Let’s cut the crap then shall we?” Ellie suggested and Elrond nodded. “We all know that I possess knowledge which could change the fate of everyone involved. We also agree that I should be keeping most of it to myself but this is one thing that can’t be left unsaid. If I had never come here, things would have unfolded the way it is described in the books or maybe the movies, whatever, but with me here that changes. To be blunt, Saruman will betray you and if he knows of me, he will take me and use what I know to his advantage- I would be powerless to resist his magic. And let me be clear what I mean by ‘advantage’- he will align himself with Sauron and would seek to destroy all the free peoples of Middle Earth.”

“Are you sure?” Gandalf pressed. Elrond’s expression dropped and he rubbed his temples.

“Absolutely sure, which is why I had to tell you. My being here changes the dynamic of power in his favor if he learns of me. My telling you is just the counterbalance to that change.” 

Gandalf sighed and muttered something unintelligible under his breath. 

Elrond turned to Gandalf, “Is this what you feared was taking the Greenwood?”

“Yes, but I must go to Dol Guldur to be sure.”

“Can you shield your mind from him? He is weak but he is still stronger than you. When he catches you, and he will, can you protect what you know of me?” Ellie was concerned. 

“Yes, yes I can, but at great cost,” he finally answered.

Ellie nodded, “It is worth the cost. You will survive.” _Probably_ , she added mentally.

Silence filled the room and for many minutes no one spoke. Ellie wanted to tell the story- all of it- because the weight and dread of knowing who would live and die troubled her deeply, but she didn’t know how to start or even if they would listen. Her thoughts drifted to Fili and Kili. In the past two months she had grown deeply attached to them as Ari, and now Bran, were all she had left. Finally, the understanding that she would lose them too settled into her heart and clutched Bran close, crying softly. 

Gandalf put a hand on Ellie’s calf, “What troubles your heart?”

“I know how the quest ends, or at least how it was supposed to end without me. I am so tired, this hurts so much. How many more times can I lose my family, the people I care about, before I can’t find it within myself to love anymore?” Through her tears Gandalf looked fuzzy with his wild hair and unkempt beard, but his smile warmed her heart. 

“You will always find it within yourself to love. It is a part of who you are. As for the others, I do not feel the same dread in my heart that you do. I think that you will yet change this story for the better, Ellie. Do not lose hope, not yet.” Gandalf sat back in his chair and Ellie nodded and took long, deep, and calming breaths.

“So can Galadriel just pop on over anytime?” Ellie asked changing the subject. “I mean she can do the talking in your head bit right? Can she just use Nenya to take council with us without actually having to visit?” 

“Indeed she can ‘just pop on over anytime’ as you so eloquently put it. I will see if she is willing to treat with us tonight if you are well enough.” Elrond responded, smiling slightly at Ellie’s rather base description of Nenya and Galadriel’s powers.

“The sooner the better,” Ellie replied.

Xxx

Ellie joined Elrond and Gandalf after dinner. They went to a small arbor overlooking the river and shortly Galadriel appeared from a darkened archway. Ellie had been watching the light play on the waterfall below and couldn’t quite remember when the elf had appeared.

Galadriel smiled, “Mithrandir.”

”My lady,” Gandalf answered, bowing his head.

“Lord Elrond,” Galadriel intoned as she inclined her head. Elrond silently returned the gesture and Galadriel’s gaze fell on Ellie. “And you, Eleanor Katherine Michaels, you bring us tidings from far away. Tell me, where are you from?”

“El Paso, Texas,” she blurted out. “Oh, well that’s not helpful. It’s not in Middle Earth. I think I’m from another dimension or parallel universe or something. I don’t know how I got here.”

Galadriel smiled knowingly, “And tell me Eleanor…”

Ellie held out a hand, “Please, Lady, just Ellie.”

Galadriel nodded, “Tell me, how do you possess knowledge of Middle Earth? Elrond has told me that you knew of Nenya. He also mentioned that you forbade the presence of Saruman in our council tonight. Why is that?”

“In my world, Middle Earth is just a children’s story and everyone here is just a character. Most people I know have read the books or seen the dramas,” Ellie long ago gave up trying to explain the concept of a movie, “so your names and certain events are common knowledge. As for Saruman, he will betray you all for the Dark Lord. I didn’t want to share that information because I didn’t want to inadvertently change things for the worse but if Saruman knew that I had this kind of information I worried that he could use it to destroy everything. And to be honest, if he is a traitor already I don’t want him anywhere near my children.”

“This knowledge darkens my heart, Ellie.” Galadriel walked to the edge of the platform and looked out over the river. “What part do you play in this tale?”

“There was never a woman in the story, not like this. I have no idea,” Ellie admitted.

“Ellie, how does this quest of Thorin’s affect Sauron?” Elrond asked.

“It doesn’t directly. Back home we call the story ‘The Hobbit’ and Bilbo is the main character. He will find the ring of power, the One Ring, and he will keep it with him until much later. The story of the One Ring is in another set of books.”

“And what becomes of this quest and the dragon?” Elrond pressed.

“Smaug will die, Erebor will be resettled, Esgaroth and Dale will be great again, but Thorin and his nephews will die. A great battle will be fought after Smaug falls, Thorin will succumb to the gold-sickness, and in the end the battle will claim them. Dain Ironfoot will be King Under the Mountain, at least according to the book.”

Gandalf closed his eyes and bowed his head. Elrond remained calm and collected but Ellie could see that her predictions troubled him though he tried to hide it; Galadriel, however, let the worry show on her soft features.

After a moment Galadriel addressed Ellie, “Would you save them if you could?”

“I want to, but I’m afraid it could change how things happen later, with the ring. Three dwarves aren’t worth that much, no matter how much I want them to live.” In her mind she corrected herself, _no matter much I need them to live._

“You would give up your life and even those of children to save Middle Earth.” Galadriel stated. 

Ellie nodded, swallowing hard against the tears pouring down her face, “How could I not? If I could save thousands, maybe millions, of lives with that sacrifice wouldn’t it be the right thing to do?”

Galadriel returned her gaze to the river and the only sounds other than the river were those of Bran’s mewling and Ellie’s quiet sobs. As darkness finally filled the space Galadriel turned to Ellie.

“You were not sent here with such information only to sit idly by as those you love die. You know too well that pain already. Your fate is bound with theirs now.” 

Ellie closed her eyes against the tears and when again she opened them the Lady of the Wood was gone. She turned to Gandalf and Elrond and saw their worry mixed with a tacit acceptance of the decision that she had not even yet made herself. 

As if reading her mind Gandalf stood and offered her his hand, “Come dear, let us go back to the others. We are done here tonight.”

The old wizard left her outside her the door to her room and hurried away down the corridor. Ellie was surprised when the room was empty; she had expected Fili or Kili to be waiting up. Leaving the room she went to their chambers which were also empty and then she went to ask Thorin where they had gone. Approaching his quarters she heard hushed voices but chose to knock anyway. When an answer didn’t come Ellie opened the door.

Bilbo stood in front of Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili. Thorin leaned heavily against a desk, Balin sat on the bed, Dwalin stood still with his arms crossed, and Fili and Kili looked white as a sheet even though they both tried to put on brave faces.

“Ah, I see then. Well, Bilbo, how much did you hear?” Ellie asked.

Bilbo fidgeted in place for a moment and then looked down, “Not much really.”

“Not much? Well that’s a load of shit if I ever heard one. Try again.” Ellie shuffled to the nearest chair and sat. She discovered that, while the birth had been relatively easy, the combination of her recent physical exertions were more than she expected and Ellie found herself utterly exhausted.

“Most of it I think. I heard something about a ring of power when I came up,” Bilbo confessed.

“And when did you leave?” Ellie’s voice was soft but demanding. She knew the hobbit would answer and she didn’t want to waste the energy yelling or chance waking the snoozing babe in her arms.

“When the woman asked if you would change it if you could.”

“Did you wait for the answer?” Ellie was growing frustrated. It seemed she would have to carefully draw every single answer from him one by one.

“No, I was getting worried that I would be caught.”

“You’re still lying, Bilbo. You left because you didn’t want to hear the answer.” Her voice left no room for negotiation on that point and no one tried because they knew it was true judging by how Bilbo fidgeted. “I wish you had heard the rest of the conversation, it would help to put this in perspective. Do you want to know?”

It was Balin who answered, “Aye, lass. I think that might be best.”

Ellie nodded grimly, “Very well. There is a gathering evil in the world, one that could cover all of Middle Earth in unending darkness. So I told them that I would not try to save you because it might eventually play into the hand of the enemy. I told them that three dwarves could not be worth all the lives in Middle Earth.” Kili looked to be on the verge of tears and Fili looked betrayed. Thorin, Balin, and Dwalin could hear the wisdom of her words but it stung all the same.

Ellie could see her words register on their faces but continued anyway, “Then the Lady asked, well told me really, that I would be willing to give my life and even the lives of my children to stop this and I agreed. We aren’t worth all that suffering either.” All eyes turned to her in surprise. “But in the end, she told me that I did not come here to sit idly by while those I love die when I have a chance to change it. She said my fate is bound to that of the company and if you will still have us, we will go with you to whatever end, Thorin.”

For a moment, Thorin seemed almost not to have heard her. Then, he rose and walked to where she sat, and putting his hands on her shoulders said, “We will talk on this matter in the morning, but your courage and bravery honor us.”

Ellie bowed her head and whispered quietly, so that even Thorin had to strain to hear her answer, “Thank you… my king.”

Thorin’s eyes went wide and he lifted her chin with his hand, “You do not owe me your allegiance.”

“Who else would I owe it to?” she whispered.

Thorin squeezed her shoulder and stepped away, “We will talk tomorrow. Go rest.” Ellie nodded her ascent and looked to Fili and Kili. Thorin nodded at them and they followed her from the room.

Once they were seated again in Ellie’s room it was Kili that broke the silence. “Would you really let us die? You knew what they said our fate was and you said nothing. Why?”

“Answer me this: if letting me, Ari, and Bran die could save the lives of all the free peoples of Middle Earth would you do it? I sincerely hope so. Some decisions can’t be made with our hearts Kili and this is one of them. Don’t think I came to this lightly. I’ve lost everyone I love but my sons and even with growing up in exile you can’t begin to understand that. I have you and this company, the only people I know or care for here- the idea of giving you up breaks my heart and frankly I’m not sure that I would survive the loss but I simply can’t let that govern my actions. Surely, Balin has taught you something about sacrifice.”

The brothers nodded and Fili answered, “I know you just want to do the right thing and you were right in your decisions. It’s just a shock is all.”

Ellie nodded, “Believe me, I can understand that, but now it’s my turn to tell you what you told me the first morning I was with you- I’ll be here as long as you need.”

Xxx

Ellie lingered a moment in the hallway as Gandalf retreated again towards the balcony but he took no notice. He was troubled by this sudden idea that Ellie should, in any way, accompany the dwarrow and Bilbo. She was bound by no contract or oath. Certainly there was enough heartache present in the young woman, surely she and her small family had been through enough suffering, to preclude sending her on a fool’s errand.

“How is she?” Elrond asked as Gandalf reclaimed his seat in the growing darkness.

“Tired,” Gandalf muttered as he placed his hat on the table.

“You worry, Mithrandir,” Galadriel commented.

“She cannot do this. Her body may be healing but I have doubts about her heart.”

Elrond brow knit up in confusion. “Would she not be loyal? She seems devoted to the dwarves. I cannot imagine that she would betray them.”

“No,” Gandalf shook his head. “No, I think she would follow them to the end and that is what worries me. She is dependent on them. She seems well composed but I have spent much time with her and she is shattered. It is an unhealthy loyalty that she has for them, borne from fear and loneliness and much vulnerability. We cannot ask this of her.”

“Can we not? She said that she would be willing to sacrifice herself for Middle Earth. It would seem to me that she has already volunteered herself,” Elrond reasoned.

“But if there were another way…” the wizard started.

“There is not,” Galadriel said. “She is not as damaged as you think. There is much strength left in Eleanor. She will find her way.”

“And the children? Surely, you cannot mean to send a babe and a fauntling again into the wilds,” Gandalf pressed.

“She made her choices clear, Gandalf,” answered the lord of Rivendell. “Many decisions must be made in hard times which are not easy. Let her go; it is not your place to forbid her to leave.”

Gandalf looked at Galadriel from under his bushy eyebrows. “Why? What have you seen?” 

“She must go. Without her, the quest will fail and Sauron will have a powerful ally in Smaug. They must succeed, for all our sakes.”

“But the story she tells is already one of victory.” The wizard’s statement was more of a question and Galadriel smiled knowingly.

“It was, but it no longer is. She has changed that, though she does not know.”

“And without her…” the sentence died away as Gandalf rested his forehead into his palm, elbow on the table. 

“Without her we risk utter ruin, hers as well,” Elrond confirmed.

“I will speak with Thorin in the morning,” Gandalf muttered as his back hunched further forward under the weight of his new burden.

Xxx

Thorin and the sons of Fundin watched the young people leave and heaved a collective sigh. Quickly, Bilbo became uncomfortable and excused himself as well with a mumbled and broken “goodnight” and “by your leave.” Thorin moved to resume his place against the desk with a troubled looked on his face.

“Do you think she’s right?” Dwalin mumbled.

Thorin shook his head. “I do not know.”

Balin watched his cousin. Thorin heard Dwalin’s question but it was clear to Balin that his mind was elsewhere. “Well, if the thought of dying isn’t what’s got you then what is it?”

“Ellie.”

“She thinks she owes us, laddie. It’s understandable with what she’s been through that she would want to show her loyalty by helping us. How do you intend to tell her that she cannot come?” Balin asked.

Thorin looked the floor between his feet and leaned more of his weight against the desk behind him. “I do not know. I do not want to hurt her anymore than necessary, she’s fragile and she might think that we dislike her or feel burdened, though the latter would not be far from the truth, but a woman and children have no place on the road.”

Dwalin nodded. “Aye, she’s a fine lass but dams have no place amongst us, children least of all.”

“Thorin, in time she will recover her strength and heal from this and she will understand. It’s best that we leave her with the elves. They’re not the sharpest lot but they’ll help her and she’d be more at home here than she ever would be with dwarrow.”

“She offered me her allegiance,” Thorin blurted. Dwarrow had time and again offered their swords, axes, bows, and fists in the service of the king. Thorin had provided a home for his people and they had responded in like kind by supporting his rule, sometimes with their lives. It always honored and humbled him when someone pledged themselves but he had never been saddened by the offer. 

Dwalin’s eyes went wide but Balin simply nodded. “Is that what she was saying to you, then?” 

Thorin nodded.

“Do you think she even knows what that would mean?” Dwalin grumbled.

“Aye, she did mention that they ‘elect’ their leaders, I believe that’s how she put it. She seems wholly unfamiliar with the idea of a monarchy. The lass might not understand the gravity of such an offer,” Balin offered.

“I think she understands well enough to know that it would be a life-long commitment and I think that’s why she offered. It would provide her a home and a people. She’s willing to sacrifice to find somewhere to belong because the elf-woman somehow convinced her that she belongs with us.”

“Beardless bastards,” Dwalin muttered. Both Thorin and Balin nodded their agreement.

After a long silence Balin finally spoke to Thorin who was clearly conflicted.

“Sleep on it, laddie. Telling her won’t be fun but it must be done. I’m sure we can find away to turn down her pledge without bringing her dishonor, but you’re not going to think of it tonight.”

Thorin nodded and the brothers bade him goodnight, though Thorin did not retire to bed for another several hours. The conflict about what Bilbo had brought to them grew and he forgot quickly about Ellie. Guilt gnawed at Thorin bit by bit. He had promised not to lead his sister’s sons into danger, at least that which was not utterly necessary, but now, knowing, or at least suspecting strongly, that they would die, he found it difficult to justify taking them further and breaking his word to his sister. However both princes were of age and able to choose for themselves and they would not consent to being sent home because some woman they found in the wilds predicted their deaths. Finally, Thorin surrendered himself to his exhaustion feeling utterly confused and frustrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Capt. Kathryn Janeway and her complete lack of respect for the temporal prime directive. See woman? This is what fucking with the timeline does!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings for this chapter, although as always feel free to request if needed.
> 
> So Gandalf is a meddling shit (which I have always suspected) and I suck at making up traditions. I'm not terribly happy with how this turned out but oh well. Also, I apologize in advance for my butchering of Khuzdul.

Lindir stared in confusion at his charges. Breakfast was not the traditional meal for ale and tavern songs, but they seemed nonplussed at his objections taking the time only to acknowledge his apologetic interventions with nods and off-handed forgiveness. At this meal, as with every other, the elf eventually resigned himself to enduring the uncouth behavior of the dwarven guests and leaned against the far wall with a small glass of ale. 

“Again! Again!” Kili shouted. 

Needing no further encouragement Bofur winged an entire peach at the prince who managed to catch the flying drupe with his teeth. The ripe fruit sprayed juice on him as well as Fili and Ori on either side of him. Ellie laughed hysterically along with the rest of the company and Lindir found himself wondering how a woman could enjoy the crass mannerisms of the dwarrow. 

When the company departed their breakfast Thorin had already made his decision to speak with Ellie. He signed quickly to Balin and Dwalin to wait for him and moved to intercept Ellie where she stood with Nori , Ori, Dori, Fili, and Kili. 

“I need a minute of your time.”

Thorin stopped in surprise and stared at the wizard who had interrupted his morning. Gandalf watched with amusement as Thorin glared.

“Very well.” Thorin turned to follow the wizard and signed to Balin and Dwalin that their conversation could wait.

Thorin sighed heavily when Gandalf finally appeared to have stopped walking in a vine covered courtyard. 

“What is it?”

“We need to talk about Ellie.”

“You do not need to worry. We will not be taking her with us, the dangers are too great, and she scarcely knows the sharp end of a sword from her own hand,” Thorin explained.

“I admit that this is a difficulty but leaving her behind would be a mistake…”

“Taking her would be a mistake! Women and children have no place in the wilds, much less in battle. If the story she tells is true…”

“So you know?” Gandalf asked. There was only a mild amount of surprise on his face at the realization.

“Yes and if we are to die it would most likely be defending her or her children. I do care about them which is why they must stay. They are a liability.”

“I understand but the situation has changed. The storyline will no longer follow what she has told you. Without her you cannot succeed.”

Thorin glared. “And would this information be courtesy of your elf friends?” Somehow, Thorin managed to make the words “elf friends” sound like the darkest of curses in the black speech.

“Yes and you would do well to heed their warning, Thorin Oakenshield.”

“No. I will not take the woman and her children into further danger.”

Gandalf sighed. Dwarves were a stubborn race but Thorin possessed much more of this trait than did his kin. Once his mind was made there would be no argument to sway him. Gandalf resigned himself to less honorable techniques.

“Thorin, I do not desire to force your hand in this matter but it seems that there is no other way.” Gandalf paused and extended his clenched fist. When he opened it the key to the secret door lay in the wizard’s palm. Thorin’s hand immediately went to his coat pocket, which was empty, and he glowered. 

“If,” Gandalf continued, “you will give me your word to allow Ellie and her children, should she so desire to take them, to travel with you I will return you your key.”

“And if I do not consent to this?” Thorin growled.

Gandalf sighed. “It would be unfortunate for you to have travelled so far and then be unable to complete your quest. I’m sure that there would be much disappointment among your people.”  
Thorin only barely suppressed the desire to strangle the wizard and take the key from the old man’s dead fingers. 

“Thorin, I give you my word that I will never manipulate you like this again. The key will remain yours.”

“As though your word has any value, _Tharkûn kalilâl_.”

“I will not relinquish it for anything less than your word, Thorin Oakenshield. Come and find me when you have changed your mind.” Gandalf closed his hand around the key and rose from the carven stone bench that he had rested on. Thorin stood in stunned silence while the wizard walked away.

Thorin knew that they would never stand a chance, not even a slim one, if they had to enter the mountain through the front gate. He also knew that toting a woman and children across orc and goblin infested roads would likely be no safer, but the option of going home without even having tried, after having held so many meetings, having made the quest so well advertised to the other clans, and having sworn to retake the mountain or die trying, the thought of that made his stomach turn. The least he could do was die trying for the honor of his people. 

“ _Tharkûn!_ I give you my word.” Thorin growled at Gandalf’s back. The wizard only made it as far as the archway leading into the corridor before Thorin relented. Gandalf turned and was met with an outstretched hand. “Now, return to me what is mine.”

“I want your word that you will not abandon her at the nearest way point on your journey. You will take her with you as far as she is willing or able to go.”

“I give you my word.”

Gandalf nodded and placed the key in Thorin’s hand. “She does not know what has transpired and will think you take her because of friendship or concern for her safety with the elves. I will not tell you how to handle the situation but I would council you to keep this between us.”

“Small wonder. You only want to hide your dishonor,” Thorin scoffed.

“You are mistaken. For her to know would be painful and she would feel unwanted and burdensome…”

“As she will be.”

“Yes, but it is unnecessary to hurt her more right now. She is fragile. Even more importantly, it would divide the company. They would wonder what other decisions you have made that were not your own. It would undermine your authority and jeopardize your quest even further.”

Thorin bristled. His dwarrow trusted him but he would now have to lie to them for their own protection and for his. Thorin was known for his honor and for years it was literally all he had to his name- the idea of lying to his people was nauseating, but Gandalf’s point was valid. 

“As with the hobbit, I cannot guarantee their safety,” the irate dwarf finally answered.

“No, of course not, but I have no doubt that you will do your best,” Gandalf said with a smile. 

While the wizard turned and walked away Thorin stood fuming near the archway. No doubt Balin and Dwalin were waiting and wondering. Thorin did not look forward to explaining to his two closest friends that he had been forced by the wizard to do exactly what they had intended to avoid. 

Xxx

Ellie regained her strength rapidly though the wound where her eye had been was not yet closed. The healers suggested that she remain until all chance of infection had passed and Oin had been quick to agree. In the meantime, Ellie practiced various forms of martial arts- sword, dagger, hand to hand, and bow and arrow. Dwalin in particular enjoyed teaching Ellie, although Fili and Kili were never far away. The loss of Ellie’s left eye plagued her technique in everything she did and the blind spot she had was something that they spent much time teaching her to compensate for. 

Both Bran and Ari put on weight during their stay. Ari continued to follow Nori at all moments of the day, some days only returning to his mother at night. With the help of the others Ari was becoming better with his wooden practice dagger, although for a two year old a dagger was the equivalent of a long sword. Ellie was pleased that Ari was learning to defend himself and she knew that the company was helping him cope with the loss of his father in ways that she could not. It had been the same for Ari as it had been for Ellie- once the shock wore off the pain had set in. Ari had seen his father die, although he did not truly comprehend it, and many nights he woke up crying without words for his feelings and memories. 

After Ellie had succumbed to her grief the others began to comfort Ari at night. Every member, including Thorin, Bilbo, and Gandalf, had taken turns with the child. Most of the company had lost their fathers due either to age or war and they each found a way to relate to the child. Even Bifur, who couldn’t speak Westron, brought Ari a strange comfort with his murmured Khuzdul. Now, watching her companions with Ari, Ellie began to feel that she understood Galadriel’s assertion that they were bound together- there was no way to separate Ari from the others without undoing what little healing he had managed. She found a sliver of peace in her heart knowing that she was making the right decision continuing on the quest. If nothing else, she felt that she would meet her end where she belonged.

Xxx

The acceptance of Ellie’s offer of fealty was not easy for Thorin and he only finally relented to Balin’s advice after several mugs of ale. Of course, Balin was right. It had to be done. She would accompany them to the end, and likely her death, certainly some kind of oath or bond was in order. Every other member of the company, minus the blasted wizard, was contractually bound and promised 1/14th share of the hoard as recompense but there was no treasure left to promise the woman. Instead, they would promise her a home and a people. It wasn’t much but they doubted that she was very interested in treasure.

It had taken some effort to convince the others without explaining the reasoning. Dams were a rare gift, one that was not jeopardized like this. Thorin had explained that she was a necessity given her knowledge of the future but it was a hard line to buy. They had already met with Ellie, Elrond, and Gandalf and it was made clear that she would not be answering questions so this new development about being useful was confusing. The party was skeptical to say the least and most of them assumed that something else entirely was to blame but in the end they would not dare ask or question Thorin’s decision. Balin had spoken to everyone and at least there were none who resented her or the children which Thorin guessed would be the second to last hurdle- the last being teaching her to fight or at very least defend herself.

“Are you sure that you want this, Ellie? You will be bound not only to Thorin as your king, but to our people for the rest of your life. It will be as if you were born one of us,” Balin explained.

This was far from the first explanation of her oath and she knew that this was simply a kind way out if she had since changed her mind and smiling she nodded, “I’m sure.”

Balin nodded, “Follow me then.” 

They walked down a corridor in Rivendell and into the open area where they practiced with their weapons. The dwarves of the company stood in a circle with the boys and they made room for Balin and Ellie when they approached. 

“Kneel,” Balin commanded. Ellie obeyed in the center of the circle and found that, kneeling, she was only a few inches shorter than Thorin. 

“You have come here today to pledge your loyalty to Thorin Oakenshield son of Thrain son of Thror, King Under the Mountain, and to follow him as your king. Do you so swear that you have made this choice freely and of your own volition?” Balin asked.

“I do so swear,” Ellie responded.

“And do you swear to abide by the laws and customs of our people?”

“I do so swear.”

“And do you swear your loyalty to the people of Mahal, our maker, until your last breath?”

“I do so swear.”

“Even if that breath should be given in service of your king and your people?”

“I do so swear.” Balin nodded at her answers and stepped back, leaving Thorin alone in front of Ellie.

“Your life is freely given and it is a precious gift. For your loyalty we promise our loyalty in return. You shall always find a home in our halls, you shall always be under our protection, and your life shall be held with as much value as any other. _Shamukh ra san-ubdûkh-ama Mahal nathithnu_ l.”

“ _Shamukh ra san-ubdûkh-ama_ ,” the company cheered.

Thorin reached down and offered Ellie his hand to help her to standing. “This is a rare event that we allow someone to join our people and our current situation is less than desirable. We will not concern ourselves with your situation for the time being, but once we are again settled the matter of your widow-hood will be addressed.”

Ellie raised an eyebrow, “Addressed how?”

“When a dwarrowdam with dwarflings that are not yet of age loses her husband another male is selected from his family to wed and care for her, usually a brother if possible. It will be more complicated since your husband has no kin here to claim you, nor do you have family who could claim you, but we’ll make sure that whoever you marry is a goodly fellow.”

Ellie was utterly stunned and barely managed a weak nod. Three months and now there were others who were planning to marry her off. Thinking back more than a decade she remembered her catechism class. There was a part in the Old Testament about widow inheritance but the name eluded her and she tried to put the thought out of her mind for the moment. Instead, she found that she suddenly questioned this whole affair of pledging herself to the dwarves, although she knew that it was far beyond the time for that. A particularly exuberant hug from Kili brought Ellie back to present and she set aside her worries- it would likely be a long time in coming and there was no reason to worry over it now. At the moment she had something to celebrate- somewhere she belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shamukh ra san-ubdûkh-ama Mahal nathithnul: Hail and well met daughter of Mahal.
> 
> Shamukh ra san-ubdûkh-ama: Hail and well met.
> 
> To clarify about Thorin and giving Gandalf his word, this isn't something Thorin would just say to get the wizard to cough up the key. Even if he felt forced he would, at least in my head canon, rather stick to his word and retain his honor than lower himself to the same level as someone like Gandalf who would readily manipulate him. 
> 
> As for Ellie, can we say co-dependence much? 
> 
> My posting "schedule," such that it is, has been about every four days but that may be changing. I'm on a committee for church which will be keeping me pretty busy for the next year (possibly several hours a day... ugh) starting this weekend so I may be forced to space some things out but it will get posted (I'm thinking more like once a week). Thanks.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for flashback and torture-related memories.
> 
> Translations at the end of the chapter.
> 
> (I promise they leave Rivendell in the next chapter...)

Part of Ellie’s training had been learning to manage her panic attacks and flashbacks. On the road, they focused on teaching her breathing and focus techniques because they were worried that anything more strenuous would jeopardize the pregnancy. 

Since Bran had been born and her eye had healed a bit she had been working with some of the older and more experienced dwarves, drawing out painful memories and learning to sit with them as it all came flooding back. It put to use the techniques she had learned already and helped to desensitize her to small amounts of her experience. However, after two weeks in Rivendell they felt she was ready for something more taxing. 

“The goal is simple- we’re trying to draw out a memory or panic. We won’t tell you first- what and when will be a surprise. This will be tough and we’ll push you farther than you think you can go, but you’ll never be doing this alone. Someone will always here for you if you need them. Remember, when you feel it start to overwhelm you focus on your breathing techniques. Try to remember later exactly what you felt as it started and exactly what triggered it. We can use that later and talk about what you felt. Are you ready, lass?” Balin asked and Ellie nodded hesitantly. “Alright then, off you go.”

Ellie followed Fili and Kili to the armory where she had been training with the dwarves. Her conversation with Balin had been semi-private in the nearest empty room when he summoned her away from the others after breakfast. Balin had intended to speak with her alone but the task of prying the princes away seemed more work than he cared to deal with and he allowed their presence. Ellie wasn’t put off by them since she knew that everyone else had already been briefed on the plan, although she was nervous to put it mildly.

“You look pale. Are you going to be alright?” Fili asked.

Ellie looked up, surprised when she remembered that she was still in their company, “Yea, just a little preoccupied, that’s all.”

Fili nodded and took her hand, “It’ll be okay. This is how we handle it with our people. Even Thorin went through this. Kili and I will always be nearby.” Ellie smiled at them but said nothing.

Several pairs of sparring partners were already on the practice floor when they arrived. Ellie put on her armor and grabbed a practice sword. Since she had made the decision to continue on with Thorin and company the elves had made Ellie her own things. The elves had tried to convince Ellie to stay with them to no avail and so, out of concern, they nearly demanded that she accept their offer of weapons and armor. Initially, the dwarves were suspicious of the quality of the work of the elves and insisted on testing it themselves first, but once their fears were assuaged the dwarves couldn’t get Ellie on the practice floor fast enough.

Several rounds in and Ellie had all but forgotten about her earlier conversation with Balin. When Bifur knocked Ellie to the ground for the third time in their round she couldn’t help but laugh. She found her feet and began to circle Bifur again before charging in when Dwalin dropped a glass bottle to the floor where it tinkled and rolled across the floor. 

It was a long shot but Dwalin had remembered that the men in Ellie’s story had been drinking and throwing the bottles at her. She had described in detail the sound of the bottles on the floor- rolling, breaking, clinking against one another as they piled up. If it was important enough for her to mention he suspected that the sound of a bottle hitting the floor might be enough to trigger her. Dwalin had gone to Lindir and asked for a simple glass bottle that he could drop without it breaking. The request was strange but the item was acquired nonetheless. After dropping it, Dwalin did not have to wait long for the confirmation of his hunch.

Less than a second after the bottle hit the floor Ellie froze. She closed her eyes and her fists gripped tight, her knuckles going white. Bifur quickly wrested the practice sword from her and backed down from the match. The others moved out of the area against the walls. In her mind, Ellie was fighting furiously against the rapidly rising tide of emotion. She tried to stuff down her emotional and physical reactions but it only seemed to make the flashback morph into a full blown panic attack. Within fifteen seconds Ellie had completely succumbed to the deluge of emotion and was curled up on the floor clutching at her throat and gasping for breath. The silence was punctuated by Ellie’s intermittent shrieks. 

Two of the elves that worked in the armory that adjoined the practice area came running. 

“What happened?” they demanded.

“She’s learning to control her memories,” Bofur explained.

The elves looked horrified, “Can’t you help her?”

Bofur shook his head, “No. She has to learn to help herself, but we’re here for her if it’s too much.”

“That’s not good enough. You’re allowing her to suffer and she needs you,” the taller one hissed.

“What would you have us do, lad? She’s got to learn it sometime and better here than on the road after a pack of orcs sets upon us. It’s not gonna be fun for anyone but it has to be done.” 

The elves were wholly unsatisfied with Bofur’s reasoning. “She shouldn’t ever have to worry about that. It’s irresponsible for your company to take her and her children on this quest of yours. Whatever she is to you, she also has needs. Your people should consider that.”

“Look lads, I feel the same, but this was her choice, not ours. Your Lord Elrond, the Lady Galadriel, and Gandalf- they all counseled her to join us and I’m sure that they have their reasons. Do you not trust your leaders to make wise decisions?” Bofur’s question silenced the two guards and they remained, unspeaking, in the archway behind the dwarves watching the scene unfold. 

Ellie’s consciousness folded in on itself like a metal canister that finally gave way under too much pressure- suddenly and violently. Her attempts to remember who she was during the exercise were gone. As the memory descended on her the first thing she noted was the stink of blood, piss, and spilled beer. It was rank and the smell made her empty stomach lurch.

_“¿Muñequita, estás durmiendo?... ¡Oye!”_ the man shouted as he winged another beer bottle at her. This one connected with the side of her head, _“¡Despiértate chica!”_

The pain of the blow was enough to make Ellie open her eyes. Isaac’s body lay on the floor a few feet away and Ellie’s gaze was lost in the emptiness of his still open eyes. Isaac’s features were slack and the blood that had pooled beneath him had begun to dry. In the dim light Ellie could make out the purple edges of lividity that threatened to mar the soft tan of his skin. This wasn’t how she wanted to remember him- the father of her children, her lover, her husband. She had hoped that his death would have left him to look peaceful, like he so often did when he fell asleep with her on the sofa at home, but crumpled in such an unnatural position, arms still twisted and bound, there was nothing of comfort to be found. 

Tears rolled down Ellie’s face and she sobbed again at the sight before her. 

_“Muchachos, mira como llora. Pobrecita,”_ he mocked. The three men laughed and drank again from their bottles.

Before long another bottle came flying at her and she closed her eyes before the impact, only to find that the impact never came. Instead, she felt water on her face. She opened her eyes and looked around. Nothing had changed. She was still in that room and Isaac was still on the floor. Again she felt the water and a little voice in her head said, “Focus.”

It was like feeling that the word she wanted was on the tip of her tongue and she searched her mind to find the answer. _Focus, focus, focus_ … what am I supposed to focus on? Slowly her conscious mind returned to her body and she felt hands gripping her shoulders. As she gathered her wits the hands seemed to tighten their grip. Faintly, she heard a voice. They seemed to be shouting but it was only barely a whisper, “Ellie! Ellie! Wake up!” 

Kili! It was Kili calling for her. The memory started to fall away and Ellie tried to control her breathing. 

“She’s coming out of it now. Set her down,” Dwalin ordered. Kili did as he was told and the brothers moved several feet away. 

Ellie sat alone on the floor as she gathered herself. She knew that it would be like that- no more soothing embraces or kind words. They would be there but it was up to her and she had to get it together. 

When she finally opened her eyes, she looked up to Dwalin. His face wasn’t cold but there certainly wasn’t any warmth there either. “If I’m not mistaken that was worse than last time.”

Ellie nodded.

“Did you try to fight it?”

Again Ellie nodded.

“That’s your problem then. You can’t be fighting it, just makes it worse. When it comes you just have to let it,” he explained.

“I… I don’t understand,” Ellie stuttered.

“The goal isn’t to fight it off. The goal is to remember yourself even when you can’t see what’s around you.” Dwalin paused and looked at Ellie who clearly did not understand, “Lass, have you ever seen a flood coming down out of the mountains after a hard rain?”

“We call them flashfloods.”

Dwalin nodded, “You cannot always get out of the way so you hang on to whatever you find to keep you from being washed away and drowning. It’s like that.” 

Ellie nodded but didn’t speak. 

“Finish your round with Bifur and then take a break. You were needing one anyway.”

She was angry. How could she not fight it? How could she just let it happen again? Hadn’t once been enough? Did they honestly think that she would just accept this? But then she realized that it was exactly what they expected- acceptance. She would have to accept what happened- not like it, not forgive it, but at least accept it- before she could learn to control this, before she could truly live again. 

She felt weak and not because she had to accept what happened but because she couldn’t fight it and win. No amount of fighting would ever be enough to undo what had happened and what it had done to her. Ellie found herself a changed person and not all for the better. The idea that those men would always have a say in the person that she had become enraged her. They were a world away, she had even killed several of them, but it wasn’t enough. She just wanted to bathe and scrub away the their memory- to rinse until she was all that was left- but she knew that in the end whatever was left wouldn’t be anything that she would recognize. Instead, she fought the urge to wipe at her arms, to clean away the lingering feel of the their touch and the blood that she could still feel dried there though it was long gone, and she picked up her practice sword, circling Bifur again. 

Xxx

“You will be ready to set out again in a week,” the Gilorwyn pronounced. “You have healed remarkably well, Ellie. We will be sad to see you and your little ones go. So rarely do we have the pleasure of children in our halls.”

“We will certainly miss you, too. Rivendell has been a haven for us since we came to Middle Earth. I can’t tell you enough how much we appreciate your help,” Ellie replied.

The healer stopped her work for a moment and looked carefully at Ellie, “Truly, I do not understand why you leave. You would be welcome to remain here, safe in Rivendell.”

Ellie smiled and looked down, trying to formulate a simple explanation, “It is difficult to explain, but I have taken council with Galadriel, Gandalf, and Elrond and we all agreed that this is for the best.” Understanding that matter was settled Gilorwyn said no more.

“Say, I was wondering what you thought of me getting a glass eye? I don’t like the idea of walking around with this empty hole in my head.” Ellie asked.

“Glass?” the elf questioned.

“It doesn’t have to be glass,” Ellie explained. “They used to be made of glass back home but they aren’t anymore, but we still call them glass anyway. I was actually thinking maybe some white marble.”

“Marble would be a bit heavy but there are undoubtedly other stones of similar appearance that would do nicely. If you have no plans, we could go and speak with one of our stonesmiths when we finish here.”

Ellie nodded and smiled at the offer, “I would like that. Thank you.” They walked quietly through Rivendell. Ellie had long ago stopped trying to follow all the twists and turns of the city when she was led somewhere new. Something about the layout of the city defied her ability to navigate so she simply allowed herself to be led and enjoyed the sights along the way.

The stonecrafters were enthusiastic about the project, if not a bit surprised, and set about carefully taking measurements.

“We could easily create a stone that appeared as your other eye. The difference would be difficult to detect,” the elf offered.

Ellie smiled but shook her head, “No, I would prefer it to be plain.”

A look of complete confusion came over the elf, “Such a thing would make your injury obvious. A well crafted stone could provide you some sense of normalcy.”

Ellie laughed, “No, master elf, it would provide a sense of normalcy for those who looked at me, but not for me. I have no wish to hide my scars, I’m not ashamed.” Even as Ellie said the words she recalled what Thorin had said the first night of her telling, “It is the price we have paid for the honor that we have won,” and she realized that she believed him. In that moment, she knew that, given the opportunity, she would not change her past. Saving those girls had been the right thing and she vowed not to regret it now, although her resolve on the matter would falter periodically for some time yet.

Xxx

It was three days later, at dinner, when Ellie first wore her new “eye” for the others to see. Everyone was happily eating and making a general ruckus when Ellie looked up at the latest dwarf to stand on the table and sing. It was Ori who first noticed.

“Ellie! What have you got in your eye socket?” he called, looking thoroughly worried. The others turned to see.

Ellie smiled, “It’s a fake eye. I didn’t like the feeling of that empty hole in my head so we plugged it with a rock. Whaddya think?”

“It doesn’t much look like an eye,” Bilbo observed. Dwalin scowled at the burglar and the smaller man shrunk back a little.

Ellie laughed and shook her head, “Of course it doesn’t- it’s not supposed to. I’ve got nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. That’s what y’all told me.”

“And do you agree with that, lass?” Balin inquired gently.

She paused and thought a moment, “Yeah, I do.”

“Well, I’ll drink to that!” Gloin shouted. The idea was met with complete acceptance and a deafening smashing together of mugs. After the din of toasting and drinking ebbed away Kili sat silently, just looking at his food. He remembered the first night she stayed with them over three months ago- the scent of blood and burned flesh, how her tears soaked his tunic, how she gripped him as if she were holding on to the last piece of a wrecked ship, the sound as her voice slowly went hoarse from crying and screaming. Tonight as he looked at her he thought that he could see a piece of the person she must have been before her life fell apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¿Muñequita, estás durmiendo?... ¡Oye!  
> Sweetheart, are you sleeping. Hey!
> 
> ¡Despiértate chica!  
> Wake up, girl!
> 
> Muchachos, mira como llora. Pobrecita.  
> Boys, look at her cry. Poor little thing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for panic attack and dissociation.... but action! Finally. Woohoo!

Setting out from Rivendell had been less difficult than Ellie expected. She would miss the regular meals and the comfort of elven accommodations but she found that she had all that she needed seated on the ponies around her. Ari was restless at spending so much time confined to ride on a pony, but his companions told him tales of battles and witches and fantastical creatures such as Ellie had never heard. Unfortunately for the company, Ari’s displeasure at riding a pony was short lived. As Ellie had feared, a great howling storm came on the horizon as they ascended the foothills of the Misty Mountains after only three days hike. Ellie said nothing to the company but her worries did not go unnoticed as she bound Bran more tightly in his carrier and carefully concealed weapons about her person. 

Climbing into the diminishing light Ellie carefully dismounted and walked alongside her horse. Several of the other dwarves followed suit and were spared a rough encounter with the ground when their mounts finally bolted. The group laughed amongst themselves as they brushed the mud off their damaged pride.

“That’ll teach us not to watch you more closely,” Bofur exclaimed as he replaced his hat but Ellie was so concerned with their coming encounter that she did could not find the humor. 

Noting Ellie’s uneasiness Thorin called out, “We need to find shelter, let’s move, but be prepared, our night is yet long.”

As they climbed, the path narrowed and soon the party found themselves shuffling around bends, chests pressed to a sheer wall of stone, with only inches of slick granite to serve as a foothold. The thick storm clouds obscured all stars and moonlight and they fumbled through the darkness catching glimpses of their path only as lightning broke the night. The rain fell in sheets driven by an icy wind that nearly blew more than one of their company from the sheer mountain sides. 

Ari and Bran were both sobbing hysterically. Ellie had shown Nori how to bind Ari to his back during their time in Rivendell and it was now Nori who had the privilege of slowly going deaf as the child shrieked uncontrollably in his ears. 

The company paused as they moved one at a time around a particularly difficult bend. “I see what had you so wound up earlier. I’m soaked to the bone but I guess the upside is that this can’t get too much worse,” Kili declared,his mood hardly dampened. He was shouting but in the wind Ellie barely caught his words.

She whipped her head around and stared at Kili with a warning look. “Careful with those assumptions, Kili. You know what they say when you assume...” 

She left it at that and turned her attention to negotiating the pass. Kili was left to worry about what she could have meant- both for them and whatever she had implied about assumptions- when suddenly the mountain shook beneath him. Looking up from where he was standing Kili could see that Ellie and the other half of the company along with Fili were now far across a deep chasm. 

“KILI!!!!” came Fili’s desperate shout as his brother moved away from him but all Kili saw was his brother’s mouth moving silently. Kili watched with abject terror as his friends and family shrank away in the distance. The last thing he saw was Ellie reaching out an arm to Fili and pushing him forward along the path, not looking back.

“ROCKS!!” Bofur’s voice brought Kili back to himself and the group flattened themselves against the sheer face as a hail of falling stone engulfed them. 

A particularly large stone caught Kili on the head and he was momentarily dazed. For nearly a minute Kili, Bofur, Bombur, Ori, Dori, Bilbo, and Nori with Ari clung desperately to the leg of the stone giant they had inadvertently attempted to cross. Suddenly, the leg collided with the side of the mountain proper and the group threw themselves to safety as the colossal appendage once again disappeared into the darkness. The forward half of the party hurried forward towards their dazed companions. Kili suddenly found himself in his brother’s embrace but couldn’t quite remember how they had been separated.

A count was being made and suddenly no one could find the burglar. Frantically, the dwarves peered over the edge into the ravine and found Bilbo hanging on a small outcropping by one hand.

“Help!” he squeaked.

Without hesitation Thorin threw himself over the edge and hauled the burglar up and onto the trail, but in the rain his grip on the slick stone faltered. Before he could disappear over the edge completely Dwalin caught the king and drew him up to safety.

“That was close. I thought we had lost our burglar.” Dwalin noted as he clapped Thorin on the back.

Thorin turned to face Bilbo, “He's been lost ever since he left his home. He should not have come, he has no place among us. Come, quickly. We must find shelter until the storm passes.”

As Thorin turned to lead the group away he caught sight of Ellie. She stared disapprovingly at Thorin but said nothing, remembering that she could not speak out of turn and chastise her king, no matter how impudent he might act. As she anticipated, a cave manifested itself not far ahead of them and the company piled in quickly. Bilbo sat in the far corner, shrunk back against the wall and hoping to evade the notice of Thorin and the others. Ellie wasted no time in divesting herself and Bran of all clothing, ringing it out, and redressing them both completely. 

“We can rest here the night and you can let your clothes dry. You don’t have to be sleeping wet,” Bofur pointed out. Ellie just smiled and finished relacing her boots. Once Bran was fed and snuggled against her again in his sling Ellie went to redress Ari. Nori and Ori had wrung out his clothes and laid them out to dry but Ellie was having none of it. 

“Ellie, you’re worrying too much. We’ll be safe here, just let the lad rest,” Nori said.

“The night is young. I would not be so confident that we will be safe and if we are disturbed Ari would be best clothed. He can dry later.” Ellie replied. “And, if it’s all the same to you Nori, I would ask that you keep him tightly bound to your back and under your cloak. Call it mother’s worry but I don’t trust this place.”

Nori stared long at Ellie before nodding, “As you wish.” 

They shared a strained relationship- Nori and Ellie. Nori was an outcast and rarely took orders from anyone save Thorin and occasionally Dori. His relationship with Ari had come as a surprise to the company as no one had suspected that Nori had a soft spot for anyone other than his brothers. Ellie was grateful to Nori for what he provided Ari but Ari was still her son, not Nori's. At times, that made for difficult conversations. Ellie and Nori would disagree with one another about what was best for the child but, while Ellie always listened to Nori, the final choice was hers which meant that she could, in effect, tell Nori what to do. The others tended to watch their interactions carefully and the tension was always high.

Kili’s bump on the head was determined to be minor and soon the company settled down to sleep in the cave. Nori lay out on his stomach so that Ari could sleep in the wrap and before long only Ellie and Bilbo remained awake. She knew what going through Bilbo’s mind, at least generally, and she eyed him. Finally, the hobbit got to his feet and carefully stepped over the sleeping dwarves towards the mouth of the cave.

“Bilbo,” she called softly and he froze. “Come here and talk to me a moment, Bilbo.”

Ever obedient, Bilbo did as he was told and sat next to the woman. It was up to Ellie for this conversation as she had offered to give Bofur a rest since she had no intention to sleep.

“Now tell me Mr. Baggins, where are you headed in this godawful downpour?”

He looked down, “Back to Rivendell.”

“Oh Mr. Baggins, it’s a bit late to be turning back now. How far do you think you would get tonight? Besides, you’re of them now… one of us.” Ellie tried to remember the conversation as best she could, it was important to stall him long enough that he might enjoy their little underground adventure.

“I'm not now, am I? Thorin said I should have never have come and he was right. I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins. I don't know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door,” Bilbo was trying to convince himself that he was making the right choice and he could not bear to meet Ellie’s gaze as he did.

“I miss my home too. My friends, my family, the safety and security, always having a meal on the table- I get it. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.” 

Bilbo looked up and smiled wanly, “I know this can’t be easy for you either, but it’s different in a way. They at least like you and the boys- I’m no more than baggage to them.” Though, if Bilbo had known some of their true feelings, he might have pitied Ellie more than himself. 

Ellie laughed, “Please, Bilbo, don’t wallow in your self-pity. Ori, Bofur, Fili, Kili- they all count you as a friend, not just some hired help. The only reason the others aren’t closer to you is because you won’t let them be. When we were in Rivendell we would go days without seeing you- off talking to elves, reading books, walking in gardens. You’re aloof and it doesn’t exactly help your cause.”

Bilbo sighed, “I suppose so, but what about Thorin? He’s not about to befriend me after a couple of fireside chats.”

“No, he’s not. But are you going to go home because one dwarf has a stick up his ass? You know you would never forgive yourself.” As the words left Ellie's mouth she hoped desperately that Thorin was not awake to hear her assessment of his attitude, but she had noticed a considerable change for the worse after Gandalf had cornered him that morning after breakfast.

Bilbo shuffled his hairy feet, “I don’t know, Ellie…”

“Bilbo, your sword! Goblins… GOBLINS!!!” Ellie screamed, the foreknowledge of their impending encounter doing nothing to abate the terror she felt in her heart at knowing what was about to happen, and before the company could stand the floor fell away and they were sliding down a chute. 

As they slid down into the darkness Ellie found herself thoroughly pleased that this hadn’t turned out as it had in the movies. The idea of participating in a “physics free zone” had not been terribly appealing. Although as she fell she found herself wondering if it would have been less painful as she caught her leg on a protruding rock, slicing it open.

The company, sans Gandalf, landed in a heap on the floor in front of a large group of goblins. They were a bit banged up- Ellie and Nori catching more than their share of bumps as they sacrificed themselves to avoid injuring their respective charges. Nori fell flat on his face rather than his back for the sake of Ari and Ellie had rolled her body up around Bran allowing her head to strike the floor rather than release her grip on the child. 

In moments, each member was hauled to their feet and a host of goblins crowded around spurring them forward along the dark tunnel. Orders of “Faster!” and “Quicker!” rang out and when their demands were not met satisfactorily whips and thongs were produced. The once proud and sturdy dwarves howled at the sting of the whips just as Ellie remembered doing herself. She felt the makings of a panic attack coming on and she did everything she could to hang on- this was no place to go to pieces.

After running for some distance the troupe entered a great hall, lit by torches and various hearths. An unbelievably large goblin sat on a throne at the far end of the room. She couldn’t be sure, but in the light it looked just like the one from the movie. While she looked on she realized, belatedly, that it was too late to stop the panic attack- the distraction of her surroundings making her lose focus and forget her breathing techniques. Her mind was watching the Goblin King and cracking jokes about his “scrotum beard,” while her body hyperventilated and cried. She summoned every bit of control to close her mouth. If nothing else she intended to muffle to sounds of her sobs. 

As the group came to a sudden halt in front of the Goblin King she found Fili and Kili dutifully on either side of her, each gripping a hand. “Shh, Ellie, it’ll be okay. We won’t let anything happen to you,” Kili whispered. “Just work on your breathing like we practiced. You’ll be…”

A goblin Ellie’s size backhanded Kili across the cheek with a gauntlet and cut him off. “Shut up scum!” it commanded. Kili looked at the goblin with rage and it was only Bombur’s hand on his shoulder that stayed his hand and mouth. Kili looked back to Ellie and smiled though he now had a gash in his cheek. Ellie would not meet his gaze and looked instead to Fili; there were times when Kili reminded her too much of Isaac for him to be of comfort.

“Well, well, who have we here? And what have we here?” the Goblin asked.

“Dwarves, whatever this is,” the goblin motioned to Bilbo, “and a lady.”

The Great Goblin smiled, “What a treat- guests. And I’m sure you had ideas of your own in coming here- theft, murder, spying. What was it then?” When no answer came, “Very well, I’m sure we can get some answers out of them yet. Bring me the woman- we can start with her,” he sneered.

“NO!!!” came the collective reply from the company and the Goblin King held up his hand before Ellie was even touched. 

“Ah, well then, introductions? I’ll start. I’m the King here. And you would be?”

“I am Thorin. We are travelling to visit our family and relations away east of here in the Iron Hills. We meant no harm. We only wanted to take shelter in a cave from the storm outside. It appeared unused to our eyes, no harm was intended,” Thorin explained. The Goblin King listened intently as Thorin spoke and when he was done the Great Goblin seemed all too pleased. 

“Hmm, Thorin Oakenshield, somehow I doubt your story but the pale orc will be pleased to see you nonetheless. Perchance did you bring weapons into our home?” Thorin didn’t answer, mind reeling instead about the idea that Azog lived, though he had seen the beast fall at Azanulbizar, and the Goblin King turned instead to one of his minions.

“Did you search them?” The goblin in question faltered and the King bellowed at him, “Why not?! Do it NOW!!!” 

In a moment, Ellie was pulled away from Fili and Kili and found herself covered in pinching, poking, and prodding hands. One of the goblins grabbed at Bran’s sling, “What’s in here?”

The jostling woke Bran who had somehow managed to sleep through the ordeal until that moment. He cried loudly at the intrusion and Ellie tried to pull away, “Let go!” It was that moment where all of Ellie’s attempts to contain her panic failed and she began shaking violently, clutching at her throat, and making unearthly sounds. 

“What do we have here?” the Goblin King crooned ignoring her apparent distress. “A baby? What a… surprise.”

“Your Malevolence! There’s another over here!” a one legged goblin yelled from where he stood by Nori. Nori was struggling but was held fast by several goblins. Ari began to sob shortly thereafter as well.

There was a clattering of weapons as the company’s defenses were piled on the floor and the Great Goblin grinned.

“Bring me the babe. I think I’d like a snack.”

The entire company began shouting and struggling at the idea, even meek little Bilbo was wriggling furiously, but their struggles were in vain. Ellie watched helplessly from inside her mind as her body refused to defend herself or her son. Instead, she felt the choking sensation grow stronger as gnarled hands dragged Bran from out the carrier. But before the goblin could get any farther a blinding flash of light knocked all of the goblins in the chamber to the ground and Bran remained, dangling precariously from the carrier.

“To arms! To arms!” Gandalf cried and the company surged forward to their weapons. 

Bifur was nearest to Ellie and he shoved her along with the group, returning Bran back to safety in his sling as they moved. Someone, Ellie couldn’t see who, shoved one of her long daggers into her hand and suddenly her mind and body reunited. Grateful that her autonomy had been returned to her she gathered the remainder of her weapons and followed as Gandalf began to lead the group towards a tunnel across the hall. 

In the time it had taken to recover their weapons some of the goblins had regained their feet and set upon them. Everyone was suddenly engaged in combat as they ran and Ellie found that her practices with the dwarves were indeed valuable as she slew two of the goblins before anyone else could react. The Great Goblin was fast approaching, enraged by this turn of events, and Ellie gripped her sword, ready to defend her son this time, but before that became necessary Gandalf casually slit his throat with Glamdring before moving again to lead the group. 

They ran out of the hall and into the pitch black of the tunnel for what seemed like ages. Occasionally, a loose stone would catch someone’s boot and down they would go, taking down the companions around them as they fell. Scratched, bruised, bleeding, and exhausted the company pressed forward and out of the door that Gandalf led them to, rending any goblins which were foolish enough to get in their way. They continued running for a long time in the blinding sunlight of the early morning although they were pursued only momentarily by the goblins. When finally they halted half of the company fell to the ground from exhaustion. As they sat Balin looked around to find out where they were and the others began to bind their various injuries. 

“Where’s Bilbo?” Gandalf asked. The dwarves began to look around the group frantically. “Where is he?”

“He was with us in the Great Hall- did anyone see him after that?” Dori asked. There was much discussion on the matter but no one could remember what happened to Bilbo or whether he had indeed left the Hall. 

“We must attempt to rescue him,” Gandalf stated. “We will not just leave him in there to suffer at the hands of those foul beasts.”

“And chance our lives? Bilbo has been nothing but a burden since he joined us. He's thought of nothing but his soft bed and his warm hearth since first he stepped out of his door. I will not risk my people for him again.” Thorin declared.

“So that’s it then? That’s the end of our burglar?” Bofur asked looking at Ellie. Ellie looked at him but her expression was unreadable. 

“Nope. I’m right here.” Bilbo called slipping off the ring and stepping out from behind a large rock. A collection of gasps arose amidst the company. 

Bilbo gave a brief, and somewhat lacking, description of how he encountered and escaped Gollum. Gandalf looked knowingly to Ellie who simply nodded. When the hobbit had concluded his story, which Ellie knew quite well, Gandalf had the company move on. Night would be upon them ere they arrived to safety and they had made no friends in the goblin kingdom. 

Once they were moving again Fili and Kili flanked Ellie. “You alright?” Fili asked.

Ellie nodded weakly but kept her eyes on the ground in front of her.

“We’re not so sure,” Kili pressed. “That was a rough one. We thought you were choking to death.” 

“I thought I was too,” she whispered. “But in the end I got it together well enough. I even managed to kill a couple goblins. That training you and Dwalin gave me in Rivendell seems to have paid off.”

Kili opened his mouth to argue but he was cut off by Thorin. “Ellie, we need to do something about Ari. If he keeps up this shrieking we won’t last much longer out here.”

Ellie nodded. “I’ll take him if someone else can take Bran. He’s asleep again anyway.”

“I’ll take him,” Nori offered as he began to untie the wrap that secured the screaming and flailing toddler.

“Nori, Ari’s no light load and you’ve been carrying him without a break for over a day. You know I trust you and you know that I appreciate everything you do for Ari but you also need a break. Let someone else carry Bran for now.” Ellie smiled as warmly at Nori as she could manage and he didn’t argue. 

Ellie passed the babe to Bofur who was already cooing and rocking the child even before he got the sling completely situated. Ari’s wailing quieted as soon as he was in his mother’s arms and he promptly fell asleep several minutes after they began walking again. Fili and Kili carefully situated the child on Ellie’s back with the wrap as they marched. 

They descended the east side of the mountain hurrying around boulders and trees, but before long their progress was slowed when they came to a steep grade made mostly of shale. Their descent was aided by a rock slide and before long the company was deposited at the bottom of the grade replete with fresh cuts and bruises. Grumbling the company gained their feet and continued. They passed through briars and over boulders coming at last into a glade near the foot of the mountain where Thorin called the company to halt.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I owe you an apology (or rather my son does) for the ridiculous delay in the posting the next chapter. We had a potty training moment gone-awry that ended with my one-year old peeing on and frying my laptop. While I had literally everything else I had written (all the way past BoFA) backed up elsewhere I did not have this one chapter, but as luck would have it we were able to recover the data so here you are! (Yes, I really didn't want to write it again.)
> 
> Anyway... hooray! And no, I do not begrudge you your laughter. The situation is utterly silly.
> 
> The original text for this chapter was "Wargs and goblins? Flaming pinecones? Eagles? The eyrie? The Carrock? Do I really have to write all of that…" I hope my clear and unadulterated enthusiasm doesn't show through. :P

“We’ll rest here tonight,” Thorin declared and the company happily dropped the remainder of their belongings to the ground. 

Ellie stared at the various trees around the glade and wondered which would be the easiest to climb in a pinch. Her worry was clear on her face and Dwalin nudged Thorin.

“Look at her. Something’s not right about this place. She keeps searching for something. Maybe we should move on,” the balding dwarf suggested.

Thorin watched Ellie until Oin called for her to come check on her leg only a moment later and she turned her attention to struggling with her pants leg.

“Best make your decision soon. Night will be upon us before the hour,” Dwalin reminded.

Thorin nodded and called out his change of heart to the company. “We will move on, farther down the valley. Quickly, before the light fades.”

Grumbling, the company took up their things and Oin forewent stitching Ellie’s leg in favor of retying the bandage Fili had applied earlier. They trudged far down the lessening slope into the darkness. Right as Thorin was about to call the company to rest the air rang with the calls of hundreds of wargs. The company found renewed energy and ran as fast as their legs could carry them away from the mountains but the sounds of the enemy grew nearer with each passing minute until they found themselves at the edge of a cliff. 

The terrain was surprising given that all involved had been sure that they had long since descended into the plains that bordered the east side of the Misty Mountains. They could see, however, that said plains actually lay several hundred feet below them and there was no readily available escape route.

Ellie wasted no time in summiting the nearest available pine tree and the others were not far behind. Soon the trees were filled to the brim with rustling dwarrow, a twittering hobbit, a rather grumpy looking wizard, and a terrified woman and children. Several moments of tense silence passed until a great clamor of wargs, goblins, and orcs came to a halt beneath the trees. 

_Wow, no matter what, there’s just no avoiding it. Is there no winning in Middle Earth?_ Ellie groused from her perch. 

As the multitude of enemies circled closer and closer about the bases of the trees Gandalf began to light pinecones on fire and pass them to the company who eagerly tossed them down upon their foes. The wargs howled with pain as their bristly fur caught flame and several of the crazed beasts actually ran off the edges of the cliff with their riders. When Gandalf realized the similarity to Ellie’s first request of him he turned his head quickly to eye the woman, but Ellie was preoccupied with her pinecone and did not notice.

For a time, the dwarves seemed thoroughly pleased with their defenses until the goblins began to pile wood and armloads of pinestraw at the bases of the trees. With that realization, though it was far too late to prevent what came next, the dwarves simply bounced their flaming pinecones in their hands, unwilling to add to the growing fires below. The trees caught quickly without their contributions and soon the pinecones were too much, even for the heat resistant hands of the dwarrow, and the company was forced to resume their barrage. 

As the trees burned they began to topple under the shifting weight of the company and before long many of the company were confined to one tree which hung precariously over the precipice. The goblins were content from their vantage point beyond the edges of the flames to watch the inevitable demise of their foes. The dwarrow seemed disinclined to engage their enemies as well given their clear disadvantage. 

Ellie watched the circling beasts from her branch over the abyss. Their forms seemed to shift and flutter through the waves of heat until one single vision grew clear- a pale orc on a white warg. Judging by the reactions of the others she was not the only one to have seen it. She turned to face Thorin and his eyes were wide with rage and disbelief at the thought that, somehow, Azog had survived Azanulbizar and was now here to finish the line of Durin as he had promised. The company called out to him as he began to descend, or rather traverse as it was now horizontal, the tree towards his mark, sword in hand.

They heard his bellow of rage as he charged forward when his feet hit the ground and no sooner had he charged than the warg in question lunged and toppled the king to the ground, Thorin not having so much as swung his sword. As he regained his feet and turned to face the orc the enemy descended again and the bladed mace of the pale rider caught Thorin under the jaw and sent him sprawling again. 

The company watched in utter horror and despair as the warg took up Thorin’s body in its jaws and began to crush the life out of him. And then there was Bilbo. Timid, foolhardy, and utterly inept Bilbo swinging wildly at the white warg and cutting him smartly across the face. As the smarting beast dropped Thorin and backed away, Bilbo planted himself squarely between Thorin and another warg and its rider while brandishing his little letter-opener of a sword. 

This time, when the white orc bellowed, a different warg lunged, and this attack was not nearly so successful. Bilbo’s tiny sword, being unexpectedly sharp, was instantly implanted in the beast’s forehead and it keeled over to the side, sliding forward against the hobbit and Thorin’s limp body with the rider trapped underneath his mount. The roaring of the fire drowned out the sounds of others running into the fray. It was none too soon when they did for the other orcs and wargs had already begun to circle Bilbo and his charge and there would be no way for Bilbo to win the encounter, especially with his blade imbedded in the still twitching warg corpse. Flurries of hammers, axes, and swords brought down and drew away various enemies buying the company precious time.

In the trees, Ellie and Bofur held tight to the boughs, wishing desperately that it was possible for them to help their comrades without endangering the children. Dori clung miserably to the end of Gandalf’s staff and Ori held onto Dori’s ankle. Gandalf anxiously watched the battle while trying to hold the not inconsiderable weight of the brothers below him. 

For a moment, the onslaught of the dwarves seemed to break the ranks of enemy, but even dwarven warriors are little challenge against orcs nearly twice their height and wargs more than five times their weight. While the dwarves fought on against the reforming ranks, Bilbo struggled on in an attempt to wrest his little blade from the skull of the downed warg. 

With a thump, Bilbo toppled backwards with his blue glowing sword in hand. As he looked around, while scrambling to his feet, a warg sailed right past his head and over the edge of the cliff. Briefly, Bilbo entertained the idea of Dwalin being far stronger than he had ever imagined but such silly thoughts were wiped from his head as a pair of orcs joined the warg followed by a large eagle, talons full with more enemies. The company ducked and dodged the newest addition to the fray but none of them found themselves tossed to their deaths. 

As the eagles got the upper hand more swooped in and gathered the company in their talons, bearing them away from the cliff. There were shrieks and shouts of terror from the company as they were lifted into the sky but once their fear of being hurled into the depths subsided all eyes turned to the limp form of Thorin being gingerly cradled by one of the eagles. No amount of shouting would rouse the king and an air of sadness settled over the group.

The ride was brisk and harrowing and the company was deposited on a high cliff where the eagles resided. 

Thorin’s limp form was the first order of business. The company stood back, surrounded by concerned eagles, as Gandalf laid a hand on Thorin’s chest. The wizard’s eyes closed in great concentration and a pained shudder passed over his face. Watching, the companions began to worry even more, for if the wizard could not save their king they highly doubted their ability to make any difference in the matter, but as soon as the shudder came it passed and Gandalf began to mutter. The words were unintelligible but slowly Thorin stirred and opened his eyes.

Oin and Dwalin rushed forward to assist as Thorin unwisely attempted to stand.

“I would remain seated if I were you, Thorin Oakenshield. You have many injuries which yet remain untended. All I did was insure that you do not die this night. However, if you choose to exacerbate your problems and come yet to death in the near future that is your choice,” Gandalf chided.

With a glare, Thorin allowed himself to be laid on the ground while Oin and Dwalin began to strip the king to his small clothes without regard for the audience. Balin drew away the rest of the company so that Oin could work undisturbed. 

After a few misunderstandings regarding the use of the word “prisoners,” which of course meant the prisoners of the goblins and orcs and not the eagles, the company was provided shelter and meat. The company gratefully partook of the offered assistance and tended their wounds as well as they might with what remained of their supplies. 

Ellie, Nori, and Bofur quickly took stock of the boys and began to clean them as well as themselves after their ordeal since there had been no chance for bathroom breaks and the five of them were quite filthy. Some of the company fetched water in buckets and a great washing up was had with all of the company’s clothes laid out to dry on rocks by the fire.

The moans and hisses of pain emanating from Thorin were pointedly ignored while Bombur and Bilbo cooked. Apparently, there were a few cracked ribs, which were previously broken until Gandalf had cast his healing spell, and a number of cuts which required suturing, not to mention very deep bruising. While the company busied themselves with various tasks Fili and Kili dutifully washed their uncle’s clothes and brought him water to wash up with as well as dinner. 

When Oin retreated to care for the other wounded Dwalin helped Thorin eat his dinner.

“I thought… I thought it was Azog,” Thorin whispered. His voice was weak, not from lack of physical strength but from something else, and he sounded to Dwalin like little more than a dwarfling after a bad dream.

“We all did there for a minute, no use worrying over it. Azog has been dead these hundred and fifty years. He was someone else,” Dwalin countered in a rough voice. 

Thorin nodded and accepted the answer and the proffered bite of food. Dwalin was not offering it, he was silently commanding Thorin to eat, and Thorin knew he had a distinct disadvantage in the encounter and conceded it before he had the opportunity to lose out right. 

Oin, Dori, Bifur, and Bofur all bore the marks of the whips of their captors. Oin dutifully stitched Ellie’s leg, as the gash was quite deep, as well as the marks on Dori, Bifur, and Bofur’s backs, rears, and legs. 

When it came time to tend Oin’s wounds Dwalin made himself available. The clearly irritated guard called Ellie over as he helped Oin with his injuries after a brief discussion with the healer.

“It’s time she learn something of the healing arts out here,” Dwalin stated flatly. “You should have had her watching already.”

Oin glared. “My focus was elsewhere, but if you think that this is necessary…”

Dwalin grunted and nodded.

“Just don’t let her butcher it,” Oin grumbled.

Ellie came when called, leaving the boys with Nori, Dori, and Ori. Dwalin instructed her to watch and grit out several small explanations as he worked. When finally he felt assured that Ellie had been sufficiently instructed he turned and the newly heated needle into Ellie’s palm. 

“Your turn,” Dwalin commanded. Ellie’s eyes widened but she complied wordlessly. 

Oin grunted at Ellie’s struggling attempts but said nothing. Everyone else had learned sometime or another and it was never an enjoyable experience but it was important nonetheless. After several stitches her technique improved considerably and Dwalin nodded his approval, watching as she finished closing the wounds. 

When it was said and done Ellie curled between the battered princes and sobbed silently into Fili’s shoulder while Kili rubbed her back. Dwalin had no doubt known how difficult it would be for her to tend Oin’s wounds, the similarities between his and hers being quite obvious, but he was never one to coddle someone and had shown no compassion for her shaking hands and silent tears. Ellie tried to compose herself, knowing that, while the young brothers would comfort her endlessly, they too were drained and probably wouldn’t mind some comforting themselves, not to mention a decent night’s sleep. However, all of that was quickly lost as the entire company fell asleep in another few moments.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for capital punishment (aka cold blooded murder) and death of a minor. 
> 
> Translations at the end as always.

The morning brought another filling meal of more mutton and chevron and there was a great deal of good cheer to be found at the bottom of their bowls. The eagles graciously deposited the company on the Carrock and departed, leaving the aching troupe to shamble down the outcropping and stagger in the direction indicated by Gandalf.

The day was long and the hike was not remotely pleasant but nonetheless they trudged on. Thorin, Oin, Bifur, Bofur, and Dori were absolved of carrying what little of their baggage remained. The displaced King leaned heavily on one of the two sons of Fundin alternately while Fili kept a strong grip on his brother. While Kili was not in danger from his head injury he was certainly quite dizzy and had frequent encounters with the ground.

It was late afternoon when they finally stumbled out from the woods into a great field full of flowers and bees.

“Ari, look at the bees,” Ellie called. Nori had insisted on carrying the lad after they left the eyrie and Ellie didn’t much feel like arguing. 

“Mama! I play? Uncle Nori down!” Ari started squirming and whining.

“Let’s give him a chance to stretch his legs Nori. God knows he’s been tied up in that thing enough lately,” Ellie said as she stopped beside Nori and began to fiddle with the ties of the wrap.

Nori eyed her suspiciously, “Are you sure it’s safe?”

Ellie nodded and Nori wordlessly conceded the encounter. In moments, the child was gleefully running around the field and picking flowers. Bilbo told Ari the names of the flowers but Ari was too small to remember or care. Only a few minutes later the entire company looked like they were bound for a strange wedding, their hair and beards all laced with the flowers that Ari kept bringing them. 

Balin watched Thorin with a wistful look as he leaned against Dwalin. The king would take the flowers that Ari brought him and braid them into his hair with fumbling fingers and a wan smile. It reminded him of a simpler, if not harder, time. When the boys were born in _Khagolabbad_ it was the first time since Erebor that Thorin had been light of heart, laughing and playing with his nephews and forgetting, for a time, their troubles. To Balin it was like seeing a ghost or an afterimage of a forgotten life. Those gentler times were gone but it heartened him to see that his cousin was still a kind soul underneath his callous, detached, and arrogant persona. It took more than a couple hundred years to weather the stone that dwarves were cut from Balin reminded himself.

“We will go in pairs,” Gandalf declared as they approached the perimeter of Beorn’s residence. The plan was explained and the wizard set off with Bilbo. The group advanced slowly and in pairs save for Ellie and Nori who took a partner each besides their respective charges.

Beorn was nothing like what she expected. Of course he was tall and had a quite unusual beard, but his countenance was not what she remembered it to be, although to be fair Ellie didn’t really have anything to compare a skin-changer to. At first she simply wondered if her recollections or impressions of the book had been wrong, but then she began to consider that the storyline might be diverging entirely. Ellie’s worries were soon soothed with honey cakes and mead and she found herself laughing amiably with her companions.

Beorn was initially skeptical of his guests but his worries were assuaged when all of them arrived adorned with flowers and if any doubts lingered Ari and Bran laid those to rest. Ari was giddy as Beorn gave him a tour and introduced him to the various animals that lived under his protection. 

The short remainder of the day was spent resting and caring for injuries. Oin called Ellie to join him as he went over the others for check for infections but thankfully everyone seemed to be mending nicely. Once a nice snack was eaten the company commandeered a pile of rags, dipped them in cool water, and laid them over their more tender injuries while they napped in the afternoon sun. 

Several days were spent in Beorn’s home as the group recovered. Dinner was never attended by Beorn, but rather by his animal servants. Gandalf explained that Beorn went at night as a bear to guard his lands and rout out goblins and spiders. And so, it came as a complete shock when Beorn arrived in the middle of their supper on the fourth night of their stay.

“What is the meaning of this?” he roared as he came through the ridiculously large door.

The dwarves looked around at one another in confusion, Bilbo seemed to wilt on the spot, Gandalf knit up his bushy eyebrows, and even Ellie stared on with confusion. 

“To what are you referring?” Thorin inquired.

“The two men I found skulking around my barn. They smell like you and yours Ellie.” Beorn’s voice was full of accusation but Ellie’s mind was devoid of answers.

“What do you mean ‘they smell like us?’” 

Beorn scowled as if the answer should be obvious, “You are not from here. You are not made by Eru or any of his children. These men are like you.”

Hope, and then fear, spread over her face as she fully registered Beorn’s words. Someone from home was there with them. “Where are they?” She stood and paused, “Please.”

The entire company, not entirely understanding but certainly not wanting to miss whatever this was, followed with great interest. There, their hands bound behind their backs and their feet tied together, sat under a great apple tree in the southern garden of Beorn’s home, were two men.

Ellie stopped so suddenly that Bombur nearly knocked her over.

“What is it, lass?” he inquired. 

“It’s them,” she whispered. Her words were not lost on the party and many of them immediately guessed which two people Ellie was referring to. Ellie’s breathing quickened and her fists clenched at her sides. The company knew she was managing her troubles again and Ellie felt a light hand on her shoulder. Patiently, the group waited until Ellie opened her eye again before speaking. 

“Beorn,” Thorin called, “what do you intend to do with them?”

Beorn slowly tore his gaze from Ellie’s tear stained face. “I had intended to take them far from here and turn them loose. I have no place to keep prisoners and no desire to do so.”

Thorin turned to Ellie, “Ellie, would you be able to live with that? Could you let them go after what they’ve done?”

Ellie drew in a sharp breath, “No. People like them don’t change.”

“Who are they? And what did they do?” Beorn demanded.

Ellie shook her head and remained silent. It was who Balin answered for her, “They killed her family and tried to kill her while she was still bearing with Bran. She was escaping from them when she ended up in Middle Earth. It appears now she was not the only person to come through that night.”

Beorn looked pensive and his expression slowly grew to that of anger. “They cannot remain here,” he finally decided, but he gave no indication of what might be done with them.

“Ellie, you can claim a blood price on them for what they did. It would be well within our laws,” Balin offered.

“What does that entail?” Ellie whispered.

Thorin answered, “The price is yours to name, but short of killing or maiming them there isn’t much to be done out here.”

“I’m so tired of killing. Isn’t there anything else?”

“I won’t keep them or kill them. They’ve committed no grievous offences to me,” Beorn declared.

“Lass,” Balin started, “if you choose not to do anything we’ll have to let them go. Only the victim can make a claim.”

Ellie sighed and hung her head, rubbing her palms over her cheeks. “Fine. I can’t very well leave others to clean up this mess. I’ll do it. How do we go about this?”

There was a general nodding of heads and Balin spoke, “First, what price do you claim?”

“Their lives.” Ellie’s answer drew a sharp breath from one of the men on the ground and she looked over to him to see genuine fear in his eyes.

“Very well. The price is decided. Beorn, where can we do this?” Thorin asked.

Beorn looked altogether disapproving of this turn of events. “Not here. Take them out past the bee fields into the wood. You can bury them there.”

Thorin nodded to the company and Dwalin and Bifur took one prisoner and Fili and Kili took the other, and cutting the bonds on their feet led them to the front gate. Ellie left Ari and Bran with Nori and Beorn. She insisted to Nori that they would be safe with the skin-changer but Nori would hear none of it and refused to leave the little ones with anyone who was not a dwarf. 

Thorin and Balin flanked Ellie as they walked at the head of the group. Several members of the company carried borrowed shovels. 

“So how do I do this?” Ellie asked. It had taken her a few minutes to work up the nerve to ask and now that she had it seemed a stupid question.

Both Thorin and Balin looked at her. “You only had to claim the price, Ellie. The responsibility of their payment will fall to Dwalin as he has always taken care of these matters during Thorin’s reign in _Khagolabbad_ ,” Balin explained.

Ellie sighed. It would be easy to accept that as the natural course of the matter and to absolve herself of the gruesome task, but she felt it wasn’t right. “Is that how it always is or do some people claim the payment themselves?”

“Aye, there are those who choose to do that, but not everyone has the heart for it.” Balin’s reply was tentative and he seemed cautious of the direction her question was leading them.

Ellie took a moment to stuff down any conflicting thoughts that came up. She knew that thinking too long on the matter would destroy her resolve. “I appreciate the concern but I don’t want others doing my dirty work. I’ve killed before; I can do it again.”

Balin sighed audibly and Thorin’s step tightened. Behind them walked the prisoners and their guards. Bifur knew something had happened judging by the tone of the words and the body language of his comrades, but he couldn't tell what. Dwalin, Fili, and Kili were all shocked. She was apparently stronger of heart than they understood or colder than they had imagined. Killing goblins was one thing, a thing that none of them thought much of, but killing her own kind, and likely the only others of her world in Middle Earth, was a different thing entirely. 

“Very well, lass. Traditionally, the cut is done from the back, through the heart, and out the front. The condemned kneels. In other circumstances, it would be dishonorable to kill someone without facing them but they have earned no such honor so as to see the killing blow,” Balin explained. “Thorin will speak some words before the sentence is carried out and you would be expected to make a prayer to Mahal for their lives and the lives that you avenge. Thorin will speak those words for you in this instance since you do not know.”

“After I stab them, what do I do? Just let go and wait for them to bleed out and slump over?” Ellie asked.

“Maybe, if they fight you’ll need to hold them in place. Dwalin will help if they fight too hard, but it doesn’t take long.” 

They walked on for some time before Ellie finally asked the question that was on her mind.

“Balin, Beorn said that none of us were born of Eru or his children which I guess shouldn’t be surprising. Should we still pray to Mahal? Would he even hear prayers from me?” Ellie sounded more than a little sad about the idea that she was without a deity in this world.

“The Valar are not without mercy, Ellie. You have allied yourself with the children of Mahal and pledged your loyalty to one of them, he will hear you.” Gandalf answered.

Ellie heaved a sigh of relief. “Can we still say our traditional prayers to our god back home or would that be offensive? I don’t want to ruin what I’ve got here.”

“I do not see any reason that your prayers should be an offense,” Gandalf declared. “It would be unfair to expect you to forget those that made you, even if they are not of this realm.”

“Here,” Thorin declared after another half an hour of silent walking.

The company and their prisoners halted under the boughs of an enormous oak tree. Little light was left at such a late hour and it would soon be gone. 

“You… you’re not really going to do this are you?” one of the men asked.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Ellie retorted.

He opened his mouth to say something but only a few half broken words and stutters came out before he closed his mouth again. A few yards away Bofur, Dori, Ori, and Gloin began to dig two graves. The sound of the shovels caused the smaller man, the one who had spoken earlier, to shake.

“Please, please, you don’t have to do this,” he pleaded.

Ellie turned to him. “José, wasn’t it?” The man nodded. “I’m pretty sure I told you those words a little over three months ago. It didn’t work then and it won’t work now.”

The others watched Ellie’s face with intent while the others finished the graves. She wasn’t scared and she wasn’t angry, in fact her face betrayed nothing besides a quiet resignation to the coming executions. 

“Are you two Catholic?” The men nodded and Ellie continued. “Do you want to pray beforehand?”

“ _Sí,_ ” both men answered.

Ellie nodded, “I’ll see to it.”

Dori and Ori finished the first grave and helped Bofur and Gloin finish up theirs before the four rejoined the larger group. The prisoners were brought a few feet from their respective graves.

“Kneel,” Thorin ordered and roughly the dwarves shoved their charges down.

“Do you admit your crimes against Eleanor Katherine Michaels and her kin?” Thorin’s voice boomed in the empty wood.

José nodded but the other man looked up defiantly. “No, I admit nothing. _Esta puta_ had it coming for what she did to David and Miguelín.” 

Dwalin raised his hand to strike the taller man but Ellie stopped him. “Dwalin! No. I’m not here for revenge or justice. This is only to stop them from hurting anyone else. I don’t care what he says. Just let him be.” With resignation Dwalin lowered his hand and stepped back. 

“Very well. Your guilt has been affirmed and the requested blood price is your lives,” Thorin declared. “Mahal, Ellie claims these lives in payment for that which has been taken from her. We ask your blessing in this matter.” Thorin nodded to Ellie to indicate that he was done.

“ _Rezan conmigo._ ” Ellie bowed her head and the two men followed suit, joining her in prayer. “ _Padre nuestro, que estás en el cielo, santificado sea tu Nombre; venga a nosotros tu reino; hágase tu voluntad, en la tierra como en el cielo. Danos hoy nuestro pan de cada día; perdona nuestras ofensas, como también nosotros perdonamos a los que nos ofenden; no nos dejes caer en la tentación y líbranos del mal. Amén._

 _“Dios te salve, María; llena eres de gracia; el Señor es contigo; bendita Tú eres entre todas las mujeres, y bendito es el fruto de tu vientre, Jesús. Santa María, Madre de Dios, ruega por nosotros pecadores, ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte. Amén._ ”

Moving to stand in front of the men she made sign of the cross for each of them since their hands were bound and repeated, “ _En el nombre del Padre, y del Hijo, y del Espíritu Santo. Amén._ ”

When their prayers were finished Ellie returned to standing behind them and looked to Thorin who simply nodded. Without hesitation Ellie drew one of her long daggers and grabbed the shoulder of the taller man. The act took far less effort than Ellie had expected as the knife slid through with little resistance. The man cried out at the pain and she withdrew the knife almost as quickly as she had stabbed him. Under her grasp he struggled to stand but Ellie held him down with relative ease.

“I’ll save you a chair _jueputa_ ,” he ground out. The effort of talking caused him to cough and further attempts at speaking eluded him. In another thirty seconds he slumped forward and she let him go.

Next to her José was crying softly. He looked up at Ellie when she finally let go of the other man.

“I’m scared, _señora._ ”

Ellie nodded and moved behind him, placing her free hand gently on his shoulder. “I know, José. I was too.” The words contained no warmth or kindness but under her grip Ellie could feel his tension ease. Not wanting to linger on the thought she gripped him hard pressed the blade through his body. José yelped and his crying redoubled itself, his body shaking in fear. 

“Shh, shh, easy José” Ellie soothed, “it’ll be over soon.” 

José lost consciousness after only a few moments and she let him fall. Unceremoniously Ellie wiped her dagger clean on his dirty shirt before sheathing it and roughly grabbed the body of the first man. Under his shirt she could feel something and pulling it back she discovered a simple Rosary with glass beads. Ellie lifted it over his head and admired it for a moment before putting it on, tucking it beneath her shirt. She returned to the task at hand and Kili stepped up quickly to help her negotiate the body into a grave. The pair repeated the process for the smaller man and then Ellie began to shovel. Fili, Kili, and Bofur joined her and in minutes the work was done. 

“So, back to dinner then?” Ellie asked.

No one acknowledged her words, they simply turned and walked back to the home of the skin-changer. Ellie’s sudden demeanor of coldness shocked some of the company. They all knew that she had killed before, and on more than one occasion, but what they had seen of her since they met was a pained and healing woman- barely a fighter and certainly not a killer.

Halfway back Kili’s curiosity got the best of him. “Ellie, what did he mean ‘I’ll save you a seat?’” Ellie could hear Thorin’s disapproving growl and by the look on Kili’s face Ellie knew he had heard it too. 

“It’s some god-awful cliché that people say sometimes when they’re about to die. He meant that he would save me a place in Hell. It’s where they believe the wicked and evil people go for an eternity of damnation and suffering,” she explained.

Killi thought for a moment, “Why would he think that you would be sent to Hell?”

“Kili!” Thorin turned. “What occurred tonight is no matter of simple chitchat. Have some respect.”

Kili bowed his head, “Sorry Uncle, sorry Ellie.”

Ellie didn’t mind the questions, they were a reprieve from her own thoughts about the night, but she thought better of answering since Thorin had made it clear that the matter was closed. Quietly, Ellie took his hand, enjoying the small comfort of his touch.

Since the night in Rivendell when Ellie had first called Thorin “king” she had tried to mind her manners around him more than she had previously. Her change in behavior was not lost of Thorin and he made a point to treat her equally to the rest of the company. She was expected to train, to learn to manage her panic attacks and flashbacks as they did, to share in the responsibilities of the quest. If it meant that Ellie was pushed harder than she was used to and got less affection than before Ellie had no objections. She was simply pleased to have somewhere to belong with people that loved her in an otherwise alien world. 

Other than Kili’s ill-timed questions the return walk was silent. Ellie, the dwarves, and Gandalf were silent and solemn throughout the entire proceeding. Poor Bilbo on the other hand turned white as a sheet and after the two men were executed he excused himself to go be sick behind a tree. To him, something about killing men was different than goblins, especially so after the younger man had essentially begged. 

Dinner was cold when they returned and they finished it in silence. Nori and Beorn both eyed Ellie suspiciously when the company returned, even more so when she managed to finish her dinner as if nothing had happened. Both Ari and Bran were sleeping and Ellie didn’t bother to wake them or try to take them to bed with her. 

When the group broke after the meal Dori and Ori stayed with Nori and quietly, and well out of earshot of Thorin, filled him in on the details. Ellie, Fili, and Kili went outside together after the meal as the brothers wanted a smoke.

“Did you still want to know the answer to your question, Kili?”

Kili hung his head a little, “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have asked.”

Ellie smiled, “I don’t mind. So, should tonight send me to Hell? Maybe. One of their rules is ‘thou shalt not kill’ and there’s pretty much no circumstance in which it’s okay. On the other hand they say that if you follow their savior then all your sins will be forgiven and so you wouldn’t go to Hell for any of that. But it doesn’t matter really, I don’t believe in Hell or follow all their rules because I’m Pagan so I’m not concerned with that. He was just being a jerk and trying to scare me one last time.”

Fili and Kili nodded and the trio sat quietly until the brothers excused themselves to bed. They tried to persuade Ellie to come along but she declined saying the she needed some time to herself to think. In reality, Ellie simply felt that she wasn’t going to be sleeping much that night but she had no desire to worry them.

Alone, Ellie lay out on the grass and looked at the stars trying to remember the stories that Thorin had told her. In a way, it was the same as it was back home. The stars were starting to look familiar and she could see the outlines of the constellations as she stared. Ellie remembered that night sitting up and talking to Thorin, it had been the only time he had spoken with her on a personal level and what he shared had mended something inside of her. With a small smile she realized that she was building a life in this new world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sí: yes
> 
> Esta puta: this bitch (or whore)
> 
> Rezan conmigo: pray with me
> 
> Padre nuestro, que estás en el cielo... : Our father who art in heaven...
> 
> Dios te salve, María llena eres de gracia... : Hail Mary, full of grace...
> 
> En el nombre del Padre, y del Hijo, y del Espíritu Santo. Amén.: In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Amen.
> 
> jueputa: son of bitch (literally son of a whore)
> 
> señora: ma'am


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for more sad shit (gee no one reading this ever saw that coming) and me taking liberties with physiology (again). 
> 
> Also, hey I got a new (and rather cheap) laptop! Have another chapter in celebration. I swear I'll hide this one from my son.

Ellie fell asleep in the grass watching the stars. Bran awoke not long into the night to nurse and Dwalin had scooped up the mewling babe from Nori who was pinned under Ari’s sleeping body. Dwalin wandered around the house until he determined that Ellie was not present before stepping outside. Bran was crying by now and the sound woke Ellie who sat up and called out to Dwalin.

“I’m over here.”

Dwalin sat next to Ellie and handed off the suddenly quiet baby. Bran settled down to nurse and sleep almost immediately. 

“Why are you sleeping out here?” the scarred dwarf asked.

“I was looking at the stars and I must have fallen asleep. Sorry I abandoned the kids to y’all and thanks for bringing me Bran. Is Ari with Nori?” Dwalin nodded.

After a considerable silence Dwalin cleared his throat and spoke. “Ellie, I have a question about tonight.”

“Sure, what’s up?” 

“Why were you so kind to the smaller one?” Dwalin inquired. “He didn’t deserve it.”

Ellie sighed and fiddled with the rosary under her shirt. “He was no more than a child. He was probably coaxed into it by the older ones. I remember him- he was cruel to me and to Isaac. He even messed with Ari when he was in that dog crate, but even then he seemed so immature. It was like he was doing it to fit in, to be accepted, not because that’s what he wanted. I’m not saying it’s an excuse or that he was a good person- far from it. He seemed to enjoy it, but as I child I don’t think he quite understood it. He probably wasn’t more than fifteen or sixteen, Dwalin.”

Dwalin looked away and shook his head. “That they would drag a child into such a thing,” he muttered. “Still,” he said looking back to Ellie, “he earned what he got.” 

“Maybe, but I’m not in the business of being cruel. If I act like them, I let them change me to be someone I don’t want to be. It would just be one more thing that I gave up to them- that they took from me. I can’t do that, Dwalin, I can’t. I have to hold on to what makes me who I am- regardless of whether or not they deserve to be killed or tortured or whatever. That’s why I wouldn’t let you hit the other one.”

Dwalin grunted his acknowledgement and barreled on ahead with his next question. “What did you mean about not claiming the blood price for justice? You don’t think this was just?”

“No. I don’t believe in justice. What I did tonight didn’t fix anything for anyone. All I did was add to the death and suffering of the world. My family is still dead, my nightmares and my memories will still be there- nothing changes except that now they can’t hurt anyone anymore. I know your people believe…”

“Our people,” Dwalin corrected. “And you best mind your words.”

Ellie smiled, “I’m sorry, you’re right. But anyway, I know that you believe that we’ve evened the score a bit but I just don’t see it that way. There is no price you can pay to undo what happened.”

Bran had fallen asleep and slipped off the breast and Ellie quickly righted her clothing. Dwalin sat with her in silence, mulling over her words. 

“Dwalin?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ve executed people right?”

Dwalin nodded, “I have.”

“Did it ever bother you? I just… I don’t know how to feel about killing a child. Executing someone his age would be illegal where I’m from, people would think it unforgivable. I just… I can’t right it all in my mind, you know?”

Dwalin nodded. “The first time I did it, it didn’t bother me at all. The condemned was a thief who had stabbed a young miner for his wedding clasp. There was a lovely young dwarrowdam left to mourn a husband that she only had two weeks with. No one felt any sorrow at his passing. Most of those I’ve executed have been like that and I never thought twice about them.” Dwalin went silent and Ellie looked at the grass between her feet. She wasn’t terribly surprised that this wouldn’t be something to bother the tattooed veteran.

“Although once, a few years after I took my post, there was a dwarrow lad, not more than twenty-five, he was trying to steal something from a grocer to feed his little sister.” Ellie looked up with surprise at the sudden change from Dwalin. “Their father had died in a mining accident some months back, his mother was ill, and their mother’s new husband, an uncle, was spending his money on ale and dice instead of the family. The grocer attacked the boy when he caught him and the boy fought back, accidentally pushing him over. The grocer’s head hit the corner of a table and he died on the spot. The widow claimed the lad’s life as the blood price and it fell to me to take payment. 

“In _Khagolabbad_ , affairs like this were public and were announced beforehand so it wasn’t like tonight. We set a date and the lad stayed in the dungeon until his time came. I think it was a week or so that he was down there. Part of my job in the guard was managing the prisoners. Something about him caught my attention and against my better judgment I went to talk to him even though I knew I would be the one to kill him. 

“He was so small, just a stripling. He actually backed into the corner of his cell when I came up. We talked a few times- he told me about his parents and his sister, explained the situation. The night before the date, I snuck his sister in to see him, she wasn't more than fifteen. He wanted to say goodbye. Through the bars they held each other and cried. I let her stay until just before dawn. 

“When I came to get him he sobbed. There was nothing bad about the lad, he just wanted to do right by his family and he made a mistake. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than hold him. I told him that he needed to be strong for his mother and sister, that it would be harder for them if he cried. I told him that he had done nothing to dishonor his family. It was all I could do not to cry right then and there. Finally, I promised him that I would see his mother and sister cared for until his sister wed since his father’s brother was too lazy to care for them properly and he managed to dry it up. 

“I made it as quick as I could. If you aim just a bit high of the heart you cut through all the blood vessels that go out. They pass out in seconds rather than having to wait for them to bleed out. 

“I still carry that guilt. There was no justice done that day. I’ve never told anyone before, but I went home and wept like a dwarrowdam for hours. I paid for their groceries out of my commission for nearly eighty years. His sister finally married about fifteen years ago and she asked me to give her away in place of her father and uncle. We never talked about what happened- she always knew that I had been the one to kill her brother- but I think she knew how I felt and she never seemed to hold it against me.”

The memory was not one Dwalin liked to recall and he hadn’t thought on it much since the wedding. Ellie could see the pain etched on his face and she scooted closer to wrap her arm around him. He didn't lean into the embrace but he certainly didn't try to escape it either. 

“I would’ve gladly saved you this burden Ellie. I’d have had no compunction about collecting their payment. I’ve seen what they did to you and Ari. I’m sorry you bear this pain now too.”

Ellie pulled him closer, “You’re a true friend, Dwalin, but no one could have saved me from this. I chose their lives as payment, the guilt would have been mine in either case and I didn’t fancy leaving you or anyone else to bear it with me.”

Dwalin nodded, “I can understand that.” After a few more moments Dwalin straightened himself and Ellie released her grip. 

“That wasn’t comforting was it?” Dwalin asked with a wry smile. Ellie breathed a small laugh and shook her head. “Look, Ellie, I’ve had a lot of experience in this and I can tell you that neither of them was worth trying to save. Listening to someone beg for their life can cloud your judgment and make it hard to remember why you made the choice. No matter how the boy acted he never asked forgiveness. Don’t forget that. They weren’t sorry Ellie. It’s as you said, you did this to save others your pain. Hold on to that.” 

There was nothing more to be said after that, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Dwalin simply tried to forget the more unpleasant memories of his occupation that their conversation had brought up. Ellie was fighting an internal battle between the two opposing sides of the argument that had taken hold in her mind. 

What Dwalin had said about neither of them deserving compassion made her feel like her actions were naïve and that she had been manipulated. She felt childish that she couldn’t see through another façade, that she would be so easily taken in by José’s emotions, but then she would remind herself that she hadn’t been made a fool of. It wasn’t as if she had thought better of the blood price and let him go. Ellie had executed him without hesitation but she simply had been humane about it. Ellie was remaining herself in face of everything that asked her to be someone else- she felt that it was the last thread of her past self and she was clinging to it as best she could. Her mind raced through those ideas- circling, revisiting, fighting- until Dwalin stood and wordlessly helped her up. 

Dwalin went and lay on his bedroll near Balin and Thorin and Ellie squeezed in next to Fili and Kili. Fili scooted up close, pulled her head onto his shoulder, and put his arm under her head and around her back with Bran sandwiched between the two. Most nights, when one of the brothers pulled her close, they would say something reassuring or soothing, but tonight no words came. For something like this there was little for him to say when he did not yet understand it fully himself. Instead, they drifted off to sleep in the dark quiet of the night.

Xxx

The next day was to be their last with Beorn and it was spent quietly. The events of the previous night weighed heavily on the company and they watched Ellie closely. She seemed reserved to them but no one could detect any overt signs of distress which was, in its own way, worrisome. They had all expected some form of reaction to facing her past, not to mention killing it, and they were left wondering if she were simply that cold and they had not known or if something deeper had happened and she had dissociated herself from the events.

Dwalin gave her a few questioning looks throughout the day and Ellie simply smiled and nodded in response. After the third such interaction Dwalin decided that she had heard what she needed during the night and stopped worrying. 

On the other hand, Fili and Kili spent the entire day trying to ascertain if Ellie was actually alright. They lacked the subtly of Dwalin and the others but they made up for it in tenacity. By the early afternoon, when neither showed signs of halting their inquest, Ellie suggested a round of target practice with Kili. It would provide them with a chance to spend time with Ellie legitimately rather than slinking around after her and, if nothing else, it sounded enjoyable. 

“Are you sure both eyes aren’t made of stone? That’s the fifth miss in a row,” Kili joked. Fili dug his finger into the inside of Kili’s elbow. It was outside of Ellie’s line of sight and Fili was glad. He knew that she didn’t want people tiptoeing around on her behalf but nonetheless Kili’s comment was certainly not considerate. Kili grit his teeth to stop from yelping at the sudden pain and glared at his brother. Fili flashed his younger sibling a warning look that reminded Kili strongly of their uncle. 

“Sorry, that was mean,” Kili finally conceded glaring back at Fili when Ellie looked away.

“It’s alright. I really am a terrible shot. I don’t know if I’ll ever adjust to using my right eye,” Ellie admitted.

“I knew someone once who lost an eye, he said that after a time his one eye was as good as the other one had been,” Fili remarked, trying to be helpful.

Ellie laughed uncomfortably, “And how long did that take? Fifty years? I don’t quite have that much time.”

Fili shifted uncomfortably and Kili shot a few more arrows in frustration. “Are you sure that you’re alright Ellie? You’re quiet today,” Kili observed.

“Of course, I’m quiet today- I’ve got a lot on my mind,” Ellie retorted, finally growing miffed with their seemingly endless interrogation.

“So you’re not alright?” Fili asked again.

Ellie rubbed the back of her neck and set the end of her bow on the ground, “No, not really. Killing someone in the heat of the moment when someone’s life is on the line is one thing, doing it in cold blood is another. Just give me time. I’ve got a lot to think about.”

Both brothers reached out to comfort her at the same time and in their grasp Ellie finally let down her defenses. She sat heavily on the ground followed by her friends and, laying her bow on the ground, put her face in her hands to cry. Her crying was a quiet thing, not like the times she had shed tears in fear or recollection of her past. Ellie no longer had to fear that they were waiting around the next bend in the road or that they would ever touch her or Ari or anyone she loved ever again. It was relief. It was closure. It was the end of wondering what had come of them that dark night in the forest. But it was also pain. It wasn’t just closure of part of her tortured past, it was the closure of her entire past. 

Before that day in the alley Ellie had vehemently argued against capital punishment. She could justify killing in self-defense but killing in cold blood, no matter the circumstance, had seemed barbaric, unethical, and immature at best. Now, however, she found herself justifying those very actions. It was the realization that the person she had been, the person that she felt would fit in back home, the person that Isaac had married was gone. She had become someone else, and while she understood and it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, Ellie felt in that moment that she had lost her chance to go home and to ever be able to live her old life again, nevermind that her old life was already gone. Ellie wasn't planning to go home, she wasn’t even sure that she would want to given the opportunity, but it was like the closing of a door and it felt so final. The bittersweet feeling of loss and at once belonging was more than she could handle in that moment.

The rest of the company was sparring in Beorn’s ample yard as their injuries seemed to mend rather quickly, quicker than hers at any rate. A few had taken notice of her quiet despair but focused on their bouts. Thorin was sparring with Dwalin when he noticed and he just nodded to the trio, catching Dwalin’s eyes as he did to direct him to the scene.

“Took long enough,” he mumbled to his cousin as they circled one another again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you read that right, Dwalin has functioning tear ducts.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No real warnings for this chapter, although I will say that I triggered my own PTSD in researching enhanced interrogation techniques. I felt like a fucking genius for several days while I came down from it. Note that none of the things I read which triggered me made it into this because I do actually have standards (low though they clearly are).
> 
> As always, if you think I should add a warning feel free to tell me.

The ponies that Beorn had lent them were a welcome reprieve from the walking, and more often running, that the company had done before their stay with the bearded skin-changer. The dwarves had more heart and energy for song and conversation and Ellie could have Ari ride with her for a time, before the child demanded to be returned to Nori of course. 

Ellie had learned a fair number of songs, even a few in Khuzdul which Fili and Kili were eagerly teaching her now that she was officially one of them. In turn, Ellie had taught them some songs she knew. The singing helped Ellie keep her emotions in check. 

It was easier the next day. She thought back to sitting on the practice floor in Rivendell and looking up at Dwalin. Ellie had been flooded with anger at the thought of accepting her past and she thought that it would never happen, but sitting on her pony with arm around Ari singing “Take me Home Country Roads” for the third time that morning she knew that she had done just that, or at least started to. It felt better than she had thought it would. She remembered when the acceptance had come after Ari’s birth and it had become just another part of her, but she had fought so hard to believe that this was different, that this would never be part of her. Ellie knew that she was just trying to hold on to the last threads of hope that this was merely a delusion or a bad dream and so she forgave herself the insistent hope in her heart. 

“We’ll be leaving the ponies at the edge of Mirkwood and I will not be accompanying you,” Gandalf said. It was just loud enough to be heard over the raucous choir at the back of company. Bofur’s favorite drinking song ended immediately as they quieted to listen to the conversation.

“I do not see why we would need to be leaving the ponies behind, nor do I understand why you will not accompany us further. After all it was you who encouraged this to begin with,” Thorin was saying, though he was at least partially pleased to be rid of the meddling wizard.

“I have business to attend to elsewhere. I will return before the end of your quest. And as for the ponies, Beorn has already told you that they were but a loan. I would advise you against crossing him, I seriously doubt that you have strength or the wit to hold your ground against him.”

Thorin let out a low growl but said nothing as he brooded.

“Gandalf,” Bilbo whispered from his pony beside Gandalf, “there’s something following us.”

Gandalf nodded, “That’s Beorn.”

Bilbo just looked vaguely terrified and fixed his eyes on the slowly approaching treeline. Much to Bilbo’s chagrin the treeline didn’t approach nearly as slowly as he had hoped. Beorn had made mention of the cursed forest during their stay and the thought of giant spiders (of which Bilbo had no real understanding) and other dark creatures roaming the wood gripped Bilbo’s heart with fear. The poor creature trembled with fear as they dismounted and began to shoulder their packs. Bilbo was unaware, but other than Ari he was the only member of the company who was able to walk that was spared a full

pack. The dwarves, being six to eight inches taller than Bilbo and just shy of twice his weight, shouldered rather heavy packs, far heavier than Bilbo was given, but there was no one in the company who thought that Bilbo could carry anymore than he had been allotted. Even so, he grumbled under the smaller load.

As Gandalf turned to ride away he reminded the company again of the dangers of the wood, “Remember to stay to the path and do not drink the waters. Good luck!” 

Once the company had released all of the ponies they trotted away hurriedly and without so much as a pause Thorin set out along the old road. Ellie seemed to be the only person in the company who enjoyed the wood to any degree. It was indeed murky but the few rays of sunlight that broke through the canopy gave Ellie an idea of what the forest looked like when it was still called the Greenwood. Even so, Ellie’s level of cheer was no great thing and soon she was walking silently with Kili and holding his hand. 

Ari was mildly frightened by their new surroundings but had steadily grown used to the constant change and the occasional brush with death. Overall, he was still the average two year old and he happily mimicked the Khuzdul that Bifur and Nori were teaching him. He became quite the burden for the company in Mirkwood. Everyone carried a pack and when the lad tired he had to be carried in arms. The only positive thing about Mirkwood was that they had been promised that nothing would harm them on the road and so Ari was free to walk for as long as he could, albeit with a thin rope tied carefully about his waist. At so young an age no one trusted the lad not to bolt into the forest at any second.

The walking went on for days and before long no one could rightly remember how long they had been in the forest save for the fact that their packs were substantially lighter and their belts noticeably tighter. Ellie and Ari’s upbeat demeanor soon aligned itself with that of the rest of the company. It was one evening, after trying, and failing again, to count the days that they had spent in Mirkwood that Ellie gave any thought to the elves. If the story followed the movie then she assumed that there was nothing to worry about, but if it followed the book she was concerned. Ellie was hazy on the details but she knew that it had something to do with not revealing their quest or identities. If that was the case, she wondered whether or not she would be interrogated and the thought brought her to the point of a panic attack. 

They were settling down to camp for the night when had started thinking about the elves and it was convenient enough to sit down quietly and breathe. Bofur threw an arm around her and waited it out before going back to placing his bedroll. It took her two more days to work up the courage to ask the questions that she had.

“We’ll break here before moving on,” Thorin announced. 

The company quickly dropped their belongings and settled to the ground. With their rations low as they were the only two meals of the day were breakfast and supper, the midday break was just that- a break. A few half-hearted conversations were going on in the group and Gloin was play sparring with Ari when Ellie piped up.

“Hey Dwalin…” The dwarf looked up at Ellie, “you’ve got experience with interrogations don’t you?”

 

Dwalin nodded. He didn’t like where this was going as the last time she had asked about his experiences was at Beorn’s and he tried to make light of the question. “You got someone in mind for some practice do you?”

Ellie wasn’t feeling terribly humored by Dwalin’s joke and just shook her head. “No I was wondering how to keep from talking if the need should arise.”

Thorin and Balin looked to one another and Dwalin’s demeanor changed. “I see. Well, it would depend on how they intend to interrogate you… or rather us I imagine,” Dwalin added with a mirthless stare. 

Part of the agreement that Thorin and Ellie had come to was that they would listen to anything she offered but they would not press for details. This agreement did not, however, prevent them from extrapolating from the proffered tidbits and Ellie made no attempt to stop them.

Ellie swallowed and gathered her wits, “I wouldn’t expect outright torture, but maybe a bit of emotional manipulation. Our government called it ‘enhanced interrogation.’ It’s basically emotional torture. Physically, the worst it should get is a smacking around, but I’m hazy on remembering and the details were… lacking.” 

Thorin sighed heavily and many members of the group shifted uncomfortably and Bilbo immediately defaulted to quaking like a leaf. Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili had all had some level of training in mental endurance, but the others were inexperienced. Miners, blacksmiths, toy makers- they were loyal to a fault and willing of heart but utterly lacking in some of the obviously crucial skills. 

“Well, if you’re sure that there’s no torture on the menu, just talking, the best bet would be to keep your mouth shut no matter how bad it gets. Never fight back because it gives them a reason to hurt you or someone else. But it depends on how long they have with us. A few days is one thing, a few weeks is another.” Dwalin looked to Ellie for a response. His actions were bordering on breaking their agreement but he was relatively sure that she was willing to share that information at this particular juncture.

“I have no idea. Maybe go over both?” Ellie suggested. 

Dwalin nodded. “For longer periods don’t expect to hold out- no one can. If you truly need to keep something to yourself- lie. Make up a new story every time you’re questioned- new people, new names, new places, new everything. If you try to use the same story over and over it will be hard to remember the details and you’ll slip up and add in details from the truth. It’s far easier to just start fresh plus they’ll get frustrated sooner. Try to never use actual details- they will likely compare notes between us and find common themes. Even if no one tells the truth they could still construct it from all of us. 

“Be prepared to have your friends, and especially your family, used against you. When we trained Fili and Kili we did them together. So, if for example, Fili refused to answer a question or smarted off he got to watch Kili get knocked around a bit. Remember it’s nothing long lasting or fatal- they’ll be fine- but do try to minimize the reasons whoever this is would have to do that to someone else.

 

“Generally speaking the interrogation will be straightforward enough. Some people you talk to will be reasonable and speak calmly, even be nice; others will yell and berate you. It’s the physical stressors that will break you- the talking is just the final touch. If it’s as you say, no outright torture, then it will most likely be focused on humiliation and mental compromise- days without sleep, prolonged hunger, kneeling or other uncomfortable positions for hours, isolation, being stripped in front of others, water thrown on you to keep you cold, watching others smacked around or humiliated because of something you did. They use the exhaustion and the humiliation to break you down enough to answer their questions. That’s why the lying is so important because after days or weeks of this you _will_ talk.”

Dwalin paused and let the preliminary round of information sink in. They could cover the material in more detail later, although he did wonder how much time they had. 

Fili and Kili looked at one another and shifted closer together, careful not to appear too clingy as they did not want the others to think them weak or childish. Neither of them liked thinking back to the week they spent in that empty corner of _Khagolabbad’s_ dungeon. The brothers weren’t permanently scarred from the experience- the guards Dwalin chose were extremely careful to make the situation informative albeit entirely unpleasant. Kili had provoked his “captors” on more than one occasion and gotten to watch them punish Fili as a result. Kili was ashamed that he had acted so immaturely and it had caused Fili pain. When the same thing happened to Kili, by fault of Fili, it almost broke the blond then and there. The guilt that Fili carried was immense and had not lessened in the slightest over the seven years since. 

They sat in silence when Dwalin finished. The sounds of the wood seemed to descend upon them and settle into every nook and cranny of their minds like sand poured over stones. Suddenly, everything about their current location was deafening and uncomfortably Balin broke the so-called “silence.”

“And what about the lads, Ellie? How do you think they’ll fare?”

Ellie screwed up her mouth as she thought, “I think they’ll be alright. They wouldn’t hurt them although I wouldn’t be surprised to see them used as leverage in some other way.” Ellie paused and went on although she was a bit unsure, “Look, prepare for the worst, but I think even most of that won’t be something we’ll need to worry about.”

There were some sighs of relief and tension seemed to ease a bit. Thorin took the opportunity to gather the group and move on. Over the next few days, which continued to progress in a strangely non-linear fashion, Dwalin showed the company what some of the techniques looked like. The exercises were between Thorin, Balin, and Dwalin. Ellie had taken to plastering herself against the nearest prince when Dwalin started a demonstration. She had more than one panic attack from the exercises and it was comforting to have someone nearby. Surprisingly to Ellie, no one objected to it either. She had expected them to maintain the same level of detachment that had started at Rivendell but what of that was left had completely dematerialized after what felt like weeks, or maybe months, in the forest. 

By the time that Bombur fell in the creek and their food ran out Ellie was practically begging to be caught by the elves. There would be food, water, a place to sleep without danger, and they could rest. It wouldn’t be an enjoyable stay but she assumed it would be short enough so she didn’t worry overmuch. It was a rude surprise when Ellie was reminded of the giant spiders.

Against the better judgment of some of the company Thorin led the group into the wood and towards the lights in the woods. Ellie, for her part, was happy to follow. The first two attempts to locate the elves were unsuccessful and the company grew frustrated. The light that had been present on the trail was greatly dimmed under the canopy of the deeper forest and in short order the company was completely disoriented. It felt like days passed since the last time that they had seen the lights of the feasts and they began to shout and yell for anyone. Had Ellie remembered their danger she never would have allowed it, although her attempts to silence them might not have meant much. Instead, she shouted with as much gusto as the rest.

It took no more than ten minutes for their shouting to attract unwanted attention. The first clue was an odd clicking sound that seemed to come from everywhere all at once. The dwarrow were too confused to notice until the spiders were literally upon them. A few quick jabs from the spiders and everyone, except for Bilbo with his magic ring, was out cold. 

Bilbo waited silently by the base of one the large trees while the sleeping victims were spun into thick cocoons of silk. Bran, in his ever sleepy newborn state, dozed through the ordeal tightly bound to his mother. Ari was not so lucky. The child had been on a rope and tethered to Gloin and his screaming had drawn a significant amount of attention. His cocoon was tiny next to that of the dwarves and Bilbo felt his heart sink. If the poison was strong enough to incapacitate Dwalin it was likely to be more than the child could handle. Bilbo’s eyes welled up at the thought but rather than dwell on the thought he instead set about distracting the spiders and drawing them away from his comrades.

As Bilbo whooped and hollered at the arachnids they left off their dinner plans and followed the emboldened hobbit off into the wood. They overtook him quickly so to keep them searching he threw a few small rocks into their midst before retreating to his friends and climbing the trees where they were hung.

The stouter dwarves woke first and Bilbo loosed them quickly. Most he let fall to the forest floor but he kept Dori with him to help manage a gentle fall for Ari and for Ellie since she carried Bran. Those awake on the forest floor made quick work of the webbing with what small knives they had on their persons before searching the area for their main weapons, some of which had been dropped as they were spun with silk. 

It was not long before their captors rejoined them and attacked. Bilbo, with his little paring knife of a sword, dispatched two spiders outright. Dwalin and Gloin had some luck as well, although it truly was luck considering the amount of venom still in their blood. The fight degenerated quickly and the company realized that they were indeed on the losing end. Those could keep their feet made a circle around those who could not for a final stand, but the spiders turned and retreated without explanation and the group of wobbly warriors was left to stand in utter confusion for a few moments before the world went dark again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sad PTSD nightmare stuff for Ellie and Ari, but otherwise pretty easy.

The bag that was roughly thrown over Ellie’s head was less stifling than she expected. The elves had taken Ari and Bran on the premise that they would be safer being carried by someone who could see the terrain and was not stumbling every other step. Ellie had relinquished Bran with no small amount of effort but Nori had not been so willing. It had taken three elves to hold him, even in his state, while they pried Ari from the dwarf’s hands. Even now, while the rest of the company, save Bilbo of course, had one elf holding them as they walked Nori had two. It took a particularly abrasive slurry of Khudzul from Thorin to get Nori to leave off trying to kill their captors. 

When the bags were removed the company stood in a great hall with vaulted ceilings. The architecture and design was undoubtedly elvish and Ellie thought it quite beautiful, although she knew better than to mention any of that to her companions. At the front of the room was a throne. It was occupied by an elf with light golden hair. Ellie assumed that he must be Thranduil. She looked around for her children and found that Bran was still being held by the guard that had taken him but Ari was nowhere to be seen.

“What have you done with my son? Where is he?” Ellie screamed.

“Peace woman,” Thranduil held up a slender hand to quiet her but Ellie snarled. “We only took him to our healers to ensure that the spider venom would not overpower him. He will be returned to you when he is well.”

Ellie opened her mouth to protest but Thorin simply told her to hold her tongue. She did as she was told and stood in the hall glaring at the elf.

The king asked several pointed questions but the answer was always the same: “We were lost and starving, in search of food and drink.”

Thorin was tired of repeating the same line time and time again and when Thranduil finally began to yell having had enough.

“Is it a crime to be lost in the forest, to be hungry and thirsty, to be trapped by spiders? Are they your tame beasts or pets, if killing them makes you angry?”

At that, Thranduil flew into a rage and had the company sent to his dungeons until they could “learn sense and manners.”

It escaped no one that Thorin was not among the company when they left the great hall but no one gave voice to that particular concern. One by one the dwarves were deposited in their cells. Bran was lumped in with Ellie and she let go of a breath that she hadn’t realized she was holding. Food and drink were not long in coming and Ellie wasted no time in digging in. The others quickly followed suit once they saw, or rather heard, that she had no reservations about the fare. A very groggy Ari arrived shortly

thereafter and Ellie wept with joy, even thanking the guard for her son’s safety.

Xxx

Thranduil recognized Thorin, or at least suspected that he did, but he could not be sure. The last time he had seen Thorin the dwarf was but a lad and he had paid the child no mind, but his curiosity was piqued and Thranduil had him separated him from the others with a simple hand gesture.

“Tell me dwarf, Thorin son of Thrain son of Thror, why are you in my forest?” Thranduil asked with a syrupy tone. It was his bluff, Thorin’s name, but he felt confident in his assumption.

Again, he repeated the same worn line about food and drink with no small amount of frustration in his voice and soon the elf had Thorin taken to a lower dungeon where he would be kept until he was willing to speak. 

Xxx

The first sign of trouble for the elves was Ari. It was not three hours into their captivity when he began to ask for Nori. The dwarf called out to the child and tried to comfort him but it only made Ari scream louder to know that Nori was there but out of reach. Ellie tried to comfort him but it was a miserable failure. Dwalin was secretly pleased. He doubted that the elves would be able to withstand the pitiful crying too terribly long, they were not all filthy bastards like their king as he had learned in Rivendell, and the children might provide them with a personal connection to their newest captors.

So, when Ari continued to wail for more than an hour a tall redheaded elf appeared outside of Ellie’s cell.

“Why is the child crying? Is something wrong?”

Ellie wanted to retort something about being locked in a cage, which wasn’t that far from the truth as poor Ari still had an aversion to anything resembling the dog crate he was kept in, but instead she opted for a more agreeable reason. “He wants to go to one of the dwarves, the one your people took him from in the forest. He’s scared.”

The elf furrowed her brow, “You are his mother. Is that not sufficient?”

“Clearly not,” Ellie snarked but she quickly reigned in her temper, “Nori is like a father to him. They love one another dearly.” Ellie knew that if anything could be used as leverage later it would be this but at the moment she saw no other way to remedy the situation.

The elf made no attempt to conceal her disdain or confusion. “I see. And the smaller one, he has no such attachment?”

Ellie shook head, “He’s still too young yet.”

The elf looked into the air for a moment before bringing her eyes back to Ellie, “Very well.”

Ellie tried to get Ari’s attention through the wailing, “Ari, Ari, baby listen to Mama. Do you wanna go see

Uncle Nori?”

Ari stopped the shrieking but not the tears and began to nod frantically.

“Do you think you could stay with him until bedtime?”

Again he nodded and Ellie stroked his arm.

“Alright, this nice elf-lady is gonna take you to Uncle Nori. Be good and do what she says, okay?” Quickly she hugged her son and looked back to the guard. 

“Move to the back of the cell. Turn around. Hands on the wall.”

Ellie laid Bran on the floor and complied quickly. As soon as she was in place she heard the key turn in the lock. Immediately, the door swung shut again and Ellie turned around.

“Ari, remember your words. Say thank you,” Ellie called after him as he walked away with the guard.

Ari’s high pitched voice easily cut the air in the otherwise quiet cavern, “ _La fael._ ”

The guard whipped her head to look at the tear streaked child but said nothing as she approached his destination. Nori repeated the actions that Ellie had and in moments Ari was squealing gleefully as he barreled into Nori’s legs. 

It became a ritual that Ari spent his night hours with Ellie and his day with Nori. The elves seemed to enjoy ferrying the fauntling between cells, though they fought hard to keep that from the dwarves. It was because of Ari that they soon learned the names of the elves in the prison rotation as he would introduce himself to each new guard that he met and they invariably returned the courtesy.

After two weeks everyone was glad to conclude that their captors were civilized enough and, save for Thorin’s isolation, they had little need of the information Dwalin had imparted. Everyone got a stiff questioning every few days but there was no coercion- physical or mental- and afterwards they were simply returned to their cells to marinate in their boredom. 

Once Bilbo learned the guards’ routine and schedule he spent a great deal of time exploring the palace looking for ways out. It was in those explorations that he finally located Thorin. Thorin’s cell was never unguarded but as he was furnished food, drink, and a clean chamber pot on a frequent basis Bilbo didn’t worry too much. He kept the company apprised of the general goings on and of course whatever he learned of Thorin, which was next to nothing. 

“Ellie!” Kili shouted. “Ellie, listen to me! We’re right here! It’s okay, we’re with you!”

“No, no, please no more, please… just do it already… please…” Ellie’s screaming degenerated into sobs for a moment before turning into incoherent screams. The sounds pierced the dimly lit dungeon at even intervals. It wasn’t too much effort for her companions to imagine what she was reliving. 

A guard quickly came down the stairs and peered through the bars to Ellie’s cell. When he could discern there to be no danger he turned to leave.

“Are you just going to leave her like that?!” Fili yelled. “She needs our help!”

The guard mounted the stairs and as he rounded the corner Fili screamed again, “You can’t just leave her like this! Heartless animal!”

Fili slammed himself against the bars of his cell before slumping to the floor. The brothers took turns calling out to Ellie, but everyone knew that she couldn’t hear them, especially not over the din of the children’s heartbroken and terrified cries. 

For the first several days Ellie had seemed to the others to manage their new situation well enough, but that opinion was only made possible by a lack of direction observation. Ellie made constant use of the techniques that she had been taught to stay calm. The head bag, the burn of the rope bonds on her wrists, the isolation, the interrogations while tied to a chair- it was her own personal hell trussed up in the fancy architecture of an elven palace rather than the slow decay of an abandoned building. Her heart raced constantly, her vision blurred, her blood ran cold, and her body shook almost without stop from the strain of the war she was fighting within herself between the panic and the terror, and her wilting sanity. So, when Ellie’s memories finally caught up with her, she was already so worn and spent that she could do nothing but scream them out in her sleep.

It had only taken a few days for Ari’s nightmares to begin and he fared no better than his mother. Their situation was unfortunately reminiscent of their captivity in the tenement building- dim lighting, cages, the occasional rope bonds, the sounds of his mother’s cries. The nights when Ellie cried out Ari awoke with terror as well. His small voice would call out into the emptiness, “Mommy! Daddy!” over and over. 

Nori would call out to the child, in between the words of Fili and Kili, but mostly he sat in his cell silently and clenched his fists. Many times he would, after the mother and child finally screamed themselves to an uneasy sleep, relax his hands to find fresh marks in his palms, the blood having pooled and dried into the creases of his fingers. The elves were vaguely more sympathetic to Ari’s cries than to Ellie’s and would sometimes bring the child to Nori, but only when Ellie’s dreams became dangerous. In those times, Bran was always sent to Bombur as he was the nearest dwarf to Ellie. 

Bilbo had tried to comfort Ellie exactly one time and it had nearly ended in ruin. Ellie was disoriented and the feel of Bilbo’s invisible hand startled her. She gripped it and pulled, accidentally removing the ring with one swift motion. Bilbo quickly recovered it while Ellie reeled from the shock of the dirty hobbit suddenly appearing in her field of vision and the company quickly agreed that it was inadvisable to try that again. They had been lucky that no one had seen Bilbo. 

Xxx

It was Tauriel, the red-haired elf who had initially taken Ari to Nori, who had the most sympathy for the child. Having lost her parents at a young age she could understand his pain and the misplaced affection

for Nori. Tauriel had experienced a similar affection for Thranduil as a child when he had informally welcomed her into his home. He had never been a warm caregiver, never particularly close, but he was the only parent she had and she had clung to that like her life depended on it. In time, she had come to see him for the petty, selfish, and callous king that he was and her affection was lessened. He would always have a place in her heart, but she no longer entertained the delusion that their relationship was anything more than a warm acquaintanceship, if that some days.

It was a different thing with Ari and Nori, though. Nori had chosen the child and his devotion was clear for all to see. Ari clearly felt similarly for the dwarf and Tauriel was glad. She didn’t need to know the details to understand the loss and she was only too glad to help foster what little happiness that the child had left in his life.

“Cap’n Tauriel?” Ari stumbled over the many vowel sounds in her name as she walked him to see Nori after breakfast.

“Yes, little one,” she answered with a smile.

“Wanna see stars. Nori tell me star stories. You tell me stories too?” Ari asked as they passed by Kili’s cell. Ellie loved how quickly his language skills were improving- the difference in his skill from two to two and a half being very noticeable.

Tauriel’s breath caught. There had been no discussion between the captain of the guard and Thranduil about their ongoing detention of two small children, but it was something her subordinates had made a point to ask her on several occasions. “I’m sure we can work something out,” she reassured the tot as she locked him in with Nori.

In reality she wasn’t sure, but she resolved to speak with the king’s butler, Galion, to see what might be done. The butler was a kind old elf and she suspected that he would see reason better than Thranduil. Her assumption proved accurate and he recommended using one of the sealed courtyards on the roof. The area in question had only two doors, which could be easily guarded, and shear stone walls. Neither of them could see any reason to deny the child some freedom, after all he had done nothing wrong.

When Tauriel went to get Ari he was fast asleep in the cell with his mother. 

“Ellie, I wanted to take Ari to see the stars tonight. Would you mind if I woke him?” Tauriel spoke in a whisper since it also appeared that Bran was asleep.

Ellie beamed, “He would love it, but for my peace of mind can one of the dwarves accompany him? I know you'll have to put a bag over their head or tie them or something, but I really prefer that he’s with one of us.”

“Why not yourself?” Tauriel asked. She was fond of the young mother and would not have minded her company for a short while.

“Bran just fell asleep. He’s been fussy all day and god only knows I don’t want to ruin the silence.”

Tauriel nodded and looked across the chasm to Nori’s cell. “He appears to be sleeping.”

Ellie thought for a moment and then had the perfect answer, “Take Kili. I know he’s awake- I can hear him flipping that stupid rune stone constantly.”

Tauriel nodded and signaled to another guard to join them. After a brief discussion between the two elves Kili was allowed out of his cell.

“Can you behave as if you’re civilized, dwarf?” Tauriel asked. 

Kili flashed an absolutely ridiculous smile, “Only if you ask nicely.” Ellie caught the cheeky dwarf’s expression before her view was blocked by the guard coming to retrieve Ari.

Ellie gently woke the child and sent him with Kili and their guards. Since being in Mirkwood Ari had only had contact with Nori and his mother. Finally seeing Kili had the child shrieking and jumping all over the dwarf. Kili was smitten with the child and happily lifted him onto his shoulders. The little company set out for their star gazing and Ellie settled back against the wall of her cell, happy to see that Ari, at least, would be well treated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> La fael: Thank you (Sindarin)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings.  
> Thranduil is a dick.  
> And you Kiliel shippers are welcome... let the fluff begin! Muahaha!!! (See I told you not everything in this story would be heartbreak and sadness.)  
> Also, if it's in italics it's not in Common (ie Khuzdul, Iglishmek, etc.) or it's words which are thought but not spoken.

“So no hoods or shackles?” Kili quipped as he balanced the squirming child on his shoulders.

“It’s not as though you could go anywhere, our kingdom is sealed. Besides,” Tauriel looked to Kili smiling, “you’re not the type to run.”

“You seem to know me relatively well, Captain. It’s a shame that I cannot say the same about you.”

The guard was silent and Tauriel simply ignored the comment. That a dwarf, and a prisoner of theirs, would have the stones to flirt with an elf was entirely beyond her comprehension. 

The walk was long and went up many flights of stairs. Kili and Ari joked and played all the way. When they arrived at their destination Tauriel left the guard outside and ordered him to lock the door. It was dark outside and the sky was clear. Stars glittered by the hundreds and the trio lay down on the stone floor, Ari in the middle.

Tauriel and Kili took turns sharing stories with Ari as they pointed out the constellations. Slowly, the moon made its way across the sky and while Tauriel was talking Kili gently touched her on her shoulder.

“I think he’s asleep,” Kili whispered.

Tauriel smiled and gently rubbed Ari’s hair. Kili put his hand back under his head and looked up at the sky.

“I always thought it is a cold light, remote and far away. I didn’t expect to enjoy seeing the stars again as much as I am,” Kili whispered. “Thank you for allowing me to come with you.”

Tauriel smiled lightly, “I have walked there sometimes, beyond the forest and up into the night. I have seen the world fall away and the white light forever fill the air.”

Kili drew a deep breath. “I saw a fire moon once. It rose over the pass near Dunland. Huge! Red and gold it was, it filled the sky. We were an escort for some merchants from Ered Luin, they were trading in silverwork for furs. We took the Greenway south, keeping the mountain to our left, and then it appeared. This huge fire moon lighting our path. I wish I could show you...” 

Their brief conversation drifted to silence and they enjoyed the warm night air and the sounds of Ari’s light snoring. 

“We should be getting back. We have been away long enough and the child is asleep,” Tauriel finally murmured.

Kili nodded and dragged himself to standing. He offered a hand to Tauriel to help her up but she only scowled. Stooping, the dwarf gathered the child in his arms and followed his captor. 

Xxx

Galion was pleased to hear how much Ari had enjoyed his nighttime adventure. The butler had gone to visit the child the next morning and Ari happily babbled about it through the bars of Kili’s cell where he had spent the night. After Galion and the guard ferried the child to Nori the butler went to find the Captain.

“I see your plan was a success, dear.”

Tauriel looked up at the visitor waiting in her open doorway.

“I’ve just come from talking to the lad. He seemed thoroughly happy. If you would like I’m sure that we could arrange for this to be a recurring event.”

Tauriel smiled at Galion’s offer, “I think that would be excellent, but I see no reason to trouble the king with such a trivial matter. Do you?”

Galion smiled warmly, “No dear, I believe we can handle this ourselves.” The butler smiled and bowed as he took his leave and Tauriel was left to think about the preceding night. Her thoughts drifted to the dark complected dwarf. He was still a dwarf, no question, but given the opportunity to speak with him casually she found that he was kind and amiable, if not a bit sophomoric at moments.

Xxx

Ellie shifted uncomfortably in the chair. She swore that the elves must have had the chair made especially for this purpose because she could fathom no other reason it would be so entirely intolerable in such a short amount of time. It didn’t help that her arms were bound through the spindles of the back of the chair. 

It had taken time but Ellie eventually stopped having panic attacks every time the elves questioned her. Even though she didn’t think that the elves would hurt her she was still their captive and they didn’t mind making that abundantly clear as if they thought that reminding her would loosen her tongue. After a few painless interrogations Ellie had managed to reign in her response to brisk breathing and a rapid pulse. 

“I’ll ask you again,” the elf intoned, “how do you know Thorin Oakenshield?”

Ellie smiled serenely. “We’re cousins.”

The elf nodded. His features were schooled and he seemed unfazed by her ever changing answer. Last week they were siblings, before that in-laws, another time merchants who traded with one another. She knew her lies rankled him and she was sure that the dwarves did no differently than she, but it was one of the small things in life that she enjoyed. 

Ellie had learned early on in the interrogations, after the panic attacks had become manageable and she was able to actually talk, that they lasted longer if she was compliant and answered every question. At first, Ellie had made a point to be sent away in short order but the days grew long and it was nice to talk to someone face-to-face rather than shouting at them and awaiting an unseen response from a few cells away. But today, Ellie’s plan was different. Messages were being relayed between herself and both Balin and Dwalin. After two months, no signs of escape, and no word from Thorin they were ready to play a card or two and see where it got them. 

When it came to escape one important detail had been forgotten: timing. They had lost two months between their slow crawl to Rivendell and then the time that they had spent there while Ellie recovered. The festival that would have granted them an escape had long since passed when they arrived and no other opportunities had presented themselves in the meantime. Their captivity and their escape were now uncharted territory, although for the sakes of the company Ellie kept that detail to herself.

The elf in the chair opposite her made a few notes and looked up smiling, “You may go.” He motioned to the guard in the room.

“I do have something I want to share with you today Master elf,” Ellie said. With a quick motion from her interrogator the guard stopped his advance and resumed his place at the wall.

“Please, do, Miss Ellie,” the elf folded his hands in his lap and appeared perfectly interested in her statement.

“I’m not from Middle Earth.”

The elf stifled some reaction, possibly a laugh but more likely a snort of derision, “Indeed. Tell me more.”

“My children and I are not born of Eru nor any of the Valar and to my knowledge we are the only people in Middle Earth like that.” Ellie had no intention of sharing anymore than absolutely necessary to accomplish her objective. 

The elf was clearly interested in this assertion though he obviously had his doubts as to the veracity of her claims. “Alright, I’m listening”

Ellie almost laughed- of course he was listening, it was his job to listen to what the prisoners told him. “Nope. I’m done. If you or anyone wants anything else I want something in return.”

The elf nodded and motioned again for the guard. In moments, she was hustled from the room along the many corridors back to her cell. Ari was with Nori again and Bran had been left with Bofur who was entirely too pleased with the cooing child for Ellie to ask for him back at the moment.

When the guard was gone there was a flurry of hand signs flashing from various cells. Ellie only managed to understand the rudiments and Bombur, who was in the cell next to her, whispered the translation. 

“How did it go? Are they going to let someone see Thorin?”

Ellie whispered her response which was rendered to iglishmêk, " _I told them what we discussed. Then, they sent me away without a word._ ” The collection of hands stilled and an air of frustration descended. 

Balin was the only one to respond, “ _We can wait._ ”

Xxx

The waiting didn’t take too long. When dinner was served Ellie was excluded and the portion for Ari was left with Nori. Tauriel came to Ellie’s cell.

“Come with me. You will leave Bran with one of your dwarves,” she commanded.

Tauriel’s demeanor was professional and businesslike and Ellie’s heart beat faster. Something was definitely happening although Ellie could only guess at what. 

Fili happily took a turn with the babe and Ellie was lead away. They went up many levels and far across the palace. She had not yet seen this area and looked around with interest at the carvings and tapestries lining the corridor. In her gazing, Ellie’s pace decreased and Tauriel called to her.

“Do not tarry. We are to arrive on time and I will not have you delaying us.”

Ellie could sense Tauriel’s tension and gave her no reason to be further agitated.

Ellie’s destination turned out to be Thranduil’s personal dining area. He sat alone at the head of the table and the only chair at available was for Ellie. Thranduil motioned her to be seated and dismissed Tauriel. Various servants brought the meal, which was far more luxuriant than the prison fare, and then the two were left alone.

“Ellie, please enjoy your dinner,” the elven king offered. 

Ellie tried her best to remember table manners but after months with dwarves she was pleased that she could still remember how to hold a fork and knife. She did not dare attempt to create a conversation. Thranduil would control the interaction and trying to force it or shape it anymore than she already intended to could be dangerous. Dinner was finished in silence and soon the table was cleared by the servants who returned at exactly the right moment, seemingly without signal. 

Thranduil looked long at the table under his clasped hands and finally rose, “Walk with me.”

Ellie did as she was commanded, staying just a step behind him.

He smiled at Ellie with a strange intent, “Your deference is noted, but unnecessary. You are not my subject.”

 _Yea, only your prisoner,_ she snarked mentally. 

Ellie hurried to walk beside the tall, blond elf crossly wondering what in the hell the difference was and why he would expect deference from and elf and not a prisoner. Shortly, they came to a large balcony. Guards were waiting at the doors and as soon as they were inside the doors were closed, the guards remaining inside, leaving them alone again. The theme of isolation with the elf was beginning to unsettle Ellie but she reminded herself that it was just another tactic, probably intended to elicit that exact reaction.

“So,” Thranduil began as he leaned on the rail, the first such rail Ellie had seen in Middle Earth, “my people tell me that you claim that you are not born of this realm nor of our gods. They also say that you want to trade your information for something. What is it that you desire?”

“I ask that one of our company is allowed to speak with Thorin.”

Thranduil remained facing away. “What makes you believe we have Thorin Oakenshield here in Mirkwood?”

“Please, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been questioned. Every time it’s the same- Thorin this and Thorin that. The rest of us talk- we know that you don’t think they’re Thorin so you must have him somewhere, otherwise your questions don’t make any more sense than our answers.” The king’s short temper was common knowledge and so she knew she was treading on thin ice with her sharp retort but she felt that she had to settle the matter of Thorin quickly. 

“And why would I grant you or any of the others that privilege?” Thranduil asked. His voice was metered but Ellie could hear a slight sound of annoyance. 

“Because you want to know more about me and my children.” Her answer was honest and it cut to the heart of the matter. Thranduil, for all his years and elven wisdom, was still a petulant child in some ways and he was unaccustomed to not getting what he wanted. Ellie was hoping that his desire to have answers to this mystery was one of his immaturities. 

He was silent for a time, long enough for Ellie to note the moon’s change in position. Ellie enjoyed the night breeze on her skin. She had foregone accompanying Ari to watch the stars with Tauriel in favor of Kili on every occasion on the pretense that it was late, Bran was sleeping, and Ari needed to form relationships with more than one other person. Closing her eyes and setting aside the matter at hand she reveled in warmth and freshness of the air. 

“Thorin will meet with you- not one of the dwarves. Are these terms agreeable to you?”

Ellie opened her eyes and gathered all of her thoughts, “That would be fine by us, but the only questions I will answer are about me and I get to choose how much I share and when.”

Thranduil’s neck tensed and Ellie nearly cowered awaiting the response that she was sure would involve yelling, a quick trip back to the dungeon, and utter failure. Her suspicion was not entirely inaccurate.

“And why should I grant you any more than I already have? You are in no position to make demands.” Thranduil’s face was a hair’s breadth from hers and his breath washed over her skin with the heat of his wrath.

Ellie swallowed and dug deep for even a small measure of courage. “No but neither are you. Just as you, I have a lifetime to wait, but when I die you’ll never know who we are or where we came from although only one us will be broken up about that,” Ellie responded lowly, careful not to raise her voice and chance adding to his rage. It was everything she could muster in that moment to not run and hide against the wall. The last time she had been in no position to make demands things had gone quite poorly and Ellie began her breathing techniques hoping to stave off an unfavorable emotional response. 

Cautiously Thranduil withdrew from Ellie. His anger was clear on his face and he made no attempts to conceal it.

“Am I to understand that you will have other ‘requests’ in the future?” he hissed.

Ellie nodded, “Yes.”

“We shall see. For the meantime, tell me what you will of yourself. I will see to it that you and Thorin meet tomorrow. Two hours should be sufficient.” Thranduil’s pride was suffering a heavy blow by negotiating with a prisoner but his curiosity always seemed to get the better of him. He consoled himself that no one was there to witness the exchange, not that anyone would be stupid enough to risk gossiping about him. Later, he could always claim that he was being compassionate or some such ridiculous thing. 

“I don’t know what interests you. Ask me what you want. If it’s too personal or outside of our agreements I just won’t answer. Fair?”

Thranduil nodded grudgingly, “Where are you from?”

“I grew up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana but I recently moved to El Paso, Texas for a job. It’s all in another realm. We call our planet Earth.”

“And how did you come to be here?” Thranduil looked skeptical.

Ellie shrugged and sat on the cool floor, “Your guess is as good as mine, probably better actually. One minute I was there and the next I was here.”

“Mmm, and when did you get ‘here?’”

Ellie looked up and her lips moved silently as she thought about it, “Hmm about five, maybe six months ago. I’m not entirely sure. I don’t know the date when I arrived by your calendar so I can’t exactly back track. I think it was late May by our calendar. I bet Ori would know.”

“Your answers leave much to be desired, Ellie,” Thranduil growled.

“You ain’t whistling Dixie, but I promise I don’t enjoy not knowing anymore than you.” Thranduil could hear the frustration in her voice and he judged it to be sincere, although it did nothing to lessen his annoyance. 

“And what is your relationship to the dwarves? You seem inordinately attached to that band of miscreants.”

“I’ll answer that well enough, but after that I’m done. My baby is getting hungry”

Thranduil turned and stared at Ellie, “And how can you tell? Do you possess magic as well?” His voice was thick with mocking and sarcasm.

Ellie laughed, “I wish. It’s a mom thing. When you nurse a baby you tend to get full around feeding time. I ache so I’m willing to bet the baby is hungry.”

Thranduil’s skepticism lessened but his ire did not, “Very well.”

“When I first came here I was alone with Ari. They found us in the wilds near the East Road coming from Bree. I was naked, bloody, injured, alone, and pregnant and they nursed me back to health when they easily could have left us to die. In fact, I tried to get them to leave me the first couple of days but they insisted that I needed them and they were right. I have nothing, in this world or the other, beyond my sons and those miscreant dwarves,” Ellie’s eye got misty as she thought about her friends and even Thranduil was not unmoved by her emotion, though the movement was glacial at best.

“Stand. My guards will return you to your child,” Thranduil said. His voice was soft and lacked the harshness of their earlier conversation. Ellie knew that the elf was not all bad but, as with the dragon-sickness of the dwarves, she sensed that Thranduil’s mind could be clouded by greed and self-importance.

“Thanks for dinner. I guess I’ll be seeing you around.” Ellie bowed lightly to the elf and followed him to the waiting guard inside.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: extreme sensory deprivation and isolation and the related mental instability. 
> 
> ie Lots of sad in this chapter, not a lot of happy.

To say that the dwarves were ecstatic would be an understatement. They were anxious to know when the meeting would occur since there had been no indication. Much to their pleasure, Thranduil had wasted no time in arranging it. After breakfast was over and their trays collected Tauriel came for Ellie. 

“Bring Ari and Bran,” she commanded.

Ellie was surprised but obeyed the lithe elf just the same. After several flights of stairs Ari began to whine and the other guard placed the child on his shoulders. Ari returned to his happy babbling and fiddled with the elf’s hair. By the time they reached their destination, the courtyard where Tauriel brought Ari and Kili to stargaze, the elf’s hair was a mess of knots and tangles. The two guards who were waiting outside the door stared at their comrade with cool detachment, although Ellie had no doubt that the disheveled elf would hear something of it yet.

The two sentries remained outside the courtyard and closed the door once Ellie and the others had passed within. Thorin knelt on the stone floor, a bag over his head and hands bound, in between two more guards. Tauriel spoke something in elvish and the guards untied his hands before departing. Ellie noticed that the sound of Tauriel’s voice caused Thorin to flinch and she wondered at his treatment.

“You may remove the hood and sit with him. Daeron and I will watch the children.” Tauriel’s statement was a command and Ellie handed her Bran who began yanking mercilessly at Tauriel’s flowing red hair. 

_Now she knows why I keep my hair up_ , Ellie thought to herself.

Quickly, but carefully, Ellie approached Thorin. She was almost scared to touch him after his reaction to Tauriel’s voice. “Thorin?” Ellie’s voice was barely a whisper, “Thorin, it’s Ellie. I’m gonna take off your hood, okay?” 

Thorin didn’t respond to her words, but when the light hit his eyes he recoiled and covered them with his hands. When he did finally uncover his eyes he noticed that Ellie knelt in front of him. Without thought he reached forward and carded his fingers through her hair. His thumb gently traced the scar leading to her missing eye.

“You cannot be real,” he whispered. His voice was hoarse from disuse.

“I’m right here, Thorin,” Ellie soothed as she took his other hand in hers. “I’m right here.”

Thorin just shook his head, “No. This is just another trick. You’re not real, you can’t be.” He folded his hands in his lap, closed his eyes, and took measured breaths.

“Thorin look at me. Thorin! Thorin!!” Ellie raised her voice from a whisper to just under a shout trying again and again but he did not respond. Ellie remembered how Fili had gotten her attention and she decided to try that. With no small amount of reservation she slapped Thorin across the face at about medium strength. It was enough to cause his head to snap to one side. “Did you feel that in there?”

Thorin’s eyes snapped open and he glared at Ellie. Tauriel and Daeron looked up from their charges to assess the situation. It wouldn’t do for the prisoners to injure one another, but neither of them appeared to be aggressive so the elves let them be and cautiously monitored their interactions from afar.

“Thorin, do I need to repeat that or can we talk now?” Ellie’s tone was demanding, although not harsh, but inwardly she was frightened of the dwarf. Not only was he her king, not to mention vastly stronger than her, but she had just assaulted him and then threatened to repeat the action. 

Finally, his expression softened and Ellie took his hand in hers. “How long have we been here?” he whispered.

“About two months I think.”

Thorin nodded and continued to look at the floor, “How is everyone treated?”

“Well enough. Food, water, the basics. They question us pretty thoroughly every few days but it’s not too bad. We’re in separate cells but we can still shout to one another and use iglishmêk. The one with the red hair over there takes Ari to see the stars some nights. They’re good to him at least.”

Thorin nodded and fell silent.

“And you? How do they treat you?” Ellie squeezed his hand while she spoke to prompt him.

“They provide me with what I need.”

“You’re not very convincing with that statement. How do they interrogate you? They haven’t hurt you have they?” Ellie gently brushed a tress of black hair off Thorin’s face and tucked it behind his ear. Clearly, something caused his distress and Ellie wasn’t going to let off until she knew what. Her leverage with Thranduil was slight and she knew it but she intended to stretch it as far as she could. At the moment it appeared that she would indeed need to do that to help her king.

“Do you remember what we talked about in the forest?”

Ellie nodded. Their conversations on interrogation and torture were not easily forgotten.

“I’ve been in that cell since I got here. Today is the first time I have heard someone’s voice or seen light. I don’t understand why they would let me out now,” he looked Ellie in the eyes and she could see that they were cloudy. “That is why you must not be real. They will never let us go. Why, Ellie? Why did you lead us here to die in their dungeons? Surely, you will die with us… I do not understand…” Thorin’s voice faded away and Thorin looked back to the floor.

Ellie glanced at the elves. They seemed to be absorbed with the children but she had no doubt that they were listening to every word.

“ _Careful! They do not know my secret,_ ” Ellie stuttered in broken Khuzdul. “ _We won’t die here Thorin. You need to have faith. We are here and we will help you… Bilbo will help us._ ”

“ _Bilbo? How can he help?_ ” Thorin replied in Khudzul, suddenly alert.

“ _He is free and he uses a magic ring to move unseen. He will find us a way out but it will take time._ ”

Thorin nodded and moved to sit on the floor. Kneeling on stone was not a particularly comfortable position and Ellie joined him. She said nothing but was nonetheless concerned when he did not release her hand. Thorin was not one to exchange physical affection or comfort with anyone.

“Do you know why they let me out? Why they let me see you?” 

Ellie nodded, “I bargained for it with Thranduil but he wouldn’t let you see any of the dwarves.” Thorin’s eyes went wide but Ellie laughed it off, “Don’t worry I didn’t give anything away and it wasn’t anything too unsavory. I just offered to tell him about me and where I came from. He couldn’t resist.”

“So this is just the one time, then?” The despair in Thorin’s voice was almost palpable. 

“Nope. I got him to agree to let me share on my own schedule and each time I get another favor. I can probably draw this out for a while. We won’t let you suffer alone like this if we can,” Ellie whispered.

Thorin gripped her hand harder and nodded. “Thank you.” 

Out of the corner of her eye Ellie caught Tauriel stiffen when she mentioned having negotiated her agreement with Thranduil and she wondered what the elf thought. Ellie was distracted watching the elves with her children when she realized that Thorin’s hand was trembling. She looked over to see him wipe a tear from his cheek. Without hesitation Ellie pulled Thorin close.

“It’ll be alright. I’m here with you now,” Ellie breathed but her words had the opposite effect than she had intended and Thorin began to cry softly into her shirt. 

“In the dark… there are voices Ellie… I can hear them… I can see them… I can see the children, the burned ones we carried from Erebor… I can smell their seared flesh… nothing I do makes it go away… there are so many things in the darkness and the silence, Ellie, so many horrible things… please… please… I can’t go back there…” 

Ellie knew what it was like to lose her mind, or to at least believe she was losing her mind, but she couldn’t find the words to comfort him. There was nothing for it save for being present and waiting it out like they had done for her time and time again. While Thorin cried she ran her fingers in his hair and gently rubbed his scalp. She could feel the grit and oil in his hair. They had been afforded buckets of water to bathe themselves and wash their clothing shortly after their arrival, but it appeared that Thorin had seen no such luck. A stray leaf still poked out from his hair and his smell was overwhelming, although Ellie couldn’t claim to be too much better off.

When Thorin finally composed himself and sat up Ellie tried not to smile too broadly.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

Ellie smiled, “I figure I owe you at least a few more of those before we’re square.”

Thorin smiled and chuckled, “I might imagine so, although I hope we’re not keeping count.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. So what do you wanna do with the time we have? It might be a good idea to discuss my arrangement with the elf king and hear your ideas on any other concessions I might drag out of him. Or… we could see about getting you a bath because I fear it’s been a while, my king,” Ellie said as she tried to cover a smirk. Thorin’s brow knit up and his lips pulled tight- emotional distress or not Thorin was still king and he still had enough wits about himself to feel displeased at the joking barbs of the comment.

“Right then, concessions it is. Would you like me to untangle your hair while we talk? I could clean the bits of forest out of it at least,” she offered without sarcasm.

The corner of Thorin’s mouth pulled into a smile, “That would be most appreciated.” Ellie moved to sit behind Thorin and began working free the silver clasps in his hair.

It was decided that maintaining Thorin’s sanity was paramount at the moment as it seemed relatively nebulous. Their idea hinged on periodic scheduled visitations. They suspected that Thranduil would only ever allow Ellie and the children to visit but to satisfy the requirement of not losing his mind Thorin felt it sufficient. The next favor would be allowing the company to come to the courtyard, or a similar location, where they could move freely and stretch their limbs. Somewhere down the line they might ask for shared cells or baths, but neither of those things was truly important or realistic.

When they had discussed all that they could of the negotiations, Thorin watched the children. Ellie noticed his interest as she found yet another small twig in his hair. It was quite stuck, admittedly everything she found in his hair was, and the tugging brought Thorin’s attention back to Ellie. 

“How are you holding up? You don’t look well,” Thorin observed as gently as possible.

Ellie sighed, “I’ll be okay.”

“Ellie…” Thorin’s reprimand was immediate.

“Alright, alright, I know. We share. I got it. It’s… it’s the nightmares Thorin. This place is too much like where they kept Ari and me. Neither of us get much sleep anymore, frankly I doubt anyone within earshot does.”

One of Ellie’s legs ran next to Thorin’s body and he put his hand on it and rubbed, “I’m sorry.”

“We’ll be okay, Thorin. We can do this,” Ellie reassured him, although she had to admit she said it as much for her as for him. Thorin’s hand squeezed her leg tighter at the words. Since they arrived in Mirkwood Ellie had only had the touch of her sons and the guards that hauled her around, so Thorin’s touch, no matter how unexpected or uncomfortable, was incredibly soothing. She expected that Thorin felt similarly. 

Ellie finished disentangling Thorin’s mane and set about rebraiding his hair and attaching the small silver clasps. When she had started braiding Ellie had noted an initial tension in Thorin’s body but as he said nothing she went on about it and in another minute he relaxed.

“All done. You look much more like a king now,” Ellie mused. Thorin reached up and touched his hair and smiled.

“Thank you, Ellie.”

Ellie wasn’t entirely sure what she had expected the meeting to be like with Thorin- formal, businesslike, productive maybe. Instead, they spent the rest of their time holding on to one another in one way or another. Thorin vacillated between trying to remain aloof and detached to clinging tightly to Ellie and rocking in her arms while his tears soaked her tunic. Ellie wanted to melt into Thorin like he melted into her but she knew that today was for him. She could always talk or sign with someone back in her cell if she needed to, she wasn’t losing her mind, Thorin was. 

“Five minutes,” Tauriel warned.

Ellie nodded her response and she heard Thorin’s breath catch in his throat, “Please, Ellie, don’t let them take me again, please… I can’t…”

“Shh, look at me, Thorin,” Ellie said as she pulled his head up to look him in the eye with her hands on his cheeks. “You are going to be okay. You are going to survive and we will be free. Trust me. Can you do that? Can you trust me? Just this one more time, Thorin.”

Thorin nodded, “I can do that.”

Ellie moved her hands to his shoulders and held him tight, “Be strong. I will be here for you.”

When the time came, Ellie and the children were spared bonds and hoods, but Thorin left as he had arrived. His last look to Ellie was stoic and unreadable before he disappeared until the cloth sack and they were parted. Ellie buried her emotions in the touches of the children and she smiled and giggled with Ari as he told her happily about the ball that Daeron had brought for him to play with. 

Thorin remained composed until he was alone at last in his cell where the despair of his captivity again overtook him and he cried until he fell into a dreamless sleep

Xxx

“How did it go? How is Thorin? What did he say? What were his plans for the negotiations?” A different question flew from each cell, an unreadable flurry of dwarf hands.

When the guards were out of earshot Ellie spoke haltingly in Khuzdul.

“ _They keep him isolated- no light, no contact, no interrogations, nothing. He is… struggling,_ ” Ellie put it as simply as she could. The ones who knew how those conditions affected people, they would understand, and those who did not know should not know. It was not her place to tell the others how weakened and broken their king, her king, was becoming.

In the dark, where faces could not be seen behind prison bars, they had all gotten good at reading the body language of a person by simply seeing how they held their hands and Ellie could tell that her words hurt the company. The questions came to a halt and more than one pair of hands sank to the floor. 

“ _So when you say ‘no interrogations’ and ‘no contact’ what do you mean exactly?_ ” Balin asked.

“ _Nothing. No one,_ ” Ellie signed and she continued in Khuzdul. “ _He has not spoken with anyone or seen light since we arrived… not until today._ ”

Kili raged against the bars of his cell with a wordless shout and Ellie noticed the withdraw of hands from between the bars of at least half the cells. This was what Balin had been afraid Ellie meant and he slumped forward, letting his forehead rest on the bars of the cell.

Bilbo sat in a small nook out of the path of guards and listening to and watching the exchange. He was baffled that Ellie had learned their awkward and cumbersome language so quickly. He had heard them speak it often on the road, even listened to them teach Ellie, but somehow he had learned a total of five words. He would wait, like he always did, until the coast was clear and the conversation had died down to approach Bofur and ask for an explanation. 

Balin sighed heavily, “ _What else did you talk about with him?_ ”

“ _Negotiations. For now we agreed it was best to keep up with the visitations and see where we can go after that. Maybe supervised exercise in a larger area or even just shared cells for the rest of us if we could work that._ ”

Balin nodded, “ _Thank you._ ”

“ _Wait that was it? You were there two hours,_ ” Ori asked, voice timid and full of confusion.

Ellie answered Ori’s question by way of leaving the bars of her cell and ending the conversation. Poor Ori was innocent in seemingly every way conceivable. It had been hard on Ori when Ellie had joined them. He liked her well enough but when she had done her telling he had spent the next two weeks sleeping plastered between Nori and Dori and occasionally Ari as the child grafted himself to the middle brother. Over time, he grew accustomed to their nightmares and he got by with only holding hands with the nearest brother or prince, but things like this, the slow dismantling of someone’s psyche, escaped him entirely.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So nightmares and emotional/mental instability due to extreme isolation and sensory deprivation but nothing particularly graphic, in fact there's some fluff. What? Was I drunk when I wrote this?
> 
> Anyway, I totally meant to tell everyone that is un-beta'd in maybe the first chapter, so yea, there's that, but you know I'm not asking or anything... (though you might get to beta some really kinky pornyness later...)
> 
> Oh and the occasional comment might make my entire week, but again I'm not asking or anything... yea, I'm totally asking, who am I kidding.

“Well that didn’t take long tonight,” Kili quipped as he watched Ari’s sleeping form next to him on the floor.

“Indeed not. He is gaunt and pale of late. Has he not been well?” Tauriel asked, still looking at the night sky.

“Ellie says her people need the sunlight to keep them strong or, over time, they grow pale and weak. I think that’s part of what’s happening to Ari,” the dwarf explained.

Tauriel turned to face Kili, “Part but not all? What else do you suspect?”

Kili sighed and looked back to the stars. It was not his place to tell the troubles of others, even a child so small as Ari. Ellie knew that and she had walked away from Ori’s question three days ago, but here on the rooftop Kili could not walk away and he did not know how to explain that to the elf. 

Tauriel grew frustrated and sighed, and she began to gather herself from the ground.

“Do you ever have the night shift, Captain?” Kili asked, his eyes still fixed on the stars.

Tauriel paused and lay down again on the floor, “Not usually. It is a benefit of my position.”

“Spent a night or two near the cells sometime,” Kili offered. He gave no elaboration on that point but it did not matter as Tauriel felt that she understood the meaning well enough.

“Ah. My guards have told me about the nightmares. I did not realize the child was afflicted as well.”

Kili simply nodded in response. If she knew then it was well enough and he had betrayed nothing. 

“What was she like before she was hurt? She must have been beautiful once,” Tauriel murmured after a long silence.

Kili exercised all the restraint he had in not cursing his captor with every insult he knew. “She is still beautiful and if you cannot see that then I would say that Ellie sees better with her one eye than you see with both of yours.” His voice was low and he made no attempt to conceal his anger. Ellie was a member of the company and loyal to Thorin, a charge of Mahal so Gandalf had said, and no one had the right to speak ill of her simply because of a few scars- physical or otherwise. To Kili and the others, those scars were signs of her honor and her strength and that someone would consider them ugly or disgraceful was tantamount to blasphemy. 

“My apologies, Master Dwarf,” she finally breathed. Clearly this was a dwarf thing, not something she would understand and definitely not something that would be explained.

Kili lowered his hackles with the apology and wondered over the question Tauriel had posed, “What was she like before she was hurt?” It was something he had wondered many times. 

“I do not know what she was like before,” he said at last. “She came to us like that. I wish I had seen her before, I wish I could know who she was. My mother used to tell me stories of my kin, how they were when they were young, their hearts joyful and without trouble. She never said it but it changed once the dragon and the wars came. I feel like I will never truly know my own family sometimes.”

“I have seen they what become, our people. The elders that saw service in the wars of old are not unlike your people in their hurts and their scars. There is a part of them changed or missing,” she agreed. “Does it frighten you, Kili? Do you worry that you will become like that one day?”

“What? Sitting in your dungeon all day?”

Tauriel turned her head to face the dwarf and narrowed her eyes.

Kili shuddered but quickly covered it with a smile and a laugh, “Nah, but my Amad says I’m reckless so maybe I ought to be.” He remembered the prediction Ellie had made in Rivendell. Truly, he was not scared of being scarred like Thorin and the others, but he was scared of dying, of leaving Fili and his mother, and, most of all, of Fili dying and leaving him behind.

Tauriel’s lips turned into a smile, “What’s she like, your mother?”

Kili smiled thinking of his mother. “She is beautiful and looks like her brother, “ Kili only barely stopped himself from saying Thorin and, if he were more perceptive or mature, he should have worried at how comfortable he was getting with the Captain. “Her hair is raven black with mithril streaks in it, no doubt due to mine and my brother’s many antics; her eyes are the brightest blue, like sapphires set in moonstones; and her beard is delicate and soft, her sideburns just barely meeting on her chin. And she is kind and warm- always there for us, always righting our uncle when he makes a mistake. But Mahal help anyone who crosses her. She can be terrifying in her own right. I’ve even seen Dwalin cower from her and he is no small dwarf.” Kili laughed at the memory of Dis chasing Balin, Dwalin, and Thorin from her home the first time they came to take the brothers on a sortie. She flung all manner of crockery and cookware at the three dwarves and they had ducked and run like schoolboys from a headmaster who caught them cutting class.

“You love her,” Tauriel observed and Kili nodded. “And your father? What is he like?”

Kili shook his head, “I never met him. He died on the road with a caravan from the Iron Hills to Ered Luin. The details were never very clear but orcs attacked and several of the guard died including him. I was not yet born and Fili was only a babe. They say my Amad was in love and that her laughter was as bright as the light of the Arkenstone itself. I can see it sometimes, when she looks at Fili, he looks just like our Adad they say.” Kili sighed and shifted his shoulders, “What about your parents? Which one did you get the red hair from?” Already, a devious look was in Kili’s eyes again and Tauriel smirked.

“My mother gave me the hair. She was a huntress in the wood. It was she who taught me the bow. We spent many years hunting game and practicing our skills when I was child and my father hated it. He was one of Thranduil’s administrators and he worried for my safety, worried that I would be as reckless as the one he loved. 

“We were feasting in the Greenwood, as it was then before the darkness made the forest sick, and that was when the first spiders came. We were unprepared, not enough weapons and no idea what to do most of us. It was Legolas, Thranduil’s son, who carried me away. My parents did not return that night nor any after and I was raised as a ward of Thranduil as a favor to my father.”

Tauriel fell silent and stared into the stars and Kili could tell that what drew her eyes was beyond his sight. He had always heard that grief alone could kill an elf and he thought it was a weakness, dwarves were not so easily laid low, but looking at Tauriel he could see that he had not truly understood the depth of that pain.

Kili reached out his hand and put it on her shoulder, “I’m sorry.” It sounded weak to his ears- _I’m sorry_ \- as though something so small could soothe centuries of grief and he felt stupid and childish when it left his mouth. 

Tauriel didn’t acknowledge his words or actions for several seconds and Kili thought he had finally crossed the unspoken line between captor and captive until Tauriel wrapped her hand around his.

“We are different you and I,” Tauriel whispered, “but not so different.”

Kili squeezed her hand, “No, not so different.”

Xxx

Tauriel waited out of sight of the cells that night. It was only just past midnight when the first desperate please reached her ears.

“ _¡Suéltame! ¡Suéltame! Por favor_ … I won’t tell anyone, it doesn’t have to be like this… _por favor_ …”

Tauriel left the alcove where she had waited and went to Ellie’s cell. She watched as the desperate woman pleaded with the damp air.

“Will you let someone go to her? We can help her, please,” Fili pleaded. 

“Aye, lass. When she was allowed a companion she didn’t go on like this,” Bofur declared.

Tauriel stared long at Ellie, “You tell no one and it is only for tonight. I will not be here tomorrow and you should expect no one else to favor her thus. Do you understand?” Her voice was clear and commanding and the dwarves could hear it for the threat it was.

“Aye, we understand,” Bofur answered.

“Very well. Which of you will go to her?”

Fili’s hand shot out from between the bars of his cell, “I will.”

Quickly, Tauriel unlocked his cell and escorted him to Ellie. Fili fell into his old routine of holding Ellie in an instant and it took no more than ten minutes before she was quietly asleep in his arms. Tauriel kept watch for unexpected visitors at the top of the stair. 

“She is well now, at least for tonight. Come.” Tauriel had given them over an hour together and knew that someone would check on the prisoners soon as she was the one who had made the guard rotation.

Fili nodded and carefully laid Ellie on the floor, “Thank you, Captain.”

Tauriel nodded and smiled at Fili as she put her hand on his back to escort him to his cell. 

Xxx

“What price do you name for tonight?” Thranduil asked with every possible ounce of disdain in his voice.

“We were wanting to negotiate something more permanent. I expect that such a request would have a higher cost than our last exchange.”

“I am listening,” Thranduil said and as if to prove it he turned to face Ellie.

“We want permanent scheduled visitations with Thorin or we want him moved to a cell with the rest of us.”

“He will remain where he is. How often should these visitations occur?” Thranduil sounded like the discussion actually caused him physical discomfort.

“Every other day for an hour at a time,” Ellie stated. While she had generally felt that she was good with people, haggling was never a skill that she possessed. Balin had done his best to help her prepare but Ellie was still nervous for a multitude of reasons.

“No. One time per week,” Thranduil declared with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Ellie shook her head, “Nope. I can do once every three days but it goes up to two hours.”

Thranduil turned away again and looked out from the balcony. His body language was calm but Ellie could see how his knuckles turned white where he gripped the railing.

“Every other day for an hour but you tell me the entire story now and there will be no more demands.”

Thranduil had named his price and Ellie was not surprised. They would lose the one remaining card that they were willing to play but it seemed worth it to the company. “Very well. I assume that this is a permanent arrangement for as long as we remain in your custody. My only condition is that the tale I tell pertains only to myself. As before I don’t plan to go sharing other people’s business.”

Thranduil glowered as he considered her requirement. It meant that the information he wanted from Thorin and the others, and had so far failed to get, would not be gleaned through Ellie unless he was particularly careful. He suspected that underneath her rough veneer was a highly capable and intelligent woman who could prove a formidable adversary if she had her wits about her.

“Done.”

“And I have your sworn word that you will honor this agreement for as long as we remain?” Ellie pressed.

“You have my word,” Thranduil sighed. 

Xxx

“ _That took a long time. Did it go well?_ ” Balin asked once the guard had returned Bran to Ellie and left. Ellie had seen the worry on the faces of her companions as she walked past their cells.

“ _It is done. Every other day, one hour at a time. The cost was the entire story_ ,” Ellie responded.

“ _And it is a lasting agreement?_ ” Balin inquired.

“ _Supposing he keeps his word then yes. I’ll see him again tomorrow,_ ” Ellie answered as she slumped to the floor.

“ _You alright, lass?_ ” Dwalin asked.

Ellie’s sigh was audible, even to the rest of the company, “ _It was worse than a telling. I had no choice but to keep going or risk breaking the agreement. There were several times I… I…_ ” Ellie paused and rubbed her hands on her face. “ _He just waited until I could talk again. He didn’t care. I feel stupid-I should have known it would happen. I shouldn’t let it bother me this much._ He’s just such a fucking asshole!” Ellie shouted and kicked the bars of the cell. She had not taken to swearing in Khuzdul, although not for lack of trying on the part of the princes, and would revert to Westron whenever she needed to ‘express’ herself. 

“ _You’re not stupid, lass. You did what you had to and we’re proud of you and grateful,_ ” Balin reassured her. 

Ellie nodded and focused on nursing Bran who appeared startled at her outburst. 

The company was silent as they thought about what had happened and it was Nori who finally broke the quiet after losing his private battle with his anger. The ginger dwarf came off with a string of the most vile and unimaginable invectives that Ellie had ever heard. The thief was usually quiet and reserved and, while he and Ellie had a unique relationship, they were not close. Ellie could hear the scandalized gasps of the less weathered dwarves, namely Dori and Ori, and when he finally stopped Ellie found herself laughing which brought its own series of murmurs and gasps.

“Thanks, Nori. I think that’s about the best thing anyone could have said,” Ellie said in Westron, entirely too exhausted and wrought out to keep trying at Khuzdul.

Nori snorted a small laugh, half in humor and half in frustrated rage. “It was my pleasure.” 

Dori muttered something angry to Nori about young ears, implying Ori and Ari of course, and reminding him that Ellie was still a lady. Ellie smiled to hear Dori’s everlasting sense of propriety and decided to scandalize him just a bit further for her own amusement.

“Fili and Kili have been trying to teach me to swear like a proper dwarf but I think I might have found a better teacher. You might give us all lessons once we get out of here,” Ellie jibbed.

Some of the more seasoned dwarves like Dwalin just laughed. It had been hard for Ellie but her humor was still intact and she would be better in time they reasoned. 

Shortly thereafter the dwarves turned in for the night. Ellie always stayed awake as long as she could so that they could get some uninterrupted sleep before her nightmares made rest impossible for anyone but Oin.

Xxx

“Keep going. You can do it. Come on!” Thorin coaxed Bran.

Daeron, Tauriel, and Ari watched as Bran took a few unsteady steps towards Thorin. Ellie had been leading Bran with her fingers as he toddled about and now, having let go of her, he tentatively wobbled to Thorin.

“Your children mature quickly,” Daeron observed. “How old is he now?”

“Just over nine months,” Ellie answered proudly. “It is early yet for him to be walking but his brother was the same.” 

Thorin laughed warmly as Bran finally tumbled into his arms and the small audience cheered. He was never so happy as when the children were playing with him… and when he was with Ellie. Thorin had taken a few weeks to come around after the visits became regular. For a long time he refused to believe that Ellie was more than a delusion, and even then that she would be seeing him regularly, and there were many visits that consisted of little more than tears and murmured reassurances. Slowly, their visits had more moments of levity and mirth and the unlikely friends grew close. Where their relationship had been caring but detached they were now close and able to share easily with one another. In their cells, Thorin continued to see and hear what was not there just as Ellie continued to struggle with her past but they could depend one another and it had drawn them together.

“We will need to leave soon,” Tauriel warned as she deftly ducked behind a pillar to avoid Ari’s grasp. The child squealed as she eluded him and the elf made a show of sprinting away as his short legs propelled him after her.

“Finish your hair before we go?” Ellie suggested. Thorin smiled and nodded. 

It was ritual they had developed after the first day. Ellie noticed that Thorin seemed to find comfort in her hands when she braided his hair and had made a point to repeat the process every time since.

Eventually, the dwarf had repaid the favor, gently working the knots from her hair and plaiting it into one simple braid as Ellie preferred. Something in Thorin’s demeanor had told Ellie that braiding was not something shared lightly, and, while their relationship was not superficial it was also not more than a friendship. She had quickly decided that something simple and easily played off as done herself was best, although she did not share that thought with Thorin as she did not want to appear ashamed of their relationship such that it was. 

There had been questioning looks when Ellie had returned one day with a braid but she told them that Thorin had taught her and no one mentioned it again. It had been received far better when Ari, his hair finally long enough, returned in small braids one day. The company was relieved to see that Thorin was truly well, or at least better than before. Ellie could only offer so many reassurances to the others. They knew that you did not share someone’s troubles without cause and they had secretly wondered if she were covering for something unpleasant. 

It had not been long after that Ari had asked Nori one day about braids. “Can you teach me to braid? I wanna do your hair like Ama and Thorin do together.” There were a few uncomfortable coughs and some shuffles in various cells as the company tried to pretend that they had not heard that particular statement.

Ellie sighed and let her head rest back against the wall with a thud. _Out of the mouths of babes_ , she thought.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Run away little dwarves!!!

Poor Bilbo was in a wretched state. He could not safely participate in the conversations of the company for fear of being heard and most of the time they spoke in that stumbling dwarf language anyway which meant he didn’t even have the comfort of understanding them. Like everyone, he longed for the touch of another living being and when the guards were fewer at night he would sit outside Bofur cell and whisper with him holding his hand. 

He had explored nearly every inch of the palace and had found several routes of escape. The problem was that there was no way to open the cells and beyond that they would never be free by the time the next guard came by to check. It was a predicament and he blamed himself entirely for failing to free them after seven months. 

It was no small thing wearing the ring at all times. Bilbo had been lightheaded and slightly giddy at first. The change in his vision, seeing out from behind that fog that kept Bilbo hidden, kept him slightly nauseated at all times. It dampened his spirits to be so unnoticeable and at times he felt like he might have vanished entirely. Only when Bilbo had finally proposed his escape plan- in the barrels- did he finally feel like he was of any importance or even substance. All that was left was the matter of timing and keys. Feast days seemed preferable on both accounts what with the copious consumption of alcohol and the convenience that several were approaching- Midsummer, Mereth en Gileth, and later the Harvest Feast on the first full moon after the fall equinox. 

In his many adventures Bilbo had located the repository where the company’s spare belongings had been stored away and he devised a plan to pass by there as they made their escape. Certainly weapons and coats would be of the utmost importance once they were in the wilds with nothing but their wits and the ire of an entire elven kingdom to spur them on. 

Xxx

“Somehow I get the feeling that you don’t come out here solely to watch the stars,” Tauriel quipped. The child seemed to fall asleep much sooner than he used to and some nights they made it to the roof just as he began to snore softly in Kili’s arms.

“Maybe. But there are finer things to see here at night than the stars,” Kili crooned.

Tauriel turned her head to look at the cheeky dwarf. He was staring right at her with a coy smile and she couldn’t help but laugh. Ari lay to the side of Kili, too sleepy to notice that he was not bracketed by his caregivers, and Kili pulled Tauriel closer until her head rested on his shoulder.

She knew that this was dangerous. Not the dwarf. He was perfectly safe, or at least that’s how she felt with him. But this, this was dangerous. Whatever this was, it would, at best, get her dismissed from the guard, and, at worst, net her a cell not far from her beloved. She could see no world in which their love would come to fruition, but for the moments she shared with the dark haired prince in the star light she was willing to risk everything. 

Tauriel had long ago become disillusioned of her king but after the dwarves and their strange companions had arrived she was downright disgusted. She had gotten to know her charges- those who would acknowledge her at any rate- and they were decent folk, flawed and misguided in their own ways but no more so than her own people. Possibly, if it weren’t for the children and their mother, she might have been able to overlook their plight and the actions of her king, but children have a tendency to brush aside all the pretenses of their elders. Still, at the end of the day, Tauriel could not commit treason, could not give them their freedom, could not even imagine her and Kili’s relationship existing outside of that small stone courtyard where they saw one another only in starlight and moonlight. 

“One day, when this is over, I will take you to the halls of my fathers and their fathers before them and I will show you the beauty of the mountains. Once we were not the vagabonds and brigands you see; we were a proud race and my people wrought crafts of the finest metals and stones the world has ever seen. I will show you that… one day.” Kili sighed and leaned his head to lay a soft kiss in her auburn hair. Tauriel moved into the gesture and sighed. 

“Kili, I would not care if you were the lowest born of your people, I would love you no matter. You may be a prince of the line of Durin, high born and noble, but I am not and I have no mind for such things.”

Kili looked at Tauriel with worry and carded his fingers through her hair, “What do you mean by that?”

“I had feelings once for Legolas, Thranduil’s son, and, though it was no more than the fancy of the young, the feeling was mutual. However it was quickly made clear to me that I was to keep my distance. My parentage is not pure enough. I am low born, a Silvan elf like my mother. I have no fine blood or breeding in me Kili, not like you,” the elf admitted with no small amount of hurt.

“Ah, well, if it’s fine breeding I was after I wouldn’t be courting after an elf now would I?” Kili teased as he smoothed her hair. Tauriel tensed in his embrace and Kili instantly regretted his choice of words, “I didn’t mean it like that, please. I only meant that if it was heirs to the throne I was wanting I would be after a dwarrowdam not an elf… but I’m not looking to breed. I’m looking to love and for that you seem a fine candidate.”

Tauriel’s shoulder softened and Kili breathed a sigh of relief. Still, with kisses and embraces and outright professions of love, there was a line- captor and prisoner. It left a hole in their bond, a deep place in their lives that could never be forded while their current arrangement remained. An hour or two of semi-privacy in a guarded stone courtyard every two or three days was hardly a natural relationship.

Soon, Kili thought, soon… 

Xxx

“There is a large shipment of barrels going out tonight after the feast. Tell them to be ready. I will be back later with the keys,” Bilbo whispered to Balin after the guard had passed out of earshot. 

Bilbo scurried away to check and re-check his plans. In the ample time Bilbo had passed in Mirkwood, he had decided to himself that Dorwinion, regardless of the quality of the vintage, was simply not strong enough a draught to put his mind at ease for this endeavor and he had made a few meaningful trips to the apothecary’s store room. The guard’s share of the liquor would render those who imbibed it completely unconscious for no less than two days. Bilbo was relatively sure that they would recover, in time, but he decided to keep this detail to himself. It was clear that several of the company counted the captain as a friend, possibly more he thought as he remembered the looks that Kili gave her, and while he had to agree that she was not like the others it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she held the keys and they were still prisoners- thirteen months and sixteen days later.

When Bilbo returned later that night the company was as ready as they could be- hair braided tight, boots laced, and resolve set stronger than any could remember. 

“Quiet!” Bilbo hissed as the dwarves behind him hugged and tussled playfully. “If you keep up this confounded racket we’ll all be back in cells before I can even finish this!”

The dwarves heeded the hobbit’s words and tried to contain their energy. Fili and Kili held on to one another like each moment could be their last, and indeed it could, and buried their faces in each other’s shoulders in a vain attempt to conceal their tears. Ari happily clung to every dwarf he was passed to as they all marveled over his growth. Bran was less enthusiastic about being shared as these dwarves were not familiar to him and Ellie kept him close to keep him from crying and giving them away.

“Where’s Thorin?” Dwalin hissed.

“Hold on to your britches. He’s our next stop,” Bilbo retorted as Bofur happily clapped the hobbit on the shoulder as he pressed towards his brother and cousin.

“Twelve dwarves, one lady, and two lads. We seem to all be accounted for. Follow me,” the hobbit commanded. Ellie noted that Bilbo was not timid, scared, or polite. A year in a dungeon was one thing but a year spent hiding, stealing, and living in the shadows was something else entirely and it had clearly made the hobbit someone different than she remembered or expected.

The walk to Thorin’s cell was brisk but still took many minutes. It was no exaggeration that he was kept in the lowest dungeon of Thranduil’s palace. They arrived to find the guard unconscious on the floor, no doubt due to Bilbo’s fine work, and the hobbit made quick work in finding the right key.

When the door swung open Thorin stepped forward, his hands already together in front of him expecting bonds. The sight made Dwalin’s stomach turn, he was so compliant that he was already doing what would be expected of him without first checking to see who called; this was not the king he remembered and he hoped that the damage could be undone. Thorin finally looked up and took in the sight- the company, they had come for him.

It couldn’t be true. Ellie had promised, but he had seen this so many times already that it was no more than a dream and he turned and sat again on the bench.

“Come on, Thorin,” Bilbo ordered. “We haven’t got all day.”

Ellie immediately passed Bran to Bombur, the only dwarf besides Thorin that he was comfortable with, and went to Thorin. Kneeling in front of him she took his hands in hers.

“Thorin, I’m here now. It’s me. Come on Thorin. This is it, this is what I promised-we’re going,” Ellie whispered hopefully as she rubbed his hands.

Thorin shook his head, “You’ve said that to me before. I… this isn’t real. Please, please stop.” His voice was only barely audible to Ellie and she was glad. No one else should have to hear him beg.

“No, this is not a dream. We’re going. Now get your ass up or we’ll have round two of I what started the first day we met in the courtyard. There’s no time for this,” Ellie’s voice mimicked what Thorin remembered- demanding but not harsh.

She pulled on his hands and Thorin obliged her by standing and following where she led. “We’re good,” Ellie stated to Bilbo and the hobbit nodded, taking off down the corridor and motioning for them to follow. 

The company gathered weapons and overclothes with surprising speed and were again on their way in under two minutes. The storeroom with the barrels was only a few hundred yards away. Inside, Galion, Tauriel, and two other guards that the company had seen, were sound asleep leaning over a table. Bilbo quickly reattached the keys to Tauriel’s belt and the company worked at stuffing one another in barrels. 

As the other dwarves were busy with one another Kili quickly slipped over to the sleeping captain and brushed his fingers over her hair. Oin and Gloin exchanged looks but said nothing as the prince placed a delicate and entirely too intimate kiss on her cheek. 

“Until we meet again, _meleth nín_ ,” he whispered against her cheek as he turned away.

“Bilbo, there’s no way I’m gonna fit in a barrel with either of the boys,” Ellie whispered to no one in particular, carefully ignoring the tender moment behind her.

Turning Ellie saw that Nori was already pulling Ari into his barrel with him. For half a second Ellie considered Thorin, but his obvious mental instability combined with the impending darkness and close quarters made him a poor choice. 

“Bofur, can you take Bran? I’m too big to take him with me.”

Bofur’s eyes lit up and he happily accepted the child, holding him for the first time in many long months. 

Once everyone was well secured in their barrels, Bilbo tied a rope to the lever that tripped the trap door beneath them and pulled. The entire company tumbled into the icy waters below and Ellie hoped that her children would be warm enough to last the ride.

Xxx

Something stung and she tried to figure out what the sensation was. There it was again. Oh, and that hurt too. What was it? She tried to clear her mind. Slowly, she realized her entire body hurt and she tried to remember what could have done that kind of damage.

This time the stinging was accompanied by the sound of flesh striking flesh and it registered that someone was slapping her across the face. As her mind raced she realized that it would be a long while yet before her body would respond to any command. Relinquishing the fight, she heard a soft voice.

“My lord, they were all drugged. It may be days before they awaken, if indeed they do awaken, and I doubt that your actions will speed the process.”

A snort of derision preceded the response, “Days? What drug was used?”

“We suspect high doses valerian root was mixed with their wine as we have discovered several containers missing from our stores. Our hopes are high but the ones who drank more may yet take a turn for the worse. We will do our best.”

“Very well. Advise me when she is conscious.” The voice was angry and followed by brisk footfalls and the rustling of robes.

Thranduil.

Dread filled her. Something had gone terribly wrong and she would be held accountable. Drugged? Who would need to drug the guard… Dwarves. Kili. They were gone and she was alone again.

Faintly, she felt her face cool as grief took hold in her heart again. Once was enough for a lifetime. She didn’t know if she wanted to survive it now. Last time she was a child, innocent and pure, but now she was a failure, a disappointment to the only family she had, and no one would comfort her now.

From somewhere in the room a voice spoke softly, “Siladhiel, she’s crying…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray! Now we're on to Laketown and doing actual things... like sitting for a long time. But don't worry, they'll be doing actual things while they're sitting.
> 
> Meleth nin: my love (sindarin)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the ungodly delay... I find of just forgot. Pregnancy is really doing a number on my brain.

“Get me out of this barrel!” a voice boomed. It sounded like an angry Gloin to Ellie and she would have snickered if her humor was not so muddled by still being in a barrel.

One by one the company was brought upon the shore near the bridge to Laketown. Most of the company was busy groaning and bellyaching about various bruises and cramps, but as soon as Ellie was out of the barrel she had only two things on her mind: Ari and Bran.

She found Ari held tight in Nori’s arms several feet away, both were laid on the ground. He was pale and his lips were blue but he did not shiver.

“Ari? Honey? Are you okay? Ari? Talk to Mommy, please.” Gently, Ellie shook the child’s shoulder and after a bit of effort, and no small amount of terror on Ellie’s part, the child stirred.

“Mama? Amad? Cold,” he rasped.

Ellie’s heart raced. He had hypothermia and Ellie couldn’t even understand how he had survived this long. They needed food and shelter now. “It’s gonna be alright, sweetie. We’ll be warm soon, just stay with Uncle Nori.”

Quickly, she turned to find Bran. Ari was twice Bran’s size and much sturdier and she could barely contain herself as she frantically tried to make out which dwarf was which in the dim light of the waning moon.

“We’re over here, lass,” Bofur called out. Ellie stumbled blindly over rocks and old, broken barrels on the shore as she moved towards the unseen voice.

“He’s alive, but he’s cold and weak,” Bofur explained when Ellie finally collapsed next to him. “We have to get somewhere warm or he may not live out the night.”

“Bilbo,” Ellie shouted, “we’re at Laketown aren’t we?”

“Indeed we are,” he replied as they finally freed Dori from the last barrel.

“Let’s hurry then. My boys are sick.”

Nothing more needed to be said to get everyone’s attention and the company was suddenly on their feet and scrambling along the bank like they were set upon another pack of goblins. Thorin was still dazed and Ellie led him by the hand which went largely unnoticed in the dark and the bustle of worry. Presently, they arrived at the great bridge and Ellie pushed Thorin forward, whispering in his ear, “Do the king stuff, announce us. Hurry!”

“Who are you and what do you want?” spoke one of the guards that approached the company.

Getting a foothold on reality for long enough to understand what Ellie had said Thorin bellowed, “I am Thorin son of Thrain son of Thror, King Under the Mountain. I have returned. I wish to speak with the master of your town.”

“And who is that?” the guard growled, pointing in the direction of Ellie. “A woman in the company of dwarves?” The skepticism was apparent.

“She is under my care,” Thorin declared.

The guards looked at one another, entirely unconvinced of that assertion. Ellie watched them hem and haw as they thought it over and quickly lost her patience.

“My name is Ellie and I am indeed one of Thorin’s company. My children are with me and they are very ill. We were waylaid some time ago and we have been cold, wet, and without food for days. Please, my youngest is on the edge of death. Will you not help at least them?” Ellie pleaded with every ounce of emotion that she could muster, though she didn't need to dig too deep to find it, and the guards quickly assented, leading them into town.

They were brought before the master of Laketown in a great banquet hall and Thorin announced their presence before the guardsman could speak. If everyone had been less worried about the health of the boys they would have been pleased to note Thorin’s almost immediate return to normal, or at least the appearances thereof.

“Criminals! These dwarves are our prisoners! Guards seize them!” one of the elven rafts-men shouted.

“We are not in Mirkwood nor are we under your laws here, elf,” Thorin snarled. The master of the town rose and waved off the guards.

Outside there were excited shouts and the pealing of bells in the town as news of the return of the King Under the Mountain, or at least a company of dwarves, spread like wildfire in a drought as the company had garnered more than a few odd stares as they passed through. The master of the town thought of corralling the newcomers but the general excitement was so great that it would never have succeeded.

“Welcome Thorin son of Thrain, join us at our feast,” the greasy haired man intoned.

“You are most gracious, but we have more pressing needs. Two of our company are but small children and they are perilously ill. Where may we find them a warm bath and medicine?” Thorin pressed.

The master of the town snapped his fingers and two guards came forward motioning them to follow. Ellie, Nori, Bofur, Bifur, Oin, and Gloin took the children with the guards. The rest of the company remained for the feast. Nori and Bofur went with their charges, Oin went to tend the lads, and Bifur and Gloin went to make sure that no one came to any harm at the hands of the elves or men.

The feast went well enough and the people were immediately enamored of Thorin and his nephews. The company ate heartily and the master kindly had portions sent to the rest of the company that waited with the boys. It was not long before Thorin was reunited with the rest of the party and they were all moved into a house that was set aside just for them.

The boys had already shown great improvement. Both Ari and Bran suffered from serious colds that threatened to become something more, but their weakness had been improved with a warm bath and some food. Oin and a local herbalist fed the boys some teas from the steeped leaves of local plants before settling them to bed, declaring that they would know better in the morning but that for the moment they would be fine. Both boys snuggled happily between Nori and Bofur, who insisted on caring for them due to their overwhelming guilt at not having protected the boys from the cold better, as though that were even possible, and the foursome fell instantly asleep. Ellie was left to bathe and clean up herself, and she wasn’t terribly upset about that. It was her first chance to have a moment without tiny hands on her in over a year, but tonight of all nights she wished she could curl up with her sons.

Ellie and the others donned the new and clean clothes that the people of Laketown had brought them, and gathered about the fire to warm their bones. Small groups formed and huddled together, braiding one another’s hair and exchanging hugs as they worked. Ellie braided her own hair well enough and kept her distance from Thorin, instead resuming her place with the princes and joking and laughing and singing a few drinking songs. Soon, though, exhaustion overtook the party and they found their various beds and did not wake until late into the next morning.

Slowly, the company drifted from the various rooms drawn by the smell of breakfast and the sounds of the comings and goings of various people. The table was stacked high with pastries, meats, fruits, and breads and no one asked before eating their fill. Ellie ate quickly and took a helping to her sons.

Bofur and Nori sat waiting on the foot of the bed when Ellie entered with Oin.

“Thanks for waiting. Why don’t you go grab some breakfast? They’re not going anywhere,” Ellie said.

Oin gently roused the boys and checked them again while Ellie fed them morsels of breakfast. Ari sat up and looked around before announcing he was going back to sleep, but Bran just whimpered.

“We should ask for one of their doctors to come back today,” Oin signed. “They might be better able to help.”

Ellie nodded and Oin went off to ask after a doctor, or, at very least, an apothecary.

Xxx

The days seemed to fly by after such a long confinement. Much of their free time was spent in the common area of the house they occupied- sharpening weapons and sparring. After more than a year since the last time they had exercised or sparred they were all woefully out of shape. There was enough laughter and merrymaking to nearly mend the hurt of the separation they had suffered, even for Thorin. Ellie’s nightmares had improved over time in Mirkwood but now that they were together again in Laketown they had ceased entirely. Sleeping next to Fili or Kili was entirely reassuring and the company nodded and smiled knowingly to the trio, glad to see Ellie well-rested and happy again.

It was their third night in Laketown when Thorin finally found a moment to speak with Ellie alone. The company was finally feeling well enough to engage in some festivities of the liquid variety and the children were sleeping. Several drinks in and the dancing and singing got started and not long after the princes acquired some fiddles from a closet. Ellie was immediately the most popular dance partner since she was the only female available and not an hour later she had danced with every member of the company, including Bilbo. Mostly, Ellie was simply led around the floor by her companions as she had no idea how dancing worked and there were many bruised feet and peals of laughter.

After one too many drinks and several hours of nonstop dancing Ellie finally bowed out and retired to the hearth where she could prop up her sore feet and watch the merriment. Fili and Kili tried dancing as partners and they each tugged and pulled on the other as they both tried to lead at once. Ori tried with Nori who, like Ellie, had no concept of dancing and it ended in disaster shortly after it began. Bofur managed to make something resembling a dance out of a few songs with their hobbit burglar but that too came to ruin after enough time, with the hobbit limping away and Bofur muttering apologies as he followed.

Another couple of rounds of ale later and the group slowed down and began to filter out. Before long Ellie found herself seated next to Thorin on the hearth. Without asking, Thorin teased the braid from her hair and began resetting it with expert care. It surprised Ellie that he was able to do more than tie it in a knot for as much as the king had imbibed, watching him walk minutes ago Ellie thought he might take a fall.

“How have you been doing since we got away?” Thorin asked.

Ellie shrugged, “Good I guess. It’s nice to sleep to next someone again. I haven’t woken up once, although I suspect they have. I feel more rested than I have in ages. How about you? How are you doing at night?”

Thorin sighed, “It’s better. That first night out of the barrels I was operating off of years of practice and instinct. I’m surprised that anything I said made any sense, but I’ve got it together now for the most part. But at night… I just… it’s like I go back there all over again. Dwalin found me the first night. He offered to stay but I told him I was fine. The next morning he tried to get me to call a telling but I don’t want to. I’ve been sleeping with the lamp lit.”

“I’m sorry,” Ellie mumbled as she rubbed her palm on his thigh. “It’s bullshit, isn’t it? If it’s not one thing it’s another, there’s just no winning.”

Thorin finished her braid and tied it off without responding. “Come, I’ll walk you to Fili and Kili.”

They wobbled together down the hall but upon opening the door they found Bofur and Bilbo wedged in with the princes. A brisk, if stumbling, review of the other rooms found all comfortable sleeping surfaces occupied with poorly laid out dwarves and a couple of small children.

“Stay with me tonight. The bed is large,” Thorin declared. His drunken logic told him that this was a fine solution- he had a large bed and there were two people in need of a place to sleep. Why should either of them find themselves on the floor?

Ellie smiled and pulled Thorin closer, “Good. I didn’t want to sleep on the floor or sofa alone. I’m tired of waking up alone.”

“Me too,” Thorin admitted a little more quickly than he was comfortable with, even for his drunkenness and their close relationship.

Going back to her designated room Ellie found her sleep clothes on the nightstand by the bed and managed to extricate them from under Kili’s foot. Ellie could not fathom how the dwarves ended up in such a configuration nor how they slept so soundly.

In Thorin’s room they quickly stripped and began redressing for bed without a thought. They had seen each other naked before and it seemed nothing important, at least initially. That changed when Thorin tripped over his trousers as he tried to step out them and, naked, he fell and landed on Ellie knocking her to the floor. For a moment they lay wordlessly on the floor and tried to regain their breath. The shock of the fall had them both a bit stunned but when it wore off they found themselves laughing until they cried.

Thorin tried to press himself up and off of Ellie’s prone body but in his drunken state his right hand slipped and he fell again. Ellie found her face in Thorin’s hair as he laughed, her hands held him by his ribs, and the warmth of his breath tickled her neck. Without thinking, Ellie nuzzled against Thorin’s neck and ran her hands over his ribs and onto his back. She only realized herself when Thorin’s breath caught in his throat and she immediately let go.

“Oh, gosh, Thorin, I’m sorry. I… I…I didn’t mean to, I wasn’t…” Ellie babbled.

“Shh, it’s fine,” Thorin murmured as he slipped a hand under her head. She couldn’t tell if Thorin had lifted her head from the floor or if it was just the alcohol but either way it felt as though her head was floating. Finally she understood that he was indeed cradling her head in his hand when his lips brushed against hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-dependency intimacy! A completely unhealthy reason to engage in a sexual relationship. You're welcome.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I told you that dwarves weren't all women's lib? Yeah, that's because they're not. Read with that in mind.

“Ellie, Ellie, wake up,” Thorin whispered in her ear. Ellie shifted and mumbled before settling again against his chest. Thorin gently shook Ellie by the shoulder and tried again, “Ellie, we need to get up.”

“Mmm, I s’pose so. Talk about an awkward breakfast if they caught us sneaking out of here together like teenagers,” Ellie said with her eyes still closed. After another moment Ellie’s eyes snapped open and she lifted her head to look Thorin in the eye, “Wait… oh shit… I just realized… I had thought we just passed here but… oh dammit.”

“Dammit, indeed,” Thorin agreed and together they sat up. The blanket fell away and their nakedness was yet another unneeded reminder of their previous activities.

Quickly and as modestly as possible, Thorin and Ellie dressed themselves and made for the door.

“You should wait here,” Thorin instructed as he turned to go.

Ellie grabbed his arm to stop him. “And follow you when? Are you just checking if the coast is clear or do you want a few minutes of lead time first?”

“I’ll be back in a minute. I need to find Balin. Just wait here,” Thorin instructed and left.

Ellie sat on the unused bed and stared at the wall with confusion. Thinking about this mess was making Ellie’s headache worse and her stomach lurched with both hunger and nausea. She hadn’t gotten so drunk since her sophomore year in college and now she remembered why. On top of that, Ellie wasn’t much for one night stands, although she had given it the old college try, and the idea of having gone to bed with her king, a concept that was in and of itself still strange, was not one she liked.

In the common area the table had been replaced in the center of the room and laiden with breakfast for the company. Everyone except Oin and the children was merrily devouring the fare when Thorin arrived. Silently, he gathered two plates of food.

“Balin, will you break your fast with me? We have matters to discuss,” Thorin requested.

“Aye, laddie,” Balin sighed as he re-filled his plate.

“ _Amadnad’_ , have you seen Ellie this morning?” Kili asked through a mouth full of scone.

Thorin waited until Balin followed him and left the room without answering Kili’s question. Fili noticed Thorin’s very slight blush about the ears when Kili asked and wondered what brought it on.

“So what was that about? She didn’t sleep in any of our rooms and no one’s seen her this morning and now Uncle…” Kili was cut off by a sharp kick from Fili under the table. Fili’s angry glare told Kili to refrain from speaking in no uncertain terms. For a moment, Kili stared at his brother and then began shaking his head as the pieces fell into place.

“Mahal the Merciful… you can’t think that…” Kili stammered and Fili stared hard at his brother.

“Not another word, Kili. You’re just making assumptions,” came the growled response.

Several of the others made the connection as well and looked uncomfortably at their breakfast plates.

Xxx

Balin closed the door behind himself and Thorin handed Ellie her plate.

“Ooo, thank you very much, Thorin.”

The dark haired dwarf nodded in response and found himself a seat.

“So,” Balin finally asked in between bites, “what are here to discuss?”

Ellie looked up from her perch on the bed and the beginnings of worry pooled in her upset stomach, “We’re here to discuss something?”

Balin raised his eyebrow but said nothing.

“Ellie and I committed the _âysîth juzrul_ ,” Thorin stated. Balin sighed heavily and looked at his breakfast plate, setting it aside still half full.

“Of course you did, laddie,” Balin replied nodding his head. “Of course, you did.”

“I don’t know those words. What does that mean?” Ellie asked.

Thorin didn’t answer. “Is there a precedent for this?”

“A precedent for what?” Ellie demanded.

“ _Aysîth juzrul_ translates to rite of marriage, lass. That’s what you and Thorin did and now we’ve to talk this mess out,” Balin replied.

Ellie set her plate aside, “What, seriously? That’s it? That’s how you do marriages? No ceremony, no paperwork, no… I don’t know, maybe a wedding or a warning even? Jesus Christ!”

“Well, no,” Balin conceded, “that’s not normally how it goes, but it counts. Frankly, this happens more often than most like to admit.”

“One day, I’m gonna whip up a little book called ‘Dwarves 101: Everything you need to know about living with them that you probably won’t get told.’ And this, this right here, this will be the first chapter.”

Both Balin and Thorin smiled wanly at her sarcasm and nodded.

“Aye, that might be handy later on. But as for precedent,” Balin said turning back to Thorin, “there’s been some, especially since the dragon. There’s been a few marriages between dwarrow and men and plenty of widow marriages outside of inheritance, though we both know they are not well thought of, but if you intend to honor it there’s more than enough to legally defend your bond, Thorin.”

“Look, we were both drunk off our asses. Does impaired judgment not enter into this?” Ellie asked.

“Being drunk does not negate our actions,” Thorin answered her.

Ellie nodded and pursed her lips, “Next time I get drunk I’m going out with Dwalin and I’ll get a tattoo instead, you know, something less permanent and life altering.”

The room fell silent and Ellie realized that they were waiting on her to make a decision. “Alright, so explain this me to me.”

“Well, you’ve been married before so you understand it…”

Ellie cut him off, “Balin, let’s not assume something like that this morning. Clearly my assumptions didn’t land me in the expected location, I prefer not to be making any more of those just yet.”

Balin nodded, “Aye. Well for dwarves, there are two parts to solemnizing a union- the _âysîth juzrul_ , the rite, and the _âsyîth gondul_ , the vows. Marriages themselves are relatively simple. Dwarrows work and dwarrowdams can work or stay home with the children and tend the house. Dwarrows make the decisions for the household and dams control the money which means that they must work together if the home is to thrive. Making and raising children is relatively straight forward. As for the personal nature of your relationship it will undoubtedly vary from the norm but the two of you can work that out as the time comes. The only other thing to consider is that once you join with a dwarrow you become a member of his house forever, even if he were to die.”

“Wait, I was married before though. How does that work out then?” Ellie asked.

“Usually it doesn’t. Things changed after Smaug came. There were many widows and widowers- many of who had no family left to claim them. It was mostly they who married to give their homes some semblance of normalcy- two parents for the children, a warm bed at night, those things. It is not unheard of, but it certainly not the preferred outcome.”

Ellie listened intently to Balin’s explanation and turned to Thorin shaking her head, “Look, I’ve got nothing against you Thorin, but isn’t this just a really bad idea? You’re the king for crying out loud. It would be one thing if it was anyone else sitting in your chair, but people are going to want to know why you would choose someone who’s not even a dwarf as your wife, especially one with her own kids that you happened to find on the side of the road. Saying, ‘oh we were drunk,’ just makes you look irresponsible. I get honor and all that, really I do, but this could be bad for you.”

Thorin shook his head, “No, I am not concerned with gossip. I will stand by my actions as you should yours. The oath you swore applies here as well.”

Ellie sighed and nodded, “Well, when you put it that way I just sound like an ass. So yea, I’ll do it.”

“Alright then. Now that we’ve settled that let’s go finish our breakfast with the others. We can discuss the ceremony after a break,” Balin decided.

“Wait, so there is a ceremony? Was this one of those moments where we put the cart before the horse?”

Balin nodded, “Yes. There’s still a ceremony, though it’ll just be us for now. Something more formal will happen once we get this dragon business cleared up.”

Ellie drew a deep breath and rose to follow Balin with her half-eaten breakfast in hand. Thorin pulled her aside as Balin left, “How do you feel?”

“Like I got hit by train. My head is killing me and I’m still a bit dizzy to be honest. How do you people drink that much and then not have hangovers like this?”

Thorin smiled, “Dwarf blood and many years of practice.”

Ellie nodded and Thorin watched expectantly. “I’m fine,” Ellie finally stammered. “I’m just stunned. It hasn’t even been a year and half and here I am married again. I never even thought about you like that. Not once. I think the only way I could be more surprised is if it was Bofur as he seems to fancy the lads, if you know what I mean.”

Thorin actually laughed, “I had noticed his interest in our burglar. Did I miss something important in our time in Mirkwood?”

Ellie shook her head, “No, only them holding hands through the cell bars every night for a year.”

“Ah,” Thorin nodded with a look of amusement.

“We should be getting out there before they accuse us of having another go of it this morning,” Ellie suggested.

Thorin nodded and opened the door. The house was eerily quiet, especially for being filled with boisterous dwarves, and when they passed out of the hallway and into the comon area all eyes were on them. Ellie immediately blushed over every area of visible skin and fell a pace behind Thorin so that he stood between her and the company.

“Balin won’t tell us what’s going on but the three of you look worried. What’s wrong _Amadnad’_?” Fili asked.

“Ellie and I consummated the _âysîth juzrul_ ,” Thorin announced with no hint of embarrassment, regret, or hesitation. Ellie simply looked at the floor and blushed until she looked bruised.

“Committed” was the word Thorin had used at first and Ellie had felt like she was being rounded up for a crime, but “consummated” was far worse. If it meant the same thing to the dwarves as it meant to her there was truly no other context in which it could be taken and she felt like a teenager that had been caught and chastised in front of her siblings over breakfast the next morning.

Stunned silence followed the announcement and the company gaped at the couple. Kili even lost his grip on the small loaf he was eating and it fell to the table.

“You what?” Dwalin breathed.

“The _âysîth juzrul_ , surely you can understand what that means, cousin.”

Dwalin recovered his wits a bit and nodded, “Oh aye, I understand. I just didn’t expect this.”

“This didn’t have anything to do with how much either of you drank last night did it?” Kili asked. From his left Fili landed smack to the back of his head and on his right Gloin did the same.

“Maybe just a little,” Ellie whispered without looking up.

Several snickers followed her response and then full-blown laughter.

“Well, you wouldn’t be the first couple to find each other thus,” Dwalin laughed. “Though to be honest Thorin, I had thought you a bit old for this kind of foolishness.”

If Thorin was to be honest with himself he thought the same thing. At just shy of two-hundred he should be able to make better decisions, especially given that he had not been nearly so drunk as Ellie and not nearly so drunk as he had been on many other occasions. The reality of the situation, regardless of what Thorin later convinced himself, was that he was still dependent on Ellie for emotional stability and with the alcohol clouding his thoughts he had acted on his craving for closeness and intimacy with the only person who had helped him in his current struggles for the past year.

“When’s the ceremony?” Dori asked. “I’m sure I could make up something nice for the both of you if I have time.”

Ellie took the opportunity to cut in. “I’m not much for wedding dresses and all that mess, but I do want to wait until the boys are well enough to join us.”

Thorin nodded, “Agreed. Has Oin given any indication when that may be?”

“Before he took his breakfast to sit with the lads he mentioned that Bran was sitting up, although not on his own. I would guess it’ll be another few days at least,” Gloin answered.

Dori perked up, “That would be plenty of time to make you both nice formal wear.” Thorin and Balin nodded in agreement.

“So what kind of ‘formal wear’ are we talking? I seriously hope this isn’t going to mean wearing a white dress.”

“White?!” Ori gasped. “Why would it be white of all colors?”

“It used to be something about pure, virgin brides, but now it’s just tradition,” Ellie explained.

“Your brides aren’t virgins?” Kili asked.

Ellie laughed, Bofur snickered, Bilbo blushed madly, and the rest of the table just shook their heads. “Some are, sure, but I'd guess that most aren’t. Most people just don’t consider it that important anymore.”

“I’m not sure I understand. Do you mean most of your people consummate the _âysîth juzrul_ before the ceremony?” Kili asked. This time there wasn’t a dissenting response as the company was interested in the marriage and intimacy practices of Ellie’s people.

“No, not exactly,” Ellie laughed. “It’s more like people tend to have various relationships before they finally settle down and those relationships tend to involve sex and other intimacies, though there are plenty for religious and other reasons that also choose not to.”

“So the _âysîth juzrul_ …” Kili started to ask.

“Isn’t something that we recognize, no,” Ellie finished for him. “Our marriages are solemnized with ceremonies and legal contracts, consummation isn’t a particularly important part of the deal, of course that’s not to say that we don’t enjoy it just as much as the next guy.”

Ellie looked from Kili’s stunned face to see that everyone else at the table shared his reaction. The reaction was surprising but Ellie knew that it shouldn’t have been. A knot of worry started building in Ellie’s gut- would her previous exploits label her a whore? How would she be treated if they were to know?

“So does that mean that what you and Thorin…”

Ellie shot Kili a dangerous look. “That is between your _Amadnad’_ and myself,” she stated a bit more curtly than she had intended.

Kili looked down and blushed with shame and the others at the table looked away, content to let the conversation peter out.

Dori gladly returned the conversation to Ellie’s dress. “To answer your question, dresses are usually done in family colors to compliment the bridegroom’s attire. Thorin’s family colors are royal blue and mithril. What are yours?”

“Sorry, Dori, no such thing.”

“Hmm, no matter. I already have an idea where we can use white elements with Thorin’s colors to honor your traditions as well as ours,” Dori offered a bit excitedly. His vocation and his true passion as a tailor had gone unneeded for almost two years and he reveled in delight at the thought of making their raiment. “Did you have other requests?”

Ellie scrunched up her face and thought for a moment, “You don’t do veils do you?”

“Veils? What would we be covering exactly?” Dori asked sounding a bit worried.

“Excellent answer. I loathe those things,” Ellie responded while completely dodging the question. “I guess beyond that, I’ll wear whatever you make.”

Dori positively beamed at that and Ellie caught a mildly worried look on Thorin’s face. Apparently, without someone to rein him in Dori might go a little overboard, but Ellie wasn’t worried. There were far worse things in the world than a gaudy wedding dress.

Ignoring Dori’s apparent glee Fili ventured a question. “Does everything in your wedding rite have symbolism?”

Ellie nodded a tentatively, “I’d guess so, although I’ll be damned if I know all of it. Why?”

“Well, what is the veil for then?”

Ellie looked mildly uncomfortable and rubbed the back of her neck. “Have either of you had the talk with one of your elders yet?”

Fili and Kili looked at one another. “What talk?” Kili asked.

“The really awkward one where someone older than you sits down and explains sex and relations and whatnot.”

There were knowing smiles and nods from the group and the brothers turned red about the ears.

“Aye, lass, they have,” Balin answered.

Ellie nodded, “Well take what you were told about a lady’s first time and think how the lifting of a veil could be a metaphor. I’m not explaining it anymore than that and if you don’t quite get it there are clearly others at the table who do and you can ask them.”

Fili looked down and drowned his awkwardness in another scone but Kili’s face looked confused and he looked to his brother. Fili tentatively looked up and whispered something in Khuzdul, _dumû yâsithul_ , to his brother who went beat red from his ears to his neck. Howls of laughter broke out around the room, Kili’s innocence almost too much to bear. Fili patted his brother on the back consolingly but laughed just the same. But Kili, ever curious, just waited until the laughter abated to ask his next question.

“Why, if so few of your brides are virgins, are so many of your symbols about virginity?”

Ellie frowned, “It used to be the measure of worth of a woman at marriage. Women were property for centuries- married who they were forced to, bore children until they died or were spent, could not refuse their husbands, could not own property, and on and on. If women weren’t virgins on their wedding night, if they didn’t have the _dumû yâsithul_ which was seen as proof, they could be kept as a slave instead of a wife or even killed. It’s different in different places but that’s the general gist of it, although I will say it’s much better than it used to be, but we still hang on to those traditions about virginity.”

“You will never be treated like that with us,” Thorin declared and there was a vigorous nodding of heads and murmurs of agreement from around the table. “Dwarrowdams are accorded special respect because it is they who bring life to our people. The idea that you would be property or judged by something so strange as the _dumû yâsithul_ is abhorrent to us.”

Ellie was pleased to hear that and nodded. She had many questions about what her ‘place’ would be but as of yet she had neither the time nor the courage to give them voice. Her best guess was that their relationship would be quite different from what Thorin would have expected with a dwarrowdam but she assumed that, in time, it would all work out, if they had the time.

Time. It was the one thing at the forefront of her mind. After so long in her new life, the stories that she had heard of their quest seemed only a distant memory some days and she paid them no mind as she went about helping her companions with whatever she could. But today, planning her wedding ceremony with someone that had been fated to die, her mind found nothing else to dwell on.

Ellie needed someone to talk to- someone who was not her intended husband. Normally, Fili or Kili would be her first choice but they were young and tended towards naïve. It didn’t help matters that they would probably be dying as well and she neither wanted to confront that at the moment nor did she want to burden them with her predicament. If she had her druthers she would prefer Galadriel, Elrond, or even Gandalf to talk to but she settled on Balin. The older dwarf was level-headed and thoughtful and, even if he couldn’t give her advice, he would at least listen.

xxx

“Do you know how to do the wedding braids?” Bofur asked during a break in bouts. Breakfast had ended and the common area had again been cleared of furniture for sparring.

Ellie took a long draught of cool water and wiped away the sweat, “No. How would I know?”

“Ah, lass, we never knew what you were up to all those days with Thorin,” Dwalin teased from the floor.

Ellie let her head drop forward and she just shook it. The picking would be merciless, probably for the rest of her life if she knew her compatriots as well as she thought she did. “I’m not into having an audience, if that’s what you’re implying,” she retorted.

Bofur made a point to ignore the distraction and continued on, “I would be glad to show you. We’ll each need a braiding partner so you can copy my motions. It’s pretty complicated; we should probably start practicing sooner rather than later.”

Ellie smiled slyly and looked at her empty cup, “And I suppose you’ll be practicing with Mr. Baggins?”

Several short laughs and one disapproving snort were her only reply. Bilbo turned every shade of red and Bofur tried not to smile too stupidly at the idea. It was not an impossible suggestion as Bilbo’s hair had gotten quite long since he set out from the Shire so long ago.

When the group broke for lunch Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili went away with the master of Laketown to attend to official business of some kind. When they had eaten and cooled down Ellie sat with Gloin at her feet and Bofur sat, as Ellie had suggested, with Bilbo at his. The braids were more complicated than Ellie had imagined possible and it was not going well.

“Umm, Bofur? I fucked this up again and I can’t get it undone. Please tell me you can fix it,” Ellie pleaded.

“You’re not gonna have to cut it out are ya, lass?” Gloin joked.

Ellie groaned, “God I don’t know. If I keep screwing it up I’ll eventually make it that bad. It’s not like it’s getting any better.”

Eventually the amusement of watching Ellie fail at braiding faded and Bifur called the company back to the floor for more practice. Ellie had no qualms about setting aside that activity. Her hands were cramped and it was quickly becoming an exercise in frustration and self-control rather than hair care.

Dinner arrived around the time that the official business concluded and the company reunited around the dinner table. Even Ari joined them, sitting weakly in Nori’s lap, and Ellie couldn’t help but smile, truly out of happiness, for the first time all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I made Kili comic relief. No I will not apologize. Have kids and you will understand.
> 
> So about the hymen... There are varying schools of thought but, as a sex and sexuality educator, what we teach is that it is not an indicator of virginity. Most bleeding that occurs the first time is due to lack of preparation (foreplay) and therefore a lack of lubrication, and anxiety which makes it hard to relax. I find it entirely conceivable that some cultures would be scratching their heads if someone mentioned the hymen as some mystical sign of purity. Again, this does not make the dwarves feminist as evidenced by their whole "guilting you into marriage" business. 
> 
> To be clear, marriage/sex/relationships should never involve coercion or manipulation. They're being assholes.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know my updates have reduced dramatically in frequency lately and I'm afraid that it's not going to be getting any better. I'm pregnant and my health has been flagging of late. I also suffer from PTSD and I have found pregnancy to be far more triggering than expected. Both of these are causing me difficulty in focus and general mental ability.
> 
> I hate putting this off for the few of you that actually follow the story, but I need to cut some things out of my life and this is the first to go. I'll still try to continue to update periodically but expect no consistency.
> 
> So, as per the aforementioned facts, this is entirely unedited. So sorry.

“ _Amadnad’_ Ori says Ellie’s been practicing the braids,” Kili piped up.

Thorin answered without looking up from his soup, “Indeed? How does it go?”

“Poorly. Gloin was gracious enough to allow me to abuse his scalp for an hour or so. That he isn’t bald is a testament to the mercy of the Valar.”

Thorin smiled and nodded, “It takes practice.”

Ellie quickly agreed and watched Thorin’s expression. It confirmed what she had known for months but had never asked. There was no need to dredge up the past, for either of them. The conversation turned instead to the goings on in Laketown, their time table and when they might move on, the boys’ recovery, and supplies. Ellie’s thoughts immediately drifted and she only realized that dinner was over when Bombur asked if she was going to finish her chicken or not. Ellie indicated that she was and made quick work of her dinner.

“Oy, you alright lass?” Balin called out when Ellie finally rose from the table.

“Yea, it’s just been a long day. You got a minute to talk?”

Rising, Balin excused himself from the conversation with his brother and cousin and joined Ellie on the far side of the room. “What’s on your mind, dear?”

Ellie sank into a chair and shook her head, “It’s this whole marriage thing, I just don’t know how to feel about it.”

Balin nodded, “I can understand that, but maybe this conversation would be best had with Thorin?”

“No, this is different. All of the typical husband-wife stuff isn’t what I’m worried about. Balin, he’s supposed to die. I’m marrying someone that may be dead inside the next two or three months. I don’t have any issue with who he is but I’m not sure I can really be his wife in anything more than title knowing that. It would be too much for me to let myself love him and then to go through what I went through with Isaac after he died. I feel like I’m just setting myself up for some serious heartache and I don’t think it’s smart.”

“Aye, that is a real concern and I understand why you didn’t want to go to Thorin with it but I can’t help you make that decision. Although, I’d wager that if you’re worried about ‘letting’ yourself love him it might be a bit late to avoid it,” Balin reasoned with a very knowing look.

Ellie hung her head, “Shit, you’re probably right.” She paused and sighed, “I think I just needed to tell someone and it couldn’t be Thorin, Fili, or Kili. This is a lot of shit to carry around without sharing.”

“I know, lass.” Balin leaned forward and put a hand on Ellie’s knee which she took.

“Thanks.”

Balin released her hand and sat back in his chair. “So what’s the rest of it then?”

Ellie looked up. Nothing got past Balin- ever. Being the king’s advisor and mentor had taught him many things, not the least of which was to read the emotions on a twenty-something woman who was not trying to conceal them in any way.

Ellie chuckled uncomfortably and shook her head, “You’re too damn good at your job. The rest of it is the dragon-sickness. It’s coming Balin and it scares me more than the dragon does. Maybe that’s naïve but if I’m remembering right he’ll be utterly beyond reason and an angry Thorin ain’t no trifling thing. If he turns on me and the boys can you protect us? Would you protect us? What if doing so meant going against Thorin? I’m sure all of this sounds stupidly dramatic but I’m dead serious, Balin. I need to know.”

The answer she wanted didn’t come and for a long time they sat in silence. Ellie had known that when, or if, that time came she would be on her own but she had held on to a sliver of hope. She remembered the paranoia and delusion that had accompanied Thorin’s descent into madness. Certainly, Bilbo’s “theft” of the Arkenstone had at least appeared to be betrayal but Ellie suspected that, had it been a dwarf, Thorin might have had a more moderate reaction, one that, at least, did not involve the threat of execution. It was Bilbo’s “otherness” that added to Thorin’s fears and she worried that before the end she would be viewed as a traitor, trying to get close to the king simply to give him away in the end, but what that would mean for her and her children she did not know and had no desire to consider.

Balin drew a deep breath and looked down, obviously ashamed of the answer he would give. “Let us hope it will not come to that.”

Ellie steeled herself. She felt no anger, no betrayal, no fear. She knew that there was no time for those things because there was hardly time for anything. She resolved to be ready if it did come to that. She would never desert her people, her king, or her husband but as with any good mother Ellie’s ultimate loyalty was to her children and she would do whatever was necessary to safeguard them. It was only what came next that weakened her resolve.

“I remember Thror when the sickness took him. He was not the same dwarf- greedy, arrogant, and cold. So consumed by the gold he was that he let the sickness make his decisions and Erebor suffered for it long before the dragon ever to came to our halls. But there were times, moments of clarity and reason, when he was Thror King Under the Mountain. And do you know what brought those moments? It was love. Sometimes it was watching his children, his nephews and nieces, his grandchildren- playing, running about and laughing, and other times it was his wife Skraf, a truly lovely dam. She would come to his throne dressed all in the queen’s finest with mithril bells and gems in her hair and beard and she would smile and that cold hardness would fall away for a time.

“Now, lass, I’m not saying that you should, or even could, be that for him, but you clearly have a grasp on a part of him that no one else has had in quite a long time otherwise last night never would have happened, alcohol or not. Just know that there may come a time where you are the only one who can  
help him to see reason. Do not be afraid to help him if you can.”

A thousand questions, scenarios, and desires raced through Ellie’s mind at once and she realized that she was shaking her head in an attempt to clear it only once she saw her world lose its stationary quality.

“It’s a lot to consider, lass. Best to leave the big decisions for after you get some sleep,” Balin recommended.

Ellie righted herself and stared, her brain numb from the torrent of thought and emotion she just encountered. “Thank you for your time, Balin.” It was a formality at best but Ellie couldn’t manage anything else and Balin just nodded before standing and walking away.

Clearly, no longer occupied Dori called out. “Ellie, can you come here a minute? I need to take your measurements. I’m going out shortly to collect some supplies for your dress.”

Ellie dragged herself across the room and ignored the myriad of thoughts in her mind.

“Hey, what are these?” Ori asked cautiously as he presented a deck of cards to Nori.

“Some game they play. I don’t know anything about it though,” Nori replied handing the cards back to his younger brother.

“Oo, can I see those?” Ellie asked. She flipped through the cards with a growing smile on her face, this would be an excellent way to forget about her current problems. “Hell ya! Ante up boys. It’s poker night.”

Fourteen very confused sets of eyes rested on Ellie and she smiled. “If there was ever a group that was meant to play poker it was y’all. Once Dori gets done with this I would be thoroughly pleased to teach whoever wants to learn.”

Bofur took the cards from Ellie and Dori resumed his measuring and scribbling. “Will we need a table?” Bofur asked flipping through the strange pieces of thick paper.

“Yea, but since the dinner table’s already out we can use that.”

Dori left with Balin, Dwalin, and Thorin and the remaining company gathered around the table. Ari had gotten tired already and Nori had reluctantly left the child sleeping in the other room. Ellie shuffled the cards deftly and dealt out four hands. Ellie, Bofur, Nori, and Kili played the first few practice rounds and soon she was able to turn the game over the dwarves and watch the betting begin. They had no money and little of value beyond their weapons and hair clasps, neither of which would used for an ante, but Ori had found a jar of buttons in the linen cabinet earlier and soon small piles of colored buttons were divvied out amongst the players.

The game went on late into the night but Ellie was exhausted and retired early. She gathered her sons and her meager belongings from the room she had shared with Fili and Kili and went to her new place in Thorin’s room. It was a strange feeling but she was nonetheless asleep by the time he joined them.

Xxx

“My King.”

Tauriel bowed weakly as she stood in front of Thranduil’s throne. She had awoken on the second morning after the escape, though she remained in the infirmary for another two days before she was able to walk. No one had noticed the absence of the dwarves until dawn as the Harvest Festival had run quite long and it was only then that the drugged guards had been discovered.

“You have failed me, Captain. Tell me, are you this careless with every responsibility you are given or just the ones you find a personal stake in? Or, perhaps, this was not carelessness at all,” Thranduil suggested as he held out Kili’s runestone.

“It belonged to one of the dwarves, my lord, but I do not understand why…”

“Do you not?!” Thranduil yelled, his blood boiling that she would dare lie openly to him. When he continued his voice was measured as if his previous outburst had not occurred. “It was found on your person when you were taken to the infirmary.

Tauriel’s still clouded mind tried in vain to piece together the events that would have led to her possession of Kili’s token but she could not. “I… I am sorry, my lord. I cannot remember how I came by it.”

“There are others who seem to have an idea. It appears that you spent many nights on the roof with Thorin’s nephew and one of those brat children. Maybe he gave it to you then? Possibly as a token of his love?” The suggestion was dark and dripped with the thick bitterness of hate.

“My lord, I… I…”

Thranduil raised a hand and Tauriel fell silent, “I care not for the dwarf or your unnatural feelings. I will, however, give you a chance to fix what you have done and, if you prove that you can be trusted, I may not leave you in his cell to rot for the next thousand years, although I do hear that they are in need of a washer woman in the keep.”

Tauriel struggled to retain her composure and nodded stiffly. “Of course, my lord. What do you require?”

“You will assist these soldiers,” Thranduil motioned at an alcove and five members of the army stepped out. “You will draw the younger prince out into a personal encounter and they will assist you in bringing him back to me. They will help to remind you of your duty should you change your loyalties.”

There was a sound of well tanned leather being flexed and Tauriel looked at the soldiers to see that one of them held a whip in his hand. He stared at her with a particularly meaningful expression and Tauriel turned quickly away.

“When would you like me to leave my lord?”

“Now,” Thranduil said as he held out the rune stone. “Take it, you might find it useful in gaining his trust, although I suspect that you have long since done so.”

Tauriel cautiously took the stone and returned to the place she had stood.

“Go!” Thranduil shouted. “We are done here.”

Quickly, Tauriel bowed and followed the soldiers. The ride to Laketown took two days and she was afforded all the silence that she could have asked for as none of her companions would so much as look at her, much less speak. There was nothing for it. She had betrayed her king and then failed him. Her demotion was already decided and she would be nothing more than a servant for the rest of her years and the only thing that would save her a millennium in confinement was to betray the one she loved. Being honest with herself, Tauriel knew that Thranduil was petty and prone to changing his mind and she wondered if he truly would not put her in the dungeon anyway, or at least give his soldiers a go at her with the whip.

Lying in her bedroll on the second night Tauriel finally wondered what she was doing. Kili had left her the runestone, left her his promise to return, and she was planning to use it to trick him back into captivity. When at last, in the small hours of the morning when all the town slept, she was sent to find the brunette prince Tauriel was on the verge of tears.

Quietly, Tauriel moved through the shadows until she found her kin that stayed in Laketown to trade with the men. Recognizing her as the captain of the guard, unaware of her demotion, they readily gave her the information that she requested and directed her to the house where the dwarves slept.

Predictably the door to the house was locked, but the window next to the door was not and Tauriel slipped in without a sound. She walked from room to room until she found Kili’s sleeping form laid between that of his brother and a strange childlike creature that she had not before seen. Gently but firmly Tauriel covered his mouth with her hand and shook his shoulder. Kili tried to roll over and go back to sleep but the elf’s hands held him tight and he woke with a start, but the moment his eyes fixed on Tauriel his body relaxed.

Kili clamored out of the bed and lunged at the elf wrapping her tightly in his arms.

“You came for me,” he breathed. “You must have found my runestone. I would have come for you when it was safe, you didn’t have to.”

Tauriel simply held the archer in her arms, all the words she needed to speak were stuck in her throat and Kili could feel the stiffness in her arms.

“Tauriel, what’s wrong? What happened? Tauriel, love, tell me.”  
Love. That was the word that broke the dam and tears spilled down her cheeks. Kili quickly led her from the room and sat with her by the hearth. She recovered her composure in the few short steps from the bedroom and Kili took the time to bank the fire before sitting beside her and drawing her close.

“They know,” she whispered. “They sent me here to bring you back but I can’t, I can’t…”

“Are you alone?” Kili asked. His mind instantly went to his years of training with Balin and Dwalin and his mind began processing the variables- windows, doors, melee weapons versus the typical archers of the elves.

“No. They sent five soldiers with me. If I don’t return with you they will come for us both.”

“Why me?”

“Thranduil didn’t say, but the only explanation is that he wants you as leverage against Thorin. Gold-sickness may not take other races like it does dwarves but they are not immune,” Tauriel answered.

Kili nodded and looked down, knowing, but not liking, what came next, “We need to wake Thorin. If there is a threat he needs to know and we need to prepare.”

Tauriel followed Kili down the hall and they slipped quietly into Thorin’s room.

“ _Amadnadad_ , wake up,” Kili whispered. “There’s a problem.”

Thorin contained his outrage at the elf’s presence until they reached the common area only so that he did not wake the children. Ellie followed, though she suspected Thorin did not wish it, but she knew that someone had to be a voice of reason when Thorin became blinded by rage.

“Why are you here, elf?” Thorin demanded, his voice just under a shout.

“I am here to warn you that they have sent a group of us to bring Kili back to Mirkwood,” Tauriel admitted. She was ashamed, dishonored, and unwanted but she would not bow her head in disgrace. This choice was hers and she intended to own it with as much pride and confidence as she had, and Tauriel did not want for confidence, although at the moment her pride was slightly lacking.

Thorin glared at the elf. “So you betray your own people and your king? Why?”

“My reasons are my own.”

“They may well be but I have no reason to trust you,” Thorin snarled.

“Do you not at least want to know what she came to tell us Thorin?” Kili questioned.

“Why? So that she can direct us into a trap that she and her kin have already set for us? I think not.” Thorin’s accusation cut to the quick and Tauriel would have winced but for her years of practice with Thranduil and his temper.

Suddenly, Tauriel knew what she would do, the only thing that she could do. “I will stay and join your company if you would have me.”

Ellie was surprised but not shocked, not as the dwarves were. Kili looked utterly dumbstruck and Thorin seemed to flinch almost imperceptibly.

“Do you not have anything better to do with your kin? No other prisoners to keep locked away?” the displaced king taunted.

Kili utterly ignored his uncle, “I would have come for you, I will still come for you. You do not have to defy your king so openly, this is not your fight.”

Thorin opened his mouth and Ellie gently laid her hand on his shoulder. The anger in Thorin’s body seemed to tingle against Ellie’s skin like electricity, but he closed his mouth with an audible snap and glowered at the couple.

“It is my fight Kili, it is my fight because I will not sit by while you march to your death against a dragon armed only with a few swords and axes. It is my fight because I have nothing left to fight for but you.”

Kili took her hand and pulled her into an embrace which the elf eagerly returned. Ellie could feel the tension and rage building under her hand and she gripped his shoulder just a little tighter to keep him grounded.

“Did you know?” Thorin grit out.

“I suspected, yes,” Ellie replied.

“And you did not tell me that my nephew, my heir, was courting one of them?”

“No.”

Thorin growled as his wrath found an outlet. “Was it not expected?”

“Yes, it was expected and for that reason alone I could not tell you.”

Thorin nodded and Tauriel looked on with confusion. “You expected us to court? How could you have known such a thing?”

There was a pause as Ellie tried to think of an answer that was not too telling, if indeed there was such an answer to be had.

“Wait, Kili, when you said that ‘she sees better with her one eye than I see with both of mine’ did you mean something else? Does she have the sight?”

“I did not mean it like that and no, she does not possess the sight,” he reassured her.

Tauriel did not look convinced, “But she has something, something that lets her know the future.”

“Tauriel, this is not the most important topic at the moment and neither is your relationship. We need to figure out what to do. Let’s not be stupid about this. They will come, the only question is what we do,” Ellie suggested as she met Thorin and Kili’s eyes.

“Fine. You can stay with us for now if you truly desire to desert your people, but this,” Thorin waved a finger at Kili and Tauriel, “bears further discussion once the threat has passed. Kili get your brother and Balin and Dwalin. We need to plan,” Thorin directed, refusing to look at the interloping elf.

The dwarves gathered with Tauriel and Ellie around the table. The former captain proved an able tactician and the little group quickly hatched a plan. When Tauriel’s input was no longer necessary or welcome she excused herself to sit by the hearth. Ellie joined her a moment later.

“Even if they won’t say it I will, thank you, Tauriel.”

The elf bowed her head lightly and looked back into the fire. Ellie wanted to ask her what happened but the look of pain on Tauriel’s face told Ellie that now was not the time.

“I know what it’s like to lose your home and your family. As I’m sure you can tell, the company and I aren’t exactly blood kin, but I’ll tell you that there’s still good out there and people to love you, no matter what Thranduil thinks or says of you. It will get easier in time.”

Tauriel smiled and turned to face Ellie, “May I ask what happened to you?”

“The short story is that, in trying to do the right thing, I angered some very dangerous people and it cost me my entire family. Ari and I only barely escaped. Bran was born sometime later. My home is gone as is everyone I ever knew. Thorin and his people found us by the road and took us in.”

“But why did they not leave you somewhere safe? Why travel through country infested with orcs, goblins, spiders, and wargs with children in tow? I mean no offense but you are somewhat lacking in your skill with a sword and Thorin does not seem one to be taken with sentimentality. Why did they bring you?”

Ellie smiled, “You are right about everything you said, but it is not an easy answer. Suffice it to say that I possess other skills which the company deemed worthwhile.”

Tauriel nodded and looked back to the fire and there was a long pause before she spoke. “I knew that you and Thorin grew close during your time with us, but not so close as to share a bed.”

Ellie chuckled and rubbed the back of her neck, “Ah, that. Between you and me, that would be the result of a cultural misunderstanding and a fair amount of ale.”

The smile on Tauriel’s face made Ellie laugh. “Oh?”

“Yea, we were drunk and maybe a bit emotional and apparently that’s how dwarves become unofficially married. If your people don’t abscond with one or both of us, then the ceremony will be in a few days.”

Tauriel’s eyes went wide and she laughed, “You bedded Thorin Oakenshield and now you two are marrying? You cannot be serious.”

“Sure am. I know it’s not normal, but he takes this very seriously and since I pledged my loyalty to the race of dwarves as well as Mahal I am expected to take this just as seriously so I am honoring the traditions.”

Tauriel nodded her understanding. “In that case, may I congratulate you on your union. May your reign as queen be long and prosperous.”

“Thanks, Tauriel. I know I should have something official to say back but I’m afraid royalty isn’t in my upbringing. Balin’s working on me though, says I’m a challenge, but I think that he’s just being kind.”

“It is a learned technique, m’lady. I have every confidence that you will prove an excellent queen when the time comes,” Tauriel intoned.

“Thank you again, but please don’t ever call me that again. It’s weird. Maybe we’re friends now, but I’m used to you being my warden, Tauriel, Captain of the Guard.”

Tauriel sighed, “I was used to it too.”

“Shit, tell me they didn’t fire you over this?”

“Fire me? No, nothing so gruesome…” Tauriel shuddered with the thought.

“No, no! I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry, yea, wow, that sounds really terrible. No, where I’m from fired means they terminate your employment,” Ellie explained, eager to explain away the clearly horrible implications of her previous statement.

Tauriel nodded, “Then, yes. I was fired. If I were to return having successfully brought Kili I would be a washer woman.”

The admission hit Ellie hard enough for her to recoil like she failed to block one of Dwalin’s blows, “Dammit. I’m so sorry… So, what happens if you go back without him?”

“He told me that I would spend a very long time in Kili’s cell,” she muttered, bile rising in her throat as she said it.

The anger was easy to see on her face and Ellie rested a hand on Tauriel’s thigh, “And?”

“And he had one of his soldiers threaten me with a whip. I promise you that they intend to make good on it when they realize I have not returned with the prince. They’ll be looking for me soon and I can only hope that our plans prove effective,” Tauriel whispered.

“You were good to us when you had no reason to be. For my part, I will do my best to see that you are safe,” Ellie vowed.

“Truly you are kind to make such promises to your former warden,” the red-head mused.

Ellie just clucked gently and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amadnadad: literally "mother-brother" since there's no word in Khuzdul for "uncle," amadnad' is a shortened version that is slightly more familiar


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look I posted. *pats self on head*
> 
> Also, I know this is a weird place to break the chapter but google drive seems to have eaten the rest of their time in Laketown. I've got it backed up elsewhere but laziness and this update is long enough... right?
> 
> Thanks to my subscribers and for all the kudos you lovely people keep giving me. Feel free to comment. It would brighten my day.

The night passed slowly. Ellie returned to bed with the children and Thorin sat up in their room on watch, but it was unnecessary, no one came. Breakfast was an awkward affair. The sleepy and hungry dwarves filed into the common area and sat around the table before anyone noticed Tauriel and Kili seated in the corner on the floor. Kili had finally fallen asleep just before dawn and he rested lightly against her, his hand on her thigh.

Bifur noticed her first with a start and immediately declared her presence to the room.

“Captain Tauriel,” Nori said as he inclined his head. The bow was less out of courtesy and more borne from the respect he had gained for her in captivity. Mirkwood was hardly his first stint in prison and he was in no small way thankful for her kindness.

“Please, just Tauriel, Master Nori,” she said with a wave of her hand.

“Ah, so they sacked you did they?” Gloin asked as he filled his plate.

Tauriel stiffened, “Yes.”

“Sorry, to hear that, lass. I doubt they’ll replace you with anyone half so kind,” Bofur commented.

“Of that you may be sure.”

Kili stirred at the conversation and stretched up to plant a kiss on Tauriel’s cheek, “Good morning.”

Dori and Ori stopped and gaped at the couple. Dwalin growled and turned away, the disgust written on every inch of his person.

“I see those trips to the roof were not wasted,” Bilbo mumbled. There were a few laughs, all in varying degrees of amusement and disdain.

“Not a single one, Master hobbit,” Kili laughed.

Tauriel turned to Kili, finally registering the race of the extra party member, “You have a hobbit? Did he join you here in Laketown? I was not aware that their folk dwelt outside of the Shire.”

The tension was immediately palpable. “No, I’ve worked with them for quite some time,” Bilbo finally answered.

Tauriel nodded, “At least this clears up how the ale was tampered with and how you got the keys, although, when this is over, I would ask you to tell me how you lived with us unseen for so long.”

“Ah, you can’t be asking the burglar to give away all his secrets. What good would he be to us then?” Kili joked.

“Very well. I meant no offense Master…”

“Baggins. Bilbo Baggins.”

“I meant no offense Master Baggins. I am Tauriel, although I suspect that you already know my name.”

Bilbo nodded and sat down. Thinking back to their time in Mirkwood already had him feeling worn out and he wanted nothing more than to eat his breakfast in peace and be left alone.

“So how long will you be staying with us?” Bofur inquired politely.

“That remains to be seen,” Thorin stated with as much anger as he could manage, “but for the moment we have more important matters to consider. It seems that our gracious host Thranduil has not yet tired of the presence of my youngest nephew. To that end, he has sent Tauriel and a small host of elves to retrieve him and hold him ransom to ensure that he receives what he desires from the mountain when we are successful. We must be prepared to defend ourselves when they come which, if our guest is correct, should not be long.”

Thorin was angry but still manageable and Ellie decided to take the opportunity to broach a tricky subject before his reason abandoned him entirely. “Thorin, when they come, what will we do with Tauriel? Will you shield her from them or will you let them take her back to rot in one of our old cells?”

“Why should I care what they do with their own? I owe the elves nothing,” he snarled.

Ellie smirked, “I didn’t ask you about the elves, I asked you about Tauriel. She is not like them and you know it. You won’t admit it here, hell you might not admit it to yourself, but she was kind to you, kinder than the rest and she has risked her life to keep your nephew, your heir, safe. Do those things even matter to you?”

“Their relationship is no concern of mine.”

Ellie sighed and stood, “Thorin, I request a private audience. Maybe we adjourn to the bedroom for a moment?”

Thorin growled and glared at his wife. She will be years of stubbornness and contradiction, he thought. Not even formally married and here we are going to another room to finish a fight.

He stood to follow but paused as his pride took hold, “No. If it is relevant to our discussion, it can be said in company.”

“It is relevant but it is of a personal nature. I contend it would be best in private,” Ellie stated.

“Well, if you wish to say it, then do so here because I am not doing this,” Thorin waved his hand dismissively between them, “right now.”

Ellie sat down and shook her head, “As you wish, my king.”

Her tone caused some of the dwarves to shift uncomfortably. “This is undoubtedly a point of cultural differences but I simply cannot understand why you loathe their affections. Yes, she is an elf, but she is not the elf that wronged you. Should every dwarf be held accountable for the actions of one goldsick king?

“Thorin they have something that neither of us will ever have again- young love. Do you hate her for what she is or for what you fear she will stir in Kili? Are you scared that in the cruelty of life Kili will have to feel the loss of Tauriel the way that you feel the loss of Mrír?”

Thorin’s skin burned red and Ellie knew she had found the line, but she shoved down her feelings of guilt. The stubborn dwarf had insisted on having this conversation in public, he could deal with the consequences.

“You have no right! You cannot understand…” Thorin shouted.

“Really? I can’t understand? Look me in the eye, Thorin. Look at my face and tell me that I don’t know exactly what I’m talking about. Have the scars really faded so much in the last year that you can’t remember how I got them, what they cost me? I may be the only other person here who does understand and if you’ve forgotten the proof is napping in our bed.

“Thorin, I would not take this from them. Yes, their love is different, probably unheard of, but not wrong. You are a king and you take a woman as a wife, a woman who cannot even call the gods her own, a woman without a home, without a people, without any kind of political value, but you do it nonetheless. Our union is borne of alcohol, grief, and miscommunication, but theirs is love, something that you and I will never share as they do. Whose union has more right to be? I would certainly say theirs because it exists for all the right reasons.

“Please, before you choose, ask yourself, would you rather that Kili married for duty rather than love? Would you take this from him? Could you forgive yourself if you did?” Ellie stood facing Thorin from across the table.

“I will not risk this quest, I will not risk Erebor, for the sake of one dwarf,” he grit out from clinched teeth.

“When did the quest go from being about your people to being about a mountain?” The reply was heavy with sarcasm and Ellie began, finally, to lose her temper.

“It is our home!”

“And what is home for but to share with the ones you love?”

Thorin roared his response, “It is our heritage, our right! It is the pride of our people not just some troll den where we lay out our bedrolls.”

“I’m sure that pride will be cold comfort to Kili when his One is whipped, beaten, and locked in a dungeon for the rest of her long years,” Ellie nearly shouted in return. It was too far and she knew it but she had no intention of leaving Thorin to make such a decision based solely on pride.

By the look on Kili’s face it was apparent that Tauriel had not told him of the danger that she was in. He pulled her close and whispered something in her ear which made the elf smile ruefully.

Thorin slammed his fist on the table hard enough to rattle the dishes, “ENOUGH!!” Ellie stood stock still as she waited for the hammer to fall. “We will finish this in private. Come.” The command was growled and Ellie nodded her ascent to the king.

Trailing Thorin from the room Ellie looked to Nori and quietly spoke, “Will you watch the children when they wake up?”

“Now!” Thorin boomed as he stomped into the room the Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Bilbo had occupied.

Nori nodded as Ellie stepped away. She followed quickly, as if out of fearful obedience, but the look on her face showed annoyance. As soon as she entered the room Thorin slammed the door.

“I didn’t expect that from her,” Dwalin grumbled as he returned to his breakfast, appetite unhindered by the morning’s outburst.

Balin chuckled, “I don’t think the poor lad realized what he was getting himself into with her. She’ll keep him in line.”

Several of the older dwarves chuckled and everyone continued their breakfasts. The periodic outbursts of Thorin’s voice from the other room punctuated the meal and the conversation was minimal.

Xxx

“You defy me in open company and you challenge my authority…”

Ellie made sure to check her shouting voice at the door and when she cut him off it was cool and calm. “I did neither of those things, my king. I did not and would not defy you and I never challenged your authority. Now your biases, your pride, your wrath? Yea, I challenged those because you shouldn’t be making your decisions with those things. And as for open company, that was your choice.”

“You had no right, no right, to bring up Mrír! She is my past, not even my nephews knew of her.”

“I’m sorry, Thorin, I never meant to hurt you,” Ellie whispered.

“No, of course not. You only meant to play me for my emotions so that you could get your way,” he accused, his blue eyes turned to ice.

“After this last year you still don’t trust me? What happened? What changed? Or is it easier and more convenient for you to believe that I never cared so that you can make this decision without having to consider what I said?”

Thorin shouted wordlessly into the room and punched a wall hard enough to crack the paneling. “You cannot understand. She is an elf. They cannot be trusted. They are betrayers. They would let every dwarf in Middle Earth die on their doorstep rather than lift a finger to help us. You have no idea.”

“You’re right Thorin. I don’t have any idea. When I needed someone you and your people took us in. I never had to suffer alone and not a day goes by that I don’t thank Mahal for you. Kili is a lot like you, do you realize that? Sure, he’s a reckless little punk, but he has a good heart and he has learned a lot from you. Do you think that maybe he sees more in her than just her skill with a bow and a pair of knives?”

Thorin sighed and sat in a chair and Ellie found herself a seat not far from him.

Sighing, the dwarf seemed to shrink back to his normal size and he rubbed his palms on his face, “Maybe, but Kili is naïve. He’s careless. What if the elf is just poor judgment on his part?”

“Then we will know in time. If nothing else she will prove useful. Danger is coming- more than just the other elves or the dragon. We will need her bow and her knives before the end. They aren’t getting married just yet. We can talk with them and counsel them to withhold the _âysîth juzrul_ until they’re more sure. Prison is hardly the best place to court one another, _yasûnuh_.”

Thorin smiled at the epithet and nodded, the implication easily understood. “You’re going to make this difficult aren’t you?”

“What?” Ellie asked both amused and worried.

“Marriage.”

Ellie clucked a short laugh and shook her head, “Only when your stubborn dwarf breeding gets the better of you.”

“Who told you?” he asked after pause.

“About Mrír? No one. There were clues and I put it together myself. You said her name a handful of times the first few days we met on the roof. Something about the way you called her name, it reminded me of how I’ve called out to Isaac. Then, when we talked about the wedding braids you told me that they take practice. You said it like you knew first hand. And of course the night we spent together- that was hardly your first tumble. No one is that good without practice,” Ellie reasoned. The smile on her face almost made Thorin blush, if indeed Thorin could actually blush. Mostly he only turned red from rage that Ellie had seen, but Ellie was curious to see if she couldn’t change that.

“Mrír and I never completed the _âsyîth gondul_ , only the _âsyîth juzrul_. She was my One. We were far too young to wed when we first joined, but we lay with one another for nearly twenty years. We would have wedded in another few years if not for an accident in _Gabilgatholnur_. When we settled in _Khagolabbad_ so much of the old architecture was in ruin and she died on the bad rock when a floor fell away. It was a common thing at the time. That was more than thirty years before Fili was born.”

Ellie reached out and put her hand on his leg, “I’m sorry.”

Thorin straightened himself and Ellie withdrew her hand. “In the future, we should find ways to discuss matters with more diplomacy and tact.”

“Of course my king,” Ellie nodded. She was careful not to let Thorin see her amusement as she considered his suggestion. She had only lost her temper with Thorin when he proved himself too prideful and arrogant to even remember why they were on this quest. The idea that Thorin should remind her to keep her temper reined in was ludicrously hypocritical.

When they rejoined the company in the common area the morning went on without any further discussion of anything. Kili decided that since Tauriel wasn’t instructed to leave that she was allowed to stay and his incredibly chipper demeanor went unnoticed by exactly no one. Ellie made a show of deference to Thorin and after their confrontation it was the least she could do to restore some semblance of the normal balance of power to the group.

With the table pushed against the wall Dori worked furiously at the wedding apparel while the rest of the company sparred hand to hand, so when the front door flew opened and the elves appeared the company was at a disadvantage with their weapons leaning against the wall out of reach. It didn’t matter. Thirteen dwarves, a hobbit, an elf, and a woman was far more than enough to overpower five elves, even elves as well trained and strong as these. The dwarves and Tauriel restrained three of the intruders and the other two retreated across the room and stood with their swords drawn, the altercation over as quickly as it had begun.

“You tell your king that the next servants he sends to take my kin will be sent back to him in pieces! Do not think I would not enjoy removing your filth from the world elf!” bellowed Thorin. The volume of Thorin’s voice made their earlier argument appear no more than a tiff.

One of the elves that was still standing made a sound of revulsion when Thorin spoke. “Dwarf scum! You will meet your end in that mountain, you and all your kin. You are no different than Thror, taken with the sickness and willing to risk your lives just to get your greedy hands on a mountain of gold. We will gladly take leave of your stench!”  
The elf motioned to the door and Thorin growled a command in Khuzdul. The dwarves released their captives who quickly righted themselves and assembled near the exit. 

“Tauriel!” he commanded but she did not move.

“No. I am not going back with you.”

The elf almost choked on his shock, “And what will you do? Stay with your dwarf? Have you not dishonored yourself enough?”

“Leave,” she commanded and for a moment her former authority almost had the soldiers complying without thought.

“You will never find a home again with us,” he spat. Turning he addressed Thorin, “May her loyalty run deeper with you than it did with us.”

A moment later the elves were gone and Tauriel, reeling, found a spot on the wall and slumped to the floor. Kili went to her held her tight while she stared blankly at the floor. He had learned in his time with her that sometimes she didn’t want words, only touch, and he waited with silently until she was ready.

Sparring was over for the time being. As it was, everyone was too high strung to be sparring, someone might get hurt and there was no reason to risk that. Dori returned to his work on the clothes; Ellie, Bofur, Bilbo, and Fili practiced braiding; Oin, Gloin, Bifur, and Bombur started up a lazy game of poker; Ori was off writing something in one of his journals; Thorin, Balin, and Dwalin sat off to one side and spoke in hushed tones; and Nori went to check on the boys, returning a minute later with Ari and Bran. Ari sat in Fili’s lap while Ellie braided and Bran dozed off again in Nori’s arms.

The boys were over the worst of it and no longer truly sick, but the ordeal of being sick had been compounded by being starved for three days, having hypothermia, and living a year in prison. They were pale and gaunt, even with ample food, and Ellie wondered if they would suffer rickets or something similar. Hopefully, their travels would get them the sunlight that they dearly needed and they would improve soon. They had moved the bed so that the boys got as much light on them during the day as possible and already they had more color which was encouraging.

“Much better today. I think you only pulled about twenty or thirty hairs this time,” Fili observed. Ellie sighed and shook her head.

“I wonder if Thorin would be okay being bald,” Ellie joked and there was light laughter from the nearby companions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> âysîth juzrul: wedding rite
> 
> yasûnuh: my husband
> 
> âsyîth gondul: wedding vows
> 
> Gabilgatholnur: New Belegost
> 
> Khagolabbad: Blue Mountains


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all you tender-hearted people there's some soft-core porn type stuff in here. For all you not-tender-hearted people, sorry, the porn's kind of non-graphic.

It was on the seventh day of their stay in Laketown that the wedding occurred. The boys were up and about, although they went slower than usual and napped more often. Thorin had taken Dori aside before the tailoring got under way and made sure that the wedding attire was as simple as possible without it being plain. Ellie had spent about two hours each day mangling the hair of which ever dwarf was brave enough to sit with her and her efforts had paid off; she could complete the marriage braid in one try. 

Balin had spent time counseling the couple, mostly Ellie, on proper form for the _âsyîth gondul_ and Ellie had memorized the vows she was expected to speak. The ceremony was made complicated for lack of family on Ellie’s part but Nori solved the problem nicely by simply recommending that Ari stand in where her father would have. Nori learned the words that Ari would need and agreed to hold the child and whisper the words as they were needed. Ari was excited to be part of something important and eagerly practiced the clumsy Khuzdul, although in truth he didn’t know what was happening.

The company assembled armed and in full armor as their tacit pledge to protect their kin, as well as their king and his wife. Dwalin stood at the front of the room, his hammer raised in honor of Mahal and in recognition of Eru’s mercy. Ari led Ellie into the room by the hand and it was all the company could do not to giggle at how adult he tried to be. When Ellie stopped next to Thorin they took one another’s hands. Ari quickly scurried to Nori and climbed into his arms next to his mother. Bran wiggled in Bofur’s grasp until he was able to touch his brother and then he stilled. 

Their hair was loose and unbraided. The only jewelry they wore was a cord of twine around their necks on which hung a small hair clasp. In other times, the clasp would have been fashioned especially for the ceremony with specific runes, but in their current situation they settled with two that Thorin usually wore. They were made of silver and otherwise plain except for Thorin’s royal seal. Thorin had briefly considered finding a forge and making them proper clasps but it was doubtful that they would have the materials or the tools necessary and after Ellie had made it abundantly clear that she, in fact, did not care about that type of thing he decided not to bother… yet.

Dwalin started the ceremony with the traditional blessing. 

_“Blessed are you Mahal who has created everything for the glory of Eru._

_“Blessed are you Mahal who fashioned the earth, the mountains and the hills._

_“Blessed are you Mahal who fashioned the gems and metals in the heart of the mountain._

_“Blessed are you Mahal who fashioned the dwarves and the seven houses._

_“Blessed are you Mahal who taught the dwarves the skill to work the gems and metals in the heart of the mountain._

_“Blessed are you Mahal who gladdens our Halls through his children._

_“Blessed are you Mahal who gladdens groom and bride.”_

Then Balin, who stood with Thorin as the representative of his family, recited his covenant. _“I, Balin son of Fundin son of Farin, bring this dwarf, Thorin son of Thrain son of Thror, to offer in marriage to this dwarrowdam. I vouch that Thorin is capable of providing for a wife and dwarflings. Thorin comes with the blessing of his kin. Our clan covenants to claim and care for this dwarrowdam and any dwarflings, or children, in the event Thorin should perish. We offer our halls, our protection, and our kin in marriage on this day.”_

Nori began whispering slowly in Ari’s ear and the toddler began to stumble through his lines. _“I, Ari Sean Michaels, bring this dwarrowdam, Eleanor Katherine Michaels née Fields, to offer in marriage to this dwarf. I vouch that Eleanor is capable of caring for a husband and dwarflings. Eleanor comes with the blessings of her kin. Our clan covenants to welcome and honor this dwarf and any dwarflings, or children, in the event that Eleanor should perish. We offer our halls, our protection, and our kin in marriage on this day.”_

Ellie and Thorin let go of each other’s hands and Ellie began the braid. She took her time, making sure that each strand was even, making sure that not a single stray hair escaped, making sure that the plait was as close to perfect as she could make it, and capping it with Thorin’s clasp. 

Stepping back to face Thorin she recited her vows. _“In your Halls I will find a house, in my heart you will find a home.”_

When she was finished she gathered the fabric of her dress into one hand and Thorin took the other as she knelt. It was not traditional to kneel before the groom but Ellie insisted that it was more dignified than asking him to stand on a box to be able to reach her hair. Before the ceremony Thorin pulled Ellie aside and again asked Ellie if she was sure about kneeling. She just smiled and said that she had no reason to complain about kneeling to her king. It seemed to upset Thorin. 

“There are times,” he said, “when you will be expected to kneel, but our marriage is not one of them.” 

Ellie had nodded and then laughed, “I understand and thank you, but please don’t be silly. You’re not standing on a box like a child.” After that Thorin had agreed, but only because Ellie had suggested that he might look like a child and Thorin’s pride was too great for that.

Thorin’s braiding was much quicker and more assured. Ellie wondered if he had even practiced before the ceremony, she hadn’t seen him with anyone, and the thought that he was still this skilled after more than one hundred years nearly brought her to tears. With a look one would expect from weathered granite Thorin removed the clasp from the cord at his neck and attached it to Ellie’s braid and helped her to standing. 

_“In my Halls you will find a house, in your heart I will find a home.”_

Thorin turned to face the dwarrow. _“I claim this dwarrowdam as my wife and member of the clan of the line of Durin.”_

Ellie accepted Thorin’s offer, although she did not turned to face the company, speaking instead to her spouse. _“I join you, my husband, with your clan. I offer to you the love of my heart.”_

With the ceremony concluded mugs of ale were passed around and the couple took the first drink, their friends and family immediately following suit. Fili and Kili then retrieved the fiddles and struck up a happy tune. The company was clapping, stomping, and cheering as the newlywed couple whirled around the floor. Ellie was glad for the dancing she had done with the company the night that had started all of this, at least she was a marginally capable dancer for the first dance with her husband. When the song ended a tension descended as Ellie stepped away from Thorin.

Bofur cleared his throat and looked meaningfully at the couple. Thorin sighed and pulled Ellie close again, dipping her in his arms. The kiss was slow and deeper than she expected and the company shouted and cheered. Even Bilbo and Tauriel were not above a few shouts of merriment and jubilation. 

Ellie was pleased with Tauriel’s presence as the elf found herself danced around the floor by several of the company giving Ellie a chance to rest. As the evening wore on Thorin cast several pointed glances to Ellie and when he rose she immediately joined him in leaving the common area. More cheers and shouts erupted and several voices indicated that they would watch the children for the night.

In the darkened room Thorin lit the oil lamp and sat on the edge of the bed next to Ellie. He opened his mouth to speak and Ellie held up her hand.

“Wait, I wanna guess. There’s a tradition of some kind after the ceremony and the only one I can think of that involves us being alone is consummating the marriage. Am I right?”

Thorin nodded, he face still serious, “Ellie, I will not ask you for this. The _âsyîth gondul_ and the _âysîth juzrul_ have both been completed. The binding and required portions are done, the rest is only tradition. I only brought you back here because they were waiting for us to leave.”

There was a struggle playing out on Thorin’s face but Ellie couldn’t follow it clearly. Not knowing what to say she reached out and gently cupped his cheek and went with what had been on her mind for days. “Thorin, about what I said when Tauriel showed up, about not having the same love they do, I’m sorry. We’ve both been hurt and I know it’s different for you because she was your One, I know that means your hurt was deeper and more permanent, but it doesn’t mean we can’t be happy. We do love one another, maybe more as shield-brothers than lovers but it is love. We can trust one another and we can learn to make this work. We can have something of happiness and family. I won’t lie, a part of me does want this so long as you want it too.”

Thorin was dumbstruck, something that came around only once every fifty years or so for him, and he simply stared. He had fought hard during last the several days to tell himself that once the ceremony was over that they would do nothing more than warm the bed for one another in the same way that Balin and Dis had done when Ilir had died and she was reclaimed by her family, all of Ilir’s having died already. He had told himself that the intimate relationship they had shared in Mirkwood was no longer needed, no longer existed even. There were times when he had shared with Balin or Dwalin, even cried in their arms, and when the time had passed they were again just shield-brothers, this should be no different, yet, suddenly, it was different and he wanted it. Not only did he want to bed her but he wanted _her_. She would never be his One, never fill that void, but they wouldn’t be alone and after a century of that Thorin was more than pleased at the thought of some company.

Ellie waited patiently gently rubbing her thumb over his cheek bone. When the words finally sunk in she could see his thoughts written all over his face and smiled. “I’ll need your help with the dress. Tauriel got me into this thing and I’m pretty sure that short of using a knife there will be no passionate shucking of clothes, at least for me.”

Thorin nodded lamely and quickly undid the laces at the back of the dress when Ellie turned around to him. She shrugged it off her shoulders and, standing, let it pool at her ankles on the floor. Watching her Thorin mindlessly let his coat fall to the floor and helped as Ellie lifted his tunic over his head. After that the patient and calculated motions became heated, though no quicker and no less deliberate. Hands slid over skin and tugged at small clothes and trouser laces. Feet kicked at shoes and socks. Fingers curled around and fisted handfuls of hair. Before long they lay naked together kissing and touching but not rushing the process. It was too painful, the rising tide of emotion, to rush ahead without giving their hearts a chance to catch up. 

Where the first time it had been passionate, grasping greedily for every inch of skin, heated and quick burning like a wildfire, this time it was now a slow burn like the coals in a hearth that lingered until the morning, still red hot but no longer all consuming like the fire they had come from. So, when it finally happened, the meeting of bodies was not made in passion but in grief and memory. Their moans came out as babbled pleas and sobs of pleasure tinged with heartache. Their hands clutched, searching for purchase on the other but finding only a foreign body and a reminder of loss. This would be their union, at least for now, borne of loss and understanding and compassion, and they would bear it together for as long as they could.

When at last they were spent Ellie laid her head on Thorin’s shoulder and closed her eyes. His heavy arms held her fast against him and they did not speak for a long time.

“This is better than being alone,” he said at last.

“Yes,” was all Ellie could manage, but I will face this again, you will not, you will go to her in the Halls of Waiting, she thought.

Thorin felt her stiffen against him, “What’s wrong?”

Ellie pulled tighter to Thorin and closed her eyes hard against the tears, shaking her head gently.

“You will not be alone if I should fall, one of my kin will claim you as wife,” he whispered as he stroked her hair.

Ellie shuddered at the thought. It sounded kind and caring on the surface, but all she could think was that she would be passed to another dwarf, one who might not understand, one who might not be so kind, one she may not know at all, one who might not even want her- a woman. It would be a cold and empty existence, alone in all but name, but she also knew that she had chosen this life. These were her people now and there was more to life than marriage. The last year and a half had brought her many things, many joys interspersed with many pains, and only today did she find that she needed another. Though, in the end she was certain that, if the occasion should arise, she could find that joy in life again- with or without a spouse.

Regardless of what thoughts went through her mind, Ellie could not find the words or the courage to tell Thorin what she felt and instead they fell asleep tangled in one another’s limbs.

Xxx

They spent another week in Laketown before the boys were well enough to make for the mountain. Thankfully, there were no more cultural mishaps, illnesses, or unwelcome visitors- save for the curious populace of Laketown. They busied themselves packing, preparing, sparring, and planning. It would be a mad rush to get to the hidden door by Durin’s Day at this rate- they had just over two weeks- and they might still be walking when the day came, but there was little else to be done. 

Thorin and Ellie seemed to get on well enough. The company snickered when Thorin began referring to as Ellie _yâsithuh_ and smiled warmly when she returned the epithet with _yâsunuh_. They sat together at dinner and even shared smiles or a gentle touch where others could see. When the others braided each other’s hair they contentedly joined the group and helped one another. Fili and Kili had managed to get their hands on her hair almost immediately, since she was now kin, and they referred to her as _Ydadnam’_ at every occasion. Thorin would smile and shake his head, glad to see everyone getting on like kin that had known each other more than a hundred years.

Kili and “his elf,” as Tauriel had come to be known, were tolerated well enough by the company, although generally ignored. Balin and Thorin had given Kili a thorough talking to on the matter of the _âysîth juzrul_. They had instructed Ellie as well on the matter, keen not to have another wedding in the immediate future, and sent her to have a discussion between ladies. For Kili’s part, he had been mostly silent as the talk was both informative and terrifying. Thorin seemed ready to punish Kili like a stripling if given even the slightest provocation and Kili made a point not to provoke his uncle. In contrast, Ellie and Tauriel’s conversation had been much more pleasant- questions and answers about cultural differences, light joking, and even a frank discussion of what little Ellie could tell Tauriel of dwarves and intimacy. The couple was allowed to sleep together at night as there were still far too few beds to quarantine the newcomer entirely but Fili and Ori were always present, not only out of necessity of a bed but also as chaperones. At first, Tauriel found it awkward to sleep in such close proximity to others but, as Ellie had told her, it felt warm and safe and she quickly adjusted to the overlapping limbs, heavy breathing, and lack of personal space.

The company had taken to speaking in Khuzdul almost exclusively in Laketown if only for a bit of privacy in their conversations.

“Y’know we might get to teach his elf to speak like us if they ever make the braid,” Bofur had joked one night.

“Aye, teach her and your little hobbit at once, if you’d ever get around to it with him,” Kili shot back with a grin.

Thorin growled deeply and Kili could feel where his uncle’s eyes fell upon the back of his head. Those who had been listening laughed heartily and clapped the blushing hobbit on the back. What suspicions had been held by the company regarding Bilbo and Bofur upon their arrival in Laketown were now solidified- the toy maker and the hobbit burglar were in love. Bilbo was still trying to put together the pieces of a same-sex relationship in his mind as such a thing had never occurred to him before, but Bofur and the other dwarves didn’t bat an eye. With the general shortage of dwarf lasses no one was trying to fool themselves about what the extra dwarrow were up to. Being craft-wedded didn’t abate the carnal needs and taking a fancy to another male just meant better chances for your brothers to find a wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The credit for the wedding vows, which are a recreation of traditional Jewish wedding vows, goes to the Dwarrow Scholar who kindly gave me permission to use his work (because I wholeheartedly suck at making up traditions). 
> 
> You can check out his incredible work here: http://dwarrowscholar.mymiddleearth.com/
> 
> Hey look at that. Another strange ending but I did find the missing section... you know, the important one, with the wedding and the soft-core porn.
> 
> âsyîth gondul: wedding vows
> 
> âysîth juzrul: wedding rite
> 
> yâsithuh: my wife
> 
> yâsunuh: my husband
> 
> Ydadnam': adadnamad yâsithul (literally: wife of brother-of-mother) (dim: Ydadnam’)... because who the hell wants to say all that when you want to say "aunt?"


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm, hi? It's been a while. Sorry about that. *dodges thrown objects*
> 
> Some of my health problems are on hiatus (though they'll be back for a reinforced round two once the next youngling emerges). On the upside that means I can actually take medication once the baby gets here! I'm going to try, no promises, to make updating a more common occurrence. 
> 
> Sorry and thanks for you patience.
> 
> No warnings for this chapter.

A grand send off was prepared for the company that, including the children, now numbered eighteen. A host of men had gone ahead with ponies and baggage several days before and would be meeting them at the place where the River Running met the Long Lake. It was pleasantly quiet on the lake and they were finally free of the prying eyes and listening ears that waited constantly at windows or doors.

Crossing the lake only took two days but with such restless little children they were a long two days and no one was sorry when they set foot on land. While the company spoke with the men of Laketown and readied their ponies the boys threw rock after rock into the lake with Bilbo. It was a nice enough distraction while it lasted as the land around the feet of the Lonely Mountain was scorched and dead and when the time came to move on there was nothing to see but ash and stone.

“There’s always a bright side to things, lads. Without trees we should be able to find the door that much more quickly and easily,” Balin assured them.

It was still several days walk from where they had left the Long Lake up the slowly inclining land. The fires, if they had them, were small and barely enough to cook dinner. The only fuel that was to be found was semi-burnt bits of tree that they gathered along the way. Slowly, they rounded the mountain day by day searching for the hidden stair.

Balin’s assertion had proven right. When they came to it at last, the stair was plain as day, and the dwarves quietly celebrated as they climbed. Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur remained below with the ponies and the rest of the company clamored up. The stairs were broken and treacherous in many places, no doubt thanks to the merciless ruin that the dragon had brought down upon the mountain.

Thorin began dictating orders to the others. “We will make camp by the door and await the light of Durin’s Day. Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur can remain below and will haul up such supplies as we need.”

Ellie siddled up beside Thorin and whispered, “ _Yâsunuh_ , a word please?”

Thorin nodded and followed Ellie to a place apart from the group, “Is something wrong?”

“It would be better to bring up all of the supplies now, especially the food. Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur should join us.”

Thorin regarded her carefully. He suspected that this was a warning of something to come but as of late Ellie had also voiced her opinion on things which were not known to her and he wasn’t sure what to think about the suggestion. “Am I to understand that you think something will happen?”

“Yes,” was her only reply.

“And the ponies?”

“Leave the tack on the ground and let them go. We won’t need them anymore and there’s no need to keep them.”

Thorin drew a deep breath. Releasing the ponies would be the last thing he would do under normal circumstances, it was illogical and dangerous, but Ellie was so certain that he felt compelled to obey.

“Haul up all of the supplies, loose the ponies, and have everyone join us here,” Thorin commanded as he turned away from Ellie. There were looks of confusion and surprise but seeing that Thorin was speaking with Ellie meant that there was a good reason and no one commented.

They had three days to wait until Durin’s Day once everyone was situated on the escarpment. Nori and Ellie had the same idea at the same time and bumped into one another as they went to tie ropes to the children to prevent any tragedies. Ari complained and tried to remove the rope but Nori tied the knot so that even Ellie ended up needing help to remove it.

There was little to see on their small shelf and soon every inch of it was scoured out of sheer boredom. It was in a shaded spot on the outcropping where Bifur found the first signs of life. There was a small overhang that left the rock below it damp from rain that had fallen months ago but never fully evaporated. A few small patches of moss clung to the blackened stone and oddly large snails milled around, leaving slimy trails over the only greenery they had seen.

Nori put his years of illicit activities to use and scaled the surrounding walls and with expert ease. Dwalin was annoyed as he watched- he could scarcely remember the number of times he had chased this particular thief only to lose him on the rock. This time however, it proved beneficial as Nori found several more mossy enclaves, including one that housed a spring where they could fill their water skins. Once Dwalin had drunk a mouthful of fresh water he managed to admit to himself that Nori did have his uses, though he didn’t ever get around to thanking him.

An air of frustration and boredom descended on everyone, everyone except for Ellie who became gradually more agitated as the hours wore on. Fili and Kili, distracted though he was with “his elf,” both noticed and mentioned it to Thorin but Ellie simply recited the same worn line over and over: “I’m fine, just a little worried with heights is all.”

The company munched on their lunches in relative silence on Durin’s Day, only perking up at the appearance of a thrush. Ellie became silent that morning and sat alone by the wall tightly gripping the rope than was tied to Bran. All attention was on the child as he toddled about and clothes-lined more than one dwarf with his rope, much to the amusement of those not currently being garroted. Dori was smiling and looked over to see Ellie’s reaction to the latest dramatic fall executed as Gloin pretended to die for the entertainment of the company when Bran’s rope caught him about the neck.

“Oy, you alright, dear?” Dori called. All heads turned to the queen consort and Ellie looked back in confusion.

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you’re crying,” Bofur answered.

Ellie cocked an eyebrow at Bofur, “Don’t be ridiculous. I feel…”

The word “fine” died on her tongue before she could say it when she realized that her cheeks were indeed wet with tears. She wiped them away and stared at the dampness on her fingers with confusion. Fili and Kili scrambled to join her in the way that they had always done, forgetting her marriage to Thorin altogether. Gloin came over and Fili handed off Bran’s rope. Thorin stood to approach but Balin caught his eye, signing “wait,” and Thorin sat back down to let his nephews talk with her. While his and Ellie’s relationship was far more established, it had always been her trusted friends, the princes, since the first day who had comforted her on the road. Thorin knew that could ask them later what the problem was.

“Ellie, do you want to talk about what’s on your mind?” Fili prompted.

Ellie drew her knees in tightly to her chest and remained quiet.

“Is it the door? You’ve been unusually quiet since we climbed up here. You don’t have to tell us what it is, I know you may not be able to, but if you want to we’re willing to listen,” Fili soothed.

For a brief moment, Ellie pondered decorum and propriety and related arguments against snuggling against a dwarf who was not her spouse but she couldn’t bring herself to care and laid her head on Fili’s shoulder. Kili held her hand in his and rubbed. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. She could smell the musk of her blond nephew and the remainder of the goats’ milk soap from Laketown. She drew another shuddering breath. Her nephew, with his pair of falchions and his braided moustache, he would die. The dark eyed nephew who was foolhardy enough to fall for en elf, he would die. Her accidental husband, the one who had shown her his weaknesses when all that everyone else saw was brazen and fearless leadership, he would die. She knew it from the beginning and yet these three were those with whom she had grown closest.  
Maybe she had wanted to share as much of their lives as she could before they were gone, maybe not. Ellie couldn’t put her finger on why they had gravitated to one another, but they had and now, when she had tried to steel her heart to their fates, she found that she could not. Her body rebelled against the idea just as it rebelled against her losses the night she escaped- her consent was not needed, her body would grieve the pain with or without her cooperation and apparently, at times, even without her knowledge. The thought of losing her family- again- was simply not something that she could prepare her heart for. The emotion would find its way out no matter what she tried and, huddled between her nephews and best friends, she resolved to enjoy as much of their company, and Thorin’s, as she could with the time that they had left.

She gripped her nephews tighter as the tears began pouring down her face. When she spoke her voice was barely audible.

“You already know what’s got me upset. I know it’s not something any of us wants to remember or talk about. I just… it’s not something… I don’t know…”

“What is it?” Kili asked, cutting off her stammering.

“I love you both,” she blurted. “I just… I wanted you to know in case I never got the chance to tell you again.”

Kili smashed his body against hers, crushing the breath out of her as her body deformed between the sturdy weight of the brothers. They held her tight while Kili whispered.

“I know you worry about changing things for the worse and you’re right to be careful, but what was it the lady elf told you?”

“I wasn’t sent here to sit idly by while the ones I love die,” Ellie answered.

Fili nodded, “And you won’t. You’ll do your best to help us if you can. That’s all we could ask.”

“We love you too,” Kili whispered.

“Sure do,” Fili added.

Ellie wriggled between the brothers and they moved apart enough for her to sit up. “Thanks. I never got to have nieces or nephews with what happened to my sister and how Isaac’s brother died young, but you know, I don’t think I would’ve gotten anyone better than you two anyway.” Fili smiled and looked down and Kili just blushed.

The company was engrossed in various things, none of which involved looking at Ellie or Thorin’s sister-sons. Things had gone well for the past month since their escape from Mirkwood’s dungeons. Only a handful of nights had ended in nightmares for anyone in the company and during the day Ellie seemed right as rain. Sitting in Mirkwood there had been little else to do but revisit a memory and practice grounding herself several times a day, and a year of that meant that she was much better adjusted, or at least decent at faking it. This moment on the ledge was a cold and cruel reminder of a pain that no one wanted to revisit. Better adjusted did not mean well, whole, or healed.

Before long, Kili ended up in front of Ellie as she carefully undid the rats’ nest that was his hair and tried to set it to rights. The next time she looked up the entire company was fiddling with one another’s hair. It always seemed to be a contagious event and everyone participated even if their hair didn’t really need it. As much as Ellie enjoyed the contact and for all the times she had watched this happen she was still amused to watch battle-hardened males delicately plaiting each other’s tresses. Dori was fusing over Ori’s hair, again, and she tried to repress a smirk as she thought about them doing their nails next.

“Oh, something’s funny now is it?” Gloin asked.

Ellie smiled and shook her head, “Nothing, just watching y’all.”

“Just watching us what? That smile is more mischief than anything else,” he observed.

“Alright, fine. Something I’ve never told y’all is that the main group of people who braid their hair in our society is little girls,” Ellie said with a smirk.

“What?!” Dori sputtered with indignation. “Your men don’t braid their hair?” The entire group looked scandalized by this revelation, though it did nothing to slow their work, and Fili moved behind Ellie to work on her hair.

“Well, some men do but mostly no and certainly never as a group activity, to be entirely honest most men’s hair is far too short to be braided, shorter than Bran’s even. Some women braid but still not daily and not as anything more than fashion usually. Most boys wouldn’t be caught dead with braids in their hair. It’s pretty much entirely little girls that sit in groups and do each other’s hair. I still think about that every single time I watch you and it’s still funny to me.”

There was a great deal of head shaking, grumbling, and sighing from the company with this declaration.

“You still seem to be enjoying yourself there, little miss,” Nori heckled as he parted Ari’s hair and separated it into strands.

“Oh hush, ginger. But yes, if you must know, I do enjoy this, although I feel a mite like a third grader at times. It’s just nice to spend time close with family like this.” Kili positively beamed at the comment. Thorin sat behind Fili and began unclipping the clasps and pulling out beads.

Quietly, Bofur struck up a tune and soon the whole group was lightly singing in the afternoon sun. Tauriel reset her own braids with quick hands and several of the dwarves watched with interest. She had done it only a few times before when there were others around to see it- usually the elf rose before the rest of the company and was completely ready and prepared by the time that anyone was awake enough to take notice.

Bofur shamelessly braided Bilbo’s hair into one long French braid that started at the hobbit’s forehead and finished at the nape of his neck. Bofur tied it with a leather cord and let the last few inches of hair hang loose. It made Bilbo look much more formidable as it got rid of the bedraggled rat look that the hobbit had acquired as a fact of having gotten so thin and muscular over the course of their journey without a single trim. He had been the only one to get constant exercise. The dungeons were deep underground and Bilbo walked miles every day throughout the halls just to snatch a morsel of food here and there, never enough to sate him and never enough to be caught or noticed.

In their time since Mirkwood Bilbo had finally had a chance to truly consider the relationship he had with Bofur. They were close friends for sure, and that was only strengthened in the dungeons, but Bilbo wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. Bofur, in his ever obliviously candid manner, stated that they were in a courting relationship and the thought took Bilbo by utter surprise. Had it been mentioned to Bilbo back in Bag End he surely would have fainted at that thought just as much as he did when thinking of a “furnace with wings.” Now, though, Bilbo was a bit calmer, which wasn’t saying much about him, and the two had managed a conversation on the matter. Out of nowhere the Tookish side of Bilbo took over the conversation and he returned Bofur’s affections which promptly ended the conversation in a passionate kiss when Bofur nearly tackled the small creature in his happiness. Unfortunately for the Baggins side of Bilbo this conversation had occurred in the common area and his squeak of surprise alerted the entirety of the company to their activities earning them rounds of cheering and laughter. Bilbo had blushed and back peddled away from the encounter until his Tookishness won out again and he gave up entirely on propriety. Since that day he had made no attempts to retain any dignity, such as a Baggins might, about the relationship. His Baggins half was slowly diminishing the longer the quest went on and he found himself quite pleased with the idea of staying with Bofur in Erebor when they were done, after all it’s simply a larger smial he told himself.

“What, you don’t want me to braid your hair _Amadnad’_?” Kili called as Thorin sat down behind Fili.

“What, so you can ruin his hair like you do your own?” Fili joked.

Kili huffed and lamented to his brother, “Well, he lets Ellie braid it. How much worse could I be?”

Ellie tugged at Kili’s hair sharply and he yelped. “Don’t be such a little punk. I’m still braiding yours and from this perspective it does indeed look better than whatever you managed.”

Kili squirmed in annoyance and huffed again and the others laughed. Ellie even heard a light chuckle from Thorin and it made her smile. He was still himself. She resolved to enjoy the moment without thought to what may come later.

The rest of the day went on much better. Ellie spent time close to her nephews and Tauriel joined them as well when Kili motioned her over. The elf had made sure to ask if it was alright, if she wasn’t disturbing a family moment, but Ellie laughed and said that they would all be family soon enough and not to worry.

Kili grinned stupidly and kissed Tauriel on the cheek. “Do the stories really say that we will wed?”

Fili elbowed his brother and glared. “You know better than to ask those kinds of questions.” Kili looked down but the smile never left his face.

Ellie smiled brightly at the couple but said nothing. She hoped for the best. The divergence in the storyline was getting larger the farther the journey went and she wondered what difference a year could have made. Having the former captain of the guard would be a huge asset when the battle came and Ellie hoped that she would be enough to save at least the younger prince.

As the light waned the dwarves began to get more anxious, watching the wall of stone closely. The thrush that had arrived had definitely been knocking the unlucky snails against the stone in sets of three – crack, crack, crack- and suddenly Bilbo had an idea.

“Quick! Give me the key Thorin,” Bilbo commanded as he walked to the king. Thorin paused and Bilbo waved his outstretched hand impatiently. “Come on, now. You hired me to break into the mountain. You might as well give me the key to make it easier.”

Thorin narrowed his eyes and handed it to the hobbit who went and stood in a very particular spot facing the rock wall. “Now we wait for the last light,” the hobbit declared.

“Care to explain for the rest of us, laddie?” Balin asked.

“’Stand by the grey rock when the thrust knocks,’ remember? That’s what the moon-letters said. You have to stand in this particular spot,” Bilbo pointed at a large rock on the ground, “to see the keyhole when the light hits it so I’m standing and waiting.”

Nothing more needed to be said and soon everyone was gathered around the hobbit waiting. Twilight seemed to be deepening as the sun rode lower and lower in the sky and grumbles and sighs of worry sprouted up here and there.

Ellie turned to see the last rays of the red sun peeking through the hills in the west. It was truly a beautiful sight and in the waning light Ellie could imagine the former glory of the Greenwood. Tearing her eyes away, Ellie saw Tauriel watching the same place on the horizon and she could see the longing in her eyes for home. She took the elf’s hand in hers, “It gets easier with time.” Tauriel smiled ruefully and nodded and they turned to watch the stone wall.

Only a minute later a fine dust began to spill from a shadow in the wall followed by a large chunk of stone. Bilbo sprung forward and jammed the key into the hole before anyone else could react. The key turned surprisingly easily and the dwarves hurried forward to push the door open. A rush of stale air accosted the company and there were a few fits of coughing before the fumes and dust settled out.

“Any last advice from the experts before I go?” Bilbo asked.

Ellie shook her head and smiled. Things were indeed different.

“I’ll go with you a ways, laddie,” Balin offered and Bilbo nodded his thanks.

Bofur pushed his way forward looking truly terrified for the first time that Ellie, and several of the others, could remember. He wrapped the hobbit in a tight embrace and left a light kiss on Bilbo’s lips. Then, whispering so that only Bilbo, and of course Tauriel, could hear he said, “Come back to me.”

Bilbo laughed and hugged Bofur tighter, patting him on the back. “You worry over much. I have no intention of getting myself incinerated tonight, just going in for a quick look about. Be back in a jiff.”

Bofur straightened himself and stepped back and Bilbo gave him a parting nod before setting off down the dark passageway with Balin. It wasn’t an hour later that Bilbo returned with a great goblet of gold, inlaid with various precious stones. He gave the looted object to Thorin and the company was overtaken with rejoicing- except for Tauriel who remained rather non-commital about the endeavor, Bofur who couldn’t be bothered to care about anything other than Bilbo, Ellie who was overtaken with worry at the light she saw flicker in the dwarves’ eyes, and of course Bilbo who cut off the merriment with a clearing of his throat and a sharp stare.

“He’s down there and he’s very much alive.”

The silence that fell was palpable. To say that the dwarves were crestfallen would be an understatement almost as large as Smaug himself.

“We expected this. Our mission does not change,” Thorin declared. “Rest up, we will plan our next moves tomorrow.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I poached a great deal of the dialogue from the book, though I have obviously added my own twist in places. 
> 
> Hurray more action! Finally...

It was as the dwarves began to break for the night that the ground first shook. Ellie was already packing her things and readying the children. When Thorin took note of Ellie he called for the rest of the company to do the same.

“To the tunnel!” Bilbo cried.

The company poured into the darkened entrance dragging such supplies as they could gather.

“We have a minute yet,” Ellie shouted to Thorin. “We should get everything.”

The ground shook again and the heavy footfalls of Smaug could be felt as he stamped his way through the mountain halls. Bran was crying hysterically and Ari clung to Nori.  
Bombur re-entered the tunnel with another load of supplies, “We spotted him just south of here! He’s coming!”

“We have to shut the door. I screwed up big time. We have to get in and shut it!” Ellie screamed above the roar of fire and beating wings.

“We don’t know that we can open it again. We could be trapped!” Dwalin shouted.

“Better than dead!”

That ended the conversation and everyone retreated inside and in one large heave the door slammed shut. They sat inside, the sudden quiet punctuated by the children’s whimpers and sobs, while Gloin struck up a fire with a torch from one of the packs. The light calmed the children and soon the company relaxed a bit, thinking that they had escaped danger in the nick of time.

Without warning the sound of wings was upon them and the roar of the fire was deafening against the stone outside.

“I know you’re in there,” the dragon cooed from outside. “Why not come out and play, hmm?”

The company could think of nothing to say for which Ellie was glad. She had expected some unnecessarily majestic and venomous monologue from Thorin, but he was too consumed with memory, grief, and rage to speak properly.

“Well, no matter, we’ll see each other soon enough. I imagine that your little tunnel will get boring in time. Until then my friends,” the wyrm sneered.

The mountain shook again as the great beast took flight and Bran renewed his cries. They thought that the worst was past for the moment, but the dragon had other plans and it got much worse.

“He’s sealing us inside!” Balin screamed but no one, not even himself, could hear his words as the side of the mountain was shorn free under the great claws of Smaug and the loose rocks tumbled onto the ledge where their camp had been.

The company huddled together and shook for a long time after the tremors had passed. Brothers gripped tightly to one another like small children, even Thorin pulled Ellie into his arms as though he could protect her, or maybe the other way around.

“I can hear him below,” Tauriel whispered after a time. “I think he’s done up here for tonight.”

Slowly the dwarves relaxed their holds on one another, noting the feel of finger shaped bruises on their skin.

“So lass, what was your mistake?” Balin asked after everyone finished checking over their kin for the tenth time.

“The ponies. If we hadn’t let them loose so soon, he would have followed them south towards Dale when they ran from him and he would’ve thought we had gone with them. The door would have been left alone and we would have been able to go out. Now, though, he knows we’re in here and he knows we’re trapped. It changes things, but obviously I can’t say how,” Ellie admitted.

“No matter,” Bilbo chirped. “We would be in this mess one way or the other, eventually we would have to go down the tunnel. We all signed on for a furnace with wings,” Bilbo gave Bofur’s hand an affectionate squeeze, “and we’ve got it. No use worrying over what we came here to do.”

Everyone agreed and tried to shake the feeling of dread that had settled. They were warriors after all and being trapped in a dark tunnel with no way out but through a dragon’s lair was tolerable because this time, at least, they were all together, not at all like it was in the elven dungeon.

“Ah, well, this is familiar isn’t it, Captain?” Bofur joked to Tauriel.

Tauriel snorted a weak laugh, “So it would seem.”

Thorin gripped Ellie’s hand tightly at the reminder and Ellie laid her face against Thorin’s. Softly she whispered into his ear, “I am here _yâsunuh_. You are not alone. You will never be alone in the dark.” She could feel Thorin nod his head and he tightened his grip just a little more.

“We should get some sleep and regroup after that. It’s what you told us to do anyway,” Ellie suggested, still whispering. Thorin nodded again and she realized he hadn’t taken the hint. “You’re the king, they’re waiting on you to tell them what to do.”

“We’re not going anywhere tonight. Settle down and get some sleep,” Thorin ordered. His voice was rougher than usual and did not carry the usual weight of authority that the company was used to. Only Balin and Dwalin, who had known him the longest, noticed the change, the rest being too tired and worried to think clearly, but they just passed it off as events of the day, not even thinking of the similarity of their situation to Thorin’s confinement just a month ago.

Once everyone was settled Gloin extinguished the torch to save was little fuel was left in case they needed it later. Ellie left Ari with Nori and Bran with Bombur so that she could be there for Thorin entirely. It was a long night for them. Thorin had slept with a lamp burning every night in Laketown and once they were on the move again there were the stars and moon to remind him that he was free, but in the dark of the mountain with the stale air all about them he woke panicked every hour or so. Each time Ellie coaxed him back to sleep, carding her fingers in his hair and weaving simple braids until he passed out again. No one mentioned it when morning came around, but there was no doubt that the company knew that the dungeons had not been kind, though the nature of the damage was still not entirely clear to everyone.

Thorin was grateful for the darkness for only one reason- no one could see him tremble and sweat. Ellie knew, of course, but it was different. She had always known and she was his wife now. While he would have been well within his rights to ask for a telling, he bore the damage of the captivity of an enemy and needed the support of his people, Thorin would never ask. In his mind, he felt like a small child that was afraid of the dark and that was a weakness he had no intention of admitting regardless of the circumstances that caused it. Ellie understood his embarrassment and, while she disagreed, she had no intention of pressing him to change his mind. Thorin was stubborn and his trust was hard won, the potential existed to damage that trust by pushing too hard. He would overcome this, she was sure, and so she was willing to support him quietly in the meantime.

Balin was giving the princes instructions on how to divvy out the morning rations now that the food supply was permanently cut off. Ellie nudged Thorin who still sat wedged under her arm.

“Hey, Balin’s getting things going this morning. Do you want to add anything?” she whispered.

Thorin stiffened and took a deep breath. By the time Balin had finished, Thorin had managed to cobble together some thoughts and took the opportunity to speak. “Mr. Baggins, after you have eaten your breakfast would you be so kind as to scout ahead where the dragon rests? We need to know if there exists another avenue of escape, or, possibly, a weakness which we can exploit to kill the beast.”

“I had already planned on it, your majesty,” Bilbo replied coolly. Bilbo was not the person Ellie had known from the book or movies. He was strong, nearly fearless, unabashed in his relationship as of late, and didn’t seem to want for confidence. Ellie hoped that he did stay in Erebor after it was all said and done. Bilbo, Tauriel, and Ellie could be the three misfit additions to Mahal’s people. They might not be close but they had always shared a distant understanding, the hobbit and Ellie. They were out of sorts, not made for this life, different- but they had learned to be strong and find their own way. It was a silent understanding that gave both of them strength because, if nothing else, someone could understand how strange dwarves really were at times.

Xxx

Bilbo slipped on his ring after a quick kiss from Bofur and headed off down the tunnel. He was grateful for the quality of dwarven architecture, something he intended to comment on later, since the floors were perfectly even. He had worried about a hard fall causing him to lose the ring, create a din that would wake the dragon, or simply cause him injury. Thankfully, none of those things happened and he cautiously slipped into the treasure chamber. Smaug lay curled on the pile of gold emitting a soft red  
glow which illuminated the area, much to Bilbo’s pleasure. He couldn’t remember for sure, but he thought that the glow had been dimmer the previous day but he chocked it up to his eyes being more used to the dark now. Unfortunately, Bilbo’s initial observation had been correct and he was taken utterly by surprise when the dragon spoke.

“And good morning to you too, little thief! I smell you and I feel your air. I hear your breath. Come along! Help yourself again, there is plenty and to spare!”

Bilbo froze. His Tookishness would never be so all consuming that he would be unafraid in the face of a dragon and he gently padded back towards the opening of the tunnel.

“O great Smaug, you are too generous, but I did not come here to steal your wealth. I returned to gaze upon your magnificence and your terribleness. Truly the tales of old do not do you justice.”

The wyrm preened at the praise, although he knew it was empty flattery. “You are well-mannered for a dwarf-friend, thief.”

“Dwarves?” Bilbo squeaked as though surprised.

“And elves and something else too by the smell of it, although you seem rather close to the dwarves in your party, or at least one particular dwarf. Do not try to fool me. I know the smell, and even better the taste, of dwarves and elves, but go on and keep your secret Mr. … What is your name, Master Thief?”

“I am Warg-killer and Luck-bearer,” Bilbo gloated. Killing that warg was indeed Bilbo’s proudest moment, even more than helping the company escape Mirkwood, but he was very aware of the sheer amount of luck that went into it. “I am Web-cutter and Ring-winner. I am he that lives unseen in the houses of his enemies. I am Spider-slayer and Barrel-rider.”

“Lovely titles!” Smaug mused. “But don’t let your imagination run away with you.”

Bilbo shifted uncomfortably in the shadows, even more so when Smaug’s roving eyes passed over his invisible form. Bilbo had discovered long ago that, even invisible, he still cast a shadow and he hoped and prayed to every deity he could name that the dragon did not notice it.

“So then, Barrel-rider, you came from Laketown? I thought as much last night, some foul scheme of those tub-trading Lake-men. Well, I feel that I have been remiss in my duties as a neighbor and long neglected to visit them like proper folk, but not to worry. I’ll see them again soon enough.” The wyrm paused and shifted on his bed of treasure. “So tell me, what did they promise you in return for your assistance, thief? A share of the treasure? Have you ever wondered how you might get that home with you, hmm? You cannot trust dwarves, tricky they are, they knew that you would not be able to claim it in the end and they counted on it.”

Bilbo thought of the treasure for a moment and smiled, “My share is already home and I have already won my treasure. I only come to enjoy your presence, oh Smaug the truly frightening and stupendous.”

“My, my, little burglar. Already paid? In advance no less? Dwarves must be much more honorable of late.”

“Indeed, but gold was not what drew us thither,” Bilbo admonished.

“’Us’ you say?”

“Oh Smaug, truly you are too intelligent for a simple creature such as myself, you had already guessed at our company. I did not see any reason to lie to your magnificence,” Bilbo explained. He was enjoying himself greatly now. Yes, Bilbo was demeaning himself slightly for the sake of the dragon, but the joy he got from stringing the beast along and twisting its emotions with smooth words was more than compensation for any lost pride.

The beast purred lowly, “Well done. I may make your ending more tolerable than that of the others, when the time comes of course. So then, what was your reason for disturbing me? Nothing so prosaic as revenge I hope.”

“Alas, you see right through us. We came to cast you down, to bring ruin to your reign, to return this kingdom to its rightful people.” Bilbo stopped short, realizing that he might have gotten a bit carried away in his threats, and a bit of worry finally slipped through the cracks in his defenses.

Smaug was furious. If the growling and grating of his teeth were not enough, the growing heat and light coming from him more than alerted the hobbit. “You think to destroy me! You who are so small that you might not even be seen! Truly your ego is far too large for your body, Master Barrel-Rider. Look at me, my body is hard as stone clad in iron, there is nothing that you could do to injure me.”

With that the drake stood and spread his wings, looking in the general direction of Bilbo. While the hall was large enough for Smaug to spread his wings it certainly wasn’t large enough for him to fly. With a start, Bilbo noticed that the heat of the dragon and the light emanating from his body was growing much stronger very quickly. In the moment that Bilbo stood rooted to the ground in fear he noticed the gaping bare spot on the chest of the dragon and he carefully tucked that information away before collecting his wits and bolting into the tunnel.

For the most part the tunnel was a straight shot from top to bottom, minus two curves. When he had initially descended to the dragon’s lair he had cursed the first curve having walked headlong into the wall, but now, as Smaug jammed his snout into the tunnel and spouted fire up towards the wayward hobbit, he couldn’t be more grateful. Bilbo only just rounded the lower curve as a great plume of fire and vapor filled the space of the tunnel. He ran blindly, dragging his hand along the wall of the tunnel for guidance, and his hand was the last part of his body to turn the corner, just a moment too late.

Bilbo screamed as the fire scorched his fingers, hand, and forearm but his pace never faltered. When he returned to the company they were in a panic and convinced that Bilbo had just met a very untimely and unpleasant ending.

“No, no, calm down. I’m all right, I’ve just got a little burn on my left arm but no one’s gone and died just yet,” Bilbo reassured them. There were sighs of relief and more than one dwarf thanked the mercy and goodness of Mahal.

Bofur simply wrapped his arms around Bilbo and held him tight. As Bilbo had recently been mortally terrified he accepted the hug quite happily. Only when they parted did he notice the silent tears that Bofur quickly wiped away.

“You should be more careful. I can’t go losing my One now I that just found him,” Bofur whispered. Bilbo nodded and kissed Bofur lightly. This time, unlike every other, the company looked away and said nothing, giving them a moment together after what was surely a trying morning for them both.

“Alright, lads. Let’s see that arm,” Oin called out.

The couple, Bofur unwilling to release Bilbo just yet, sat where directed and Gloin hovered with the torch so that Oin could see.

“’A little burn,’ eh? It seems you might have misjudged it a bit, Mr. Baggins,” Oin observed sourly.

“How bad then?” Balin asked.

“Oh, he’ll heal, but it’ll take time and we don’t have half of what we need to care for this here. Any chance we might be moving out soon?”

“That would depend on the outcome of Mr. Baggins’ expedition this morning,” Balin answered.

Oin grunted his response to Balin. “Well lad, for now the best we can do is to rub some salve on it and bandage it to keep it safe.”

Bofur pulled Bilbo into his lap protectively while Oin sorted his supplies from his pack. Bilbo shouted at the first touch from Oin as there was no particularly gentle way to apply the balm. Bofur called to Bifur who joined them and together the brothers held Bilbo’s arm steady while Oin worked. The hobbit bit his uninjured fist for the duration and attempted to stifle his cries.

After Bilbo had a chance to settle down and drink a mouthful of their precious water Balin directed their conversation back to the dragon, not that the dragon had been far from anyone’s mind. From the moment Bilbo had left and darted up the tunnel Smaug had been railing against everything and everyone he could think of. The entire mountain shook from his wrath. Any other subjects of conversation had been purely out of a desire for distraction.

“So, lad, what’s the report?” Balin gently inquired.

Bilbo cradled his seared hand and thought for a moment. “Not terribly good. He knows we’re here- he knows that there are dwarves, at least one elf, and something else, which I suspect would be Ellie and the boys. He also knows we’re trapped.

“I had to riddle with him to get anything out of him and I might have botched that bit. He knows we came from Laketown and he promised to visit them again in the near future. I hate to think what end those simple folks will meet for my stupidity.” Bilbo paused and sulked a minute.

“Well, there’s naught for it lad. What else?” Balin prompted.

“There is good news, though,” Bilbo started and the entire company straightened themselves as though better posture would further improve the news.

“Which would be?” Thorin pressed. Ellie still sat close and held his hand. The question was unexpected and Ellie was pleased that she was under- , rather than over- , estimating Thorin’s well-being.

“That he has a weak spot. It’s on his left breast. It might be the only way to kill him, I certainly didn’t see any other weak points.”

Balin made an approving sound and the company was left to sit in the darkness while Smaug vented his rage on the halls of Thorin’s forefathers.


	27. Chapter 27

“It’s been quiet for a while,” Kili whispered. “Maybe he’s gone back to sleep?”

“Doubtful,” murmured Dwalin, “he won’t sleep again until he thinks we’re all dead. Most likely just got it out of his system for now or taking a break.”

Xxx

The company woke to the mountain trembling as Smaug’s footfalls rang through the halls. Slowly the noise and the shaking grew softer, as though farther away, and finally it stopped altogether.

“He’s left,” Tauriel whispered.

“Then, let’s go,” Kili prodded.

Dwalin shook his head in the dim light of the failing torch, “Like as not, it’s a trap to draw us out. He probably plans to come back in shortly and finish us off. Best to just wait it out.”

Ellie spoke up. “Look this doesn’t come from anything I know, alright? But hear me out. This may be our only chance. If he goes to decimate Laketown he’ll probably need only one pass to finish them off, the place isn’t exactly well-constructed. Then, what? He’ll come back and wait. We only have enough water for another two days at most. So unless we’ve got some other plan now might be the chance we were looking for.”

“Lass, I appreciate the bravery and all but I’m not about to head down there just to get roasted,” Gloin answered.

“So what’s the plan then?” Ellie asked but no answer came.

Ellie snorted and her voice was full of frustration and disgust. “Seriously? A bunch of battle hardened dwarves and you would rather throw away our only chance to escape because you’re suddenly scared? Fine. Stay. I’ll take my sons and risk it. If we die at least…”

“Ellie, enough,” Thorin growled and she fell silent. “Pack your things. We’re heading out. There is no time to spare,” he called, the authority was strong in his voice and immediately the company sprung into action.

“What’s the plan, Thorin?” Balin inquired as he stood ready.

“There’s another door, not far from where this one lets out if I remember correctly…”

“Ah, the one from the royal chambers,” Balin remembered. “That’ll lead us right by the armory, though it might have been emptied during the attack there might still be something there.”

“Let’s move,” Thorin called.

With Bilbo in the lead, the company sprinted down the narrow passage towards a very uncertain fate. Much to everyone’s relief the treasure room was empty and all that remained of the dragon’s presence was heat and fumes.

“Over here,” barked Thorin.

There, a short ways down the wall from their tunnel, was a doorframe, half-buried behind gold.

“Which way does it open?” Ellie asked cautiously.

“In,” Thorin responded and Ellie let go of a held breath. The sheer volume of gold and other precious objects meant that if it opened out the door was a lost cause unless they had several days to dig themselves free.

Thorin approached the door and placed his palm in the center, on a gold in-laid circle.

_“This is your light! This is your word! This is your glory! Durin who is Deathless.”_

Thorin chanted the words and the gold circle glowed faintly. When he finished a gentle nudge was all the door needed before it swung open, the cascade of gold taking Thorin, Ellie, Balin, Dwalin, and Fili down with it into the passageway. They righted themselves quickly and Thorin motioned the others to follow.

“We can’t close the door, Thorin,” Bombur called from the tail of the company.

Bilbo responded first, “It doesn’t matter. He’ll already know where we’ve been by our smell and it’s not like he can follow us up here. Come on.”

Up and up the company climbed. A door opened to hallway and the company spilled out into the wide corridor. Ellie tried to focus on running but the beautiful stone work around her was breath taking. A hard right into an archway deposited the group in the armory. Balin had spoken true- precious little remained but what was there was quickly divvied out to the group with little care as to who carried what and they went on.

They halted in an old bed chamber several floors up and quite a ways further along the corridor. It was large enough to accommodate the entire company and they quickly set up a base of operations in front of the empty hearth. A bathing chamber attached to the room provided a source of running water, the plumbing still working after one hundred and seventy-one years. After letting the water run for several minutes to clear the lines of debris and mineral deposits, the company happily drank their fill.

“We need to find a thrush or a raven or some smart bird that can go to Laketown,” Ellie declared.

Thorin hung his head, “It’s a bit late for that. I’m sure they already know about Smaug, sending word now wouldn’t be much of a warning.”

“I’m not looking to warn anyone, I’m looking it tell them about that weak spot that Bilbo noticed. The archers need to know about it if they’re going to be able to bring him down and save anyone at all.”

Balin shook his head, “Besides the one thrush, I haven’t seen a bird since we left Laketown. I don’t know what to do lass. There’s no way we could do anything in time.”

Ellie sighed, “We’re so fucked and it’s because of me.”

There was some shifting and when Ellie looked up all eyes were on her. “Oh, the hell with it. It’s not going to go how it was supposed to anymore anyway so I may as well tell you, then maybe we could try to think of something together.

“If the ponies were still tied up when Smaug first came out he would have chased them and left us alone. We would have been able to get out- I’ve already told you as much. At some point Bilbo would have mentioned the weak spot and the thrush would have gone to tell the captain of the archers and they would have brought him down, but now, if they’re destroyed, we’ll have to do the dragon slaying ourselves and we’ll be short an army when… later.”

Ellie leaned back against the four post bed and sighed. She was doing more harm than good, she feared, and she held onto Galadriel’s words as best she could.

Xxx

“Look, Da, a dragon!”

“That’s not funny, lad. Now get back to work.”

“But, Da, look, he’s right there!”

With an exasperated sigh the man turned and instantly blanched.

“DRAGON!!! DRAGON!!! He’s coming south along the east bank. Quick! Sound the alarms!”

The dock exploded in panic and in moments the warning bell of Laketown rang loudly. Residents ran hither and thither but little of their actions were useful. Only the guard managed anything in an orderly fashion, gathering weapons and armor and setting what meager defenses the town had in order.

“What is all this ruckus?” the wizard asked approaching one of the guard as he ran by.

“The dragon. He’s coming,” was all the young man managed as he sprinted towards his station.

Gandalf hastened through the streets and along walkways to the outer edge of the town. Smaug was nearly upon them and he spouted great plumes of fire into the afternoon air sending up a cloud of steam as he went. The wizard frowned and knit up his bushy brows at the encroaching disaster before speaking some hushed words into the end of his staff. With what appeared to be a great effort Gandalf raised the staff towards Smaug and a bright light sprung from the staff illuminating the whole of the Long Lake.

The men of Laketown scattered at the sight, certain that the dragon was set upon them, but no fire came. When the light faltered and dimmed and the steam cleared the dragon could be seen flying north along the east shore towards the Lonely Mountain. The flapping of his wings was ragged and from what could be seen of him from the city he appeared to be fighting utter exhaustion, looking as if he was about to fall into the water at any moment.

“Wha- what happened?” a guardsman stuttered as he approached.

“I sent the beast back to his hole. Hopefully, he’ll stay there until this gets sorted. Now, take me to your Master. I’ve waited on the courtesy of an audience long enough.”

The Master was only too pleased to offer any assistance, resources, and recompense the wizard might want for his continued protection of the city- all of which the wizard promptly declined.

“I did not come here to offer you pest control. I am only passing through. If you wish to offer me something of value I would have you tell me about my friends. I think that they may have passed through here recently. They were an odd group- dwarves, a woman and her children, and a hobbit. Can you give me news?”

“Yes, they left here just over two weeks ago. There was an elf with them as well, former captain of Thranduil’s guard so the others inform me. They went to the Lonely Mountain but they did not tell us more,” the master answered.

Gandalf nodded, realizing that this was the most honest thing that the man had, and probably would, say.

Xxx

The mountain began shaking yet again but after so many near misses the effect was lessened. The company did far less clinging to one another, probably due partly to having a bit of light with which to see, and even Ari seemed less scared, sitting in Nori’s lap and whispering with the dwarf as Nori stroked the child’s hair.

“Well, good thing we left when we did. That took much less time than I would have expected,” Bombur commented when the roars and tremors settled.

“It was too quick,” Dwalin grumbled. “He didn’t finish the job.”

Tauriel, who usually kept quiet knowing that her place among them was tenuous at best, added her two cents. “Something happened to him. His steps when he returned were all wrong, unsteady, weak almost.”

Thorin nodded. “The elf is right. If it was indeed a trap he would not have left so much time for us to escape. Something else has happened here. We need to find out what.”

Bilbo shook his head emphatically. “Not me. Don’t even consider it. He wouldn’t talk to me like he is now. He would just spout flame and vapor in the direction of my voice and roast me to cinders. You’ll have to find another way.”

“I vote again for finding a bird. We saw at least the one thrush and there were other birds near the shore of the Long Lake. If someone could just get out to them we’d be set,” she paused a moment and stared at Nori. “Can I volunteer you? You’re the quickest and quietest. Sneaking in and out of places is kind of your thing.”

Nori nodded wordlessly but looked to Thorin for final approval. Thorin paused before agreeing.

“If this is the way to bring ruin to the dragon then so be it.”

“I’ll go with him,” Dwalin stated flatly. Several sets of eyebrows went up but Ellie wasn’t about to step into that one.

“You can’t follow me. We both know I’m the better climber out on the rock,” Nori reasoned, having no compunction about reminding Dwalin of his many failed attempts to capture the ginger haired thief.

Dwalin glared but checked his temper, “You need someone to show you the way out, unless you’re so good you’d rather just guess your way.”

Thorin leaned forward from his spot between Ellie and Balin and the conversation ended abruptly. “Dwalin go with him. Show him the way and keep an eye out.”

“Keep an eye out”- everyone heard the unspoken meaning. Keep the thief from doing what thieves do. Nevermind that the mountain had no inhabitants save for those present in the room, plus a dragon. Nevermind that said thief would have nowhere to take or fence his loot. Nevermind that the thief was owed more gold and jewels than he could ever carry on his person in ten thousand trips. Nevermind any of it- reason no longer mattered. All that mattered was the gold. Ellie could see the gleam in his eye, it had come so quick that she hardly believed it, but rather than argue she drew a deep breath and prepared for the plunge into madness that she feared would threaten to consume them all.

Xxx

Dwalin stood just inside from the balcony swinging his axe through the cold air. It was a small opening cut into the bedchamber of some late noble or official. Nori crept outside hours ago and Dwalin was getting impatient. The dragon hadn’t so much as moved that he could tell but it didn’t make what Nori was doing any safer.

“Let’s go back.”

Dwalin whirled around, axe in hand, and stared at the dwarf that had materialized behind him. Nori had a small grin on his face and Dwalin snarled.

Nothing was spoken between them on the return trip. Dwalin had done his job, the rest of the details were unimportant to him. Thorin, Balin, Ellie, and whoever else could sort that mess.

“Where were you? You’ve been gone hours,” Thorin barked as soon as they were in the room.

Dwalin turned to Nori and stared, as though to prompt him.

“I had to walk far to find what we needed. I ended up in the ruins of Dale before I found Roac. She could speak in the common tongue and said she was one of the ravens of the court before Smaug. Apparently, Smaug never made it to Laketown. She said a bright light nearly knocked him out of the sky and after that he came back. I told her about Bilbo’s find and she immediately dispatched several other ravens to Laketown to spread the news of the weakness. Now that she knows we’re here she said that a raven would wait at the balcony where I left so that we might exchange news without so much danger.”

Thorin nodded curtly. He remembered Roac as a child, she was a commanding presence, bird or not. He was pleased that Nori had found them such a useful ally but it was only that pleasure that kept Thorin from suspecting something more from him, or rather acting on said suspicion. He had been gone an awfully long time and then admitted to sneaking out the mountain and into the ruins of Dale. There truly was no telling with whom he had conspired during that time, but Thorin let it go for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I made Roac female. Tolkien did a piss poor job of making useful women in Middle Earth. There, now we have one, bird or not.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for torture, flashbacks, and PTSD. And here you thought that was over.

The company found their way to an old store room late into the evening. Much to their pleasure there were tightly sealed bins of oats, barley, beans, rice, and honey which seemed to have lasted the long desertion, no doubt due to the long refined storage practices of the dwarrow. The cargo was merrily carted back to their room along with a few armloads of wooden furniture which Dwalin and Fili hacked up for firewood. Dinner would be hot and they would be warm for the night. Absolutely no one was complaining for that turn of events.

The company remained sedate, as sedate as might be expected of dwarrow at any rate, and the evening became relaxed. Kili had acquired several decks of cards and a large jar of buttons before leaving Laketown and there were several rounds of poker to be had. The warmth and glow of the fireplace had the couples of the party curling together and relatives being casually close with each other.

The evening was wearing on and a slight breeze swirled in the room before a burst of wind whipped through the room. An updraft whistled out of the chamber and through the chimney into the night. The older dwarves smiled remembering that from their days of youth in the mountain.

“What causes it?” Kili asked.

“The temperature change outside. When it gets colder out there than it is in here the air in the mountain gets pulled out through the smoke holes. It always happens more strongly in the rooms that have lit fires which is why it’s so strong in here right now,” Balin explained. Kili nodded his understanding but Ellie wondered exactly how well he understood the Stack effect or the concept of convection.

The younger dwarves did not seem remotely pleased with the sudden air-currents in their temporary bedchamber and light grumbling could be heard. It seemed only to amuse Balin and Dwalin.

Several minutes later, the fire still being strongly pulled up the chimney, another gust of wind pulled harder through the room creating a whooshing sound against the flames.

“Does it ever stop?” Kili grumbled.

Fili chuckled and looked up at Nori, waiting for the other to raise or fold, when he saw Ellie leaning against the far wall with her knees drawn to her chest and her hands pulled tight around herself. Her lips were moving as she mouthed the prayer that she used to ground herself and her eye was closed tight. It wasn’t a sight he ever got used to before Mirkwood and even then the sounds of her panicked memories weren’t any easier to bear.

“Oh, no,” he whispered and dropped his cards in front of himself as he quickly picked his way across the room. No one had noticed her until Fili said something and the room was deadly silent in the space of a heartbeat. Another second and Kili came bounding across the room, nearly falling in Dori’s lap on the way.

The brothers spoke in hushed voices sitting on either side of Ellie but still maintaining a distance as their old ways seemed, for some reason, to kick in at that moment. When Ellie didn’t respond Fili gently laid a hand on her shoulder and the reaction was immediate.

“I don’t want to remember anymore, I don’t want to remember anymore, please, please make it stop, please…” her voice was consumed by wracking sobs and the princes enveloped Ellie in a tight embrace until the shaking and pleading subsided.

In their month of freedom this was the closest she had come to a panic attack or flashback. In some ways it had been harder to just listen to her cries as she fell to pieces in the cell, but in others it was easier. They hadn’t had to watch her face and see how truly pained she felt. So many times she rode the waves of remembrance silently and her comrades never knew, but what she kept quiet could still be seen on her face by the light of the hearth and there was no denying even the slightest ounce of  
agony on her person.

When she had gathered some of her wits together and the brothers had lent her back her personal space Thorin approached.

“May I sit with my wife?” he asked. The tone of his voice was serious and commanding but there was a slight smile with it, gently jesting with his nephews for again rushing to Ellie’s side when the responsibility was rightfully Thorin’s.

Fili moved a few feet away from Ellie but remained within reach should she need reassuring. Kili returned to Tauriel knowing he was one person too many in his aunt’s space for the time being.

Thorin wrapped his arms protectively around Ellie and wound his fingers in her hair, his eyes again clear and warm as he cradled his wife. At first Ellie didn’t react to the gesture and Thorin began to think better of sitting with her, clearly his nephews could comfort her more effectively, but she shifted and was suddenly in his lap. For her extra height and slight, but larger, frame she appeared no more than a child when curled so closely in upon herself. Thorin pulled her close and put his face in the hair at the top of her head. The gentle rocking motion of her husband’s heartbeat and breathing tore away at the images in her eyes and the fear in her body and she yielded, relaxing, into the whispered words.

“I am here with you _yâsithuh_ you need fear nothing. No one will hurt you now. It’s over, they’re gone. You will never come to harm with me or by me or by any of my people. You are safe here with us.” Thorin repeated variations on a theme until Ellie turned her head from his chest to look out over an arm.

“Better?” he gently asked.

Ellie nodded. “Better,” she choked out.

The light air of happiness was over. The poker games ended as the players threw their cards together and brushed their piles of buttons back into the jar. In the silence time passed slowly but eventually Ellie sat up and shook off the remnants of her memories. Ellie asked for water and as she drank another gust of air drew up the chimney. Unprepared, Ellie managed only to hold on to the water skin as the pain overtook her.

“This might sting… just a little.” The warning came with a twisted grin.

Of course it would sting, in fact it would burn like she had only experienced a few times before- all of those times having been earlier in the day. When the tip of the flame was just close enough to leave little blisters on the top of her skin Vincente pulled it away.

“You know, I’m really liking this dynamic we have here.”

He moved the torch closer again and left a small trail of reddened flesh. Ellie flinched and whimpered, too exhausted and weak to scream again for so little pain.

“I burn you and you scream. I wonder how your little boy would sound if I were to do the same to him.”

Ellie’s eyes snapped open, “NO!!! Don’t hurt him! Please, please… what do you want? I’ll…” The begging was cut short by a roaring scream as the flame of the blow torch was brought in full contact with her largely pregnant stomach.

“I think that’ll keep me busy enough with you, _señora_ , for now.”

Ellie wanted to fight, protest, or even just cry but she had spent so many tears that she just hung her head and waited until the flame slowly licked another stripe up her ribs. When he stopped, she sagged against her bonds while the pain faded to something less soul rending and Ellie noted the quiet snick of a switchblade. The metal was cold against her burns and she appreciated the contact, unthinking of the implications, until Vincente slowly dug the tip of the knife into her burnt flesh and lifted it away.

“ _Necesitamos drenar estos vejigas._ Wouldn’t want you take infection, probably wouldn’t be good for the little one.”

The pain was comparable to the flame and she screamed as he slowly punctured each blister and peeled back the blackened bits of skin with the tip of the knife.

Thorin held her tight while she screamed and Fili poured water on her hands, but nothing seemed to get through. Eventually Thorin motioned Fili away.

“She’ll just have to wait this one out. There’s nothing we can do for her,” he explained. Fili sagged against the wall and dropped his head.

Waiting it out took half an hour and rather than wake from the memory Ellie slipped into an uneasy sleep still wrapped in Thorin’s arms. The sound of Ari’s squeals of delight and laughter contrasted sharply with the screams of pain and terror and the wrecked pleas for mercy. Ari had, months ago, begun to pretend that nothing was wrong when Ellie panicked. He would perk up, as if the situation was somehow enjoyable, and babble with whoever would engage him. Tonight that someone was again Nori and the two played a game of keep away with a ball the thief had confiscated from Laketown. Nori’s attempts were halfhearted at best but Ari didn’t care so long as someone distracted him. Bran, being so used to the outbursts from birth, had eventually developed a tolerance and played with a handful of buttons that Kili and Tauriel had portioned out.

The group began to go back to their previous activities, minus much of the zeal of earlier, dealing out hands of poker and chatting quietly.

“So, since you two are courting,” Kili started, a devious look in his eyes, “have you staked your claim yet Bofur?” The question was directed at Bofur and Bilbo and the group erupted in muffled snorts and chuckles, though they were very interested in the response.

“Not yet, but we’ll get there,” Bofur answered casually.

A few of the dwarrow snickered again and Bilbo worked up the nerve to ask Kili what he meant.

“What do you mean by ‘stake your claim?’”

The question was so innocent that the room was lost in a chorus of laughter and the poor hobbit turned beet red, his Tookishness taking its leave for the moment.

“It’s a crude way to ask if you’ve laid together, laddie,” Balin explained helpfully. Bilbo turned his head to Bofur so fast Oin wondered if it would give him whiplash, but the hobbit did nothing more than stare incredulously.

“It’s alright Bilbo. There’s no need to rush it,” Bofur offered laughing to himself.

Bilbo began sputtering various syllables before finally concocting something intelligible. “But that doesn’t make you courting, it makes you married right? I mean, that’s what happened with Thorin and Ellie. And how does… I mean… what… how…” Bilbo trailed off, unable to finish the question that bothered him the most.

“It’s not the same when two males court. Laying together may or may not mean anything when there’s not a dam involved. You two happen to be courting but lots of dwarrow go for a tumble now and again and nothing comes of it since they’re craft wedded. For you two there’s nothing to worry about since you’ll have no offspring so there’s much less to-do about it. Just a quick blood oath and then you’re married,” Balin explained. “Now as for how that works, well laddie, you might be best asking your partner there,” the old dwarf nodded to Bofur and smiled conspiratorially.

Ellie had awoken at the first eruption of laughter and was watching from Thorin’s lap through a half-lidded eye. She snickered at the thought of Bofur explaining coupling to Bilbo and Thorin chuckled lightly as well, rubbing her back. Much to everyone’s delight Bofur leaned over to Bilbo and began whispering in his ear with a cupped hand. The hobbit was nearly flushed purple by the time Bofur sat back and his eyes were wide with what appeared to be a mix of worry and possibly anticipation.

There was a bit more laughter at Bilbo’s expense, especially when the hobbit whispered what seemed to be a hundred questions in Bofur’s ear all at once. The couple retreated several feet from the group to rest against the wall and share a quiet and informative conversation. Tauriel seemed not entirely sure of the conversation that had just happened and Ellie couldn’t pass up the opportunity to make light of her discomfort.

“Kili, I think Tauriel might need some explaining too. It seems elves might be in the dark on male to male relations,” Ellie interjected. All heads at once turned to the curled up form on Thorin’s lap and then, after they were satisfied to see her better, turned to Tauriel. The elf blushed furiously and shook her head.

“Do you want an explanation too?” Kili asked. He sounded innocent enough but everyone knew that it only meant that the prince was up to no good.

“That will not be necessary. I am certain that I can deduce the manner by which two males would bed one another.”

“You could deduce it… or you could let Kili show you. I imagine he might be willing,” Nori quipped.

Dori gasped and punched his brother in the shoulder but Kili and the other dwarrow laughed uproariously and Tauriel blushed to match Bilbo. Ellie laughed so hard she toppled out of Thorin’s arms to the floor.

“Well, there’s at least one person in the room who isn’t confused,” Fili joked.

Ellie knew the joke was directed at her and smiled. “Not in the least bit. Same sex marriages are common enough where I’m from. Bet I even know about some things y’all don’t.”

“Oh, lass, do tell,” Dwalin goaded.

Ellie righted herself and sat beside Thorin, still under his arm. “I’m betting that with the general shortage of dams that there aren’t any lady pairings amongst your folk.”

“And there are with yours?” Dori gasped.

Ellie smiled. That she could so easily scandalize the elder dwarf was a source of unending entertainment. “We have an equal number of men and women. Some men pair off and some women pair off. For all you know about lying with a male there’s just as much to know about two ladies together.”

“And how would a lass like yourself be knowing about such things?” Gloin asked with a grin.

Ellie paused a moment and thought how best to phrase her answer. “People talk and let’s just say there’s a fair amount of extra-curricular activities to be had in college. Information is readily available, not that any of you will ever have need for such knowledge.”

Again the air whooshed up the chimney and Ellie flinched and shrunk back against Thorin. He pulled her tight. It passed and she relaxed once more; the memory that had crested so strongly an hour ago only left a lingering pain in her body, not enough to strike a new panic.

“I hope someone brought some extra leather oil. I can think of two somebodies who might be needing it sooner rather than later,” Ellie quipped and a fresh round of laughter erupted. She found that joking always made the pain easier and no one argued. It was easier for everyone when the mood lightened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, I am not implying in any way that Ellie would be better in so short a time after a flashback, but distraction is a wonderful thing. In my experience marinating in your own memories is generally not helpful to gaining a bit of emotional stability after flashbacks or panic attacks.
> 
> Necesitamos drenar estos vejigas.  
> We need to drain these blisters.


	29. Chapter 29

It was late the next morning when Smaug finally made another attempt on Laketown. Once gone, Nori and Dwalin returned to the balcony Nori had slipped out of the previous day and waited for a raven to meet them. They sat against the wall of the balcony looking out over the railing towards Dale. Dwalin refused to look at Nori and the thief, ever patient as an artifact of his profession, carefully cleaned his nails for the twentieth time using that slender blade he kept up his sleeve without regard to the guard at his right.

“What’s that?”

Dwalin motioned to the horizon south towards Laketown and Nori’s knife disappeared into some unseen location. There was a white and gray smudge on the lake but the sun shone in the balcony from the east and reflected from the polished stone of the wall impeding their eyesight.

“Is there somewhere else we could go to look? The light here obscures my sight,” Nori responded.

Dwalin grunted an agreement and stood, motioning Nori to follow. They walked through several corridors and down two flights of stairs to the terrace over the old front gate to the mountain. Dwalin remembered better times as he walked across the stone parapet looking across the Long Lake for better view of what they had seen earlier.

“Looks like a large fire and maybe some steam,” Nori observed.

Dwalin nodded his agreement. “Let us hope that the beast met his end as Ellie had predicted.”

“Aye,” Nori agreed.

They stood staring across the long miles and wondering what destruction had befallen the people of the floating town. Surely they were crass and uncouth but Dwalin remembered the destruction that the dragon brought those long years ago and he wished it on no one. He paced on the walkway remembering their old lives, absorbed in thought, and he didn’t notice the fissures in the rock under his feet until it was far too late.

“Dwalin, no!!!” Nori shouted. He turned from watching the growing smudge of grey and white in time to see Dwalin step out onto the bad rock.

The floor shifted and began falling away in large sections. Nori ran down the walkway towards the gaping hole to find Dwalin hanging on the edge with one hand.

“Don’t move I’m coming out there,” Nori instructed calmly.

“Don’t be a fool. We’ll both go down if you come out here,” Dwalin paused as the walkway tipped slightly farther. “Leave me! GO!!!”

Dwalin’s commanding voice, which worked on every other member of the company save Balin and Thorin on most occasions, had no effect on the thief who had been ignoring that particular tone in the guard’s voice for decades. Nori gingerly ambled out onto the cracking rock and laid on the edge offering a hand.

“I’m out here, you might as well take my hand,” he muttered to the dangling dwarf.

With a great heave, Dwalin tossed his axe from his free hand far behind Nori to stable ground and then let his comrade pull him to safety. Once standing on the rock Nori put his hand out to halt Dwalin’s movement.

“Step where I step, nothing sudden, nothing forceful. Got it?”

Nori didn’t wait for Dwalin to answer as he set out across the walkway. In seconds that felt like hours the pair was on solid ground and they beat a hasty retreat back to the chamber where they were supposed to be waiting before taking stock of themselves.

“You alright?” Nori finally asked as they leaned heavily against the wall of the balcony looking at the growing plume on the horizon.

“Think I did something to my wrist, but I’m fine,” Dwalin answered.

Nori put his hand out, “Let me see.”

Dwalin grunted and hesitated before finally extended his left arm. Nori carefully undid the straps to the knuckleduster and turned the already swollen appendage in his hand. It was the arm that Dwalin caught himself with as he went over the edge and the force of the fall pulled the joint apart.

“It’s dislocated, but it’s a quick fix. Hold tight.”

Dwalin had done this before for students and shield-brothers but had never dislocated a wrist himself, although his shoulders were a different story. Nori’s motion was quick and unexpected, the best way, and Dwalin managed only to make a deep growl in his throat. Nori released his hand and sat back staring into the distance. Neither wanted to talk about what just happened nor what lay in front of them, but as time passed Dwalin continued to shift and glower at Nori periodically.

Finally, Nori sighed and shifted. Still looking away south he said, “I did it because you would have done it. That’s what it is in the company, is it not?”

“Aye, I just thought you might hold it against me after all these years- the arrests, the prison, the interrogations.”

“Nah, nothing personal. You did your job, I did mine. Out here it’s different, been through a lot, wouldn’t have left anyone out there.”

Dwalin huffed what sounded like it was intended as a laugh. “Never thought I’d live to see the day- a thief with honor.”

“And you won’t live to see another if you tell anyone.” Nori looked at Dwalin as he said it and his voice sounded deadly, but there was a light smile on his face.

“Aye, I imagine not,” Dwalin chuckled.

Another two hours passed by and the clouds on the horizon wafted higher into the sky where the winds far up caught them and drug them eastward. There remained no doubt as to Smaug’s earlier activities. Finally, Nori saw a faint black dot growing from the direction of Dale. He nudged Dwalin and pointed and the guard simply nodded. They stood in time to meet the raven.

The message was simple. The information about the weakness was appreciated and Smaug was no more. The dwarves gave the raven, one of Roac’s granddaughters, a leather pouch of small rubies that they had found in an adjacent room as payment, and asked her to keep them informed. They made their way back to the others stewing silently over the day’s events.

The company was overjoyed for a moment before the reality of Laketown set in. Thorin took that as his time to remind everyone that there was work to be done and by work he meant finding the Arkenstone.

In a vague and unclear manner Nori and Dwalin warned the company of bad rock before setting out. Thorin took Balin to the throne room to look for the gem and everyone else made their way to the hoard deep below. The children found toys of gold and silver and entertained themselves endlessly while the adults quietly picked their way through the mountainous pile of treasure.

Thorin and Balin joined the company some time later but as the day wore into the evening with no result they had to admit defeat and return to higher ground for dinner. If Ellie thought that there was tension in the air last night during her flashback she was unprepared for the truly dour attitude that Thorin and the others bore.

Ellie remembered some of the partiers that she knew in college. They were never friends but somehow they managed to run across one another more often than not at social functions and gatherings. Some of the less reputable had obvious drug addictions and she could tell, as could everyone else, when they needed a fix, which was generally always. When they took a hit of whatever they were addicted to they were calm, peaceful, and somewhat normal for a little while, at least relative to previously, but as soon as the drug began to wear away they were always looking for another hit. It was like they had lost something but didn’t realize it and they would go on with a sour attitude until the next time they scored. It was like that with the dwarves from the moment Bilbo brought back the bejeweled goblet. At first it was weak, there being other things to take precedence, mostly in the form of a live fire drake, but after they had briefly run through the hoard, and especially after Smaug was killed, it had been slowly building. Cynically she wondered to herself when they would start scratching themselves.

Xxx

The days wore on and the general mood grew more and more foul. No luck had been had in locating the Arkenstone, none that had been mentioned at any rate, and if the company was not eating or sleeping they were searching for it. Thorin had sent word to the Ironhills when the next raven came and Dain replied by sending five hundred soldiers to help secure the mountain. In the meantime, the ravens reported that the elves of Mirkwood and the remainder of the army of Laketown were planning to come to the mountain when the remains of the floating city had been stabilized.

Once the fires in Laketown had been put out and the survivors all moved to the shore, the matter of rebuilding was at hand. Laketown, even at its most prosperous, was never quite so well off as the Shire. They had little resources and nearly no funds to secure more. Apparently they thought to seek for the mountain and appeal to Thorin for some assistance, but unfortunately for them Thorin had no such intentions. In fact, the King Under the Mountain flew into quite a fit of pique when the raven informed him of said facts. After that, Ellie took to sleeping between her nephews again and Thorin didn’t seem to notice or, if he did, he didn’t care.

With the news of the impending arrival of the men and elves Thorin delayed the search for the Arkenstone to shore up the front gate to the mountain. Their company was hardly enough to hold off armies and the idea of letting them into the mountain to sack it, in Thorin's words, was not acceptable.

Xxx

“I spoke with Roac again. Bard, Thranduil, and Gandalf are asking you to sit in council with them,” Balin repeated for the fourth day in a row.

“My response is unchanged,” Thorin said with as much coldness as Ellie thought possible for a living being. “Any word from Dain?”

“Aye, they’ll be here at midday tomorrow.”

“Good. Maybe their numbers can speak for us.”

Balin sighed silently and moved to his place beside Thorin in his searching.

Xxx

Ellie had cornered Tauriel on the third day of their search on the premise that she needed to speak with the elf about a womanly matter and no one had dared question it.

“You need to watch yourself. Don’t speak to anyone but Kili and maybe me and Fili unless spoken to. Unless the matter is dire just obey whatever command Thorin makes. He’s not thinking clearly and if you give him even the slightest reason to distrust you anymore than he does I can’t promise something bad won’t happen,” Ellie admonished.

Tauriel looked quizzically at the woman, “And you? Are you and your children safe?”

Ellie sighed, “No, not remotely, which is why I don’t sleep near Thorin anymore.”

“And the hobbit?”

“Whatever you do don’t be seen speaking to him, don’t even be near him. He’s tough and he can take of himself. After today, stay with Kili at all times, preferably within sight of the others,” Ellie warned.

Tauriel nodded grimly and they quickly returned to the bedchamber where the others waited. Ellie sat between her nephews and played quietly with Bran. Tauriel sat so still and quiet that, after a time, even Ellie forgot her presence.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gold sickness and things happening. 
> 
> Also, you know that non-con tag at the top? Today's that day. It's attempted, NOT completed, but there's some domestic violence involved.

The next day started off better than the preceding days if only because Thorin was convinced that he could avoid a potential war with the arrival of Dain and indeed it appeared that way as the dwarrow from the Iron Hills broke camp. Dain met, briefly, with Bard, Thranduil, and Gandalf and it was made clear that should anyone attempt to take the mountain by force they would have the children of Mahal to reckon with. However the stalemate that ensued lasted all of three hours.

Roac had sent out messengers to neighboring raven settlements with the order to keep watch and return any information to the mountain. Thorin paid Roac and her spies handsomely and so it was they who brought the news of the orc and goblin armies seen marching from the ruins of Dol Guldur. According to the ravens, the armies would arrive within five days.

Dain had wasted no time in forming a temporary alliance with Bard and Thranduil, although he was mightily suspicious of the latter, on the condition that the matter of the hoard be dealt with after the battle. It was quickly agreed as more pressing matters were clearly on the agenda. Thorin’s reaction to this news was spectacularly poor and most of the company kept their heads down searching continuously for the Arkenstone with the hopes of somehow appeasing their leader.

It was that night that Bilbo snuck away “for a stroll in the fresh air” and delivered the Arkenstone to Gandalf, Thranduil, and Bard.

“I have no desire to see those that I,” Bilbo paused, “call friends beset in a war over some coins and shiny rocks. I came here to see if I might be use of in avoiding such a conflict.”

Gandalf nodded and made approving sounds.

“And do your companions know that you are here?” Bard asked.

“No, but that would be the point though, wouldn’t it?” Bilbo snipped.

“So, then, Master Hobbit, what do you propose?”

“This.” Bilbo drew a dirty rag out of his pocket and unwrapped the Arkenstone.

The occupants of the tent stared in wonder at the gem in, or rather on, Bilbo’s hand. The stone was so large that it would have been a handful for one of the larger races and the hobbit’s tiny hand disappeared under the stone.

“How came you by this?” Thranduil asked, his eyes transfixed on the stone.

Bilbo glared at the elf, his disdain evident. “Same way I come by most things. I picked it up and put it in my pocket.”

Thranduil’s eyes immediately went to the hobbit’s face and he glared at the impertinent burglar. “That’s hardly conduct I would expect between friends.”

“First of all, I have made my reasons for coming here abundantly clear. Furthermore, you have no room to speak of graciousness or kindness or any such quality. I am well aware of how you treat others who are less fortunate than you and you leave much to be desired Thranduil, elf king.” Bilbo spat the title like a curse.

Bard who was vaguely aware of the incarceration of the company did not seem surprised by Bilbo’s outburst but Gandalf and Thranduil seemed quite interested.

“And you believe everything your dwarrow ‘friends’ tell you?” Thranduil asked incredulously.

Bilbo snorted, “They didn’t have to say anything. I saw it for myself and maybe if you and yours were better at keeping your halls you’d have noticed my presence. After all, I lived amongst you for over a year and let’s be honest, you didn’t actually think that they just vanished from their cells did you?”

Thranduil’s mouth gaped for just a second before snapping shut, his eyes narrowing into a glare that could cut stone. Bilbo had seen that look enough times that he just rolled his eyes and looked away.

“I brought the stone here. Do you think you might be able to negotiate something Gandalf? I just want this to end peaceably.”

Gandalf nodded and took the gem which had remained in Bilbo’s outstretched hand and gave it to Bard. “I will do my best, my boy.”

“Right then. I’ll be getting back now.”

Bilbo stood and left the tent without so much as a good-bye and stalked back to the mountain. Being the excellent thief that he was, he snuck quickly and quietly back into the bedchamber and curled up in Bofur’s arms, the company already being fast asleep.

The morning began the same as every other morning in recent memory- cram and sifting through the treasury. However, this similarity was abruptly shattered when a raven arrived with a message from Bard and Thranduil saying that they would like the pleasure of Thorin’s council and that they were willing to negotiate for it.

“What could those filthy Lake-rats and leaf-eaters have to bargain with?” Thorin snarled to no one in particular after the raven had gone.

“I cannot say, but their message is different today than the others. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to go out and see, laddie,” Balin suggested.

Thorin mumbled under his breath and then nodded. The company, anxious to see what this new bargaining tool might be, followed Thorin at a safe distance. Below the rampart stood the bowman, the elf king, and the wizard with a small guard.

“I am here,” Thorin called loudly, “but my position is unchanged. I will not give away the inheritance of my people to armed thieves. Speak quickly.”

“We are not armed thieves as we have time and again tried to explain. We only want what is our due for killing your dragon, the one that you disturbed and sent thither to destroy our home,” Bard called out in response.

“So you say, yet with you come the elves of Mirkwood who have no claim at all. If truly you wished to deal dispatch with the elves and come back when you can be trusted. You have wasted my time,” Thorin said and he turned to go.

“Thorin Oakenshield, would you not treat with us, not even for the Arkenstone?” Gandalf called as Bard held the gem aloft.

Thorin turned to see if Gandalf spoke the truth and he was immediately taken by the sight of the gem in Bard’s outstretched hand. “How came you to possess the heirloom of my family? That stone was my grandfather’s! And you, _Tharkûn ahyrunûn_ , you would go back on your word!” Thorin yelled, his rage spilling forth.

“We will gladly return you this treasure if only for a fair share of the riches you possess,” Bard replied, avoiding entirely the question of how he came by the artifact.

“You ask me to buy what is already mine! Tell me where you got it!!”

“I gave it to them,” Bilbo snipped, his irritation clear.

“You?!” Thorin bellowed in complete disbelief.

“Yes, me. You need to see what you’re doing. We’re starving to death in this mountain Thorin and you’re willing to risk war over that rock while the enemy comes down upon us to take everything, not just one stone. If…”

“Get out!” Thorin shouted as he strode menacingly towards the hobbit. “Get out of my mountain you pint-sized excuse for a burglar!”

Bilbo stood his ground and glared at the dwarf, “You would risk even the lives of your nephews knowing well what end they will come to. You have the chance to change this, don’t be a fool.”

Thorin’s rage was blind and all of Bilbo’s words that he could hear were the tone of defiance and challenge.

He gripped the slight creature by the shoulders and lifted him, shaking violently. “I should throw you over the edge! Then you could go down to join the elves since you like them so much!”

“Put down my hobbit, Thorin Oakenshield. If you do not wish to keep him in your company then please refrain from damaging him,” Gandalf commanded.

Fuming Thorin dropped the smaller man to the flagstones of the battlement and glared, “Get out now! Your fourteenth share will go with you soon enough and you may share it with the filth of Laketown as you see fit.”

Bilbo stood and looked towards Bofur who had tears in his eyes.

“Go on, you belong with him,” Bombur whispered. Bofur looked back to his brother and then to his cousin who nodded his agreement and together the pair made to secure a rope so as to repel down the reinforced front gate.

Ellie watched the sight, surprised at Bofur’s decision, and did not notice how close she was to Thorin until it was too late.

“You knew,” he spat. “You knew and you said nothing. You would betray me,” Thorin snarled.

Bilbo and Bofur paused on the edge of the parapet to watch the scene unfold.

“We agreed, you and I, that it was best if I kept the details to myself,” Ellie responded.

“Indeed, but you still shared with us when you felt it was important. Was this not important? Maybe your allegiances don’t run as deep as those of the others in our company because you’re not a dwarf.”

“It has to play out this way, Thorin. I’m sorry.”

Ellie could see Thorin’s eyes and there was no sanity left there. The dragon-sickness had completely taken the King Under the Mountain and there was no logic, no reason, no kindness left in him.

“What else are you keeping from me woman? How else do you plan to deceive me?” Thorin approached her with startling swiftness and she cringed.

“You know how this ends! What more can I tell you?” she pleaded.

“Everything! I would have you tell me every detail,” he screamed in her face.

“I can’t remember any more, Thorin. It’s been too long since I heard the story, you know how it ends there’s nothing more I could give you even if I wanted to!”

“LIES!!!” he shouted pushing her backwards. “I am your king! You owe me your allegiance! It was my people who saved you and brought you back to health, would you let us die now when you could give us the information we need?”

“I have nothing to give you! And even if I did you are not a king that I would give it to!” she shouted, forgetting for a moment the danger she was in.

Ellie found herself backed against a stone column, the party below the front gate out of sight, and Thorin not more than an inch from her face. The heat from his body was strong and she remembered the controlled strength she had felt from him the last time that they had lain together. She knew that whatever he intended to do- throw her over the edge she suspected- she would not be able to stop him and she knew no one but Tauriel and Bilbo would even try to help her.

“I am still your king as well as your husband,” he spoke. His words were so quiet against the skin of her neck that she knew none, save possibly the red-headed archer, could hear. “And if you have forgotten I will show you, I will show what is mine.”

In an instant Thorin had Ellie by the wrist and he was dragging her down a tunnel. For a moment, none of the company reacted. The royal couple disappeared from sight and rounded a corner. Moments later a door was slammed and it fell quiet.

The stillness was broken by Tauriel’s realization, incredibly slow though it was, and her sharp intake of breath. “He means to force himself on her. We must stop him!”

Suddenly, the fog of gold-lust and the inertia of obedience were broken by that horrifying thought and the group rushed forward, breaking down the door, and prying Thorin’s raging hands from Ellie. Her clothes were already torn in several places and a darkening bruise lay across her cheek.

The moment she was free she sped from the room and gathered her children to her. Ellie and Bofur used their cloaks to bind the children to each other’s backs and they departed the mountain without further ado. Once she was sure that Thorin would be restrained long enough for Ellie and the others to escape Tauriel was not far behind. She spared no words for Kili and only one glance to the parapet before she turned away, arm gently around Ellie’s shoulders.

The party that met them below the front gate looked quizzically at Ellie and her disheveled state but said nothing as they departed.

“Ellie, are you injured?” Thranduil inquired after a time, his curiousity finally getting the better of him.

Ellie straightened and Tauriel released her shoulders. “Your concern is duly noted, though hardly expected given your previous treatment of me and mine. Forgive me if I have difficulty believing your highness’ worry,” she sniped without sparing so much as a glance.

Tauriel enjoyed the barb ever so much. From the moment Bilbo was sent away she knew that she would be joining him, her welcome having long been worn out, and she wondered how she would fare again with her own people. Forgiving Thranduil was not and Tauriel suspected all that stayed his tongue and hands against her was company.

“My Lord Bard, might I request a safe place to stay in your encampment for myself and my people?” Ellie asked, mustering every ounce of proper grammar and politeness she could. Something about the action made her southern Louisiana accent all the thicker. She wondered if sounding like a Southern Belle was as effective in Middle Earth as it was on some of the traffic cops back home.

“Of course, miss,” Bard replied with more warmth than Ellie had felt in days.

“Tauriel will be welcomed back us,” Thranduil added a tad too joyfully.

Ellie shook her head, “That will not be possible as I have need of her abilities. It wouldn’t be seemly for the queen to go about with no personal guard save for a toymaker and burglar, no offense of course,” Ellie added as she nodded to Bilbo and Bofur

The couple smiled and nodded, understanding entirely why Tauriel was “needed.”

“Queen?” Thranduil sputtered and Ellie and Tauriel exchanged pleased looks.

“Indeed,” Ellie responded coolly. She offered no further explanation on the matter and changed the subject. “When I’ve gotten straightened up I will need to speak with Dain urgently. Can we arrange that?”

“Of course, m’lady,” Bard replied, changing his address to Ellie to fit her station.

“Truly you will make a fine King for Dale once this business has been settled,” she offered.

Bard, a simple man from a simple life, blushed. “You are too kind.”

The walk to the camp took over an hour and it was passed in silence other than Bran’s babbling and Ari’s constant chatter with anyone who would engage him. For most of the walk it happened that Bard, who having children of his own, engaged Ari and he was more than pleased to simply be a father and forget his worries for a short while.

When they arrived at the camp Bard let the newcomers make use of his tent while Ellie changed into a new shirt that she was lent. It was of course a man’s tunic and fit poorly but a poor fit was far more dignified than looking like she was recently mugged. Tauriel thanked Ellie for saving her from Thranduil and then insisted on checking Ellie for injuries after her encounter with Thorin. Ellie had a few bruises to her ribs and some nasty scratches across one shoulder but was otherwise fine. Tauriel cleaned the scratches and rebraided Ellie’s hair to dwarrow standards before they left to meet with Dain. Bilbo remained behind with Bran and Ari while the other three went ahead. Queen or not Ellie was not a dwarf and would need Bofur to soften the blow to the other dwarrow when she arrived.

The reception was not unexpectedly cold, especially not since Bard had sent word to Dain’s camp with a raven to announce their impending arrival per Ellie's request, but it was still unpleasant. All activity at the camp ceased the moment they were noticed and every soldier stood stock still staring without shame. Ellie walked with her head held high and her braids easily visible. If it were not for Bofur and Tauriel Ellie might have been intimidated. These dwarves were clearly seasoned soldiers, no last minute army rounded up from miners and children. The sight of them was reassuring if only because they would be competent in the coming battle.

_“Her clasp bears the rune of Thorin Oakenshield. Did they mean that she is the queen?”_

_“They look more like beggars than royalty.”_

_“An elf as guard? I value my wife more than that. He’s not fit to rule.”_

Bofur was getting more and more angry as they walked towards Dain’s tent and Ellie put a hand on his arm and shot him a pointed look to check his anger. Ellie was annoyed by the reception but mostly just amused. She was relishing the moment when she could open her mouth and shame them with fluent Khuzdul, she had always enjoyed the opportunity to prove to someone that she had been sorely underestimated.

Ellie inclined her head slightly to Dain when he met them outside his tent and Tauriel and Bofur both bowed low.

_“Hail and well met, Dain Ironfoot! I am grateful that you would welcome us here into your camp.”_ Ellie’s voice rang loud and clear in the silence and in her peripheral vision she saw several of the dwarrow cringe, realizing their mistake.

_“Hail and well met! Queen Under the Mountain, wife of Thorin Oakenshield,”_ Dain called. In a quieter voice he spoke in the common tongue, “Please join me inside where we might discuss these matters more privately.”

The guard the Bard had sent with them as an escort bowed and took his leave and the trio passed into the tent.

_“So, you are the wife of Thorin Oakenshield. You are not what I expected,”_ Dain mused as he led Ellie to a seat. _“Please, lady, what may I call you? In closed chambers, of course.”_

_“My name is Eleanor and, no, I am not what most people expect. How would you wish me to address you?”_ Ellie decided, rather spontaneously, that her given name was appropriate for acquaintances but Ellie was reserved for those closest to her.

_“Dain is fine,”_ he replied sitting down. Ellie read the slight smirk on his face to indicate that she had passed whatever test he was administering and he continued in Westron. “And your companions?”

“Bofur Brinorul of Thorin’s company and Tauriel of the Woodland realm, my personal guard.”

Dain nodded grimly, looking at the elf standing behind Ellie. With the wave of his hand he dismissed his guards to wait outside. “Should we continue our conversation in private?”

“Bofur and Tauriel both have a part to play in our discussions. Their continued presence is necessary,” Ellie explained simply.

“Then let’s dispense with the formalities,” Dain suggested.

Ellie motioned to her companions to join them in sitting. “By all means.”

“So why are you here? And, if I may, what happened to you? That bruise is still darkening.”

“I am assuming that you have been in contact with Thorin and as you know he’s not in the best of moods.”

“Hardly, but my cousin was rarely pleasant.”

“I won’t argue with that assessment, but it’s a bit worse than usual,” Ellie paused, not entirely on board with the idea of sharing the following information but knowing there was nothing else to do. “It’s the gold-sickness. He’s not thinking clearly, or maybe not at all. I’m here because I’m looking for help to see about changing his mind. Thorin aside, I don’t want to see the blood of our people, the Lake-men, or the elves spilt on account of Thorin’s hard-headedness.”

“Aye, well, what do you want me to do?” Dain asked taking a swig of ale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? I ended the chapter like that? Yep or it would have been the chapter never ends.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More flashbacks and ouchy stuff. And feels? I don't know where that came from.

“Aye, well, what do you want me to do?” Dain asked taking a swig of ale.

“Let’s just say that my experiences with dwarrow and the sickness are limited,” Ellie explained. “Bofur here was born in Khagolabbad and it goes without saying that Tauriel is of little help. I was hoping you might have some advice on the matter.”

Dain sat back and glowered at Ellie. Finally, after a minute of his astoundingly accurate impression of Dwalin he sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you. I was a babe in arms when Smaug came. My cousins told me of Thror and his madness but I never saw it first hand, although if I’m not mistaken that bruise on your face says you have,” he guessed refusing to allow Ellie to dodge the question.

“Yep. Balin told me that the only times Thror ever seemed normal was when Skraf and the children and grandchildren were around. I was hoping, especially after this morning’s little display, that there might be something else, something Balin had forgotten about.”

Dain took an angry drink from his mug and shook his head. “No dwarf should ever strike a dam, especially not his wife. Thorin truly is mad. I do not see a way to change his mind unless you can make him feel love like Balin suggested.”

“Lass, I’ve got an idea,” Bofur interjected.

Dain glared at Bofur for interrupting their conversation, but Ellie ignored his response. “Let’s have it then.”

“Obviously, I haven’t seen you two behind closed doors, but the times when he’s most tender with you is when the memories strike. Do you think we could use that to our advantage?”

Dain raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

“I think I see where you’re going with this but go on,” Ellie prodded.

Bofur shifted and looked down, “I don’t much like this idea, but if we could trigger you somehow he might be struck by a smidgen of compassion, but it’d have to be bad to do that I’m afraid.”

Ellie turned to Tauriel, “What do you think of this?”

The elf looked contemplative and then nodded. “It might be our best option. Are you willing?”

“If it’ll work then I’ll do damn near anything,” Ellie answered.

Dain cut in, “It’s all fine and well to want to get through the madness but to what end? There’s nothing we need in the mountain and their number will hardly be of use in the coming battle.”

“And the storm? Tauriel has seen it coming for days and the ravens have brought word of it more than once. It will pass before the orcs and goblins arrive, but it could kill off a lot our people and theirs as well,” Ellie motioned towards where the camp of men and elves lay across the plain. “We need the mountain for shelter from the blizzard which means we need Thorin to get the hell over himself and throw down the front gate.”

“Dwarves are hardy folk.”

Ellie rolled her one eye and sighed, “Yes, that would be obvious, but you aren’t used to weathering the winters on the surface, not to mention that unless you just want to fight all the damn orcs and goblins in Middle Earth without the help of the men or elves you might want them to live. They are our allies, however temporary that may be, and we will need them.”

Dain glared at Ellie and said nothing. After waiting more than a minute for him to respond Ellie’s patience ran out.

“I’ve spent some quality time with your cousins so you can glare all you want it’s not going to bother me,” Ellie stood and Bofur and Tauriel joined her. “But when you’re done, let me know so we can get something accomplished around here.”

Ellie turned and made to leave when Dain stood. “Wait. What do you need?”

Ellie paused a moment to check her smug expression before turning. “We need you to request a meeting with Thorin. Tell him it’s about the coming weather and that you need shelter for your troops. Don’t even bother with Bard or Thranduil’s people- he doesn’t care and it’s not important at the moment. Just get us inside the mountain. Once he agrees to meet with us we should have someone on the inside who is aware of the plan and can help us- probably Balin or Dwalin- but we have to be careful that they’re on our side before we do this.”

Dain nodded and shouted so as to be heard from outside the tent, _“Grorn! Send for a raven.”_ An unseen dwarf answered affirmatively.

In the silence that fell during the wait Bofur spoke. “How do we intend to force you into a memory?”

Ellie finally slouched and rested with her elbows on her knees, “Gee I don’t know, but we’ve got an encyclopedia’s worth of ideas to choose from.” Ellie’s voice was thick with sarcasm and Tauriel snorted lightly.

“Ellie,” Tauriel said gently, “this might be best decided without your knowledge. It would be more effective.”

“Aye, and no calming yourself down either, lass. Best be letting it run off with you,” Bofur added.

Ellie nodded stiffly. “Alright then, Bofur, you sat through all the tellings, you should work with Tauriel on the plan. I don’t know if you want to involve Dain or not, or maybe even Balin or Dwalin, but it’s up to you. Just make it ugly, but be subtle. Thorin might be nuts right now but if he figures out what we’re up to this will go south in a hurry.”

“If I could get Bifur or Bombur to…”

“No. You’re not involving them and you’re not going up. The treachery of a woman and an elf makes sense to him- whatever loyalties we have we’re not born dwarves. You are and the fact that you left with us might be enough to piss him off so much that he wouldn’t be moved if I laid down on the floor and died in front of him. Besides, he might take it out on your kin later. It’s too much of a risk. Stay here with Bilbo and watch the boys.” Bofur nodded.

“Can I get some explanation on a few things?” Dain grumbled.

Ellie nodded.

“What happened to you?”

“I was tortured,” Ellie offered, though clearly without any intention to elaborate.

“And children? I wasn’t aware that Thorin had married you long enough ago to already have a family.”

“He didn’t. The boys are my own,” Ellie explained. The sneer of disgust on Dain’s face made Ellie and the others want to slap it right back off. “Yes, it was a widow marriage and no I don’t care if you approve. There is legal precedent for our union so if there’s nothing else you can stop acting so insulted.”

Dain shifted uncomfortably for a moment before sending a murderous stare to Ellie which she was all too happy to return.

Grorn returned with a raven sometime later and Dain sent up his request for a meeting with Thorin for the following day. A reply in the affirmative arrived just over an hour after that and it was then that Ellie sent her own message by raven to Balin.

“Tarac daughter of Lorn daughter of Roac, will you take a message to Balin son of Fundin on my behalf? I have nothing to offer you at present,” Ellie apologized.

“I will gladly do a favor for the lady of the mountain,” Tarac offered.

Ellie bowed low, “Thank you. Your kindness with not be forgotten, Tarac. My message is this: ask Balin if he remembers the talk we had in Laketown about Thror and the sickness. If he does, tell him I have an idea.

“Make sure that when you deliver the message only Balin sees or hears you otherwise we risk the lives of every dwarf, elf, and man on the battlefield. If he does want to help there will be more messages later. That will be all, Tarac. Thank you again.”

The raven nodded and took flight at great speed. Ellie turned then and spoke to her companions and Dain.

“We should return to Bard’s camp, it’s getting dark and Bilbo’s watched the kids long enough.”

Tauriel and Bofur nodded and stood.

“Wait,” Dain ordered and the trio turned to face him. “As the Queen of Erebor it is unwise to make camp with those who cannot be trusted. Stay here with us where you may be heavily guarded. We might not like one another but it is my duty to protect my cousin’s wife and I will stand by that.”

Ellie spared a glance to Bofur who nodded, “Alright then. I still need to return to collect my children and the hobbit. In the meantime, you two could stay with Dain and plan out tomorrow. I don’t need to talk to Tarac anyway if Balin’s answer is what we hope.”

“Come, Eleanor, let me gather you a guard to accompany you,” Dain offered and he escorted her from the tent followed by Tauriel and Bofur.

Xxx

_“She looks like she stepped out a brothel with that bruise she’s sporting,”_ one of the guards whispered to another on the walk to Lake-men. The others snickered and Ellie had had enough. She turned and stopped the dwarf in question with a rough shove to the chest.

“What is your name dwarf?” Ellie demanded.

The soldier smirked, “Fror, m’lady.”

Ellie returned the smile with an incline of the head, “Well then, Fror, let’s be clear with one another shall we? I am Thorin Oakenshield’s wife, not a brothel woman, and you don’t have to like me but you could at least pretend that you have manners, hmm?”

Fror paused and stared, the shame on his face plain, but he did not answer.

_“I’m sorry Fror, it seems that you didn’t understand me so I’ll try in a language you might understand. Mind your manners, if you even have any, or go the fuck back to camp. I don’t have to be insulted by you every step of the way, I’ve had quite enough of that for today, thank you,”_ Ellie declared with a fair amount of authority and the dwarf bowed low.

_“My apologies m’lady. It won’t happen again,”_ he promised with a note of fear in his voice.

“Excellent,” Ellie answered dryly.

The walk resumed with quite a bit more tension than before but it was tension that Ellie found comforting. The dwarrow were more dutiful and well-behaved and there would be no more foul words from them, or anyone else once they shared their experience with the others at camp.

The boys were loud and rambunctious when Ellie arrived to collect them and clamoring all over the dwarven retinue, much to their dismay. Ellie thought it a fitting punishment for their insolence and thoroughly ignored their sounds of indignation while she spoke with Bard. Ellie expressed her thanks to the bowman. He sympathized with her situation and sent them on their way with kind words and a promise to meet again under better circumstances.

Bran promptly passed out in Ellie’s arms and Ari eventually managed to convince one of the soldiers to let him ride on his shoulders. Ari babbled constantly in a stream of mixed Westron, Khuzdul, and Sindarin that the dwarves found mildly annoying. Most of the content revolved around Daeron who had heard they boys were with Bard’s men and managed to make a trip from the elven camp to see them. There was apparently a fair amount of tag played before their former captor left and Bilbo couldn’t quite bring himself to hate that particular elf any more than he did Tauriel.

Dain, Bofur, and Tauriel were deep in conversation when Ellie returned.

“Balin and Dwalin will help us and plans have been made,” Tauriel explained while Bofur and Bilbo gently bumped foreheads.

“Great, I’m not looking forward to this one bit.” She sighed and sat on the ground with the boys, “How about dinner instead? A much more pleasant subject.”

“We were waiting for you,” Bofur mumbled while staring intently at his lap full of Bilbo.

Dain scowled at the proceedings and barked an order at the tent for food. Save for Dain’s complete disapproval of Bofur and Bilbo’s interactions and Ellie’s existence, everyone was cheerful. Ellie and the boys retired to bed as soon as dinner was finished so that the others could continue planning, although Ellie felt it was more like plotting. Bilbo, Bofur, and Tauriel joined her not long after and they piled into the familiar heap of bodies and slept soundly after a long and unpleasant day.

xxx

The walk back to Erebor was unsettling, no doubt as intended. It was made clear in the morning that once Ellie, Tauriel, Dain, and his guard broke camp there would be no familiarity between them. It had not been an exaggeration.

The reception at the Lonely Mountain was even worse. Ellie made no attempt to greet her companions and they remained silent as well. They seemed distant, most looking vaguely sympathetic and guilty, but they were cold nonetheless. If Ellie hadn’t still been so angry with Thorin it would have hurt her deeply to be so disregarded by her nephews.

The guests were shown to a meeting room which had been hurriedly cleaned. Tauriel stood behind Ellie’s chair and Dain’s two guards stood behind his. A roaring fire was burning in the hearth and with the winter storm approaching the warm air of the mountain nearly roared as it made its exit through the smoke hole. The occasional flutters and gusts from the fire made Ellie flinch. In her time in the mountain she had grown used to the sound although it still startled her from time to time. Mostly her comfort had been bought with the reflexive use of grounding and breathing but since she made a point not to do those things today her attention was easily caught each time the fire changed.

Balin stuck his head in the room and apologized for the wait, saying that Thorin would be with them momentarily, but when the door opened it was Dwalin who entered the room and very delicately shut the door behind himself. He said nothing, which in and of itself was perfectly normal, and circled the table. He stopped to the side of Ellie and she could feel his breath on her ear as he leaned down.

“It’s a shame _señorita,_ you’re quite pretty, but there’s really nothing else to be done,” he whispered.

Ellie recoiled hard from the words, and had she been able to think she would have marveled at his memory since she told them those words before they ever reached Rivendell and even then only once. Dwalin looped his finger into the hair just behind her ear and pulled hard enough to slam her head against the high back of the chair. Ellie whimpered and began shaking.

Dwalin instantly let go and left the room. Ellie calmed herself enough to look competent before Thorin entered the room but not enough to take the edge off the makings of a flashback. Thorin’s gaze could have melted stone but Ellie was still so furious with him for his actions the day before, and still in quite a bit of shock from Dwalin’s actions, that she made no attempt at obeisance. Her husband ignored her pointedly and sat.

Dain and Thorin exchanged strained pleasantries and got down to business. Ellie listened to the talk enough to be able to reply if it was needed but ultimately said nothing. Thorin alternated between pretending his wife was not in the room and glowering at her like she herself was Smaug. While Dain was in the middle of explaining troop movement and the best placement of his archers, Dwalin gently snapped his axe back into place in its holder. That particular sound had caused a panic attack before and Dwalin had been careful not to make it since.

Balin watched Ellie from the corner of his eye and noted as her knuckles went white on the armrests of the chair and her breathing got shallow. Thorin seemed not to notice and Balin waited until tears were on her cheeks to say “Breathe lass, nice and easy.”

Thorin turned his head and everyone except for Ellie watched the madness evaporate as he took in the sight. He hurried to her side and took her hand, acting entirely out of learned protectiveness for one of the most mentally fragile people in his care.

“Ellie, _yâsithuh,_ I am here. You are safe.”

Ellie drew her knees in and she sat in the chair curled up in a tiny ball pleading for the demons of her past to put away the switchblade she thought she had heard, to untie her, to please stop cutting her. Where Dain had previously thought Ellie to be weak, he and his guards now winced with each plea and shriek. Eventually Ellie began to recognize her surroundings and she clung to Thorin with all the force she could muster and sobbed into his tunic. After a minute of bending over her he gently lifted her and placed her in his lap in the chair.

When at last Ellie was still in his lap Thorin spoke gently, “Tell me what happened, _yâsithuh._ ”

Ellie swallowed and remembered her well planned lies. “The fire, it made the sound again.”

“You’ve been doing so well with the fires after the first night. What changed?”

“I… last night was… hard. I had nightmares and Tauriel tried to make it better but… I just… You said I was safe. You said you would never hurt me.” Ellie’s crying redoubled itself as the rage finally gave way to betrayal and fear and she no longer had to feign her emotions. “I was only trying to save you and the boys from harm. I don’t want to lose you too. That’s all I ever wanted, _yâsunuh._ I don’t feel safe, I can’t trust anyone anymore.”

Ellie’s words were like a punch to the gut. After night upon night of giving the woman every reason to trust him and his dwarrow he had damaged that. That trust had been so hard won, their marriage even harder in some ways. He would have admitted his guilt before all the dwarves in Arda for the pain in his heart but being Thorin his words were simpler and less poetic.

“I know. I was a fool. I will not ask you for forgiveness- I do not deserve it after what I tried to do. You have only ever been good to me and I have not earned such loyalty. I am sorry.”

Ellie almost fell out of Thorin’s arms, and would have if he weren’t as strong. The words “I am sorry” had never come out of his mouth in her presence and she had never expected to hear them. It made the weight of his apology seem so much more.

“Don’t go back to the treasury, please _yâsunuh._ Let Balin handle it all. He’s better at those things anyway and we both know his loyalty is absolute. I don’t want you to be taken by the sickness again, please,” Ellie pleaded, she buried her face in Thorin’s tunic and the dampness from her tears was cool against her skin.

“Of course, of course, I am so sorry, Ellie. After the battle, you can claim a price on me for my actions. Balin and Dwalin will hold me to my word.” Dain’s eyes widened in shock. There were two offenses in dwarven law for which someone could claim a price against another and it took little imagination to know what had transpired.

Ellie shook her head vigorously, “I don’t want to talk it about anymore, not right now. Let’s just get done what needs doing before the storm and the battle.”

Thorin nodded and Ellie moved away to allow him to stand. “We can finish here, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’m sure Fili and Kili wouldn’t mind a chance to sit with you.”

Ellie ended up sitting in for the remainder of the meeting to satisfy her need to see that everyone would indeed be allowed into the mountain for shelter. Afterwards, there were many things to be seen to and Ellie had confidence in Balin and Dwalin that they would see it done so she took Thorin’s suggestion to heart and went to find her nephews. She gave them the abbreviated, and censored, version of events and they happily spent their time with her until they were all called away to help in the efforts to ready the main hall.

It was decided that the dwarves would arrive first and help make repairs, as well as secure the hoard. The intention was that the men and elves would be able to take refuge by nightfall. The furnaces were relit with the help of a great many hands and the hypocaust soon brought the mountain to a much more enjoyable temperature. The kitchens were hastily cleaned out and brought to semi-working order so that when the men and elves finally came into the mountain just after nightfall dinner was underway. Everyone’s stores were combined and, for the first time in many days, the companies dined in relative ease.

The evening was filled with work- shoring up the front gate again, stabilizing some of the more dangerous areas, and repairing the plumbing which was a major need with nearly fifteen hundred soldiers. The air was filled with tension but after a short time working together the races seemed to realize that no one was going to off and stab someone and the mood lightened.

One point of major contention was Thranduil’s presence. Not only did every person in the company feel the need to beat the elf to within an inch of his life, and possibly further, but the elf king also continued to insist on Tauriel’s return to his people. Thorin finally made it very clear that her employ was in the hands of Ellie and Ellie had no trouble glaring darkly at the elf and reminding him that she found value in the skills of his former captain even if he did not. Ellie left Thranduil staring and agape before he could respond. The only reason that the elf didn’t shout at her was, once again, due to the presence of witnesses.

“You keep protecting me from him. Thank you,” Tauriel whispered once they were a sufficient distance from her kinsman.

“I like you and my nephew is going to marry you eventually it wouldn’t do to let family get thrown in a dungeon.” _Not that I haven’t let it happen before,_ she added to herself. “Besides, you have to admit that you enjoy seeing that asshole get all worked up and not being able to do anything about it,” Ellie pointed out.

“Yes, I must say that after all these years it does please me,” Tauriel said with her usual measured voice, though the gleam in her eye suggested that in other circumstances she might be grinning foolishly.

That night she slept next to Thorin tentatively with the condition that FIli slept on the other side of her. Thorin was amazed that she would even consent to be in the same room, much less that she would sleep near to him. The remainder of the company was uneasy with the arrangement and Dwalin even cornered her beforehand and outright asked her to sleep elsewhere. Ellie stared blankly at her cousin for a moment before realizing he was serious.

“Dwalin, I know you’re worried and you should be, we all should be. We don’t know how long before the sickness comes back, but we’re all still sleeping in the same room for lack of a better arrangement. Let that be enough for now.”

Dwalin grunted. “Someone will stay on watch in the room. I do not trust him with you.”

Ellie smiled and nodded, knowing full well that she would not win the argument. “That’s a good idea. Thank you.”

Again he grunted and nodded and after a pause he put a hand on Ellie’s shoulder. Ellie knew he wouldn’t apologize for their earlier encounter- it was a plan that she had agreed to and it had been necessary- but the look on his face showed concern.

“It was well done and I am no worse for wear,” she offered quietly.

Dwalin moved his hand to the back of her head and brought her forehead to his before walking away, the expression on his face gruff and unapproachable once more. Ellie swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. It had been harder on them than she expected, but she did not dwell on it. The coming days would be far darker.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for people behaving illogically after an attempted assault. 
> 
> Also, this is nearly entirely fluff. I can't remember what I was doing when I wrote this but clearly it involved mind altering substances. I mean this quantity of fluff is frightening.

If the previous days had been strained it was nothing compared to the day before the battle. The storm had been fierce but, thankfully, it had passed and all that remained was a few inches of snow. Ravens were coming and going every half hour with more information regarding numbers, approach, formation, weapons, and timing. The soldiers sparred and then sharpened their swords and axes for the tenth time. There was little animosity left between the races- they would fight and die together and whatever hate they may have had seemed petty and empty when faced with such a fate.

Poker had been quite the hit in previous nights, the Lake-men having brought a number of decks with them to pass the time, but that night the games were even more animated. Instruments were brought out from the hoard and from the various musicians who had thought to bring them, the last of the ale was portioned out, and the soldiers ate what they believed to be their last supper. They had heard the reports and their numbers were far too few- fifteen hundred against five thousand- and if this night was to be their last they intended to enjoy as much they could.

Of course, this being the eve of battle, everyone turned in early and when the torches went out a terror began to build in the mountain, especially among the young and the untried.

In their shared chamber the company remained together and Thorin stood in front of them at the hearth. He called Bilbo to stand.

“Bilbo Baggins, I owe you an apology. You only tried to do for us that which would save us from harm. I would take back my words to you at the gate. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. It is my hope that, should we meet no more after tomorrow, we should part as friends.”

Bilbo smiled. “Of course, Thorin. Thank you.”

“Now, we have another matter to address, Mr. Baggins.” Thorin turned his gaze to Bofur who sat next to the hobbit. “Stand Bofur and tell me, tonight, on what may be our last night, why have you two not yet wed?”

Bilbo blushed and Bofur looked at the floor. “We’ve been busy getting ready for the battle. There’ll be time enough afterwards,” Bofur mumbled.

Thorin regarded the pair sadly. “We don’t know that. If tonight is your last you should make it one to remember.” Thorin took a step towards them and drew his knife. “If this is truly what your heart desires then come forward.”

Bofur looked to Bilbo who nodded lightly and they took each other’s hands. Thorin handed his blade to Bofur and nodded.

“I, Bofur, son of Brinor, hereby pledge my life and my heart to you, Bilbo Baggins. I swear by Mahal’s hammer and forge, that I will stand by you all the days of my life.” Bofur bit his cheek as he cut his palm with the knife and he handed it to Bilbo who took the blade without hesitation.

“I, Bilbo Baggins, son of Bungo Baggins and Belladonna Took, hereby pledge my life and my heart to you, Bofur. I swear by the flowers and fruits of the Green Lady, Yavanna, that I will stand by you all the days of my life.” Bilbo cut his palm quickly, but he still flinched hard at the bite of the steel against his fair skin.

Bilbo handed the blade back to Thorin who held it, still bearing their blood, above both their heads. Bofur and Bilbo joined their cut hands and kissed. The company’s cheers were deafening and only spurred the lovers on to kiss more deeply. When they parted Oin cleaned and bandaged both their palms and handed Bofur a little tin of unguent that he hadn’t yet prepared as a salve. The room rang with cheering and laughter, made louder by Bilbo’s imitation of a ripe tomato. When the merriment abated Thorin held up his hand and the room quieted.

“As for you two, Kili and Tauriel,” he paused. The room’s occupants drew a collective breath, praying that his reason had not suddenly taken its leave once more, and the couple stood. “You, too, should think well on the matter. Tauriel, it is foreseen that Kili will die tomorrow, I don’t know the ways of your people, but…” The mood of the room shattered with that declaration, many had suspect as much with some of the words Ellie had let slip, but knowing it was different. It was the question everyone had asked in hushed tones since Ellie’s knowledge was first truly understood- who would die? That it would be second youngest, one of the merriest, one of the princes, was crushing, but Tauriel didn’t falter. Kili had already told her.

Tauriel bowed her head and interrupted. “My lord, it does not matter whether we marry or not, my heart is given and it cannot be undone. I will never love another, so it is with my kind.”

Thorin nodded, “Very well. You have proven yourself trustworthy; you safe guarded my wife when I could not and for that I am grateful. I expect that you will fight to protect my nephew tomorrow. Kili,” Thorin turned to the brunette prince, “you will be responsible for your wife. Guard her with your life, she has given up much for you. Do not let it be in vain.”

Kili and Tauriel looked at one another with wide eyes before hastily bowing to Thorin in thanks for his blessing.

“Tauriel, do you have kinsmen you wish to join you for this?” Thorin asked.

“No, my lord. My family is dead. I was raised by Thranduil and I have no interest in his blessing or his presence.”

Kili leaned to Tauriel and whispered, “Legolas. You still love him and he is as your brother. He should be here to stand as your kin.” Tauriel smiled and nodded and imparted that information to Thorin.

“Very well, Dwalin. Please summon King Thranduil’s son to a private audience regarding his kinswoman.”

Dwalin was gone in an instant and the interim time was spent removing all braids from the couple’s hair and combing Kili’s matted tresses.

“Uncle, I don’t have clasps for the braids,” Kili suddenly remembered.

Balin smiled, “Ah, lad, we might have planned for that.” The old dwarf pulled two ornate and beautiful clasps of gold from his pocket. “I picked these up from the treasury this afternoon.”

Kili took the clasps he was offered and turned them in his palm with awe. “They bear my name in Cirth and Tauriel’s in Tengwar. How… you couldn’t have just found them like this.”

“Nay, I found two that were plain. Gloin did the engraving with a bit of help from that elf-lad, Daeron.”

Wordlessly, Kili passed the clasps to Tauriel who smiled brightly. “These are beautiful. Thank you. I am honored, truly, my lords.”

There were smiles and pats and kind words in the meantime.

Legolas entered the room with a look of worry on his brow but took the time to bow lightly to Thorin nonetheless. “My lord, Mister Dwalin said the matter was urgent.”

“Indeed, your kinswoman Tauriel requires your assistance. Someone must be present to give her in marriage to my nephew,” Thorin stated as though the matter were obvious and commonplace.

Legolas stared at Tauriel with wide eyes. _“Is this true Tauriel? You are to wed the dwarf?”_ he asked in Sindarin.

_“I am. My heart is given, the ceremony is all that remains. Will you stand with me? I have no one else.”_

Legolas gaped for a moment and then smiled, knowing that if her heart were already given it would be no use arguing, _“It would be my honor.”_

Tauriel nodded to Dwalin who appeared to again be the de facto officiant and Dwalin took the center of the room, holding his hammer high. Tauriel stood to Dwalin’s left with Legolas behind her and Kili to Dwalin’s right with Thorin. Dwalin recited the traditional blessings and Thorin and Legolas spoke their lines with Balin whispering the appropriate words to Legolas when needed. Tauriel braided Kili’s hair before kneeling so that he could braid hers. The elf didn’t even get a chance to stand before Kili kissed her passionately. Again there was boisterous cheering and shouting. Well wishes for long lives and plentiful children filled the night air.

When they parted Thorin gave them directions to private quarters for the night and the couples left quickly.

“ _Yâsunuh_ , might we find our own privacy?” Ellie whispered as Thorin sat beside her.

Thorin shook his head and looked darkly at Ellie. “Do not offer me such a thing. I have not earned that privilege.”

“Who says I’m doing it for you? Tonight will most likely be our last. I want to remember it well. Don’t deny me this, Thorin.”

Nodding his assent Thorin stood and offered Ellie his hand. Wide eyes followed as they left the room and Dwalin waited a moment before following at a respectable distance. He may be willing to lay down his life for Thorin but he was not willing to trust him again, not just yet.

Xxx

They lay intertwined on the rapidly cooling stone floor. They hadn’t planned this out like Balin had done for the other two pairs and so they made due with a storage closet with unoccupied floor space. Thorin had confiscated a torch from the hallway when they found the room and it leaned against the far corner casting a pale red glow on their exposed skin.

“Thank you for this. Your trust means much to me. I cannot say that I would have been able to do the same if I were in your place,” Thorin whispered, guilt heavy in his voice.

Ellie buried her face deeper against his chest and he carded his fingers through her loose hair. “I needed to know that you were free from it. I needed to trust you. I wanted to say goodbye properly. A real goodbye, not... not like with Isaac begging from just out of reach,” she shuddered and her voice cracked. Thorin pulled her tight and kissed the top of her head. “…not like what I expect tomorrow.”

She could feel his body tense under hers but his grip remained steady.

“It’s for the best, _yâsithuh_. I am not fit to be king. Fili, Mahal willing, will make a fine leader. He was not raised in Erebor. He has the heart of an honest dwarf, raised in hard work and a simple means. He will not fall like I did. The gold does not mean anything to him more than a means of food and shelter, a home for his people.”

“I agree, Fili is good and he will be a great king one day, but don’t go getting yourself killed just to move up the timeline.”

Thorin laughed, “I have no intention of that. I just… I know it’s my time. I can feel it. I’ve been to battle before and there’s always a dread, a fear, a darkness that feels like it will crush the breath out your body, but I haven’t felt that. I feel at peace, finally, after all these years. Does that make sense?”

“Not at all. I’ve never been to battle. I don’t know what’s coming and it scares me to death. I don’t want to die, I don’t want to kill, I don’t want to lose anyone else and the idea of being at peace is one I haven’t given any thought to for quite some time.”

“No, I imagine not,” Thorin sighed. “I would ask you to stay safe in the mountain but I know that you would never obey me.”

“Of course I wouldn’t. If we lose Erebor will fall. The children and I would die either way, and supposing we did manage to escape we have no home, nowhere to go, no family other than those present. This is my fight as much as it is yours. Don’t even try,” Ellie said with the slightest edge of challenge in her voice.

“I would not try… You know, you and my sister Dis will get on nicely. She’s every bit as stubborn as me and I’m sure she’ll love knowing how you keep me in line,” he mused.

“She could give me tips,” Ellie joked. Her smile faded quickly when she realized that there would likely be no need for such a thing and she curled tighter against the dwarf. “Who will inherit me, Thorin? And if the story should prove true tomorrow, could you name someone else ahead of time to rule Erebor? Dain is kind of an ass and I don’t trust him.”

Thorin laughed heartily, “Yes, Dain is most definitely an ass. It is a family trait I’m afraid. I could write something to make Balin next in line but I worry that I would be bad in the long-term. It could divide our house and possibly cause a civil war. It might be best to leave well-enough alone in that regard. And as for who you will marry, there are options. Dwalin and Oin are unwed as is Fili. You will have a say in the matter as will they.”

“Not Fili, he’s too young to be forced into a marriage like this. Besides, he’ll need to be making dwarf babies for heirs, half-breeds, regardless of who got with whom, aren’t gonna fly. Oin is so damn craft-wedded that he probably wouldn’t even notice me and Dwalin is about as pleasant as a rock in your boot. Lovely choices, those.” The sarcasm dripped from Ellie’s words. Thorin nodded to himself and they fell silent a while.

Eventually they redressed and made their way back to the company. If they noticed Dwalin trying to pretend that he was asleep next to his brother they said nothing. Bilbo and Bofur had returned and were happily situated between Bombur and Bifur, each with little braids behind their ears to mark their union. Kili and Tauriel returned shortly thereafter and lay next to Fili, the smiles on both their faces too much to bear for Thorin and Ellie, and so they turned away and sent up prayers to Mahal that tomorrow would not be the end of their happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: BOFA.
> 
> I guess we needed that fluff after all.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOFA... or BotFA... or BoFA... or whatever acronym makes you happy...
> 
> Expect death and fighting and gore and ouchies (I typed that before I realized I wasn't talking to a two year old). 
> 
> BTW be sure to read the "End Notes." There's some info there that you might want to know (or, considering it, you might not). Read it anyway.

A raven came in the early morning warning that the orcs had increased their speed and would be upon them before day break. Horns rang out in the mountain and the armies sprang to life. Breakfast was comprised of lembas for all, there not being enough time to make a proper meal, and the soldiers checked and re-checked their weapons and armor as they fell into their ranks.

Two hours before the dawn the mountain was emptied. Kili and Tauriel went with the ranks of archers. Thorin, Dain, Bard, Gandalf, and Thranduil stood at the head of the army to lead their peoples. Ellie was in the dwarven ranks between Nori and Bifur. Bilbo was a few feet away occupying nearly the same physical space as Bofur. The children had been locked in an empty room with food and water and blankets, but no fire. With any luck it would simply be yet another day like those spent in Mirkwood- boring, uneventful, and entirely unmemorable.

Ellie took the chance with Nori to ask him something she had meant to do weeks ago.

“Nori,” she murmured quietly.

The thief looked at her with worry, “Aye.”

“I want to ask you favor.” Ellie watched until the dwarf nodded before continuing, “If I die and there’s no one to claim the boys would you raise them for me?”

Nori’s eyes grew large and he stared for a moment before realizing that he needed to respond. “Why me?”

Ellie chuckled. “Seriously? Ari loves you. Sure, Bran’s too young to really know the difference, but you’d be good for them.”

“Me? Good for children? Sure, I’ve protected them, but I hardly think anyone else in all Arda would call me a good influence. I’ve no honorable craft to teach them.”

“Did you ever consider that you could use those skills to benefit the kingdom? There’s always need of intelligence and information gathering. You know people Nori, you have contacts. Someone who’s always been in the guard can’t match that. If you wanted to go honest you would be a huge asset and I think that’s craft enough to teach my children, don’t you?”

Nori thought for a moment and nodded. “I could see how having a human loyal to the crown would be a great advantage. They could go places we cannot and they could move in other lands without arousing suspicion. I can see the wisdom in this. I agree.”

A knife appeared in Nori’s hand, from a sleeve possibly, and he quickly drew a line down his palm. Ellie pulled out one of her curved blades and did the same, wondering at the dwarrow’s fascination for blood oaths. They shook hands and then made quick work of binding their cuts. Some of the nearby dwarves of Dain’s murmured and stared but there was so much else on their minds that neither cared. Ori, who stood next to Nori, and Dori, who flanked Ori, both beamed. Their brother had just committed to becoming an honest dwarf. Dori reminded himself to hug Ellie furiously after the battle. She had done in under a minute what Dori had tried to do for decades.

They were far enough back that when the fighting started Ellie could barely tell. Horns rang out across the plain, the echoes faintly rebounding from the mountain. For a long time they inched forward a few steps at a time, the waiting seemed to take hours but they were only several long minutes. The sounds of war got closer and Ellie could hear shouts, screams, and the clanging of weapons. The smell of blood wafted across the plain and Ellie’s stomach turned, she knew that smell all too well.

The moon was a waning crescent and, although it was still night, the sky was cloudless and the moonlight illuminated enough. Ellie looked to her left to see Bifur staring intently.

 _“Stay with me,”_ he mumbled.

With the sounds and smells of war and death Ellie had paled in the night. Bifur knew that now was not the time for her to lose her grip but there was little to say. It did not matter if she was ready or if she was well or if she was sure about this- all those things were past worrying about because there was no going back. All that he could offer her was companionship in battle until they were parted by death or distance.

Ellie didn’t bother to think when they charged; she didn’t want to. She ran in with her sword raised and screaming into the dark of the early morning. The dwarves around her shouted battle cries but in the haze she forgot the words of every she language she spoke as she ran forward.

A near miss with a hobbit sized goblin brought out her flare for swearing, “Fucking hell! I’ll damned if I’ll die before the sun comes up you sleezy douchebag excuse of a goblin. Now get your scrawny ass back over here you little shit!”

Bilbo had quite better luck in battle than anyone expected. He very carefully slipped his ring on in the charge and tip-toed around the enemy, stabbing them through the back with Sting. Since there was no one to see Bilbo and engage him directly he managed to stay with Bofur for the entire battle, though Bofur frequently called out to make sure his husband hadn’t died or been injured.

After the archers all spent their arrows Kili and Tauriel raced to the battlefield. Kili had his sword and Tauriel her twin blades. They were a flurry of metal and blood. With their youth and zeal they quickly cut a path towards the middle of the fighting in an attempt to find Fili. Kili might be happy with Tauriel, unendingly so, but Fili was his oldest and closest friend and being separated, not knowing if he was alive or dead, was crushing.

It took until after day break, but they found Fili back to back with Balin. Dwalin was no where to be seen but when he got a breather Balin said he saw him with Dori, Nori, and Ori a little while back. They paused and assessed the various cuts and bruises they had acquired while another wave, this time entirely orcs, crested the hill.

Dori and Ori had gotten separated from Nori and Dwalin in the dark, but fighting alongside one another they were doing quite nicely until Dori missed the orc that Ori had hit in the eye with his slingshot. Dori was quite busy with another orc and Ori should have drawn his short sword but instead he tried another rock. The orc, more angry than injured and having dropped his sword with the first rock, rushed Ori and tackled him. It took only one hit from the beast to break Ori’s collarbone in two and only one stab with Dori’s sword to kill it. With the shock of the fall Ori couldn’t feel much and swore he was fine hopping back to his feet and continuing to fight.

In contrast to his brother, Nori was fast, fast enough to impress Dwalin. He would swing his mace with incredible speed and agility and even through and around Dwalin’s attacks without interfering, but Dwalin knew too that moving so quickly meant you were more likely to miss something.

Ellie looked around her; for a moment no one was attacking her or within about ten yards and she breathed deeply. Bombur and Bifur were nearby and merrily singing some drinking song while they rent foe after foe. When she saw Nori and Dwalin she smiled until she noticed the archer aiming for them, but she was too far away to help or even shout. Nori went down with a screech and she bolted for him. The angle had been all wrong and she couldn’t see where the arrow hit but he was definitely on the ground and was not getting back up.

Only a few goblins blocked her path and she quickly cut her way to her friends.

“Can you guard us?” Ellie panted to Dwalin.

“Just make it quick!” he howled as the head of a rather large orc took flight.

Thankfully, the arrow was in the thief’s right leg, not any major organs. Ellie gripped arrow hard and yanked with all her weight but all it did was make Nori scream and buck. She tried once more before determining that she couldn’t do it.

“I can’t get it out. I think it’s stuck in the bone. I’ll fight, you pull,” she commanded.

Dwalin finished another orc before dropping to his knees beside the ginger dwarf. A sharper yell than before came from Nori and then Dwalin was standing beside Ellie again. “He’s got bandages in a pocket. Bind it fast.” It had been an eventuality they had planned for and nearly everyone had packed some form of bandages on their person.

Ellie made quick work of the leg wound and soon Nori was back on his feet, although a bit unsteady. The trio sliced their way across the field and shortly after midmorning found Fili, Kili, and Tauriel.

“It’s looking better out here,” Kili grit out as he parried another sword.

Ellie’s latest orc fell and she pulled her sword out with a squelching sound. “Don’t get your hopes up. The reports of the ravens were right. This wasn’t the full force, just the first wave. There’ll be wargs before the end- lots of them.”

There was a collective stiffening of backs at the idea and in between attacks Kili and Tauriel gathered arrows from the various dead around them in preparation for what was next.

Noon came and went and the company parted ways before meeting again in another place, mostly by accident. By then nearly every member of the company was sporting at least one blood soaked bandage. The waves advanced and ebbed, advanced and ebbed.

It was when Oin and Dwalin ran into Ori that they noticed how limp his left arm was. During a brief break Dwalin held the smaller dwarf back while Oin grabbed and pulled the clavicle so that the bones weren’t driven back into the scribe’s shoulder. Dori cringed with the popping sound and resulting shrieks of pain and Ori nearly fainted in Dwalin’s arms from it before gaining his feet again. Out of his peripheral vision Ori saw an approaching orc and the adrenaline immediately put down the searing pain in his shoulder, replacing it with feral instinct. Dwalin released the writhing dwarf with a pleased smile, the lad would turn out to be a fighter yet.

Finally, several hours after midday, the enemy had thinned enough to allow Ellie a moment to sit and she leaned heavily against Balin who gingerly rubbed her shoulder as much for her comfort as his, it seemed. Oin, Gloin, Dori, Nori, Ori, and Dwalin joined them sometime later and there overzealous hugs all around, each wincing at the strength of the hug but hugging their comrade back with the same strength that undoubtedly hurt them as well.

Ellie hadn’t seen Fili, Kili, Tauriel, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, or Bilbo since the morning, although to be fair no one had seen Bilbo since before dawn. Gloin told them that he had seen Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur in the last hour and that they were still intact. Dori mentioned seeing the princes and princess, referring to the elf thus got laughter and giggles all around, from a distance and all three were still standing.

After a moment of silence Ellie finally choked out the words that had been just under the surface all morning. “Has anyone seen Thorin?”

When no one answered Balin answered. “He was far ahead of the rest of us lass. He’ll be far down field from us by now. It’s not a bad thing that we haven’t seen him yet, probably good in fact.”

Ellie was shoring up her emotions so as to not get worked up when a horn blast sounded.

“Break’s over,” Gloin groused. Everyone found their feet in short order.

The horn sounded again and another answered. If there had been any doubt as to who the horns belonged to it was eliminated. No horn of men, elves, or dwarves made such a foul sound. As the company pressed forward a lone howl cut through the wind and hundreds answered.

“Wargs,” Ori whispered, terror in his voice.

“This is where we lose them- with the wargs and Azog,” Ellie informed them matter of factly.

“I saw Azog die by Dain’s hand at Azanulbizar,” Dwalin interjected.

Ellie rolled her eye. “Alright then, the other pale orc … Bolg I think.”

“Who do we lose?” Oin asked, the secret still not having been shared beyond Kili’s fate the night before.

“Thorin and the boys,” Ellie replied. “But so much has been so different lately, I’m not so sure anymore who it will be.”

“Was anyone else mentioned?” Dori asked.

Ellie thought for a moment and then lied, “It doesn’t say.” It wouldn’t do for the others to be careless just because the story didn’t mention them dying.

They pressed forward picking off a few stragglers from the first wave as they went. From a distance they could see wargs and their riders felled with arrows from unseen archers but there were so many. Off to the left a familiar voice cried out.

“To me! To me! Elves and Men! To me, my kinsfolk!”

Thorin’s crying rang clear in the afternoon breeze and suddenly the scattered patches of soldiers fell in one next to the other, reforming the lines just as the wargs were upon them. They would be overrun in a matter of minutes and Ellie prayed to every Valar she could name that help would come sooner rather than later.

As the ranks broke again Ellie found herself embedded in the remains of a dwarf platoon. The soldiers spewed the same kind of profanities that Nori had in Mirkwood and it made Ellie smile. Her cursing mixed with theirs as the day faded. They were getting weaker, Ellie especially so, and their technique was getting sloppy. More near misses and cuts, slower kills and recoveries. Their number dwindled from twenty-two to seven by dusk.

From the the edge of her vision Ellie saw Kili and knew that the rest of her people were close by. Hope rose in her chest and it gave her the strength to go on, just for a little longer she told herself, and indeed the end would come quickly.

“The eagles! The eagles!” Ori shouted and soon the cry was passed down the field until all eyes turned to the sky.

The eagles, nearly a hundred of them led by Gwahir, bore down against the enemy. Wargs and orcs and goblins were thrown down from great heights or cast into the lake or against the side of the mountain. The onslaught drove the enemy back and they broke formation.

Ellie’s group caught a break in the fighting once the eagles arrived. Bandages were long since spent and new ones were cut from the clothes of the fallen. Several water skins were also pilfered from the dead and handed around until empty. Once righted the soldiers stood to head again into the fray and Ellie shouted.

_“To Oakenshield! The pale orc is coming!”_

The dwarves looked at her with wide eyes, realizing, finally, who she was. Ellie didn’t wait as their way through was beginning to fill with more enemies and watching the Queen Under the Mountain run off undefended they could not help but to follow. They reached the Ereborian royal family several orcs later and none the worse for wear.

 _"Yâsithuh.”_ Thorin observed when looked up from wresting Orcrist from the mangled corpse of a small goblin before cutting down another. A small smile parted his lips. “It gladdens me to see you alive. I see you found your own guard.”

The dwarves laughed and an older dwarf with a braided light brown mohawk shook his head, “Hardly. She’s fine on her own.”

Ellie smirked and, for the first time other than their wedding, publicly kissed her husband. It was a short kiss, as much more weighty things loomed, but it was hardly chaste.

“You know hard-headed she is, Uncle,” Kili joked smiling like a complete fool at their public affections. “As bad as any dwarf I ever knew. It’s no surprise she’s still alive, probably kills them with her swearing.”

That thought was met with snorts of laughter and much head nodding. “Never heard a dam like her before, although I’ve also never fought alongside one either,” the mohawked dwarf commented between opponents.

There was no more talk after that. The frontrunners of the next wave were replaced with a solid wall of enemies. The group slowly spread out. The snow had long since melted and been replaced with pools of bloody water and thick mud. It was amazing how the landscape had changed in one day. The pristine beauty of the untouched winter snows was replaced with the most unnatural scene of death and violence, although no one thought to notice it.

Goblins and orcs were manageable for Ellie, slight and respectively weak though she was. Wargs, however, were completely beyond her skill. She moved in close to Fili and they fought together, lightening the load for both. Somewhere downfield a deep roaring cut through and Ellie smiled knowing Beorn was there.

She was ready for the battle to be over even though she knew what it likely meant. The day had been long with only a little water from her skin before it was dry and the water she took from the dead to soothe her throat. Food had consisted of a single bite of lembas before she left the mountain. Her head throbbed from dehydration and overexertion. Her body ached from the numerous bruises and cuts she had acquired. Her mind was numb from listening to the sounds of the fading crying out for loved ones and from cutting her way through so many living creatures without pause. That she desired the end, no matter how painful, was simply a want of survival. Battle was not natural. It went against the very fiber of the soul and after a time some would do anything to find an end, even throw themselves on a sword.

Fili stumbled next to her, his eyes caught on something, and Ellie closed the small distance to finish off the warg that dragged its still bleeding body towards them. Turning her head, Ellie saw Bolg on his white warg.

“Durin!!!” he orc bellowed pointing his sword. “That one is mine!” he shouted to his subordinates.

The other orcs and wargs found different prey and Thorin brought Orcrist out in front, ready. Ellie and Fili wanted to get to Thorin desperately but the enemy who had turned away from the onslaught against Thorin had set upon them and they couldn’t risk retreat. Kili and Tauriel were occupied with their own opponents, as were Balin and Dwalin.

The warg charged and Thorin stepped to the side at the last moment swinging his sword across the warg’s face. The beast faltered from the blow and Thorin took the opportunity to raise his sword for the killing blow to the nape of the warg’s neck. In the split second that his guard was open Bolg acted and his glaive pierced Thorin’s armor. The dwarf staggered, sword still high, and Bolg drew back his glaive leaving the king standing in mute shock. The warg seized Thorin by the leg and shook violently.

Fili roared and swung wildly at his opponent, abandoning his years of training, though by now it should have been reflex. Ellie cut off the goblin rider’s leg and he fell to the ground on the other side giving her a chance to focus on the warg. As that warg fell two more appeared. The one to their left grabbed Fili in its mouth and a loud crunch echoed in her ears and Ellie focused her attention on saving her nephew.

Tauriel and Kili broke away from their fight and rushed towards Thorin, not noticing Fili. Tauriel with her longer legs reached Bolg and his mount first and in a moment the king lay on the ground in the blood of the white warg. Tauriel engaged the pale orc, her daggers against his sword.

“Kili, your brother!” she instructed without pausing.

Frantically, the young prince searched for his brother and, seeing him, ran. Ellie never made it to Fili. The second she turned her back the rider of the other warg, a large gray orc, he spurred his mount on and struck Ellie in the ribs with a mace at full run. The impact sent her through the air and she landed on the body of the mohawked dwarf a few yards away. She couldn’t breathe. Dwalin had knocked the air out of her on occasion when they practiced and she felt like that was a rough enough experience. What she felt now was beyond comparison with anything she had ever known. The pain was hot, like fire, but Ellie knew that fire didn’t burn like this, didn’t consume your entire being with sensation, didn’t draw the breath out of you. Her vision was peppered with spots that grew with each passing second and she fought to draw a breath but her body remained still.

Kili put down the warg that threatened his brother in one swipe and the rider with the next. Before he had the chance to turn, the rider with the mace had circled around and the blunt head of the weapon connected with the side of Kili’s helm. The archer toppled to the ground, unmoving. Tauriel, occupied as she was with Bolg, spared no glances to her husband. He would either live or he would not. Endangering herself wouldn’t change that.

The warg circled Kili and rider hefted his mace, smiling dangerously. His pride at having lain low a prince of the house of Durin distracted him from the large bear-shaped creature that snapped his body like a twig.

Beorn smote every foe in his path with little effort. When Fili had been taken in the mouth of the warg he felt rage and grief in the pit of his stomach. He remembered how the princes were always happy and fooling around- like the children that they were- and the thought that yet another mote of happiness would be cut from the world made his blood boil. The skin-changer raged forward. He noted the labored rise and fall of the blond prince’s chest when he lay on the ground and moved on to help the red-haired elf that guarded Thorin’ s body. She was unfamiliar but she smelled of the darker haired brother. With one swipe he dismembered the pale orc and the elf raced away to find her husband.

Beorn’s decision was quick. The smell of Thorin’s blood was too strong and he knew that the dwarf would not live no matter how quickly he acted. He moved to collect Fili when a strange scent came to him. At first it was just a wiff, barely noticeable, but as he moved towards the prince it grew stronger and he recognized it as Ellie, but something was different. He found her not far from Fili. She was breathing now, although only barely, and her eyes were dark. He laid her over his back and bounded away towards the mountain where the healers waited with the other wounded.

At the loss of Bolg, the remaining orcs, goblins, and wargs scattered. The allies pressed their advantage and soon the enemy was retreating into towards Mirkwood and Dol Guldur. Content for the moment of peace they turned to collect their own and made for the mountain.

Tauriel carried both Fili and Kili, one over each shoulder, Balin followed carrying Thorin, and Dwalin led the way dispatching any straggling enemies they encountered on their path to the mountain. Less than halfway to the mountain, Beorn returned, took Fili, and departed again. After depositing the prince in the mountain the last that anyone saw of him was a brown bear headed in the direction of the fleeing armies.

Kili was taken the healers to a room where Thorin, Fili, Ellie, Dain, and Bard were being tended. Bard had suffered a glancing blow from a poleaxe, that it had been glancing was the only reason he was indeed still alive, and Dain had his leg broken in three places but was not in any immediate danger.

Those who could walk went again and again onto the field gathering the wounded in shifts, resting then searching and then resting again. When night fell a short while later torches were lit and the search continued into the next morning.

Dwalin stayed with Thorin and the others, while Tauriel, unable to helplessly watch her husband fade, went back with the others to search. One by one the company reassembled in the mountain to tend each other’s wounds and wait on the injured.

Ori and Nori lay on their bedrolls side by side, their injuries excusing them from further work, but still not life-threatening enough to merit their presence with the healers. Dori mothered them until he passed out with his head on Nori’s shoulder with both of Ellie’s children tucked under his arms. Tauriel’s slight fingers made quick work of the stitches that several required and then she found herself pulled tight against Bifur’s side where he muttered what she supposed was Khuzdul. Not usually one for displays of physical affection she was surprised when she discovered that she had no desire to move and instead rested her head on his shoulder. Bofur, with Bilbo in his lap, was sandwiched between his cousin and brother who lay on the floor, his head in bandages. Bombur, for as spritely as he was at his size, was still slower than the rest and it earned him a nasty cut to the face that, when the appropriate tools and herbs were available, would spell the end of his right eye although for now he would just rest and wait. Oin and Gloin appeared nearly untouched which seemed wholly unjust to everyone else who all appeared to have had a run in with a rock slide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: This work is no longer on hiatus. Spawning complete. 
> 
> What? I just left it like that?! Yep. As further proof that I am mean and horrible this is the part where I tell you that this is going on hiatus. I'm pregnant (god I'm sure someone picked up on that by now) and I've been in prodromal labor for 4 weeks and I have another 8 weeks to my due date. Having contractions all day is exhausting, especially while chasing a toddler. So between that, being in pain from other pregnancy problems, and then having actual responsibilities in RL it might be a while. I have already written a significant amount of the follow-up from BOFA and will continue to work on it until it is done. This break will allow me to wrap up the story and edit without the added stress of trying to post once a week.
> 
> Let me say that one more time: This will not go unfinished. I'm not discontinuing this, just postponing. 
> 
> If you want to send me hate mail you can message me at my deviantArt account with the same user name.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! I spawned on March 5. I have a lovely daughter who is currently sleeping (the only reason you're getting an update at all). Also, I got my VBAC. Woohoo! Further, all my other health problems are fabulously well controlled. Hello great quality of life! (Man not taking medication while pregnant is balls.)
> 
> I can't promise timely or regular updates but there will be updates. Thanks for sticking with me.

The dreams had not been pleasant and upon waking she wasn’t sure if real life was truly any better. Everything hurt. Her muscles protested every twitch from their hours of exertion, the headache was better than before she noted, although still quite painful, and her various bruises and cuts set up a dull ache in her body that was rivaled only by the searing pain in her ribs. It occurred to her then that her dreams were not, in fact, dreams, but rather a scattered replay of recent events and then the ribs made sense.  
Opening her eye the light felt like a blow to the head and she recoiled with a grunt. Someone stirred next to her and Ellie saw Nori’s unkempt beard and hair as he stared back. A smile slowly found its way to his face and he put his hand on hers.

“Good to see you awake,” he whispered.

Ellie cringed from the sound and then again from the pain of cringing. She managed not to cringe a third time if only to save herself more pain. “Not so loud,” she whispered back.

Nori chuckled, “Got a headache I take it?”

Ellie grunted what Nori assumed to be an affirmative. “Here, drink some water. It’ll help.”

Ellie reached her hand out instantly, but Nori batted it away and scooted closer.

“Let me help, you can’t do it yourself.”

In no mood to argue, Ellie allowed Nori to lift her head and put a canteen to her mouth. She drank until she absolutely had to breathe and he laid her back onto the cot.

“Better?”

“Much,” Ellie croaked with her eye still closed. “How is everyone?”

“Your boys are fine. They were a bit cranky when we found them but otherwise unaware. We’ve kept them from the main hall so far. We got rid of Dori’s need to mother us to death by sending him off to take them for a walk somewhere unoccupied. Besides them, Ori broke his collarbone, but he’ll heal. My leg is the worst of my injuries. Bombur lost an eye. He didn’t seem to find it funny when I suggested he replace it with a radish, though.”

Ellie smiled wanly her eye closed again, “It would be quite fitting, although maybe a potato would be more up his alley.”

Nori nodded, “Aye, it might. I’ll make sure to mention it. Let’s see, everyone got a round or two stitches it seems, except for Bilbo, he came off with nary a scratch, and Oin and Gloin who look nearly clean.”

Ellie heard the hesitation in his voice and when he didn’t go on she prompted him. “And Thorin and the boys?”

Nori sighed. “Fili’s alive for now. That warg that bit him did some damage, sunk right through his breastplate and mail. Oin says if he makes it another couple of nights we can expect to keep him. He did wake up earlier, which was more than we had hoped for so soon, but he fell back asleep almost immediately. Kili barely has a scratch on him except for the big knot on the side of his head.”

“Did the idiot take his helm off?” Ellie sounded exasperated with the youth.

“No, but the mace he took to the head bent the helm in. He hasn’t woken up yet and Oin says there’s nothing to do but keep give him broth and water ‘til he does.”

Ellie absorbed the information slowly. Her brain was foggy but so far this was better than she had hoped. She expected them both to die on the field. That there was a chance, any at all, that she could keep them brightened her mood exponentially… until she realized the information that Nori was leaving out.

“And Thorin?”

Nori hung his head to avoid her eye, “He succumbed a couple of hours ago.”

Ellie swallowed hard, the bright mood gone. She wanted to cry but she knew that it would a wretched experience in her state so she bottled it all up as best she could. “We expected as much. I was prepared for this.” Of course, that was a complete lie.

Nori stared with wide eyes. “You knew?”

Ellie nodded.

“Who was supposed to die?” he asked in horror.

“Thorin, Fili, and Kili, but the boys were supposed to die on the battlefield. That they’ve made it this far is some success, at least to me.”

Nori held her hand tighter and looked thoughtfully at the far wall.

“Can I see him? They haven’t buried him yet, have they?”

Nori looked down at Ellie with worry. “He’s still on his cot on the other side of the room. They haven’t had time yet to bury him, but I don’t know if you should. It’s not pretty.”

Ellie glared as much as she could without making her headache worse. “After everything I saw yesterday… it was yesterday wasn’t it?” Nori nodded and she went on. “After that you’re still worried? I watched my first husband tortured to death. I’m pretty sure I can handle it. It’s not like I’m going to up and die from grief, I didn’t do it before and I won’t do it now.”

Nori seemed hesitant but nodded and pulled away. He fumbled his way to his feet and hopped over to Oin who was presently grinding some herbs on a work bench. There was flashing of hand signs that Ellie couldn’t catch, her eyesight being worse than normal and her Iglishmêk still being rather lacking, and then Oin joined her, kneeling beside her.

“Morning, lass. How do you feel?”

“Like shit. How am I doing?”

Oin smiled and nodded, “That’s to be expected. You seem alright for the moment. No fever or infection and waking up and talking is a good start.”

“Fever or infection? Did I get cut at some point? I think I remember something hitting me in the side, but I wasn’t aware that it broke the skin.”

“We did that part I’m afraid. Your ribs were shattered and we cut the splinters out to keep them from puncturing a lung or causing internal bleeding. You’ll be in bed for a while yet.”

Ellie nodded lightly. “I wasn’t planning on getting up anyway so I’m glad we’ve reached an agreement.”

Nori chuckled from where he sat and Oin nodded again. “Lass, I need to ask you something. Did you know about your condition before you went to battle?”

Ellie cocked an eye at the old dwarf, “I don’t follow so I’m guessing not.”

“When was your last monthly?”

Ellie would have blanched if she had the color in her face to begin with. “Mirkwood,” she finally answered after a considerable pause. “You can’t think I’m…”

Oin nodded and put a light hand on her shoulder, “Beorn told us when he brought you to us, said he could smell it on you which is why he brought you first.”

Ellie closed her eye and breathed steadily. She knew her period had been late but between the stress, the physical exertion, and the general lack of food it didn’t surprise her and she had thought nothing of it.

_Great, another child born after their father’s died. Yep, I’m definitely winning at parenting and marriage,_ she thought sarcastically.

“So can humans and dwarrow breed true or will this end in miscarriage after a while?”

Oin pursed his lips and his forehead wrinkled while he thought. “You know, I’ve never worked much with bearing dams, we have midwives for that. They only ever call a surgeon in as a last resort. I do think that I remember some such offspring but I can’t be sure. At any rate I’ll send a raven to Dis in _Gabilgatholnur_ and see if she can’t find a midwife who knows. Just try to rest until then.”

Beside her the healer shifted and Ellie looked back to him. “Nori says you want to see Thorin. Are you sure?”

“More so now,” she replied.

“Alright then. Balin and Dwalin should be back soon and they can help move him over here for you. In the meantime, you need to eat something. I’ve got some soup over here that should be light on the stomach.”

“Talked me into it,” she rasped.

Nori fed her the soup slowly and she savored every last drop. It seemed like the tastiest thing she’d ever eaten, at least since the jerky and stale bread from her first night in Middle Earth. She fell back to sleep not even a minute after the bowl was empty.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst and warnings for medical stuff, though none of it is too graphic.
> 
> Also, unbeta'd and totally unedited because children. I have finally started writing on this again (after 11 months of staring at blank word docs) but it's slow going because I have to make sure my son isn't hitting the dog with a stick or squishing my infant daughter with full body hugs (also because I still have hardcore writer's block and I having to drag the story out of my brain with a team of mules).

She awoke to shuffles near her head and opening her eye discovered that light still hurt. She put her hand over her face and moaned. Suddenly, a hand was under her head and a cup was at her lips.

“Drink,” the voice commanded.

If Ellie weren’t so enthusiastic about complying she might have laughed at the bedside manner of the owner of the hand. With the exclusion of the night at Beorn’s house, when Dwalin had been frighteningly open with her, Dwalin was nothing anyone would call comforting and he certainly was not so now.

When the cup was empty and her head back on the cot she opened her eye again. The headache was abating but none of the other aches were.

“You sure about this, lass?” Balin asked and Ellie turned her head to look at him. Then she noticed that a cot had been moved next to hers and the form was draped with a sheet.

“Yes,” was all she could manage.

Dwalin pulled the sheet down to Thorin’s shoulders and Ellie glared. “I’m not going to keel over dead from seeing some wounds. You’ve never coddled me before, Dwalin, let’s not start.”

He pulled the sheet down, bearing all of Thorin’s body and Ellie stared for several minutes before speaking.

“You burned him.”

“Aye, we wanted to stop the bleeding, but it was too little too late,” Balin explained.

Dwalin glared at the stationary form on the cot as though his ire at Thorin’s death would somehow rouse the king. Ellie wondered when the old guard would go off and cry, he looked like he needed it. Nori came up beside her and lifted her head and shoulders slightly so she could see better.

Dwalin glowered at Ellie and she could feel his anger on her skin. “Why are you smiling?” he finally asked.

“He looks… peaceful. I’ve never seen him like this before. He was always glowering, like you, or smoldering about something or other, even in his sleep he looked pissed off or in pain. He was never calm or still or happy, but he looks calm now. It like he’s someone I never knew.”

Balin smiled ruefully and Dwalin simply stopped staring murderously at the prone woman. Finally, Nori’s arms, still sore and weak from battle, started to shake and he lay Ellie’s head down again.

“Thanks,” she whispered after another minute and Dwalin immediately recovered Thorin’s body.

Balin broke the silence that followed. “We’re going to try to bury him tomorrow if we can get the vault ready in time.”

“I assume we have a lot of wounded- us, the men, and the elves?”

“Yes,” Balin answered. She could hear the question in his voice and ignored it.

“I know you’re doing the leading thing right now, but if I may put in my two cents…”

Balin cut her off. “You are the Queen. I will of course listen to you.”

Ellie looked questioningly at the response but didn’t follow through with the inquiry. “Thanks. So I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that we don’t have what we need for the wounded and that we are woefully low on most everything, especially food.”

“That would be correct.”

“So, to be blunt, why are we wasting time on the dead? Shouldn’t all of our resources be directed towards the living? He’s not getting deader, Balin. Surely the dwarves you sent to prepare his crypt could be put to better use elsewhere? Obviously, that’s your call, though.”

Balin raised an eyebrow, “Actually that would be your call, but yes there are other things to be done. I can reassign those workers if you like.”

“If I’d like? Balin, is this one of those Dwarves 101 things?”

“It appears so, lass.” Balin came around the cot and sat on the cot by Ellie’s uninjured side. “Do you remember how I explained that dwarrow make the decisions and dams control the money in our marriages?”

Ellie nodded but refrained from allowing her brain make any conclusions just yet.

“Well, that applied to you and Thorin as well, but since he’s dead you’ll rule in his stead until you’re remarried at which point Fili will take the crown.”

“Not following you.”

Balin sighed. “If you and he were not king and queen, just ordinary folks, let me explain how this would work. When he died all the responsibilities of the house would become yours until you remarried at which point you would share with your new husband in the same way that you did with your old one and your accumulated wealth would return to the elder male of the family. In this case, Fili is the remaining elder male of the family.”

“So let me get this straight, you expect me to make decisions around here?”

“Not on your own of course. You’re weak and need to rest, but we’ll make sure to bring you the important decisions first.”

Ellie nodded gently and sighed. “So how long before I get remarried? There are some difficulties that come to mind in terms of completing at least half of the ceremony, at least in my current state.”

“Seeing as how you’re with child, it will likely be a while yet. You won’t be eligible to remarry until one month after you stop bleeding from the birth.”

“And how long to dams gestate?”

“Around eighteen months,” Balin answered casually.

Ellie’s eye snapped open. “Are you shitting me? Eighteen months? Sweet Mary, Jesus and Joseph, what are we making dolphins?!”

Balin chuckled. “Just dwarflings. Oin sent word to Dis earlier and asked her to find us information. I imagine that she’ll set out with a good midwife as soon as she hears from us.” When Ellie just groaned and closed her eye Balin changed the subject. “So about those workers…”

“Let’s do whatever we can for the living for now. If the healers have what they need or we simply can’t provide anymore then by all means turn our resources to burying the dead. Make sure to speak with Bard and Thranduil so that we can follow their customs as closely as possible when that time comes.”

Balin nodded. “I’ll let you know when we start on the burials.”

“Thank you. I’m sure you are more than capable, far more than I am at any rate, to run the kingdom. I appreciate your willingness to follow protocol though... And I’m sorry. I know this is harder for you than me. You deserve time to grieve and I’m not helping matters by second guessing your decisions.”

Balin simply smiled and patted her arm and he and Dwalin moved the cot back against the far wall.

Xxx

That loud bitching has to be Dain, Ellie thought with her eye still closed.

“I am neither dead nor dying. Get me a pair of crutches!” he shouted.

“You are neither dead nor dying yet,” an equally irate voice countered. “If you don’t take it easy you’ll get bone break fever. I’ll not have you running off just to die later because you couldn’t handle a few days of boredom. Now lie down!”

The argument continued and escalated in volume until Ellie’s head was pounding behind her eyes.

“Hey!” she shouted and both voices stopped. “Balin informed me earlier that I’m in charge around here until I have this baby. Is that right?”

“Yes,” came the reply. It sounded like Oin.

“Well then both of you need to shut the hell up. Those of us who are dying would like some fucking rest- in the quiet.”

“Apologies my lady.” That was definitely Dain.

The argument continued in whispers.

“Thank you.” The voice was cracked and barely above a whisper.

The room stopped and Ellie turned her head to look.

“Fili, are you awake?” she whispered.

“The dead are awake after that,” he joked. His voice was even more hoarse than hers, although his screaming in battle had been more like roaring while hers had mostly consisted of shouted vulgarities.

Ellie looked at the cot against the far wall. It was still. She didn’t know how to reply to that.

Oin knelt by Fili’s side. “How do your lungs feel, lad? Can you breathe alright?”

“I feel a little congested but I’ll be fine. Breathing hurts though.”

“Lie still then. Let me check your wounds.”

There was a rustling of cloth, some stifled whimpers, and a few loud moans.

“Looking good. Still no infection. I’ll think you’ll pull through just fine, lad. Now how about some food?”

Oin handed Nori the bowl and he helped Fili eat the contents one spoonful at a time.

“You’ve had practice,” the blond wheezed in between bites as Nori expertly balanced the bowl while holding up Fili’s head and feeding him.

Nori nodded, “Ellie.”

Fili turned his head with a grimace and smiled. “You’re here. That mace looked like it hurt.”

Ellie shook her head, “Nah.” She was so utterly happy to watch the blond prince smile again that for a moment she forgot her grief. Nori nudged Fili again and he turned his head back for another bite.

“Kili?”

“Just a rough knock to the head. He’s asleep right now,” Nori soothed. It wasn’t really a lie but it certainly wasn’t the truth.

“Uncle?”

Nori paused and Fili closed his eyes hard against the tears. “We tried but I just couldn’t get there. I failed him.”

Everyone knew it wasn’t true but no one seemed to find the words to articulate that sentiment and the silence settled over Fili’s body like lead blanket. He did an admirable job of controlling his emotions, although Ellie suspected that he did it mostly to avoid crying with broken ribs and a punctured lung. After a few minutes his breathing evened out and Nori put the bowl away. He could eat when woke next.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: medical procedures and things like that which utterly terrify me.
> 
> Also, taking liberties with medicine. Basically, I used what I already knew of implants for Ellie's dialogue though I ended up doing a bit actual research to make sure the scene made some sense. Still, don't try this at home kids.

Ellie awoke with a start. Someone had their hands on a very inappropriate location.

“Easy, I tried waking you but you didn’t budge. I figured you wouldn’t mind if I cleaned you up, you’ve been in this cot for a bit now,” Oin explained rather diplomatically.

Ellie caught the implication and tried not to blush furiously at the touches. She knew that he had seen her naked a number of times, in fact everyone in the company had seen her naked, but there was never any contact there save for when Bran was born. Oin covered her quickly, aware of her unease.

“There now. How about those ribs?” Gently the bandages were lifted away and the Oin touched here and there, wiping gently with a clean, damp cloth. “This is looking decent so far.”

Oin left the wound open to the air for a moment and crossed the room to dig around on his work bench. A knock sounded on the door but Oin seemed not to hear it. Ellie pulled the cover back over herself.

“Enter!” she shouted, immediately regretful of the force she used for the volume she desired.

The door opened cautiously and a short dwarf with ridiculously unruly brown hair stepped in. Neither his beard nor his hair was adorned and it was held up in the most perfunctory of ways with little strips of leather tying it back where necessary. Oin noticed the smaller fellow and smiled.

“Come in, Nwari. She’s right over there.”

The dwarf nodded and approached Ellie. He bowed low before sitting on the floor next to the cot.

“My Queen, a pleasure. My name is Nwari and I am a surgeon from the Iron Hills.”

“The pleasure is mine, Master Nwari. How may I help you?”

“Well I rather thought it might be the other way around, me helping you. You see I have a technique that we have been using to treat injuries such as yours and Oin thought I might be able to help.”

He paused, apparently waiting for some kind of permission to continue. “Please go on, I am interested.”

The dwarf smiled at the idea of being interesting, no doubt his family had long since tired of listening to his medical endeavors. “As it stands you are currently missing a section of ribs about this big.” He held up his hands and made a circle about the size of a saucer. “Five ribs were affected. Having this hole in your bone structure will make weight bearing nearly impossible without a crutch for the rest of your life, not to mention making pregnancy more complicated, however, we have had great success with replacing the missing bones with cast metal replicas.”

“Please define ‘great success.’ Would this be anecdotal evidence or statistically validated success?”

“We’ve done this procedure twelve times. We lost two patients to infections later on, but the rest recovered with far better mobility than they would have without the procedure.”

Ellie nodded. She knew the risk of infection was enormous and those odds seemed quite good for a complete lack of antibiotics. “Alright.”

“Oin saved the bones they extracted from you and I’ve glued them together. When the resin hardens I’ll make a cast and then we’ll pour new ribs that will closely match the shape of your old ones.”

“How do they attach to the existing bone?”

The surgeon grinned like an idiot. Apparently no one ever asked him questions. Ever. “There is a sleeve at the end of either side of the false bone that will fit over the remaining bone and it will screwed together.”

“And does the bone have anything to grow onto to cement the replacement or does it rely entirely on the screws?”

At the idea the dwarf’s eyes went wide and looked to the side. “I admit, my lady, that I never thought of that. Could you possibly elaborate on this?”

“Sure. Where I’m from they use similar techniques but the bone is allowed to grow onto a porous surface and adhere to the implant. Lots of techniques use synthetic bases that allow for this and the result is a much stronger union.”

The poor dwarf gaped and Ellie could see the gears in his mind turning. Strange fellow, sure, but very smart and she could live with that for better medical care. “Could you recommend any materials?”

Ellie thought for a moment. “I’m not sure about that. We can’t make any of the synthetics here, not that I would anything about that anyway, so I can’t say I know much about them. Donor bone is used in some situations, either from a cadaver or harvested from the patient’s body, but I don’t think those would be a good plan here.”

Nwari looked like he had been hit and Ellie knew he had had a lightbulb moment. “What do you think about using coral?”

Ellie nodded slowly as she considered it. “That could work out nicely. Do you know where we can get some? I was led to believe that we are quite far from the ocean, unless there are freshwater corals which I was unaware of.”

“There is undoubtedly some in the treasury. Many other realms make fine jewelry from it and it stands to reason that some would have eventually found its way here. We could disassemble some to obtain what we need. When do you think I might make that trip?”

Ellie smiled at the young surgeon’s excitement. He was nearly vibrating in place with the desire to do and create and learn. “I’ll send for someone to escort you.” Ellie raised a hand for Oin and explaining the situation briefly he left to find his colleague an escort.

“When do you think the replacements will be ready?” Ellie asked after Oin had gone.

“I can make them ready by tomorrow afternoon, maybe sooner, but in the meantime I have unfortunate news.”

“Everyone seems to lately, go on.”

“We’ll need to cut the ends of the ribs evenly beforehand so that I can add those pieces to the molds. It will make the replacements fit more accurately, but it also means we’ll have to reopen the incision twice more- once for the cutting and once for the replacements. Normally, I would be able to fill the spaces in the mold with a resin I make and we would do it all at once but I couldn’t bring much for medical supplies so we’ll have to make do. I’m sorry.”

Ellie nodded curtly.

“I can probably do it and have the wound reclosed in under fifteen minutes. I want to make it as quick as possible. I admit I’ve never had to do this on anyone awake before,” the physician looked down and seemed to pale at the thought.

“Awake? Why would I be awake?” Ellie asked with a tinge of terror in her voice.

“We don't have anything here to give you that is strong enough to put you out but won't endanger the little one. I take it you don’t remember the initial surgery then?”

“I do not.”

“Excellent. Let’s hope you won’t remember this one either.”

With that horrifying thought they lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. In an attempt to quell her swirling thoughts Ellie changed the subject. “Tell me about your family, Master Nwari.”

The surgeon, who couldn’t be more than one hundred and twenty eagerly launched off into a description of his four sisters, quite the blessing for dwarves he assured her, and their respective families. He was only getting started on his second sister’s “choice of in-laws” when Oin returned with Bifur, Bofur, and Bilbo. The trio happily greeted Ellie. He informed her that he would be back in two hours with an assistant and Ellie just nodded mutely, not trusting herself to speak without bursting into tears.

Ellie lay motionless on the cot staring intently at the ceiling trying not to think while Oin finished redressing her ribs. Nothing good could come of thinking and she would not be going back to sleep any time soon with as much adrenaline was in her blood. She was so intent on not thinking that she didn’t notice Oin leave or Tauriel come to sit beside her. The elf had been in and out of the room but she was so quiet that she mostly went unnoticed. The touch of her hand against Ellie’s made her jump which resulted in a stifled groan.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Ellie shook her head, “It’s fine.”

Tauriel gripped her hand and rubbed small circles with her thumb. “You’re scared.”

Ellie nodded.

“I can stay with you if you want- until it’s all over. Would you like that?” Apparently Tauriel was aware of the coming events.

Ellie nodded again, biting her lower lip. Slowly tears began to roll down her face and Tauriel wiped them away gently.

“It will be hard but it will be over quickly. You have survived battle and torture. You will survive this- trust me. I know it seems impossible, but try not to dwell on it- you need to sleep.”

Ellie drew a deep breath and focused on Tauiel’s words. The elf was right. Fifteen minutes of pain was entirely doable- regardless of how bad that pain was. Besides, she needed to show some spine, she told herself. Erebor needed a strong leader right now and she resolved to be just that. She thought about Balin and Dwalin and she couldn’t see one of them getting so worked up over something like this especially since it was only a temporary situation. With that thought it suddenly didn’t seem so bad and she relaxed a little. Vaguely, Ellie realized Tauriel was singing something in elvish and she was momentarily annoyed. Of course she was calming down- the elf was putting a sleeping spell on her, she groused. In reality, Ellie was simply exhausted and the song was very soothing. She slept soundly until Nwari returned.

Xxx

A shout awoke Ellie and she looked around. Several figures huddled around Bard’s cot and appeared to be holding him down. He was struggling and cries of pain assaulted her ears.

“Alright it’s clean. Hand me the sutures,” Oin ordered.

A few more yelps and moans escaped the man before the people around him backed away.

“Just take it easy. We’ve sent for one of the elves to see what they can do.”

Nwari, Oin, and an unfamiliar dwarf conversed by the desk turned worktable while Dwalin, Dori, and Bifur, who had been holding the bowman down avoided eye contact with one another. Tauriel dozed with her head on the cot beside Ellie’s, somehow ignoring the deafening shrieks that had punctuated the room. Nori was back and Ellie vaguely realized that he had been gone earlier, to where she couldn’t imagine since his leg no doubt still pained him, and she reached out to touch his arm.

“Hey,” she whispered. For some reason she felt like if she didn’t attract the attention of the others she might be spared the agony of Nwari’s plans. Nori turned and nodded. 

“What happened to Bard?”

“He took infection and they had to clean his wound.”

“What happened to him? In the battle I mean, I never saw.”

“A poleaxe glanced off his paldron and into the junction of his neck and shoulder. It’s deep.” The look in Nori’s eyes finished the thought, _we don’t expect him to live._

“How’s Tauriel holding up? She plans to stay with me but maybe she shouldn’t,” Ellie whispered not wanting to wake the elf.

“She’s been quiet. She’s not fading or anything but she’s just kind of not here. Why’d you ask? What are you worried about her seeing?”

Briefly, Ellie explained Nwari’s plans and the impending repeat of the screaming that they had just listened to. Nori looked down and his favorite knife appeared in his hand. “And nothing for the pain either I guess… like last time.” He paused and looked at his nails, which were perfectly clean after so much worrying them with his knife, and nodded his agreement to Ellie’s concern. “She shouldn’t be here. I can get her to help me run an errand or something.”

Ellie smiled ruefully. “Thanks. Maybe you could help her find some things to wash Kili’s hair with, or hell all our hair. I’m sure some of the others in the infirmary would be glad of the same treatment, it would keep her busy for a while.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

When Oin woke Tauriel and asked her to help Nori with some errands she protested. Ellie forced a smile and tried to keep the shaking out of her voice when she explained that she was fine. Dwalin, Dori, and Bifur were there, along with the physicians, it wasn’t like she would be alone she explained. Dori gently led the elf out of the room with Nori and returned a few minutes later.

“Sorry that took so long. She was very insistent about staying with you, dear,” Dori explained.

While Dori had been placating the unlikely princess of Erebor, Oin, Nwari, and his assistant, Jnor, settled next to Ellie with their supplies and arranged their things. Some rolled blankets were used to prop her onto her uninjured side at an angle and her wound was cleaned again. Ellie had noted earlier, with no small amount relief, that Nwari was fastidious in the cleaning of his instruments and hands and she found herself pleasantly distracted by methodically analyzing the young surgeon’s technique.

Nwari motioned the others over to the cot and Ellie was returned to reality when three sets of hands gripped her. The surprise made her flinch and Dori looked down smiling with an odd combination of warmth and thinly veiled horror. He released his grip and rubbed her shoulder instead.

“It’ll be alright, dear,” he soothed and Ellie looked up to meet his eyes.

“If you mean, it’ll be alright and I’ll survive then, yes, it’ll probably be alright. But if you mean it won’t be as bad as I think, well let’s just not lie about that. He’s about to take a saw to my bones, I’m relatively sure it’s going to be at least as bad I think, probably worse, so let’s dispense with the chitchat and get this over with.”

Dori nodded and smiled again, still rubbing her shoulder, “Of course, dear.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having two children isn't really any harder but it sure as hell is more time consuming. Sorry about the delay... again.
> 
> TW: talk about the various cultural implications of rape.
> 
> BTW the comments I've been getting lately are awesome and help me get off my lazy ass and write this, or rather they help me find time to sit on my lazy ass since there's not much resting in my house these days.

“What is it that Ori needs with which I can help him?” Tauriel asked pointedly.

“We’re going to start burying the dead soon and he needs your help getting the customs figured out so that we make sure to honor your people when the time comes,” Nori explained.

Tauriel glared at the limping thief. “And this was so important that it had to be done at this moment for what reason exactly?”

Nori shook his head. “No reason, just figured it would get you out of the room.”

Tauriel was angry but refrained from voicing the thoughts in her head.

Ori was thorough, she had to admit, and his plans for the burials and a subsequent memorial would indeed be fitting. She helped him find the appropriate elves to ask about the fallen and helped him to compile a list of the missing. They spent nearly an hour going over necessary prayers and the proper manner of burial before she realized how much time had elapsed. Quickly, Tauriel took her leave of the scribe and approached Nori to indicate her departure.

“Actually, she wanted you to pick up some things before you went back. Come on, let’s go see what we can find.” The ginger dwarf hopped off with his crutch down the corridor and begrudgingly Tauriel followed.

Nori was rummaging through the third bathroom of some long dead noble and Tauriel was getting frustrated. The dwarf had so far evaded every question she had asked about the nature of their errand and her patience was running thin enough that she considered returning without her escort, not that she was obligated to be escorted by anyone.

“Ah, I knew we’d find some eventually. The soap’s old but it’s still soap.” Nori held it to his nose and sniffed, his nose crinkling at the results. “Still smells flowery even. I’m sure it’ll do nicely. There’s some old oils and a brush here too. Now all we need is wash basin that we can carry back with us and you’ll be set.”

“Set for what, dwarf? Explain yourself clearly,” she ordered with a fair amount of irritation in her voice.

“Hair washing. Ellie says it would raise morale or something for the injured to be clean, though I can’t see my morale going up if I smelled like this. You can start with Kili and Ellie. Fili’s hair is caked with blood too, you might try him as well if you get the inclination,” Nori suggested. His voice sounded innocent and mild, as though this was the most obvious course of action.

Tauriel nodded. Being able to do something for Kili, no matter how small, felt right in every way. She contentedly helped Nori search another two rooms before finding something that would serve as a wash basin.

Dwalin and Balin were talking quietly in the hallway outside the small infirmary where the injured royalty was guarded. They nodded lightly as the pair passed by but remained deep in conversation. Dori was hovering over Ellie and gently washing her face with a damp cloth. Bifur sat next to her and rubbed legs and feet vigorously. Clearly, the woman had survived. Her eye was closed so Tauriel thought better of disrupting her well deserved rest. Instead, Tauriel explained her plans to Oin who approved and she got to work right away. Nori sat obligingly on the floor and allowed Oin to clean his leg wound again.

It was soothing to wash her husband’s hair. Pouring the warm water over Kili’s head she let the water soften the dirt and blood in his hair before gently working it free. The auburn archer was careful not to apply pressure to his head wound, instead using more water until the offending debris rinsed freely away. Each tress was meticulously untangled and she lathered the soap in her hands before working the foam through Kili’s hair. When at last the water from his hair rinsed clear she set aside the bowl and delicately wrung out his locks, laying them to the sides of his head to dry. Tauriel saved Kili’s hair clasps in her pocket for when his hair had dried enough to reset his braids. She was so engrossed in her work that she did not notice the entrance of Bofur and Bilbo, the ensuing conversation, nor their departure.

Xxx

A light knock sounded and Bifur, knowing that Oin would never hear it, answered the door.

“Hello, Balin had us pick up some things from Gloin to bring here. He said he would meet us,” Bofur explained.

Bifur motioned them in and went back to rubbing. Just because he could speak with them didn’t mean that he cared to. Sometimes his head wound got the better of his personality and he became simply too grumpy to interact with speech. Instead, realizing Bifur’s lack of patience, Dori waved the pair over to Ellie’s cot.

“What can we do for you?” Dori asked as he wiped Ellie’s face with his free hand. His other hand was clutched in Ellie’s, her knuckles white from the force of her grip though she appeared unconscious.

“Balin wanted these clasps for their hair so that they could be properly marked for their stations. He said he would meet us here but I can just leave them with you since he’s not,” Bofur reiterated.

Dori nodded and let the rag rest on Ellie’s face while he pocketed the intricate clasps.

Bilbo looked worried as he stared at Ellie and nudged Bofur. “Why is she shaking? She seemed so much better this morning when we came for that Nwari fellow.”

“Do you remember what he explained he was going to do?” Bofur asked. Bilbo nodded. “The shock of the pain does that sometimes. It’ll wear off in a couple more hours probably. She’s fine, though, just tired and sore.”

Bilbo nodded again but the grim expression didn’t change. He leaned hard against the dwarf and interlaced their fingers. Bofur rubbed circles on the back of Bilbo’s hand with his thumb. These things, watching the injured and seeing them suffer, were hard learned lessons, something that a lifetime in a dangerous occupation like mining had taught him, and he knew that until the battle the worst Bilbo had ever seen was Ellie. To Bofur, this was a fact of life. It had been from as far back as he could remember. Bifur had come home with the axe in his head when Bofur was a babe in arms. He knew that it would take Bilbo time to adjust and so, quickly, Bofur changed the subject.

“I know my cousin has a good heart and all, but I’ve never known him to massage someone. Care to explain what’s come over him?” Bofur asked Dori. There was a slight smile and a gleam of amusement in his eyes.

Dori chuckled, “Aye, it seems strange doesn’t it? The surgeon said for him to do it, said something about blood clots in the legs, said this would help. The lad talks a lot and not much of it makes sense but Oin told Bifur to get to it.” Dori shrugged and kept up with the wiping.

Bilbo shifted uncomfortably and Bofur looked at his partner to see what the smaller half of their union was fidgeting about. “I can stay with her, Dori, if you need to go. I’m not much use anyway and strong dwarves are in short supply.”

Dori offered the hobbit a warm smile and a shake of his head. “I might take you up on that later but for now I think I’m stuck.”

“Stuck?” Bilbo eyed the tea-loving tailor with suspicion.

“You see the grip she has on my hand. I tried getting free but I was afraid I’d need to break her hand to get her to let go so I didn’t bother. Once she falls into a deeper sleep she’ll ease off.”

The hobbit nodded mutely and wondered how much more torment the woman could endure before the light in her remaining eye dimmed and her soul began to fade, if people like her even faded. Bofur told Dori to send for him if Balin needed anything else, they would be in the main hall, and he bade goodbye to his cousin, quickly ushering Bilbo from the room.

Xxx

Fili had come to, more or less, during Ellie’s surgery. He hadn’t had the energy to open his eyes or speak but he was aware enough to listen and it was more than he wanted. In his dreams he relived the moments where Thorin was impaled, where he could see the warg shake his uncle in the air like a rag doll, where he saw Ellie knocked from the fray and come to rest lying unnaturally still. He desperately wanted to know what had happened to Kili but those images never showed themselves. Upon waking he had, for a moment, thought that the environment would be more conducive to peace, rest, relief- something to provide a moment of respite from the hell in his own head. That moment was short lived.

At first the screaming was indistinct, like listening to a conversation through weak stone. Fili thought briefly that this was just a new dream with other horrors he had not yet remembered. Then, he realized he was awake and he was pleased, thinking the memory would fade in another moment. Instead, the sound grew louder and words took shape.

The words did not come from the same source as the nauseating screams and although he couldn’t understand the words for the volume of the screaming, that he deduced to be Ellie’s, he thought he heard Oin and Dori and someone he didn’t know.

There was a heat by his face. It was enough to cause him to sweat as he lay motionless on his cot. There was a clinking of metal and a strange sound like water in a hot skillet. Still disoriented he didn’t understand until the smell of scorched meat, no- flesh, reached his nose and the screaming reached higher in pitch. Finally, the pieces fit together in his mind and his stomach lurched. The smell, the heat, the screaming, the grinding sound of metal against bone- something he knew from growing up on hunted meat, it was too much. Knowing that no one would notice him he let a few stray tears slide down his face while he listened.

The tink of metal instruments thrown in a bag signaled the end and Fili felt tension melt from his body. Eventually, the screaming gave way to sobbing and gasping and then slow rasping breaths. A shuffle of feet, several pairs from the sound of it, moved away. A quiet conversation was had across the room from which Fili made some unpleasant and relatively accurate assumptions.

Somehow, the pain of the holes in his chest seemed almost numb next to his own grief. Despite his being so close to Thorin, Fili was unable to reach him, unable to save him, unable even to protect his aunt. That Thorin was not suffering anymore was some consolation, or maybe it just alleviated his guilt as he was unable to bear the thought of his uncle suffering as Ellie did.

Dori hummed a lullaby. It was an old one that had made the trip from Erebor to _Khagolabbad_ and now back again. Fili imagined Dori singing it to Ori when his friend was no more than a dwarfling of ten or twelve. Dis had sung it to both of her boys and he himself had sung it to Kili. Just listening to the soft melody his own breathing evened out as Ellie’s did and before long he was falling asleep.

The only consolation Fili found as he drifted back to the ever repeating dreams of the battlefield was that there were no new horrors there. In some part of himself, he prayed that he would never wake because it seemed a relief from the agony that continued around him.

Xxx

“We’ve got fish for dinner, Mister Dwarf, sir,” the young man beamed. Really, he was barely a teenager, no adult by anyone’s standards.

Balin smiled and nodded at the boy’s desire to please and patted him on the back companionably. “That’s excellent work, lad. Get some help and take this to the kitchens. We’ll eat well for the next few days from the hard work of you and and your friends.”

The boy and several of his friends smiled brightly at the praise and made quick work of the cartload of perch and brim. It had been the idea of the boy that they might go seining with the nets that they had used for cargo. For some unknown reason, although Balin assumed it had something to do with his oft remarked upon grandfatherly appearance, the lad had come to him for permission. The Lake-men had been in a bit of a disarray since Bard, the only designated leader, was incapacitated, and the majority of their ranks were drawn from the remainder of the men and boys of Laketown. Balin approved the idea but still sought out one of the senior soldiers from the survivors to have the boy ask them, proper channels and all that. 

_Bless the resilience and energy of youth,_ Balin thought with a smile.

As he left the lads to their work, Balin remembered his intention to meet Bofur in the infirmary with Oin and picked up his pace knowing that he was likely very late. Bifur was working on Fili’s legs when Balin walked in. It was an odd sight but Balin knew better than to question the dark haired warrior when he such a dark look on his face.

Dori nodded and motioned Balin to join him. Ellie had yet to release Dori’s hand but he seemed not to mind. Ori and Nori sat together with their brother and Nori tended the scribe’s hair while Dori fussed at Nori’s efforts.

“Bofur and Bilbo came by earlier with the clasps you wanted,” Dori explained while he fished the aforementioned items from his pocket.

Balin accepted them and nodded. “How is she?”

“Sleeping for now. Oin says she’ll be fine, though he thinks she’ll sleep through the night. That lad Nwari says he can do the ribs in the morning and then they hope to be done with torturing the poor lass.”

“That’s good then. How about the lads and Dain and Bard?”

“Fili seems to be getting better, same with Dain. Kili hasn’t changed and Bard took a turn for the worst with an infection. There’s supposed to be an elf coming to work on him later, but I think Oin’s not holding out any hope.”

Balin nodded again. His eyes fell on Tauriel as she delicately washed Fili’s hair. The prince stirred in his sleep but the look on his face was one of calm.

“Very well. Make sure you get some dinner from the kitchens- there will be fish tonight I hear. I’ll be resting with the others, let me know if anything changes or if she wakes. I need to discuss a few things with her.”

Dori looked alarmed. “Can it not wait? Surely, you can make decisions for now, she trusts you.”

Balin clasped his hands behind his back, “Good night, Dori.” He nodded to Dori’s younger brothers and Oin as he departed.

Xxx

Ellie was happily devouring the baked fish that Ori and Tauriel had retrieved for the occupants of the infirmary the previous evening. Nori carefully deboned the meat before putting the torn pieces into Ellie’s mouth. She seemed right as rain, albeit a bit snippy at moments, but for all that she had been through Dori was honestly surprised. She seemed so pleased with the fish and lembas that Dori didn’t feel particularly guilty when he stole away a minute to find the water closet. While he walked he groused about his obligation to locate Balin and inform him that Ellie was conscious but finally resigned himself to his duty by the time he was done.

Balin simply nodded at Dori’s presence when he appeared in the doorway and followed him without exchanging words.

“Gods that feels heavenly, Tauriel. If you ever need a new profession I’m sure you could be a beautician. People would pay for a head massage like this,” Ellie moaned. Tauriel smiled warmly.

“I’m sure the dams of Erebor will be lining up to let Thranduil’s former top officer have a go at their heads. It will be lucrative no doubt.” Her sarcasm was thick and Ellie smiled, stifling what would have been a rather painful giggle.

Balin and Dori exchanged amused looks as they walked across the room to her cot.

“Morning, my Queen,” Balin intoned as he bowed lightly.

Ellie glared from her barely open eye while Tauriel wrung out the last of her wet hair. “First order of business is that no one from our company will ever call me that again… also no bowing. That’s just ridiculous.”

“As you wish, although in public we will need to maintain a sense of decorum. I’m sure you understand.”

“Yea, alright, but we’re friends first.”

Balin smiled again and Ellie noticed that unlike many of the other dwarves he smiled easily although usually as an answer to something. He was a teacher first and he frequently used his gentle smiles as rewards for something he found well done. “Of course. Anyway, I hope you’re well this morning as I have a few things to discuss with you.”

“Let’s have it then,” Ellie mumbled while she chewed another mouthful of fish.

“I see you have discovered our fish. Some of Bard’s lads netted us enough for several days. In the meantime, some of the elves are heading back to Mirkwood for provisions and some of the Lake-men are heading home to help with the survivors there. Their leaving will unburden our food stores significantly. So, for the moment, we will be alright, though Dain has sent word via raven to the Iron Hills to request more workers and supply shipments. 

“The healers lack supplies but when the provisions come they will be restocked and there is little we can do for it now. In light of that, we plan to redirect some workers to funerals. Ori has some thoughtful plans about a memorial and has been studying proper rites and whatnot for the dead.”

Ellie nodded, “He was just telling me about it. I really like the idea of a memorial stone that names the fallen.”

“I’m glad you approve. The survivors all seemed keen to the idea and it has already gone a long way towards shoring up some good feelings between the races. There remains the matter of the fallen dwarves. Men and elves were content to have their dead buried in the soil in front of the mountain, but for our part we bury ours in the stone. Currently, we have no way to accommodate this. Dwalin had mentioned burning the dead…”

“Like at Azanulbizar?”

Balin nodded. “…but it’s to be avoided if at all possible, though it could take months to excavate enough tombs to accommodate them all.”

“What about a mass grave? We could take one of the larger rooms in the mountain and bury them all together and seal the room permanently. I don’t know all the traditions and whatnot but at least they would all be in the mountain.”

“I’ll talk with Dain and the others to see what they think, but it sounds like a good solution. I know your knowledge of the mountain is limited, but did you have anything in mind, lass?”

“Isn’t there a vault where all the royal finery was kept apart from the main vault, somewhere above the throne room?” Balin nodded and Ellie went on. “Would that work? It’s a fitting place, especially given the problems with goldsickness we’ve had.”

“It would be a good reminder of our duties and it would certainly look good to put the fallen in a place of honor where previously gold and jewels were stored- it indicates a shift in priorities. You know, if you think like that you may not be as bad at this as you believe,” Balin offered with a wink. “I’ll let you know how that’s received. In the meantime, there is one other matter we need to address- Thorin.”

Ellie sighed and closed her eye. “Sure, what about him?”

“I’ll be sending some dwarrow to work on the vault soon but there is still the matter of what he did to you. He left it to Dwalin and me to enforce a price against him for his actions and I intend to keep my word.”

“Balin, he’s dead. What are you going to do? Kill him again?”

“He would be buried with dishonor, his hair and beard shorn for his actions, it would be marked on his grave,” Balin explained grimly.

“Forget it. I’m not going to get all pissed about it now. It’s not like a decent shave fixes anything. Besides, I think getting killed kind of makes up for it,” Ellie muttered.

“Lass, I’m serious. He tried to rape you, he owes you this much. He…”

“Dammit, Balin. I was there, I know exactly what he was going to do. Don’t patronize me,” she snapped loudly. Her voice rang out in the room and even Oin turned to see what was the matter. The force of shouting was an unpleasant one and Ellie groaned back onto the cot as she realized her mistake.

“Easy lass,” Balin soothed and put his hand on her shoulder. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Of course, you know better than me what happened. All I meant is that you need to put serious consideration into this. Claiming a price against him would clear your honor.”

“My honor? My honor!? Are you fucking kidding me? I determine my honor, my virtue, my worth- no one does that for me, regardless of what they do to me. This choice is mine, do not forget that. Whatever patriarchal ideas you have about a dam’s honor being between her legs you can stick them up your ass.”

Everyone, including Bard and Fili who had awoken at the shouting, was listening intently to Ellie’s outburst. Nori had somehow moved against the wall without Balin noticing and Ori was next to Dori, gaping widely. But Balin, being ever the diplomat and having spent years placating uncivil dwarrow with egos far larger than necessary, simply took it in stride and held Ellie’s hand in his own, rubbing gently.

“Lass, let me explain first. I do not intend to imply that your honor lies between your legs, as you so delicately put it, but rather than you, as a dam and especially as Queen, do not let anyone tread on you or demean you, that you are not a harlot. It’s important to do as a show of power, others might think you weak or soft, unfit to rule.”

“Who else knows? You, the company, Dain and his two guards from the meeting, and now Bard, if he’s even awake- that’s all who know unless someone has a loose tongue and it had better stay that way. What happened is no one’s business but my own. Thorin was son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain. His name is a rallying cry for our people- the exiled king that kept his people safe in hard times, the one who was brave enough to face a fire drake with only twelve other dwarrow, he is a martyr. To take that away from our people would be a grave mistake right now. Besides, how would they see me then? A woman, an interloper who tricked a drunken dwarf into a marriage that he was too honorable to refuse, and then, when he died a hero, she took his kingdom, stripped him of his honor, and bore him a half-breed bastard child. Think about this Balin, it’s a bad idea.”

“Is that how you see yourself? No more than an interloper? You think you tricked Thorin, deceived him? Lass, we know you better than that, even if you don’t yourself. You’re one of us and you’ve made your loyalty clear,” Balin soothed.

“You’re dodging my question, Balin,” Ellie growled.

Balin sighed. “Only those that you named know.”

“Well you can call Dain’s boys for a little powwow and put the fear of God into them or whatever it is dwarves do and then remind everyone else to keep it to themselves. I won’t endanger what progress we’re making here with some attempt at posthumous retribution. Are we clear?”

“So you’ve forgiven him?” Balin raised his brow quizzically.

“Hell no, but I don’t see the point in being a spiteful bitch about it either,” she retorted.

“Seeking justice doesn’t make you spiteful.” Balin used his teacher’s voice and Ellie wanted to box his ears at the idea that this was another school lesson.

“You can ask Dwalin about my feelings on justice, but suffice it say I don’t rightly give a shit. So, are we clear or not? I want him buried with honors as befits a king.”

“Yes, m’lady we are clear on the matter.”

“Was there anything else?” she murmured with her eye closed.

“No ma’am.”

“Please leave. That damned surgeon will be by any time now and I’m exhausted. I want to sleep.”

Her voice was devoid of any emotion and it was barely above a whisper. The look on her face was one of barely controlled pain and Balin suspected that her shouting hadn’t done her ribs any favors but she clearly wanted no more to do with the old advisor. With another gentle squeeze to her hand he rose and walked to the door motioning Oin to follow him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray for paternalistic societies that value women based on their sexuality and breeding availability.
> 
> And by "hooray" I mean fuck you.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello out there! I updated... again... finally. So yea, children, responsibilities, blah blah blah. Whatever. You get the idea. Anyway, I'm still working on this occasionally. If you have plot ideas or thoughts or anything really you can hit me up at my tumblr (yea, I made it to this decade finally and got a tumblr). 
> 
> [Take me to tumblr!](http://wytchdr.tumblr.com/)  
> (It's not really fandom stuff, mostly just intersectional feminism and trans stuff.)

“ _Ymadnad’_ , are you okay?” Fili asked after the heavy door clicked shut.

Ellie lay still, her eye still closed. She wasn’t ignoring her nephew on purpose, she simply lacked the ability to speak. The emotions and the pain were overwhelming and she felt that if she moved, even slightly, from her stillness she wouldn’t be able to resist the onslaught of feelings that had overtaken her entire consciousness. It was the feeling that her stillness was all that prevented her from imploding under the weight of it all.

Fili flashed a series of handsigns at Dori who motioned to Tauriel and together the two moved Fili’s cot flush to the side of Ellie’s. Ellie registered the sounds of shuffling feet and the scrape of wood against the stone floor, but focused instead on staying perfectly still. Suddenly, a warm hand slipped into hers. Many tears had been shed while holding that hand and she knew the feel well- Fili. Ellie fiercely gripped his hand in return and tears streamed down her face as she fought to control her breathing.

“ _Ymadnad’_ , I… I…” Fili wanted to say something of comfort but there was so much to say and none of it alone seemed right. He fell silent and gently rubbed her hand and she rubbed his in return as tears poured down her face.

She didn’t know entirely why she was crying although she certainly had a litany of reasons that she could have chosen from. The one thing she did feel strongly enough to identify was grief at the loss of Thorin. She had told Balin she hadn’t forgiven Thorin and to her knowledge she hadn’t, but in thinking about him she could find no anger in her heart, only sadness of a life lost and of unlived years wasted at the sharp end of glaive.

What she couldn’t name was the fear. She was a single parent with another child on the way- again. She was on weak footing, or so she felt, in her role as queen and the responsibilities would only increase. She faced another horrifying and agonizing surgery that may yet cost both her and this unlooked for child their lives. She had been betrayed and attacked and it had broken her trust in her companions, the company of whom she was not sure was unaffected by the madness. These thoughts eddied in the deep places of her mind and before long darker fears formed in her mind and bubbled their way to the surface. What if her refusal to disgrace Thorin caused a rift with the others? What if they thought it spoke ill of her, that she was weak, that she herself was dishonored as Balin had suggested? What if the others took ill with the goldsickness? Would they hurt her? Would they hurt the children? Would they still honor her place among them or would they send her and her bastard children to scratch out a meager living amongst the men of Laketown?

The doubt in her mind grew ever stronger with each passing second and it took little time before she was all but convinced of her impending banishment.

“Don’t… don’t send me away Fili. I only want what’s best. I just wanted to help. Please, I’m not weak. I won’t be burden… please, don’t make me leave… please…”

Dori elbowed Nori and signed for him to take Ori out of the room. Ori had tears in his eyes and made to struggle against his brother’s herding until Nori slipped hand into Ori’s and the scribe’s resolved melted away. As the room grew emptier Dori came to rest by Ellie’s unoccupied side and gently stroked her hair.

“No one’s going to send you away, dear. You don’t need to worry about anything right now, just rest and recover. Whatever things Balin thinks are important will still be here when you’re ready to handle them.”

“I can do it. Whatever Thorin did, I’m not weak, I’m not.”

“No one said you were, dear. No one thinks that.”

“Balin does, that’s why he wants me to have Thorin’s hair and beard cut. He wants me to prove myself. I couldn’t fight off Thorin when he was like that, I didn’t even try- I was too scared. I thought if I fought him he would hurt me more. I was just going to let him. I didn’t think anyone would try to help me. Balin’s disappointed in me, he’s disgusted that I would let someone do that- it doesn’t matter that he didn’t get a chance to go through with it- and now he wants me to make up for it. Please, I can prove myself, don’t let Balin get rid of me and the boys. We don’t have anywhere to go. I can do this. I was weak but I can fix it, I won’t be weak anymore, please…”

Dori began gently shushing Ellie, having heard enough of her pleas. He wanted to punch Balin square in the face for bringing Ellie all of those questions and taking a swing at Thorin wouldn’t have bothered him either. No one was bothering Bard. He was injured and resting and Dori couldn’t understand why they weren’t extending the same courtesy to a newly widowed and injured bearing woman. Surely, she had earned some undisturbed rest.

“Hear me, Ellie. No one is sending you anywhere. No one is disappointed in you. If I have to personally fight every dwarf in this mountain to see that you have a home here I will. Bofur and Bilbo are watching the boys right now and they would do the same for them. Now Balin, well, Balin is just a politician. He’s not thinking of how you’re feeling right now, but I promise he didn’t mean those things the way you think. Now, you need to drink a little water and rest. No arguing.”

Ellie drank the water she was offered but turned down the remainder of the fish. When she seemed comfortable and calm he took a moment to slip out into the hall to speak with Balin under the guise of seeing Oin.

“You need to stay away from her.” Was the first thing out of Dori’s mouth once the door shut. “She’s weak and tired…”

“And she has responsibilities as queen. What would you have me do?” Balin chided.

“Leave her alone, that’s what. She can’t make decisions in the state she’s in…” The shouting echoed down the corridor and even Oin cringed at the volume.

“She certainly made one a minute ago and she seemed to be in control of her faculties. I know she got upset, but right now her temper is short. I don’t blame her for that, she’s in pain, but your concern is unneeded, Dori.”

“Is it? As I recall you weren’t in there for what she just said. She’s not in control, for as much of a good show as she put on with you. Her mind is addled with pain and grief, she’s talking non-sense. You need to give her space.”

“Dori, she’s strong and she can handle this. Just like the rest of us she takes her duty to heart…”

Dori’s voice, after finally having descended to tolerable levels, was louder and angrier than Balin had thought him capable of. “The only thing that she has taken to heart was your little speech on honor and strength. She thinks that you’ll send her away because she refused to claim a price on Thorin and that she’s weak for it. She thinks you’re disgusted with her because she didn’t try to fight Thorin off. She already had to face his betrayal, and now she doesn’t trust any of us. She’s terrified thanks to your insistence on forcing this responsibility on her already. It was all I could do to convince her that she wouldn’t be sent away, so no, she has no mind for duties right now. Just stay away.”

Balin sighed. Dori was right and he knew it. The desire was there to go back in and try to make it right but Dori would never allow that and Balin had no mind to attempt to fight the unassuming tailor. Even on his worst day Dori was stronger than Dwalin and Balin was absolutely sure that in this moment Dori would press his advantage to whatever end he felt that he needed.

Sadly, having spoken with Dwalin about his work with the guard he also knew how dams, and even dwarrow, reacted to being violated or having someone attempt it. Her reaction was, while unexpected given her previous behavior, well within the range of normal, but Balin suspected that her shame and doubt would ease with her physical pain as her mind became more sound.

“Very well. I’ll be back to check on her later, but no more than that,” he finally conceded.

Dori nodded but an even darker look crossed his features. Balin and Oin turned to see Nwari and Jnor coming down the corridor.

“Go on, Dori. You need to be in there with her when they arrive. I’ll call for Dwalin and Bifur.”

Dori disappeared through the door without further acknowledgement of his companions. Ellie was asleep, finally, and Dori hung his head. They would wake her again and soon. He hoped for her sake that what little rest she got would help clear her tired mind. Tauriel had taken his place by the cot and was holding Ellie’s hand.

There was nothing to say. Kili was still unconscious and the chances of him waking shrank with each passing hour. Fili seemed to be hanging on but, even with the recent uproar, he was already asleep again. Bard, despite the ministrations of the elves, seemed to be fading. Dain was fine but would be laid up another week yet before Oin would even allow him crutches. The room reeked of death and despair and from the place by the door where he had come to a stop, Dori wondered how any of them ever continued on. It was like going to battle each day except instead of having the bloodlust to drown out the pain there was nothing and every last ache was thrown into sharp relief with the comforts of fresh food and a warm bed.

The door creaked open behind him as Nwari and Jnor entered the room and for a moment, ripped from his thoughts of war, Dori nearly clobbered the skittish surgeon, but before he could raise his hand he gathered his senses and nodded curtly before picking up the remnants of breakfast from the edge of Ellie’s cot.

Xxx

Dwalin’s glower was firmly cemented upon his face as he stomped through the corridor. The dwarrow that Dain had brought were giving the old guard a wide berth given his current mood. Feeling as he did it had been easy to cow the two guards who had overheard Thorin’s admission of guilt in the meeting a week ago. Dwalin was convinced that they had kept their mouths shut thus far, to his credit Dain had apparently seen to that, but it never hurt to be sure. The bruises would fade in a few days, they were only skin deep, but the piece of paper with their names and the names of their wives and children that Dwalin now carried in his pocket gave him enough confidence to consider the matter closed once and for all.

Balin, being better at actually talking to others, had been the one to have a sit down with the company and explain Ellie’s choice. A few of them had been difficult to convince- Gloin, Bofur, and Bombur had all expressed that belief that Thorin should be shorn even if his grave was not so marked, though they couldn’t understand why Ellie would refuse to claim that price, but the others agreed with Ellie’s reasoning in matter, not that they felt any differently about Thorin than their companions, and let it rest.

Oin had come to retrieve Nori to change shifts with Dori after the surgery and told Balin of the errand that Dwalin was running. Balin accompanied the healer and the limping thief back to the sick room in hopes of encountering his brother somewhere in the vicinity.

Balin waited out of Ellie’s line of sight, easy enough with her missing eye, while Dori and Bifur managed to extract themselves. She was still and quiet but far from peaceful. For a fleeting moment Balin likened it to watching Thorin in those first few months after Azanulbizar but dark thoughts such as those didn’t make his heart any lighter and he focused on what he would say to his comrades when they were in the quiet of the hallway.

It was a quick explanation. Dori, having heard Ellie’s reasoning for himself, didn’t argue, but Bifur flashed angry signs at Balin and sided with his cousins on the matter. Balin quickly realized that he had chosen a poor time to broach the subject as both dwarves were clearly upset and on edge. Begging their pardon, he assured them that he would hear their concerns before the time came as the funeral would not be until the morrow and bade them eat and rest. Dori nodded for the both of them before they retired to the company’s shared sleeping quarters.

Balin sighed and sagged against the wall. It was not unexpected to see Bifur in a poor state of mind as there wasn’t much left of his mind after the axe, but Dori was difficult to fluster, even considering his previous outburst. Thinking on it Balin wasn’t sure that he wanted to encounter his brother if there was a possibility that he might be in the same frame of mind, but when he heard the footfalls he knew that the point was moot.

“Brother, how did it go with Dain’s guards?”

Dwalin came to stop beside his brother and leaned on the wall.

“They won’t talk.”

Balin knew how persuasive his brother could be and simply nodded, knowing that except for Oin, Dori, and Bifur the matter was closed. There was no need to bother with the princes. Fili would yield to Ellie, Balin reasoned, and Kili, if he lived, would likely do as his brother. What concerned Balin then was Dwalin.

No one would know by his face how upset he was but leaning against the wall was hardly normal behavior for the youngest son of Fundin. Dwalin was not one to rest at any time during the day. Rest came during sleep, and only then, and Balin knew his brother was not given to idleness.

“How is she?”

Dwalin grunted and looked at his hands. “She’ll live.”

Balin reached his hand out and placed it on his brother’s shoulder. Dwalin shuddered and tried to steady his breathing. Over two hours of listening to Ellie scream, beg, and plead had been harder on Dwalin than he would ever admit to anyone. It wasn’t so much the screaming as the words she said. Time after time she apologized for crying out and being weak, promised not to be a burden, promised not to fail, promised to meet the expectations and responsibilities as queen, begged forgiveness for not fighting against Thorin.

Dori, again holding her shoulder, had gently reproved her addled thoughts with reassurances, but there were tears in his eyes as he did it. Eventually, Dwalin had gruffly interrupted the tailor and matter-of-factly informed Ellie that she had more than proven her worth and loyalty and that no further effort was required by her on that front. What's more, he declared his approval at her performance in battle, though he did mention that her footwork could use some improvement. Oin and Dori had given him wide eyed stares at the declaration. Dwalin’s respect was hard won, his loyalty even harder. But, though she seemed temporarily reassured, her fears and memories were not so easily overcome and she continued her pleas in the same rambling mixture of Westron, Spanish, and Khuzdul.

Oin had hoped that she would pass out from the pain but there was no such luck to be had. Instead, when all was said and done, her breathing slowly evened out with the calming reassurances of Dori as everyone but Bifur, who was again vigorously rubbing her legs, slowly backed away from the cot.

The scene replayed itself in Dwalin’s mind again and he rubbed his palms on his face in a strange semblance of Balin’s nervous tick. Balin turned and pulled his brother to face him, pressing their foreheads together. For a fleeting moment, the younger closed his eyes. Then, he straightened, nodded, and grunted something about lunch as he walked away.

Balin thought about lingering in the corridor a moment to collect himself but thought better of it and went to check on Ellie.

Nori was gently rubbing her hand as she spoke though Balin couldn’t hear the words. She watched the thief intently and nodded when he spoke in turn. Fili had been moved next to her again and Balin could see that they held each other’s hands under the covers. The tracks of tears were still wet on both their faces.

“Ellie, lass, I came to check on you and see that you made it out alright,” Balin began as he sat beside Nori.

Nori glared strongly at Balin and the old advisor nodded to him.

“I’m alright, just tired. Nwari wants me up to try taking a short walk later today.”

Balin forced a smile. “Won’t be fun, but I bet it’ll be nice to see something other than the ceiling for a change.”

Ellie smiled wanly and nodded.

“Lass, it has been brought to my attention that I misspoke when I was last here and I want to clear up some things.” Ellie tensed and grabbed Nori’s hand, her eye wide. “Easy now,” Balin murmured as he put his hand on her leg, “there’s nothing to be worried about. I’m afraid that we have come again to another misunderstanding between our cultures, Ellie, so let me speak plainly.

“There’s exactly no chance that you’ll be asked to leave. We think you perfectly capable, although it was my fault for asking so much of you right now and it is understandable that you should be resting rather than thinking right now. We’ll keep you informed only as much as you want for now so long as you’re fine with me making decisions for the time being.

“Now about Thorin, and let me finish before you say anything, I talked to Dwalin and he explained your beliefs as you asked and I can see your position now. No one thinks less of you for what happened or for your choice; in fact, most see the wisdom in it even if they would rather you claimed a price. If nothing else, your choice shows us that you’re a fine leader and won’t hesitate to make the best decisions for everyone, even when they aren’t comfortable.

“What, I’m saying, lass, is that you needn’t worry. Things will work themselves out in relatively short order, until then you should just rest and use the time for yourself to work out your emotions because when the day comes for you to take control there will be precious little time for reflection.

“Does that help matters a bit?” The question was accompanied by a warm smile and Ellie nodded vigorously, fresh tears on her cheeks.

“Well good to know we’ve got that cleared up. Now how about I set your hair to rights? I’ve got some new clasps for you and we’ll be adding in a couple of braids.”

Nori eyed Balin suspiciously before vacating the spot by her head and moving to the wall to worry his nails again.

Balin carefully wove two identical braids on the right side of Ellie’s head. These, he explained, were her widow’s braids, each capped with a black bead and a clasp for her lost husband. Thorin’s braid made use of the clasp that he had given her when they wed and Isaac’s was plain silver plus two extra beads- one for Ari and one for Bran. The white haired dwarf said that Ori would be by later to help design a clasp that would honor Isaac in the same way that Thorin’s clasp named him and she could choose later beads that she better liked to represent her sons. For now, the beads Balin used were red garnet. Balin made no mention of Thorin’s actions nor how that could affect braiding. The matter was settled and there was no reason to bother Ellie about it now he reasoned.

On Ellie’s left side Balin made one, seven strand braid marking her as royalty. The clasp was plain, as was Isaac’s, and again there was talk of designing something more appropriate later. For the moment, Balin explained, he simply wanted to make sure that she was as dignified as their circumstances allowed.

Balin’s visit lasted another hour as he told Ellie about the mountain, recalling old places he wanted to visit again and various locations which needed repair for the operation of the mountain. Eventually, Ellie fell asleep, still holding Fili’s hand, and Balin nodded lightly to Nori as he made his way out of the room. Nori, for his part, seemed content with Balin’s apology and harbored the old dwarf no ill will. Clearly the misunderstanding had not been intentional and at the end of the day no one was any worse off for it. He would make a point later to tell his elder brother of the encounter and to assuage his fears about Balin’s intentions.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? An update?! Who is this strange and semi-productive person who's taken over this account?! Blasphemy.
> 
> Anyway, as it turns out two children take more time than one. Also, they begin to require more time as you try to do things like educate them. Weird. 
> 
> So I've been writing again. I think I've finally got a bead on where I'm taking this (after re-writing the next big transition- you'll know what I mean by that when you see it, though you've got a few chapters to go- about 3 times, deleting 30 pages of text in the process). 
> 
> For those of you still following this you have my gratitude. Thank you and I will try not to suck at updating so much.

“I’ve been up and walking for two weeks, Dori. A short walk to this meeting isn’t going to be what does me in,” Ellie muttered as she straightened the plain, single tone dress that Dori had made from a nice set of old sheets, the only suitable fabric that they had run across so far in mountain.

Dori glared at the smiling woman. “But you’re still healing and you’re bearing. A dam in your position needs her rest. Don’t you think that…”

“Dori, I had my last born on the side of the road. Dams aren’t made of glass… contrary to popular belief.” Ellie stared at Gloin who looked disapprovingly from the doorway with his arms crossed against his chest. “Oin says I’m fine and I’ll only be there long enough to look over some papers and sign a few things. Now, can you please vacate the doorway you two?”

“So you’re not in pain then?” Dori questioned.

Ellie rolled her eye and sighed. “Of course I’m in pain, don’t be dense, but that would be the case if I were lying motionless on my bedroll. Being in pain is hardly a legitimate reason to be lazy.”

Gloin opened his mouth, no doubt to recount some tale about his lovely wife and her bearing time with Gimli, but Ellie raised her hand and cut him off. “If it would make you both feel better, you can walk me there. I’ll even hold your hands.” Ellie couldn’t hide the mischievous smirk on her face when she said it and unfortunately both Dori and Gloin noticed immediately.

“Look here, lass, your health isn’t some joke. You might find it funny to be smarting off like this, but we’re serious. Now have off this ridiculous idea of yours and lie down. I’ll go find Balin and he can bring the paperwork to you here,” Gloin demanded.

“Alright look. I appreciate your concern, really I do, but Oin and Nwari both suggested that I be up and around because it would help me heal faster. You’re being counterproductive. The longer I stand here and bicker with you two, the more tired I’ll be during the meeting and the more pain I’ll be in by the time I do get back in here to lay down. This isn’t negotiable so please, can I leave now?”

Dori and Gloin exchanged glances and sighed. Ellie had learned well from Thorin’s stubbornness and her voice was edging towards a command. She had made it clear that ordering around the company was something she would rather not ever have to do and so they relented, not wanting to push Ellie into a situation that would likely result in hard feelings and regret on both sides.

“Come on then, dear. We’ll be glad to escort you,” Dori offered.

Dwalin stood in the hallway looking irritated at the delay. “You done powdering your nose, your majesty?”

“Oh, shut it Dwalin.”

The guard smirked. “You’d do well not to be late to meetings with my brother, you know how efficient he likes to be.”

“Well, really I don’t know, but I suppose I will shortly.”

“Aye, that you will,” Dwalin muttered with a grunting sound that was spectacularly close to a legitimate chuckle.

xxx

Dwalin was not exaggerating when he spoke of his brother’s impatience with holding up his schedule. Ellie apologized furiously but made no mention of the two chagrined dwarves that lingered against the far wall, though Dwalin and Balin both had relatively accurate suspicions about the cause of her tardiness.

“These are the agreements we’ve drawn up with the people of Laketown, our promises of payment for the assistance of Dain and the company of the Iron Hills, apportioning of the shares of treasure to the company, and a series of repair and building projects that need to be commissioned to make the kingdom more habitable for the caravans that are already bound for us from _Khagolabbad._ ”

Balin ceremoniously placed a stack of parchment in front of Ellie on the table and brought her a quill and ink well.

“Once you’ve read them over and signed them, I’ll have them recorded and delivered to the appropriate representatives. Then, we’ll need to have a brief meeting with Thranduil once you know what we’ve got planned,” Balin looked questioningly at Ellie who had a look of worry on her face. “Lass, are you alright? If you don’t feel well, we can do this in chambers where you can lie down.”

Ellie shook her head and stared at the papers, her worry unchanged. “Balin, I can’t read this. I only ever got as far as learning the cirth.” Ellie was grateful for the small population of the room- Balin, Dwalin, Gloin, and Dori- otherwise she might have been too ashamed to admit it in open company.

“Right then, let me find a chair and we’ll go over this together,” Balin soothed with a gentle pat to the back, momentarily ashamed of himself for putting her in a position where she could not succeed.

The contracts and commissions were tedious and Ellie knew even if she were literate the result would have been the same- a complete and detailed explanation of every document. The explanations were conducted entirely in Khuzdul, save for the few words that Ellie did not yet know which Balin translated for her. By the end, she was exhausted and in no mood to meet the wretched elf king.

“Do you need a break before I go to fetch his highness, the leaf eater?” Balin offered. The room resounded with unbridled laughter since there were no unwanted ears to take offence to the unkind words.

“Are we sure that Nwari doesn’t need another go at my ribs? It sounds like that might be more enjoyable.”

Dwalin actually chuckled at the comment, his hurt regarding that day having long abated. Dori did not find the comment nearly so amusing and his face darkened.

“Sorry, lass, no such luck today. Water then, maybe?” Balin asked with a tinge of genuine amusement.

“I’ll get it myself, thanks,” Ellie said as she gingerly wobbled towards the bathroom with an empty mug she acquired from the table. From the bathroom Ellie called back, “I know Thranduil hates her, but do you think Tauriel might be handy? She might be able to give us some insights after the meeting even if she’s quiet. Besides, we’ve made it clear that she’s my personal guard, at least that’s what he thinks, it wouldn’t out of sorts for her to be here in that case.”

“Aye, that might not be bad at all. Dori,” Balin turned to call over his shoulder, “would you kindly summon our resident elf to the meeting? And Gloin, would you be so kind as to summon Thranduil? Though you might take your time, we don’t want him getting here before Kili’s elf.”

Gloin and Dori bowed lightly and took their leave to find their respective charges.

“How are the lads today?” Balin asked Ellie once she had managed herself back into her chair, leaning her cane on the edge of the table.

“Kili’s the same as ever, just skinnier day by day. Fili was up again this morning. He’s getting his strength back quickly and should be up and about with me to meetings and whatnot in another week, though it’ll probably be at least a couple of months before he’s ready for your treatment just yet, Dwalin.”

The warrior grunted as he stood by the table working the leather on his knuckle dusters.

“How’s Dain doing?” Ellie asked. “Once Oin let him up we never saw him in the sick room again, not that there’s any disappointment there.”

“He’s up and directing dwarrow right and left. Seems none the worse for wear, though maybe a bit shorter of temper as of late,” Balin answered diplomatically.

Ellie grimaced. “Shorter of temper? Jeez, I’m glad I haven’t seen him then. His temper is short enough normally, to hell with shortening it any further.”

“You speak the truth,” Dwalin grunted.

“I haven’t been by the sick room in the last few days, not since you and Fili were moved back in with us. Have you heard any news about Bard?”

Ellie took another drink of water and nodded. “Fili, Nori, and I stumbled over there this morning for check-ups and we saw him then. They seem to have gotten the infection under control but the wound won’t close with stitches so it’s staying open until it can heal itself shut. Oin said it may take a few months, although with it being open like that chances are good that he’ll take infection again and die anyway.” She shrugged and looked at her water with ire.

Dwalin watched her expression go from ire to disgust and then Ellie shuddered. Closing her eyes, she rubbed her stomach and swallowed hard.

“You alright lass?” Dwalin asked as Balin worked on yet another document.

Ellie nodded briskly and took another drink of water, her breathing getting shallow. Then, she shook her head. “Nope. I lied. Not fine at all. Quick, help me to the bathroom.”

Balin looked up in shock and Dwalin did as he was asked. Ellie fell to her knees in front of the toilet and retched violently. After the first spasm Dwalin grabbed her hair back out of the way. Balin cautiously made his way to the door and watched with intense worry. When finally her stomach had settled Ellie crumpled to the floor, sobbing softly and clutching her ribs.

Dwalin brought her the cup and prompted her to rinse and spit. Balin settled on the floor beside her while Dwalin wiped her mouth with a rag. The cup and rag deposited in the sink Dwalin knelt with his brother, laying a hand under Ellie’s left breast. Satisfied that her heart was working adequately he removed his hand and moved it to her forehead. There was a light sheen of sweat from her pain but no fever could be felt and the guard scowled.

“Lass, you been at the ale?” the guard asked with no small amount of disappointment.

Ellie opened her eye to stare hatefully at her accuser. Unable to speak from the pain, she opted instead to give him the bird.

“So that’d be a no then?” Dwalin asked with a hint of amusement.

There was a light knock at the door of the main room and Gloin entered with Thranduil, apparently forgetting to take his time. The dwarf and the elf both hurriedly approached the scene, with worry etched into their brows, though Thranduil’s expression was likely more of curiosity than genuine concern. Upon inspection the elf’s features softened and Dwalin glared murderously at the interloper.

“Eleanor, if I may hazard a guess?” Thranduil diplomatically offered. Ellie nodded softly, still gasping through the pain in her ribs.

“Would be this be the sickness of bearing women?”

Again Ellie nodded and the elf went on. “That is unfortunate since there is nothing to be done…”

Behind him Gloin nearly shouted in a panic, “Nothing to be done?!” but the ancient lord went on without pause.

“… but for now, at least, let me ease your pain.” Ellie eyed her former captor suspiciously but nodded her ascent. He wouldn’t harm her in open company, or at least he wouldn’t do it and survive, and the thought of some relief was enough motivation to see what he had up his sleeve.

Cautiously, Thranduil knelt next to Ellie and placed a hand over her healing ribs. Dwalin put a cautious hand on one of his axes while the blond elf closed his eyes and quietly murmured a few words.

Ellie had been exposed to quite a lot of sci-fi and fantasy books and TV in her life and even so the effect of the elf’s magic was not entirely what she expected. Instead of a warming sensation coming from the aforementioned hand or a gradual lessening of the pain she was met with nothing until the moment Thranduil stopped chanting and opened his eyes. The pain instantly abated and the void of sensation temporarily made Ellie feel like she had the breath knocked out of her.

“Relax,” the king commanded with the bedside manner of an ice cube. “It takes a moment to adjust to the lack of sensation. Try to breathe.”

Slowly and hesitantly Ellie began to draw slow breaths. They were shallow at first and she tentatively deepened her breathing as she found that the pain she was accustomed to was truly absent for the current time.

“How long does it last? The spell or whatever you just did I mean?” Ellie inquired.

“I would guess until sometime this evening.”

“Please tell me it comes back gradually and not like it went away,” Ellie asked as she sat up.

A thin smile crossed Thranduil’s features. “That would indeed be cruel were the pain to return so suddenly. No it will be gradual as you have guessed.”

Ellie nodded, feeling slightly dizzy from the strain of throwing up as well as managing her pain. Dwalin put a steadying hand on her shoulder.

 _“He didn’t do anything bad to you did he?”_ he asked in Khuzdul.

_“I’m fine, Dwalin. No worries.”_

“If I may, what is this sickness you two were mentioning? I feel that we should inform Oin of this development,” Balin interjected.

“Balin, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last; I’ve been sick for a few days. It’s just part of it. You get pregnant and you barf a lot. Okay, well, I do, other women have better luck than me,” Ellie explained, trying to calm Balin before he sent Gloin off after Oin.

Dwalin growled lowly and looked at Ellie with disappointment. Ellie wondered what she possibly could have done recently to piss him off so. “Did you tell anyone, lass?”

Ellie shrugged and looked him questioningly. “No. Why would I?”

“Because bearing isn’t an illness so you shouldn’t be sick from it,” Dwalin explained matter of factly.

“Excellent observation, here help me up, this sitting together on the bathroom floor thing is weird,” Ellie stuck out hands and Balin and Dwalin carefully pulled, “but you're being overly idealistic. Being pregnant still sucks. I’m guessing dwarrowdams don’t get sick like this?”

“They do not,” Gloin answered with a fair amount of indignation.

“Well good for them then. Someone has to be lucky,” Ellie snarked, not at all happy with Gloin’s tone. “It’s a natural thing for us.”

“We never saw you sick when you were with Bran,” Balin pointed out.

“You wouldn’t have,” Ellie slumped into her chair and rested against the high back. “It’s mostly just the first few months. I was over it by then.”

The dwarrow seemed entirely unconvinced that this behavior was normal or healthy but, for the time being, they let it go.

“So shall we get down to business?” Ellie suggested.

Thranduil remained standing on the other side of the table. “Forgetting our stations for a moment, Eleanor, I would suggest that you go and rest. This stage of pregnancy is the hardest and you’re still healing. The lack of pain will afford you some undisturbed rest which I am sure has been in short supply. Make use of that. Send for me again later after you have rested.”

The elf bowed lightly, which Ellie returned, and he turned to leave.

Ellie’s voice was low and she tried to keep from sounding too weak or too grateful. “Thank you again,” she called out and he nodded as he closed the door behind himself.

“Well, that was unexpected,” Balin said at last. “Let’s get you to bed then. We’ve nothing else to do here anyway.”

“You ain’t got to tell me twice,” Ellie muttered as she grabbed her cane. Even with the pain gone there was still profound weakness in her ribs where the muscle had been damaged and she relied on the staff to support some of her weight.

Ellie, Gloin, and Dwalin met Dori and Tauriel in the corridor.

“Who used their healing on you?” was the first thing out of anyone’s mouth as Tauriel clearly saw something that the others could not.

“The elf king,” Dwalin spat.

Tauriel raised her brow and looked on with interest. “Well, do not expect it is without unseen motivation. Thranduil is not given to shows of mercy or kindness.”

“Thank you. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind, although I can’t rightly say that I hate him for this,” Ellie joked.

Tauriel smiled, “No, I imagine not.”

Dwalin dismissed Dori and Gloin, though they made their displeasure loudly known, and slowly led Ellie and her supposed personal guard back to their shared quarters. When at last Ellie was well enough to leave the sick bed she had been offered her own room but the thought of sleeping in a room alone was smothering and she vehemently argued to return to their original encampment within the mountain. Balin sensed her rising panic at the idea of being alone and quickly did away with the idea, “suddenly” realizing how much safer she would be with them, not to mention that her children could be near to both her and their other caretakers.

The boys had been overjoyed to spend more time with her than the few visits they had been allotted initially, though they quickly wore their mother out and were sent away again with Bilbo and Bofur to play in some other location. Ellie’s spirits had lifted immeasurably in the company of her companions. The familiar heap of bodies was more careful with her and Fili back in the mix but nonetheless they both found solace in the loud sounds of snorts, farts, and burps that resonated throughout the room at night and neither had any hesitation about curling up, such as either of them could curl up, with the nearest dwarf. No one begrudged them that, though generally one stuck to one’s own family in that regard. Ellie still had Fili and her sons, though they spent most nights with Nori, Dori, or Bofur. Poor Fili was left with naught more than an aunt. Ellie knew it was different for him- his uncle had been there since he was born and his brother and best friend was slowly wasting away- while Ellie was no more than a new face in their already long lives.

“I’ve got to rest Dwalin. Mr. Elfy-pants was right, I do need to sleep,” she moaned as she leaned gingerly against a wall to catch her breath, still leery of the temporarily absent pain.

Dwalin grunted. “I’ll carry you. Save us both the trouble.”

Ellie narrowed her eye, “I cannot fathom how this saves you any trouble.”

“This way I don’t have to stand around and watch you creep down the hallway like a dam of two-hundred and ninety,” he explained, hefting the clearly annoyed woman into his arms without so much as a “by your leave.”

“I’m not an invalid, Dwalin, at least not forever,” she groused.

Dwalin’s chest rumbled against Ellie as he walked carefully. The wonderful furnace-like heat of the enforcer of the throne made Ellie relax, especially given her current lack of pain, and she was asleep before Dwalin had taken ten steps.

“She covers it well,” Tauriel observed as she eyed the sleeping woman with amusement and worry.

Dwalin cut his eyes to the elf, still annoyed with her presence but resenting her less as time progressed. “What?”

“Her exhaustion and pain. I knew she was tired but to fall asleep so quickly…” Tauriel didn’t finish her sentence but rather allowed the guard to make his own conclusions.

Dwalin looked down and a slight smile graced his features when he understood the elf’s meaning. There were those who were born loyal and brought up right, like himself and his brother, and then there were those who gave their loyalty, not for coin or favors but because it was earned, and that loyalty was the most unshakable of all. Dwalin knew, from personal experience, that it was that loyalty that had the tired queen up and about when nearly anyone else in her place would be resting and none would think of less of them for it. She had been given a fine, if unfairly excellent, sample of dwarven society in the company that she landed with, minus one ginger-headed lout Dwalin was growing to trust, and he knew that she would do for all their kin as she would do for their meager and unlikely troop.

Tauriel opened the door to their quarters ahead of Dwalin and helped situate the bedroll before Dwalin deposited her on the floor next to a groggy Fili.

“Is she alright?” Fili asked suddenly alert with alarm on his face.

“Aye, just the little one catching up to her,” Dwalin reassured him.

Fili nodded and reached out to take one of his aunt’s hands which the unconscious woman gripped.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And as you see this update in your inbox you might find yourself wondering "Who the fuck is this and when did I subscribe to this particular fic?" Those are great questions. Good luck figuring that out.
> 
> In other news, I'm updating again. For now at least? I've been writing and have a few more chapters ready to come out. As it turns out kids take up lots of time. Somehow I had missed that detail when I first started this. 
> 
> Enjoy plowing again into the angst that is this story.

Dwalin fully intended to speak with Oin about this so-called bearing illness and made his way quickly to the sick room where Kili and Bard were resting.

Dwalin’s greeting was direct and entirely expected. “Oin, what do you know about bearing sicknesses in humans?”

“Sick is she?” the old healer asked with growing interest.

Dwalin nodded. “Retched in the meeting today and said she’s been at it for a few days.”

Oin nodded. “I’ve read some about it, though not much. It seems to be normal so long as they don’t dehydrate or get too thin. I’ll check on her when she comes by tomorrow.”

Dwalin nodded again and grunted his thanks as he left. Her condition didn’t lessen his opinion of her, in fact having to bear in such a state lent her a bit of credit, but it did add to his work load and it was not entirely welcome.

Xxx

Fili and Ellie walked silently down the long stair to the crypt deep under the mountain. With so few still in the mountain and now the occupants being all dwarves, the exceptions being a still mending Bard, a few elven healers, and the unlikely additions to the royal family, they managed to convince Dwalin to let them have their peace. After they had descended many levels, far from watching eyes, except those of Nori who followed them at Dwalin’s request, Fili slipped his hand into Ellie’s. Here there would be no questioning looks, no untoward accusations- just two friends who had become family taking solace in each other’s company.

“It’s a shame it took us so long to come down here,” Fili whispered, unwilling to disturb the silence by speaking any louder.

They came to rest in front of the newest addition to the room, memorials and armor piled at the foot of the crypt, and sat leaning against the stone. This was as close as they could be to Thorin and somehow the distance seemed greater here than it did fifteen floors up. Neither could tell who started crying first but it was a long time before the previous silence of the tomb returned.

Nori waited in the shadows several feet from the door and worried his nails with a knife. He and the others had been able to share their grief in the first few days when all the mountain seemed to weep for the seemingly uncountable dead and dying, but Fili and Ellie were barely alive. Their pain had had to wait because as soon as they were able to stand the responsibilities of the mountain came down upon them and there was no longer time.

No one had entirely realized that they had not been afforded a visit to Thorin’s tomb until Bilbo pointed it out a few days ago. He and Bofur had finally taken the boys down to the tomb. Ari had been asking after Thorin for some time and they decided, rather without consulting Ellie first, that they should try to explain it. Ari understood death well enough already, having seen it on plenty of occasions, but couldn’t really believe that Thorin was dead. He continued to believe that Thorin was just hurt, like Kili, and was simply being kept in a different sick room. When Bilbo gently explained that Thorin’s body was locked in the stone forever the toddler finally seemed to come to some kind of realization and just lay crying on the floor huddled against the side of the cask. Bofur and Bilbo bracketed the child and waited with him until he was ready for comfort.

That night Ari had cried himself to sleep in Ellie’s arms while she and Fili had tried their best not to let their tears fall as well. In the following days Ari had gone into detail describing the many stairs leading to the chamber and all of the ornate statues and inscriptions that accompanied many of the graves and both Ellie and Fili had listened with intent, asking questions of the yammering toddler. It was then that Bilbo asked why they were so interested since they had surely seen it themselves.

Ellie brushed off the question, simply replying that they had both been too busy with important affairs and that they would get around to it eventually, not wanting the kind fellow to notice her unspent grief. Several minutes later Bilbo excused himself and less than an hour later Balin arrived announcing that they had taken care of so much recently that they would have a free afternoon in a few days, and why not visit Thorin. The pair smiled knowingly at Bilbo who bowed lightly and leaned against his husband.

It was more than an hour after they had arrived in the tomb that Fili finally spoke.

“Did they really bury him with it?”

Ellie nodded. “Balin wasn’t happy at all, but I pulled rank and shut that shit down right there.”

“Good. That cursed stone has been nothing but pain and heartache for our people since it was found. Maybe we’ll have a chance at a good life here with it gone,” Fili wondered aloud.

“I hope so, that’s why I did it. I think Balin is going to give it some dramatic spin about how it was Thorin’s birthright and how he never got to see the mountain restored so we gave him this as a symbol of our thanks. I don’t know. I don’t care what he says as long as no one ever sees it again.”

Fili nodded his agreement and leaned his head against Ellie’s shoulder again.

“Where do you think they’ll put him?” Fili whispered, his voice cracking again.

Ellie pulled her nephew close. “I don’t know, _yamadin’_ , close to your uncle I hope.”

“Something about burying him alone breaks my heart, even more than losing him. He’s never been alone in his life, always the two of us, always. It seems so wrong to box him up like that by himself, like it should be the both of us together. I don’t know how to go on Ellie. I don’t want to be king, I don’t want to be anything without my brother.” Fili’s voice faded out as he was wracked again with sobs.

From the shadows Nori wiped away a few tears. He had cried with his brothers after the battle, but that was the point wasn’t it? He had cried with them, not for them. He had not had to face what Fili faced now. For all of Fili’s bravado and courage, and now his measured words and stoic demeanor, he was barely older than Ori, certainly little more than a child. Slowly Nori put his knife back into his sleeve and stared into the darkness wishing that Dori was nearby to henpeck him for his hair and wrinkled clothes or that Ori was ambling up to duck under his arm and ask some ridiculously innocent question.

“I know Fili. I miss my sister too. It’s not the same, but I do miss her. Just give it time. You were there when I showed up. You remember how bad it was, but you know it’s not like that anymore. Life’s still a bit off kilter but I know that I’m home, that I’m where I need to be. You’ll get that too. A wife, the pitter patter of little dwarflings destroying your home and one day you’ll realize that you don’t miss him any less but rather that your heart just grew bigger to fit in all the new people that you have to love and it won’t rule your life anymore.”

“Does it make me a horrible person that I just wish it was over? The waiting is so hard it’s like I’m not allowed to mourn him yet but everyone knows it’s just a matter of time. Dori and Ori and some of the others are still so optimistic- it’s been two months. He’s not going to wake up. Why can’t they see that? Why do they have to hold on to their delusions? All it does is twist the knife. None of them lost a brother out there. None of them know,” Fili shouted. With a surge of anger he lashed out at one of the pieces of armor that had been left at the foot of the tomb and threw it across the large room into a wall. The clatter was deafening in the deep silence of the mountain, the echoes ringing again and again as if to mock Fili’s outburst.

Ellie watched Fili in his anger without reproach. Some of her anger had been unfairly unleashed on Balin on more than one occasion, but Fili had never so much as let his mask slip once after he left the infirmary.

“It doesn’t make you a bad person. There’s only so much pain you feel like you can take. Watching him die once on the battlefield isn’t the same as watching him die every day. It takes it out of you. Besides, drawing this out can’t be kind to Kili either. You want what’s best for him, you want him to move on, to be with your family that’s gone ahead,” Ellie soothed. “I think the others aren’t ready to let go yet and they can’t admit it to themselves what’s happened. Dori probably just doesn’t have the heart to tell Ori and Ori’s still too idealistic to accept it. They don’t mean anything by it, _yamadin’_.”

After a few minutes Fili leaned back against the stone again and closed his eyes, trying to calm his rage.

“Fili, I hesitate to mention this since I’m still learning what it is to live here and I don’t want you to think I’m cold or that I don’t love Kili but back home we do things differently in some instances. When someone is like this and we know that they’re not ever going to get better, sometimes we choose to let them go.” Ellie paused and looked to Fili to see his reaction.

Slowly, he turned to face her. He knew what she meant but for some reason wanted her to explain it for him anyway, as though the answer would somehow be different. “How do you mean?”

“We stop feeding them or giving them the medicine that keeps them alive, just let them gradually fade out. Nothing violent, but a kind end to something that should have been over long ago.”

Fili closed his eyes and whispered, “Does it hurt?”

“Nah. They’re already gone. We’re just keeping their body here so we don’t have to say goodbye. I mean it’s not all like that, sometimes it’s really complicated, but for Kili that would be it. Starving doesn’t really hurt too much after the first few days. The cramps go away and you just fade over time. We’d still give him water, thirst isn’t a nice way to go at all, but it’s gentle in the end.”

Ellie looked at her feet and could hear Fili’s muffled sobs again.

“It wouldn’t be unheard of,” he finally managed. “It’s a common practice to ease another’s passing on the battlefield when there’s obviously nothing to be done.” He paused, looked down, and swallowed hard. “I helped more than one out there.”

Ellie closed her eye and pulled the blond prince close. She had done the same after an eviscerated elf clutched at her ankle and begged for mercy. It was not something she could put into words, even with Fili having brought up the subject and so she clutched at her nephew and let her tears fall for another pain that never should have been.

Nori winced in his alcove. Killing was not for the kind and light-hearted, not for one so young and full of life like Fili. Having to ease another’s last moments was yet another injustice his future king carried and Nori found previously untapped wells of sympathy in his heart for the blond.

“I don’t think starving him would be acceptable since I’ve never heard of something like this, seems like the coward’s way out. In the end, I may have to do it as we do it in battle, but I think I could, I could give him that honor. I don’t want our Amad seeing him like this, to see him fading bit by bit only to have to bury him in the end. She’s lost so much, it would be the smallest comfort that I could offer her, to give her some closure. I just… I feel guilty planning to kill my own brother. I feel so weak that I can’t do anything but this.”

“I know, Fili, I know. There’s going to be guilt- either we’re holding him here after his time has long since come or we’re killing him to hurry the process along. All I can say is just try to remember that you’re doing what you can where there are no easy answers. I promise that you will never have to do this alone. If you want my help, in whatever is chosen, I will always offer it.”

“Thank you. I feel so alone without Kili and Thorin,” Fili whimpered.

“I know, trust me I really do know.” Fili nodded in response to Ellie’s statement and she gripped his hand to try and say what she couldn’t put into words. 

They spent another hour huddled together talking about their experiences in battle, sharing tears, and reassuring one another. Nori, for all his years of never loving or trusting anyone but his brothers, suddenly realized that the company had become the family he had never had growing up in the settlement camps in _Gabilgatholnur_. He wished that he could go in there and offer them the comfort that they clearly needed but he also knew that he had heard things which were not meant for other ears and their hurt at him eavesdropping would more than outweigh anything he could give them. The unblooded, as Fili and Ellie more or less were before the battle, deserved the help of someone experienced in their healing and he thought about how he might arrange for them a telling with the others. Pulled from his thoughts, Nori realized the sounds of his charges coming towards him and silently retreated up the passages.

Xxx

Fili opted to spend the rest of the day alone and Ellie offered to start the discussion about Kili with Oin, Balin, and Dwalin while the subject was still fresh with them since they had both already worked up the courage. Fili didn’t want to think anymore about the subject but nonetheless he was reluctant to let the conversation be had without him. Ellie reassured him that it would only be enough to broach the idea with the others but that no decisions would be made.

“Fili, there’s no reason to put yourself through more than you already have and no doubt will. Just let me handle this part, just for today,” Ellie offered.

Fili relented and quickly made his departure, unwilling to look Ellie in eye for what she was about to do.

Ellie made quick work of finding the aforementioned dwarves and asked them to join her in the regularly used meeting room.

“What’s on your mind lass?” Balin asked as Ellie took her seat.

“I have some questions for Oin and then there is a discussion that I would like to have with you two,” Ellie said as she motioned to the sons of Fundin.

“Very well, let’s have it then,” Oin groused, his annoyance at being summoned away from his work quite clear.

Ellie began her questions without preamble. “What are the chances that Kili will recover?”

Balin and Dwalin both shifted uncomfortably and Oin looked down. “As he is, none.”

“And how long would it take for him to succumb if he were to be deprived of food?” Balin closed his eyes and Dwalin grunted and looked away.

“Two, three weeks at most. Why lass?” Oin asked with a grim look.

“If he does not wake, but does not worsen, how long could be expected to live?”

“Anywhere from another day to his normal lifespan. There’s never really any way to tell.”

“Thank you for your assistance, Oin.” Ellie stared at the healer and after a moment he took the hint, rising and bowing low to leave. Ellie glared at his obeisance but said nothing since she had just ordered him around.

When the door clicked shut Balin leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “Have you talked to Fili yet?”

Ellie nodded. “We had a long talk earlier in the crypt. He wasn’t sure how to handle this- whether we should just let him stay as he is indefinitely or if he could be helped along as one of those injured in battle but unable to be saved. He wasn’t in any shape to talk about it so I offered to start the conversation and find out the options, but no more.”

Balin nodded. “It would be acceptable, with Oin’s declaration that there is no chance of his recovery, to ease his passing. Now if you plan to do it through starvation I can’t say that it would be well received.”

“I didn’t know. That’s one method we use back where I’m from in situations like this. It’s gentle and painless. Our folks, for all the violence you saw me suffer, aren’t really much for offing their loved ones with knives or blunt objects. I had told Fili and he was unsure too but I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask,” Ellie explained.

“I’ll do it,” Dwalin muttered.

“Do what?” Balin asked with wide eyes.

“Kill him.” Dwalin looked at his brother with narrowed eyes for asking such a stupid question when the answer had been obvious.

“No, you won’t,” Ellie countered.

Dwalin leered from across the table. “It should be family.”

“And it will be. Fili already said he would.”

Dwalin simply stared back like a statue and if Ellie didn’t trust him implicitly the glare would have scared her enough to run and hide. “No. He’s been through enough. I’ve killed more dwarrow than the lad’s ever met. If nothing else I’ll save him this.”

Ellie felt the pain in his words and his desire to save something of the children he had helped to raise. He feared the person Fili would become and the thought of losing the young prince too, especially when Dwalin felt it unnecessary to put him through such a trial, seemed to move the guard to offer something that he usually would not- an easy way out.

“Dwalin, you can’t save him this. Kili’s going to die, already has really, we’re just planning the finishing touches. Just like that night at Beorn’s I couldn’t let you do my killing for me, it’s the same for Fili. There won’t be anything in this world that can save him that pain, regardless of who holds the knife.

“Besides, can you tell me that if you do it and Fili agrees out of fear or pain or guilt or whatever, can you tell me that no part of you will think less of him for being a coward? You know damn good and well that if the tables were turned and your brother lay on that cot you wouldn’t have any other do your work, no matter how hard it was.”

Dwalin finally broke off his gaze and looked at the table nodding. He’s just a child, he thought to himself, but as soon the thought was had Dwalin knew better. Fili was of age and in little more than a year he would be king. No child would offer to ease his brother’s final moments and Dwalin let go of the last hope he had of saving the children of Durin their fates.

A silence fell in the room as the three occupants gave thought to what was to come. It was only after a long time that Balin spoke.

“We should prepare a place for the lad beforehand.”

Dwalin grunted his agreement and Ellie nodded.

“When it’s decided, how do we tell the others?” Ellie asked. The question immediately sounded stupid when it left her mouth, with our mouths you idiot, she answered in her head, so she went on to explain. “Some of the others are still hopeful, they won’t understand. I don’t want them to take it out on Fili.”

“It’s a part of it, lass. If he chooses to do this then he’ll have to face them too,” Dwalin answered. “No use babying him since he’s not one.”

Ellie smiled ruefully. “I can baby him all I want. I’m a mother, it’s my right to coddle those younger than me. Besides, you were coddling him earlier, don’t play like I’m the only one.”

There was no smile or response from either of her companions but she could feel the tension dip momentarily and knew the light words had been heard. There was nothing else to be said but none of the three were interested in getting up just yet. The subject had been on all their minds but they had been loath to mention it to Fili, though it had been on his mind as well. Now there was no way to deny the loss of the youngest prince and it was like the opening of the floodgates. All of the grief for his loss that had been put to the back of their minds suddenly surged forward and all of the wounds of the battlefield were as sharp as they had been when new.

“The elf…” Balin muttered, looking up suddenly.

Both Dwalin and Ellie groaned at the reminder and wondered how they could have forgotten the prince’s wife. The redhead had been silent for days at a time, completing tasks for her husband’s kin with no less effort than before, but slowly withdrawing until it was possible for the others to actually forget her as they had done here. Tauriel would have to agree and they knew it would be a hard sell. With her heart given, her life was tied to his and no one doubted that she would begin to fade almost immediately once his heart stopped beating. To ask her this would be to ask her to commit suicide and doubts began to fester about this course of action. While Tauriel was clearly grieving, she was alive and certainly not fading. If letting Kili go on in this state for a few more decades gave her some peace it might not the worst decision they would come to.

“…it will take careful consideration,” Balin finally finished and the other two nodded.

Staring blankly into her cup of water Ellie was startled when a loud knock sounded at the door. Balin called for the person to enter and one of Dain’s dwarrow stepped through the door, bowing lowly.

_“Pardon the intrusion, my lady, Tharkûn requests an audience.”_

Ellie looked to Balin with a moment of hesitation but seeing no warning on his face she agreed. _“Thank you, send him in,”_ Ellie offered in perfect Khuzdul, her daily lessons with Ori affording her much better diction, vocabulary, and literacy than she had just six weeks prior.

The weathered wizard walked into the room, leaning heavily on his staff.

“Ellie, how are you these days?” Gandalf warmly asked.

“Well enough,” she answered gesturing to an empty chair at the table. “What brings you here? We wondered what became of you after the battle, no one could remember seeing you leave.”

“Ah, yes, I had some business to attend to, my dear, but I have news which may interest you. May we speak in private?” Gandalf raised his eyebrows in askance, as though the gesture lent his request more weight.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure you can say in front of them. I trust no one more than these two,” Ellie replied.

Gandalf sighed and looked at Ellie with mild consternation and assumed the proffered chair. “Very well,” Gandalf conceded, obviously displeased. “I have found a way back to your world.”

Ellie looked up at the wizard without raising her head and sighed. “I hope that you didn’t spend the last two months figuring that out…”

Her reply was cut off. “I did not. I spent your year in Mirkwood doing it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It was hardly a waste of time, Ellie,” he countered.

“Well, if I don’t plan on taking advantage of that you might change your opinion.”

“My dear, this is a chance to go home. Do not think so lightly of this opportunity,” Gandalf chided.

Ellie looked up and smiled ruefully. “I am home. I have family here, responsibilities here, I will have another child here. If you do want to talk more about this at a later time, I will be glad to indulge you, but I’ve had a long day and I’m not in the mood to…”

Ellie ended her sentence with a wide eye. Balin and Dwalin stared expectantly at their queen.

_“Do you remember the first few days when I told you that we had strong medicine?”_ Ellie asked urgently in Khuzdul.

_“Aye, lass,”_ Balin responded.

_“What if I were to take Kili to my world? They might be able to help. I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up but if there’s a chance I feel like we shouldn’t dismiss it until we’ve heard him through.”_

_“I agree,”_ Balin concurred.

“Alright, Gandalf, we’re listening.” 

The wizard looked between the three, wondering what change of heart might have occurred.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is the last of the writing I had saved up from when I had first started posting- yeah, think about that for minute. At any rate, I've got a couple more updates in my "Earth" file and hopefully I'll have even more saved up before it comes time to update again. 
> 
> Feedback is appreciated (though admittedly this chapter isn't much for excitement so you may not feel the need to comment).

Gandalf’s story was long, winding, and entirely circumspect and it covered many things that none in the room, except for the speaker, truly, or even partially, understood. What Ellie gleaned from the story was that her knowledge of Saruman was correct. In fact, it had been he who had summoned the Dark Lord to Dol Guldur and given him the power to re-emerge in the world. The white wizard, for his strength and wisdom, had not been able to control the magic needed to complete the act and the result had been a fracturing of the boundaries of their worlds.

“Your knowledge of our world is proof that you have not been the first to visit,” Gandalf offered.

“Sure, but it’s not a simple matter of walking back and forth through the rifts. Whoever came through knew of events that happen more than fifty years into the future, not to mention having knowledge of the making of Arda and the fate of many of the free peoples long into the fourth age. The books were published decades ago where I’m from which means the rifts don’t just cross space but also time. We can’t be sure where I would end up or when. Where I came through was hundreds of miles from here, hardly a useful portal.”

“I can nudge the rifts towards useful locations and time, Ellie, and there are thousands to choose from, though they tend to drift over time. I intended to use one that is far beneath the mountain to send you back. I can’t return you to your place of origin but I should be able to help you find a way through to a safe location and time should you desire it.”

“What about the return journey, back here I mean, how would I be able to return to the right place?” Ellie asked.

“You intend to return to Middle Earth?” Gandalf asked with genuine surprise.

Ellie nodded. “I only need to run an errand.”

“And what is the nature of this errand?”

Ellie looked questioningly to Balin and he nodded. _“Aye, tell him lass. Though be wary, Tharkûn, has no honor, he will not hesitate to force your hand when it so suits him.”_ Ellie nodded and looked to Gandalf, unaware of how true that statement really was.

“Kili was injured in the battle and has yet to wake. I want to take him there to see if my people might be able to help him.”

“I do not know how that would work, but give me until the morrow and I’ll let you know what I find out, but in the meantime I ask you to carefully consider your actions. As you are well aware there are repercussions for moving between worlds.”

With that Gandalf stood, put on his hat which had rested on the table, and strode from the room without a look back.

“You’re not going alone,” Dwalin declared when they were alone, knowing that they had already done all of the considering intended to on the matter.

“Dwalin you don’t understand. There’s little need for axes where we’ll be going, assuming Gandalf gets this worked out,” Ellie countered.

“Aye, clearly,” the guard replied with no small amount of sarcasm.

Ellie rolled her eye. “I make a poor example, but I’m being serious. If I go to my country we might be arrested and sent to a deportation center for not having the proper paperwork or if they found out my identity they would demand answers that I can’t give them. If we go to another country the same could happen but based on my accent I would be sent back to my country only to face the same problem of suddenly being alive after having been missing and presumed dead. Then there’s the matter of going back in time- what if I meet myself? Weapons would not be best solution, diplomacy would be,” Ellie said as she cast a glance at Balin.

Balin looked at Ellie with sympathy. “I should stay here. Fili will need an experienced advisor to help him rule in your absence. My brother might not be much for diplomacy or bureaucracy but we’ll not have you going without protection.”

“I’m not going to fall over and die with the next stiff breeze.”

Dwalin glared. “No you won’t but you are the queen and I won’t have you wandering off into another world without protection.”

“As I recall I held my own in battle and it wasn’t entirely luck.”

“Nay, it was not, but soon you’ll be too large to do much for yourself,” Dwalin pointed out and Ellie sighed at the overprotectiveness of the dwarves. Feminism would be many, many years in coming to this place she groused to herself.

“Should I just assume that nothing I say or do would matter even if I were to command it?” she asked with a mix of amusement and resignation.

“Aye,” Balin and Dwalin answered together.

Ellie chuckled and smiled. “Alright then. So it would be you?” she nodded to Dwalin.

He grunted his affirmative.

“Let’s not bother with the details at the moment since we don’t know if anything will come of this at all. And let’s keep this between us for now,” Balin suggested.

“Fine by me. If you don’t have any need for me I think I’ll go sleep off this pregnancy. Don’t bother to wake me up,” Ellie moaned as she stood up.

Balin cocked an eyebrow at the queen. “Not feeling like dinner tonight?”

“No, I just mean don’t bother to wake me, not at least until the baby’s here,” she retorted.

“If you’re that tired I can carry you again, highness,” Dwalin offered, the barb clear in his voice.

Ellie turned and walked to the door, flipping Dwalin the bird as she went. “See you at dinner Balin.”

The dwarrow chuckled as she closed the door and Ellie napped deeply until Dori woke her up for dinner. Not wanting to incur the fussing for which Dori was legendary she immediately complied and followed him to the mess hall.

Xxx

The next morning found Balin, Dwalin, and Ellie engrossed in conversation with Gandalf. Whatever the old man had been up to had been a success, though not one that any of them rightly understood, and now Ellie was presented with the chance to take Kili, by the looks of the crude map Gandalf drew, to somewhere in the British Isles and somewhen between 2010 and 2020. The information seemed a bit specific and Ellie wondered how he could know but then decided that she simply couldn’t be arsed to care.

“Gandalf, I don’t mean to be rude, but I just need to know how to use Bilbo's ring, not how it works,” Ellie cut in. Her previous question of how it worked had been answered far more accurately than she had cared for and she was anxious to be getting on with the other things that needed to be dealt with.

“Of course, dear.”

When the explanations were over and Balin, Dwalin, and Ellie were in agreement about this course of action, the three split up to search for the others who would need to be informed of this endeavor. Ellie went for Tauriel, Balin for Oin, and Dwalin for Fili.

Six inhabitants of Erebor and a wizard sat bunched around the table of the meeting room. Fili looked miserable due to his assumptions about the nature of the conversation given those present, although he was bit puzzled about Gandalf’s presence. The prince steeled himself to what he had to do the night before, spending long hours pacing corridors and whispering his thoughts to his brother when Oin had finally gone to bed. Breakfast had been nigh impossible and he was glad for it now as he felt like he might be ill.

“We’re here to talk about Kili,” Ellie began. “He’s clearly not going to get any better and we have nothing to offer him here. This conversation took a rather unpleasant path yesterday until Gandalf arrived and presented us with an as of yet unknown option- to take him into the world I came from to seek help.”

Fili looked up as though Ellie had just sprouted horns and she smiled.

“We,” Ellie gestured to Balin and Dwalin, “feel that this is an opportunity that we should pursue. If he dies or simply does not recover it would be no worse than where we are now and we would at least know that we had exhausted every possibility to save him.”

Silent tears rolled down Tauriel's face. “I will go with him.”

Ellie, who sat between the elf and Balin, put a light hand on the elf’s. “No, it wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“But you cannot go alone. You need someone to protect you and I am your bodyguard, am I not?” the auburn archer reasoned.

“I’ll be with her, lass. They’ll both be safe,” Dwalin offered as gently as Dwalin ever offered anything.

Tauriel shook her head. “I am his wife. I should be with him.”

“Listen, hun, you’re too obvious. Elves wouldn’t pass too well in my world. People would see those ears and you’d have folks wondering after you in a heartbeat. Dwalin will blend in better. Besides, Dwalin may be there to protect us, but I’ll still be helping him make sense of it all. The more people I have to help along the harder it will be to keep a low profile.”

“There aren’t any dwarrow in your world either. How would Dwalin would he be easier to pass off?” Tauriel asked, still entirely unconvinced.

“Since no one knows of dwarrow, people would think just he’s a short guy, a bit odd but nothing more. Besides, we do have little people so to speak. Big folks that have dwarrow sized children and dwarrow sized adults who make tall children. It just wouldn’t be questioned, not like you. I know it’s not fair, no one’s saying it is, but that’s just all there is to it. I’m sorry.”

Tauriel stared blankly at the table and nodded lightly. Ellie knew that hats were excellent for ears but she also knew that Dwalin was going whether or not she liked the idea and the thought of babysitting the two of them seemed a bit much.

Determining the matter to be closed, Ellie turned to Oin. “I need to know more about Kili’s injury so I can explain it to the healers, give them a leg up so to speak."

“I can’t be sure unless I were to do an autopsy but I strongly suspect he’s got swelling and fluid on the brain which is keeping pressure on the tissues and preventing him from waking up. If they could somehow drain the fluid and reduce the swelling I believe that he would wake up and heal in short order,” the healer said loudly enough that he could hear himself speak. “We haven’t tried it with the lad because we know that we can’t succeed. Every recorded attempt has been a failure- either bleeding, more damage, or infection.”

“From my understanding, brain damage is a complicated injury and there’s not a terrible lot of folks who just go right back to normal after something like this,” Ellie pointed out.

Oin nodded. “Aye, that’s true of men, but not dwarrow. Even brain injuries like this can heal if the circumstances are right.”

The queen stared quizzically at the physician. “So then explain Bifur.”

“We’ve tried to remove the axe head several times over the years. Each time we nearly lost the lad to bleeding and to stop the procedure. The axe severed a main artery in his brain. At first, the axe was keeping pressure on the wound, but then, after a time, the blood just built new paths around the blade. Since the axe is wider at the front end any attempt to remove it means severing those new blood vessels and the bleeding is immediate. If he were to have it removed and survive I have no doubt that he would heal right up, but as it is he’ll carry it for life.”

Ellie nodded her understanding and filed that information away for later use. “Would it be safe to move him?”

Oin nodded, “Aye, it should be.”

“When are you leaving?” Fili asked, finally tired of waiting on the important information.

“Tomorrow morning if everything’s ready,” Ellie answered and her nephew nodded.

“And how long do you expect to be gone?” he pressed.

Ellie shrugged. “Probably a few months, maybe more. Just depends on how well it goes. If he heals like Oin expects then we might be back in a season or two, but if the damage is more extensive he may need longer term treatment for walking, talking, and basic things like feeding himself. In any case, we’ll be back as soon as he’s safe to bring home.”

“Lass, you underestimate how well we heal,” Oin chided.

Ellie frowned. “I hope so but I worked in a hospital before I came here in something called radiology. I know I never really told you much about my job, just that I worked for a healer, but understand that I’ve seen a lot of brain injuries, so you’ll forgive me if I’m not particularly optimistic.”

Oin simply glared and mumbled something under his breath, but Balin, ever the diplomat, nodded. “Of course, lass, you’re just trying to be realistic.”

The conversation soon shifted to logistics. It was decided that Fili would rule as regent in Ellie’s place and while other matters were discussed Balin drew up the appropriate documents. In the meantime, Dwalin went to gather the company. They would need to be informed of Kili’s impending disappearance. For their part the explanation was simple enough as all understood what was meant by the assertion that Ellie had come from another world. However, it was well understood by all present that few others would and it was decided to simply explain to all who asked after him that Kili was healing and could not take visitors.

Ellie’s disappearance would be harder to play off. The queen was up and about on a daily basis and was well known throughout the mountain. For her to suddenly disappear without reason would be quite alarming, although Ellie guessed that most would be secretly relieved to see a dwarf retake the rule under the mountain. So far the only word from the midwives of _Khagolabbad_ was that half-dwarves were viable, though the pregnancies were subject to the same complications as regular human pregnancies if the mother was a woman rather than a dam. Balin hoped that this would be vague enough to make up some mystery ailment which would require absolute bedrest and preclude anyone from visiting with the missing queen.

While Balin and Fili delved into discussions of the changing leadership, Oin left to give Kili a thorough bath and exam before they set out and Ellie and Dwalin went to find Ori’s older brothers. In the nearest unoccupied room they held an informal meeting in which Dwalin temporarily, and with no small amount of reservation, promoted Nori to chief of security at Ellie’s suggestion and Dori to be Fili’s personal guard. Dwalin had great respect for the strength of the quiet tailor and he knew that Dori would make a fine guard if he ever chose to change professions.

Dwalin grunted his approval and headed for the door when he felt that everything important had been addressed. Dori on the other hand was not devoid of questions.

“Ellie, who will watch your children while you’re gone?”

Rather than Ellie answering Nori cut in. “That would be my responsibility.”

Dwalin turned with intent and stared. “Yours?”

“Aye, though obviously someone else will have to watch the boys when I’m at work, I will be glad to be their primary caretaker.”

Ellie beamed, “Thank you, Nori.”

“Ellie, why don’t you let Bofur and Bilbo watch them instead,” Dwalin suggested.

As an answer Nori held out his scarred palm and Ellie followed, presenting their matching scars to the clearly displeased guard. “Mahal, Ellie, only thieves put any value on oaths like that.”

Ellie smirked, “Right and Nori was a thief, so it stands to reason that he would honor this, yeah?”

Dwalin growled and glared at the thief. “What did you promise her?”

“Before the battle I swore that if something was to happen and there was no one to claim her sons that I would raise them. Thorin’s gone and now she’ll be leaving too, so I think this falls within the original agreement, unless of course you think now would be a good time for Fili to starting raising two young boys,” Nori explained with seemingly no reaction to Dwalin’s snipes at his ability or trustworthiness as a parent.

Dwalin looked back to Ellie with a fair amount of suspicion. The woman rolled her eye and threw her hands up. “For god’s sake, we’re letting the dwarf run security, it’s not like he’s going to sell them to the next goblin he runs across and besides, Dori’s going to be so far up Nori’s ass, henpecking this and that, fussing over every last thing, do you really think Nori would be able to do anything wrong?” Ellie looked at Dori who did not seem even slightly amused and looked down, “Uh, no offense or anything, Dori.”

“They’re your children,” Dwalin finally answered as he left the room and stomped off down the hallway.

Ellie just shook her head and followed Nori, who had designs on showing her where to hide knives on her person and few of his other tricks of the trade.

Xxx

Ellie felt like every step she took would potentially be her last. It seemed that every available surface of her person had a knife strapped to it and that surely, sooner or later, one would come loose and impale her as she moved. She knew that if Nori had been successful Dwalin was likely in the same boat which would explain his funny gait. The pair of knives that Nori had shown them for their thighs had been by far the most uncomfortable of the lot and Dwalin’s muscular thighs had been less forgiving of their presence than had Ellie’s softer and more feminine ones.

While the goodbye that morning was a quite affair, the goodbye the night before had been far more vocal. The company, hesitantly at first and then confidently, cheered on the expedition. The deciding factor in their change of heart being Fili’s explanation of their original plans, shared while Tauriel was not present. Dwalin and Ellie were left to rest while the others gathered some essentials. Dori repaired their clothes and made spares of anything important, mostly socks, and Nori went to the treasury returning with two sacks, each about the size of a cantaloupe. The first, full of unmarked gold coins, and being the heavier of the two, went into Dwalin’s pack. The second, being full of loose gems and plain jewelry, none of which was mithril, went into Ellie’s. Ellie hoped to sell some of their valuables at pawn shops and gold buyers for local currency.

Ari and Bran understood that something was happening during the night’s festivities but failed to grasp the situation fully until the morning when Ellie explained again that Nori would take care of them for a while she was gone. Bran toddled about and accepted a happy kiss before Bombur took the child while Ari sobbed and shrieked and clung to his mother like a limpet which eventually had to be pried away by Bofur and Bilbo. The children were ferried off to another room while the group gathered their things and Ellie pretended that she wasn’t silently crying.

Dori, Gloin, Oin, and Bifur accompanied Gandalf, Ellie, and Dwalin to alternate carrying Kili. The rift that Gandalf wanted to make use of lay deep within the mountain, half a day’s hike from the main hall.

They took lunch just ahead of the rift.

"So, how do we know that we're coming out somewhere safe? I mean this isn't a portal to the middle of a brick wall or the bottom of a lake or something is it?" Ellie asked.

Gandalf peered over at the woman and puffed gently on his pipe.

Ellie rolled her eye. "I know, I should have asked sooner. I was distracted. So is it the center lane of the interstate in rush hour traffic or what?"

"Your destination is the middle of a lovely green field," he replied flatly, sounding a smidge annoyed that Ellie was concerned that the wizard would be so careless.

"How thoughtful," she mused.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update is about twice the length of a normal update. I didn't find a good place to split it. Mostly because I was too lazy to try. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS  
> Please tread lightly if you have any kind of medical trauma. There will be mention of illness, helplessness, medical jargon, and non-consensual medical care (I'm not implying that it was abusive, just that it was unwanted and that there's some deep emotions associated with that). Also, if I should warn for something else just let me know and I'll update this warning. Thanks.
> 
> There's a chapter summary at the end if you need it.

The field was indeed green although Ellie groused to herself that it was far from “lovely.” In fact, it was a soccer field and they found themselves standing in the penalty box. It was pure luck, she thought, that the pitch wasn’t in use that evening. 

“We’re exposed,” Dwalin observed flatly. 

Ellie nodded and jerked her head to the side towards the fence line of the field where the gate was located. This particular pitch was located in a park and other areas of the park seemed to be more conducive to hiding, or at least be less easily seen. After obscuring Kili and their packs under some shrubbery Ellie set out to explore the area while Dwalin kept watch from several yards away, ostensibly just sitting and enjoying the bone-chilling evening.

The fruits of Ellie’s reconnaissance were that she had found unpopulated overpass that they could camp under and a leaf of the business section of the London Evening Standard. She wasn’t sure if the paper was from that day but it was current enough to give them an idea of when they were, and, of course, that they were in the UK. 

Ellie pointed to the corner of the newspaper after they settled into their new shelter, the stretcher long discarded in favor of hauling Kili along like some overly drunk friend between the two of them. “See this here? This is the date: March 28, 2015.”

Dwalin stared at Ellie, his eyebrows raised in a silent question.

“It’s spring time, though obviously still cold. It’s only about 4 months from when you found me.”

“Do you think they might still be looking for you?” Dwalin asked.

Ellie shook her head and then paused. “Well, not here they won’t be. We’re far from where I lived and nobody would recognize me with all of these scars. Besides, my wounds are so far healed that nobody would believe I acquired them so recently. I have plenty of plausible deniability.” The look of disappointment on her face was not lost on Dwalin, though he said nothing.

“We should look for fuel. We’ll need a fire to keep warm.”

“Sorry, Dwalin. No fires. That’d send the authorities after us and we could end up in some real trouble. We’ll just have to tough it out for tonight and find some better shelter tomorrow.”

Dwalin said nothing but his body language suggested frustration as he laid out his bedroll and then reconsidered before laying it over Kili. 

Ellie offered one of her blankets to Dwalin who shook his head. “You’re bearing.”

Ellie sighed and rolled her eye.

“You’re stubbornness will be the end of you one day,” Dwalin muttered.

Ellie scoffed. “As if you’re one to talk.” 

In an unspoken compromise Ellie sat next to Dwalin as they leaned back against the concrete of the overpass and they wrapped the bedroll around the both of them. It wasn’t particularly warm but neither of them went without.

\---

The morning brought a little warmth with it, though not being in the sunlight meant that it wasn’t much. They stretched and Ellie rubbed her ribs gingerly. The walk without her cane, not to mention carrying someone else, and then spending the night in the cold curled up in an unpleasant position meant that stiff was not nearly an adequate representation of how poorly she felt. While Ellie was unkinking her body Dwalin ran through Kili’s daily care routine.

She was still working through the muscle strengthening exercises Nwari had prescribed when Dwalin finished with Kili. He doled out some cram to them both and they ate their rations in silence. Not long after their meager breakfast Ellie set out with a few gold coins and her cane to come up with a game plan. Dwalin would have preferred to have gone himself but their short walk across town had shown him just how different Ellie’s world truly was and he knew that he was wholly unsuited to navigating it alone.

Dwalin was getting worried when Ellie did finally return. It was later in the day and the sun was already low in the sky. Judging by the length of the day and night they must be close to the equinox and he figured that it would be a while longer yet before the weather turned warmer.

“Dinner,” Ellie stated as she sat down next to Dwalin and opened the bag of take-away. Over dinner Ellie explained her plan to Dwalin. 

“I spent some quality time at public library. From there I learned what I need to convert the few gold coins that I took with me to the local currency. Which is how I managed to buy this food and the stuff in that other bag,” she pointed at the aforementioned bag with her fork. “I think I’ve got the basics figured out of how to get us some permanent lodging but it’s not going to be an immediate solution.”

“When do we get Kili to a healer?” Dwalin asked.

Ellie lowered the gyro she was eating and stared into the twilight that filtered in under the flyover. 

“I don’t actually know. I don’t really understand their healthcare system but since it’s universal I think it’s a safe bet that he’ll be treated regardless of his nationality, or lack thereof. A problem, though, is that we don’t have a satisfactory story for who is, who we are, how we know one another, how he was injured, or really anything about our situation.”

“Why would anyone need to know that information? Pay them and have done with it,” Dwalin grumbled.

Ellie chewed another strip of lamb from her gyro and swallowed. “It doesn’t work that way. The doctors, the police, immigration officials- if they become involved- they’ll all want to know all about us. We won’t be in much of a position to refuse either. We’ve got to do better than try to bribe them, otherwise we’ll just end up in a bit of a sticky situation.” 

Dwalin glared at his gyro and growled. “I still don’t see what any of that has got to do with getting him to a healer.”

“I know Dwalin, but things are different here. And it’s complicated. Just take my word for this okay.”

The soup that Ellie brought back for Kili was still lukewarm when they finished their meals, thanks to the miracles of styrofoam, and they set out to feed Kili. The last of the light faded rather quickly and the temperature dropped off rapidly in what appeared to be a cold front. When they had settled in for the night Ellie wrested her new smartphone from it’s plastic prison and turned it on. It had a minimal charge but it was enough that after activating it she could check the weather. All indications pointed to it being well below freezing that night and even colder in the morning. She muttered her findings to Dwalin.

“The lad won’t last long in these conditions.”

“Tomorrow we’ll take him to the hospital. We’ll have to figure this out as we go. Let’s make an early start before daylight so we can move him with fewer observers.”

Dwalin nodded. Ellie shut off her phone and they repositioned Kili in between them for maximum heat sharing. It was a miserable night.

\---

Dwalin quietly nudged Ellie to consciousness. 

“We’ve got about two hours until daylight.”

Ellie nodded, wondering how in the hell he knew that, and flexed her stiff fingers. Within 15 minutes they had gathered their things and made Kili ready for transport by wrapping him in their bedrolls and slinging him over Dwalin’s shoulder like a rolled up rug. All unique markers- braids and hairbeads- were removed. Ellie thought it best to make him as generic as possible.

Her plan was lacking but so was time so they made the best of it. They found a tube station, courtesy of a guide Ellie got at the library, and, after adjusting his blankets to make him appear more natural, surreptitiously left him sitting up against a wall by the entrance like you might expect from any other vagrant. The signs around the station made it clear that loitering was not to be tolerated so she suspected that an officer would ask him to move along not long from then. When Kili didn’t respond they would check, discover him unresponsive, call an ambulance, and he would be taken to the A&E. From there she suspected that the doctors would run tests when it became apparent that he was, in fact, not drunk or high. 

Dwalin was not exactly impressed with the plan but the idea of getting him warm, fed, and cared for by healers was enough for Ellie to convince him to at least try it. They waited not far from Kili, down the block aways outside a coffee shop, and watched. Gratefully, an ambulance arrived shortly before daybreak. They managed to glimpse the bedrolls that had protected Kili at the foot of the stretcher as it was loaded in the ambulance and then he was gone. 

Ever the pragmatist, Dwalin turned to Ellie, “Now what?”

“Now,” Ellie said, redirecting her attention to other problems, “we need to worry about ourselves. We have more than enough money to find reasonable accommodations and there’s no reason to continue to sleep on the streets.” 

The first order of business was to purchase some reasonable clothing. At the moment they appeared like some very out of place renfaire characters. Of course trying on clothes was predicated by being allowed to try them on, something that Ellie feared they would not be given their current aromas. So they found a shop and purchased some soap, shampoo, deodorant, toothbrushes, and toothpaste. Dwalin made his dislike of the fragrances available known to Ellie and she purchased them anyway while snickering to herself. 

The local railway station had hot showers available for a small fee. Ellie happily turned the water to near scalding. Warm baths had been available on occasion but a hot shower was truly a luxury that she had missed since she had last been home. 

A small pang of grief cut through the enjoyment of her bathing. Home. It almost seemed silly to think of her old life as “home.” She knew where home was. Home was in the mountain. Home was with her family. The only family, she reminded herself, that was left to her. 

With that thought she no longer wanted to linger in the shower and abruptly cut off the water having already washed up. She trimmed the scraggly ends of her hair, something none of the dwarves would have approved of, and dried it under the hand dryer. Teeth brushed, she donned her single change of clean clothes, gathered her things, and made her way out to find Dwalin.

Dwalin, as it turned out, was taking his time. Mostly because it was quite nice to warm up but also because he was still getting the hang of Earth hygiene products. Dwalin discovered too late that the travel sized bottle of shampoo was, in fact, not single use. He glared his disapproval at the bottle as he realized his mistake. In an effort to compensate he simply used the overabundance of shampoo suds to wash his body as well. As Ellie sat on a bench braiding her hair and waiting for Dwalin, Dwalin was learning that washing his face with his eyes open was a poor decision. Mentally he used every curse and swear he had ever heard (the majority of them being from Nori as everyone else seemed to simply reuse the same eight or ten their entire lives) and he thought more than a few uncharitable things about Ellie and her hygiene products. 

After dressing, Dwalin exercised more caution with the toothpaste, using only a small amount. Clean, dressed, and smelling of some detestable elven lotion that he had once had the misfortune of encountering he exited the bathroom. 

“Warning would have been nice,” Dwalin growled.

Ellie stopped her braiding and stared in confusion. “About what?”

“That soap.”

“Did something happen?”

Dwalin glowered.

“Ah, well I told you to only use a little.”

“The bottle was little.”

“What did you think I meant when I handed you a small bottle? ‘Use only a little.’ If I had intended you to use the entire bottle I would have said, ‘Here use all of this.’ ‘Use only a little’ implies that you would be using only a little of what’s given. Don’t blame me.”

Ellie noted with amusement the tension and how people were suddenly giving their bench a wider berth.

“So… what happened?”

Dwalin grunted and Ellie resigned herself to the fact that no reply was forthcoming despite her desire to know how poorly it had gone.

“Anyway, let’s make the best of the day. I charged my phone a bit while waiting for you. There’s a thrift shop not too far. We should be able to find some decent used clothes.”

Dwalin nodded his ascent. Their walk was much more pleasant though the day had yet to warm considerably since daybreak was only about hour prior. The warm showers and a bit inside and out of elements afforded their bodies a chance to thaw. Ellie noted to herself that “chilly” and “chilled” were quite different despite their linguistic similarity. 

Using some of the money Ellie had from the gold she had sold the day before they first bought a set of warm clothes for the each of them. Dwalin approved not at all of their fit, material, cut, or color. Ellie nodded and listened to his protestations, most of which occurred in a grumbled Khuzdul, while also ignoring him. She insisted that the clothing choices she made were less likely to draw attention to them and therefore appropriate. Dwalin continued grumbling.

The rest of the day was spent in pursuit of lodgings and the related needs. After some negotiation and pleading they secured a place at hostel. They had to share a bed, as they were posing as couple, which was somewhat awkward but considering that they had spent the last nights curled around one another it certainly wasn’t unmanageable. 

They made trips to the public library and made excellent use of reddit, learning all they needed to know about acquiring a false photo ID. Some other errands were run- a pre-paid credit card and some essentials from a Tesco. 

After that, they returned to their hostel and Ellie logged in to the wifi. It was evening and Kili was all over the news as the authorities asked for leads to find out his identity. Currently his condition was listed as serious but stable. After gathering all they could from the local news outlets they made and ate their cold cut sandwiches in silence. 

\---

The following days passed in much the same way. Ellie gave Dwalin some lessons on some of the more novel devices- lights and switches, microwaves, crosswalks and stoplights, cars and buses, the Tube, TV, radio, cell phones- the list went on and on. 

To their delight, mostly Ellie’s delight to be honest, they made the discovery that most all the museums were free to the public. After paying upwards of $20 for admittance to many American museums she wished that she had learned of this sooner in life but vowed to absolutely abuse the privilege before they left. 

They laid low and refrained from any contact with the hospital where Kili was located until their fake identification could arrive by post though neither was pleased about waiting. In the meantime they were relegated to living in the hostel without better identification. 

Dwalin was catching on to some of the basics of technology and the associated jargon though linguistic mishaps were both common and hilarious.

The first time Ellie asked Dwalin to “kill” the TV he asked what it had done and what the best way to do so would be. Ellie laughed until she cried.  
There were other enjoyable moments such as discovering what flushing the toilet could do the shower. Dwalin was, again, unamused. 

\--- 

After about 2 weeks in the hostel, and being extorted for more than the rent was advertised since they lacked IDs, their new identities arrived. They went apartment hunting and found a small flat, if you could call it that, in a lower end neighborhood. It was the equivalent of a studio apartment with everything but the bathroom in the one room. 

They procured furniture, cookware, and other necessities from thrift shops and boot sales. Their flat was spartan but their own- for the time being- and it was a relief to be able to speak freely about themselves and their situation. 

In the interim period in the hostel they had worked on a way to worm into Kili’s life but their ideas weren’t too great. Virtually everything could be checked out. Stories could be verified and their identities were flimsy as hell. They knew that if anyone put any effort whatsoever into checking into them they would be outed within hours, if not sooner. 

Also, in that time, though his photo remained on the news for little blips as the Met still made attempts to identify him, Kili’s story had faded from the news. Without the excitement of something beyond “We found some dude outside a tube station, who is he?” the story was rather uninteresting as news stories go. 

Eventually, the best idea Ellie could come up with was to say that she and her boyfriend took lunch in the park on the weekends and that they had struck up a friendship with him by sharing their lunch. It was shitty but acceptable. They hoped for the best and got ready to go to the hospital.

\--- 

Ellie had adopted the habit wearing of an eyepatch nearly immediately upon arrival. Turns out that lacking an eyelid around a solid white stone “eye” had a rather chilling effect on Londoners, something that hadn’t crossed her mind while living in a mountain full of warriors, miners, and smiths. The eyepatch was an improvement, but it still earned her stares, though the scars might have been to blame as well. At any rate, going on the tube with gaping commuters was not her favorite pastime but neither was walking across town in the rain so she managed.

The hospital wasn’t the labyrinth that most American hospitals were. Or well, it was, but it was self-contained within one large building rather than being spread out over a large campus connected by skywalks and tunnels. With a little help from an information desk they found the main nurses’ station.

“Hi, I’m here about the man that they found the other day. I think I know him,” Ellie started.

The nurse immediately led her and Dwalin through to a small conference room and left to call the police. Ellie nursed an orange juice that she got from the vending machine in the hallway and Dwalin poured himself a coffee. It was a habit he was picking up. Ellie didn’t understand why as the caffeine seemed to have no effect on his Dwarven physiology and since he drank it black she couldn’t imagine it was for the taste. Nonetheless he seemed to enjoy it and was well into his second cup when the inspector assigned to his case arrived. 

“Good morning, I’m Inspector Kensie. I’m assigned to your friend’s case. You say that you know him? Please explain.” The little man who, judging by his lack of physical fitness clearly did not do field work other than interviews seemed like he, too, could use a cup of coffee. 

“Right. Well my boyfriend here and I take lunch in the park, not far from the station where the news mentioned that you found him, every Saturday. It’s kind of a standing date we have. Anyway, we would always see him about and a couple of times he asked us for some money but we’re not exactly well off you see so we started just bringing him a share of lunch. He would eat with us and we would chat. It was just this thing that we started doing. 

“I saw it on the news when you first found him but with his hair cut and face shaved I didn’t recognize him immediately. But then when he wasn’t there at the park for the last couple of weeks we began to wonder. We didn’t put two and two together until we caught the news last night. I didn’t realize that you were still looking for his identity so we decided to come in to the hospital and see if maybe it was him.

“I mean, look, we don’t know him really well or anything, but if it’s him and he’s got nobody else well we’d hate to let him lay here all alone without a friend you see?” Ellie explained in her best imitation of Ori.

The inspector nodded noncommittally and scribbled some notes which didn’t appear to be much of anything to either Ellie or Dwalin. After another moment he asked for their IDs, stared at them, wrote nothing down, and stood.

“Let’s go see if it’s him, shall we?”

Ellie and Dwalin followed along behind the Inspector who made sure to stop at the nurses’ station for a cup of free coffee. 

“Well?” Inspector Kensie asked as they stared through the window to Kili’s room in the ICU. 

Ellie gave it her best to appear discerning and then nodded hesitantly. “That’s him alright.”

Kensie seemed to be relieved. “Brilliant. What can you tell me about him?”

“Well not too much. He goes by ‘Lil’, I suppose because he’s a bit altitudinally challenged, but I think he mentioned it being short for his Christian name, though I don’t recall that he ever told us what it was. He seemed well read enough. Mentioned something about playing the violin as a child. He never talked about who he was or where he came from and we never pried. I think sleeping rough kind of points to a bumpy childhood and it wasn’t really our business anyway. Mostly we just talked about current events, politics, that sort of thing. He was always lively and opinionated and it made for a nice lunch. I wish I could tell you more….” Ellie trailed off as she looked in the window.

Inspector Kensie had started to take notes when Ellie had started to talk but when it became apparent that she had no relevant information to offer he just snapped his notebook closed and replaced it in his jacket pocket. He finished his coffee with a look of resignation and let Ellie finish her well rehearsed lie.

“Well thank you for coming down today. The Met has no objection to you visiting the patient and if you think of anything else you can always contact me.” Ellie accepted the proffered business card. “Thank you for your time. Have a lovely day.”

The inspector was already turning to leave as he spoke. Ellie silently thanked the Valar for their mercies. 

“We went through all the effort to get these little cards and he didn’t even take our information?” Dwalin asked.

“If we hadn’t had them he probably would have taken us to the police station Dwalin. Try not to bitch about this. It turned out extremely well.”

“He’s a terrible investigator. He’s been at his post too long and has lost sight of his job. He doesn’t care about finding out the relevant information to help. I would remove him from his post if he worked for me.”

“I agree,” Ellie answered. 

They stared a moment longer at Kili’s motionless form. His head was shaved and a small bandage was taped on, his beard was similarly gone, IV lines came from both arms, and he was intubated. Dwalin wasn’t asking questions but his worry was etched on his face. 

“Are you here about the John Smith?” asked a nurse from behind them. “I saw you chatting with that horrible little man, Inspector Kensie,” she explained. 

“Ah yes. I’m Ellie and this is boyfriend Devlin. We only casually know him, not enough to be truly helpful I guess.”

The nurse nodded. “Well unless you showed up with his NI number and address that Inspector Kensie isn’t going to put in much effort to figure it out. He’s a bit of dosser. Poor fellow has been here alone. You’d think he could do more, try to find his family, but he’s always so disinterested. I’m surprised he even showed up for you to be honest.”

Dwalin huffed out what the nurse supposed was his agreement. 

“Anyway, I’m Laura. I’m one of the ANP nurses here in the surgical ICU. I’ve been caring for him since he came in. We’ve just been dying to know what his name is.”

“Oh, well we just knew him as Lil.”

The nurse hummed to herself. “Better than nothing I suppose. Do you plan to visit often then?”

Dwalin nodded and the nurse began to talk before Ellie could chip in.

“Oh that’s lovely. He’ll be so glad to see a familiar face. Poor dear gets so agitated when he wakes up. Tries to pull his tubes, even got a good lick in on one of the doctors. I hate when we have to restrain a patient. It always seems to make it so much worse but it’s for their own good you know. They have to heal before they can be getting up and about. Especially after brain surgery.”

The nurse seemed ready to rattle on for the next few millennia so Ellie took it upon herself to jump in. “What happened to him?”

“Oh well, they found outside a tube station you know. He’s had a head trauma. There was fluid on the brain. Once they let that off it did him a world of good. He’s had a few setbacks mind you so he has to be on the tube to help him breathe sometimes, things like this always have those kinds of setbacks, but overall he seems to be on the upswing. He might even be able to be discharged to a physiotherapy clinic in month or so. Really such a quick turn around. Don’t see that very often with brain trauma you know.”

“I want to see him.” Dwalin declared. The nurse realized that Dwalin wasn’t really asking and quickly moved to the door.

“I’ll stay with you. If he wakes and his vitals are good we want to pull his tube so he can try to breathe on his own and he’s always calmer with it out, of course that’s a relative term with him. I bet he’d like to talk with you though.”

Ellie tuned out the nurse in favor of taking in Kili’s prone form. He was still pale and gaunt but she thought he looked a little better filled out than when they had unceremoniously dumped him a couple of weeks ago. As chattered on, Ellie saw Kili’s hands clench. Apparently the nurse wasn’t oblivious and noticed as well and began checking him over, all without ever stopping her talking. 

“You know it’s the strangest thing. He won’t tell us anything about himself when he wakes and whatever he does say never is the same twice. It’s not like it’s part of the brain injury. He’s choosing to change his story but I just can’t figure out why.”

As his eyes fluttered open he began to jerk violently against his restraints. His eyes fluttered around the room, unfocused. His pupils were wide with the rush of fear and his heartbeat was escalating rapidly. A small alarm over his head began to chirp wildly. 

“Oh come now, Lil. Don’t bite it. I’ll pull it out if you’ll let go, dear.” The nurse began removing the bits associated with the tube while the alarm kept up it’s warning. “I can’t take it out if you don’t let go.”

Ellie realized that Kili was intentionally choking himself by biting off the trach tube. Whether to kill himself or to incentivize the nurse Ellie couldn’t tell but the moment the nurse wasn’t around she intended to find out. 

The alarm changed to a more urgent sound. “If you don’t let go I’ll be forced to put you back under. We can’t let you choke yourself like this. Come now dear, your friends are here to see you. You don’t want to miss their visit do you?”

She sighed lightly as she waited on Kili to change his mind. “He hasn’t done this before but he’s a determined one, always figuring out new ways to make mischief. I hate that we’ll have to splint his mouth now.”

Kili’s eyes frantically scanned the room and then widened when they finally fixed on Ellie and Dwalin. After a moment of indecision he let go of the tube and the nurse removed it and strapped an oxygen mask to his face. Dwalin signed quickly to Kili behind the nurse’s back.

_“Do not speak. We will explain.”_

Laura shut off the alarm and patted Kili on the arm. “There now love. I’m going to go make a few notes in your chart dear, you just take a minute to talk with your friends here. They can page me if anything goes amiss.”

She showed them the call button and scurried away. When the door clicked shut the world seemed to narrow to the three occupants of the room. They stood there staring at one another sharing in their collective relief until Ellie noticed the tears begin to slide down Kili’s face.

“Please,” he rasped, his voice raw and cracking from various stints with the trach tube and his fights with the medical personnel, “please, get me out of here.” His muscles went taut again and he jerked violently against the restraints. 

Ellie moved to sit on the edge of bed and rub Kili’s leg. Dwalin took Kili’s hand in his own. It was the tenderest thing Ellie had ever seen the old guard do.

“You were injured and you’ve been fighting the healers, lad. It was for your own good.”

The tears on Kili’s face kept coming. “Why… where were you? Where is Fili? Thorin? What happened?”

“Rest. We’re here with you now, Kili. Just rest. We’ll get you home soon,” Ellie soothed.

Kili didn’t try again to speak. He simply went limp against the bed. Ellie glanced back at the door and then laid down alongside Kili gently putting her head on his shoulder and trying to avoid the mess of wires and tubes. 

“I know this is hard,” Ellie whispered.

Kili nodded against her and leaned his head close so that they could touch foreheads. She gently wiped away his tears but the gesture only seemed to increase the amount and his quiet cry soon grew into wracking sobs. It wasn’t long before an little chirping alarm went off. Ellie looked up to see a yellow 93 on the monitor.

“Press the call button Dwalin.”

Ellie sat up and found a position more appropriate for a casual acquaintance to be in. As they waited for the nurse, which took only another few seconds, the alarm began chirping more rapidly and the number, which was now 85, had turned an angry red. 

As Laura came rushing in followed by several other nurses, the number kept dropping. His sobs turned to chokes, even though he was breathing oxygen from the mask, and he began to go blue around his lips. 

“I’m going to need you to step out,” a nurse said as she herded Dwalin and Ellie out the door.

“NO!” Kili shouted as the door clicked shut. He quickly regretted the outburst as he began to choke. 

Ellie and Dwalin stood in the hallway listening. Laura and one of the other nurses were trying to comfort Kili, or at least calm him, judging by the tone of their voices. The shaking of the bed as he bucked against the restraints let them know that he wasn’t taking it to heart. 

After a minute or so the alarms all stopped their screeching and a couple of the nurses departed. Before the door shut Laura called out, “You can come back in love.”

They wasted no time in getting back to Kili. Ellie immediately made contact with with his ankle, her skin to his, to make sure that he could feel her there. His eyes moved around, and did finally catch sight of her, but they were glassy and his features were slack.

“What happened?” Ellie asked.

“I gave him an anti-anxiety med and a light tranquilizer.”

“No.” Ellie said it was such force that it was not simply pointing out that the other woman had answered the wrong question but that she knew that it, whatever “it” was going to be, was wrong. “He was fine is what the news said. He didn’t have breathing problems. All they kept saying was ‘head injury,’ why are his lungs a problem suddenly?”

Laura, for all she didn’t shut up, took a moment to stare a Ellie before answering. “He has pneumonia and he’s having a bit of trouble keeping his blood oxygen levels up where they should be. Now yes, the trach tube can be factor in coming down with it but not usually in the youth. The problem is that he’s malnourished, especially when it comes to protein. He’s developed a form of anemia to go with his brain injury. That weakness left him susceptible to infection and so, here we are.”

“I see,” Ellie mumbled as she looked Kili. There were no tears now, though she didn’t expect any. Between the medications and the presence of someone whom he considered a captor she knew that he would keep it under wraps.

The sound of scraping chair pulled Ellie’s gaze. Apparently they were about to have a talk with Laura and she situated herself where Dwalin and Ellie could see her without having to turn away from the bed. 

“Now you seem surprised that he has pneumonia. I’m sure you’ll correct me if I’m wrong but it’s almost as though you knew his condition before he was brought in.”

She paused, waiting for her answer. The wait was all the more pronounced since Laura had yet to pause at any other time. When the words finally sunk into Ellie’s head she looked up to answer but instead saw the look on Dwalin’s face. While she doubted anyone else on Earth (or anywhere else) would notice she could see what she surmised to be fear, something she wasn’t familiar with in terms of Dwalin.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Pneumonia,” he grit out.

“What about it?”

After a couple of weeks in London Dwalin had learned that people spoke various languages in various settings and it, in general, seemed not to turn any heads. So he didn’t think twice about switching to Khuzdul.

_“Dwarves only contract pneumonia at the end of their lives. I know that men are of a weaker constitution and become ill more easily. I’ve heard that as the sickness passes some men may recover but I have never heard of such a thing among our kind.”_

_“Dwalin, he is awake. He can talk. He can move. The nurse already said he’ll be well enough to move to a rehab facility in a few weeks. A few weeks, Dwalin. Look how far he’s come in two weeks. How far can he go in two more? Four more? Don’t despair. We can ask the nurse whatever questions you have.”_

Dwalin said nothing in response. He wanted to believe that Ellie was right. In so short a time the healers of her world had accomplished something that Dwarven healers never could have. After a pause he nodded. 

_“If you believe…”_

_“I do.”_

Laura nodded knowingly and interlaced her fingers on her crossed knee. “I believe that I understand. Illegal immigration is a common enough occurrence these days. But, for his sake,” and she held up a hand as she said it, “don’t tell anyone, not even me, if you are. 

“So, now that we have that little bit cleared up I guess I don’t need to ask about how you were all snuggled up with the patient there since that seems a bit intimate for ‘ just acquaintances.’” The smug nurse emphasized the last bit with air quotes, as though they would otherwise not understand the insinuation, and then pointed to the camera in the corner of the room. 

“I can assure you that we are not, nor we will ever be, lovers,” Ellie declared flatly.

“Fine then. At any rate, do you plan to come back for visits? I know things ended rather abruptly today but it was actually great progress. While he was up and had the tube out, and we were out of sight of course, his heartrate was the most stable it’s been since he first woke, usually it’s through the roof and erratic. I’d venture to say that your presence would be a help, not a hinderance to his recovery. Something about this place seems to provoke great anxiety in him. 

“Now I don’t know, or want to know, anything about where you’re from, but you be up for answering a few questions about his medical history. It might help us tailor his treatment.”

Dwalin nodded once and Laura’s face sprang back to it’s previous state of immutable happiness.

“Brilliant! Let me go grab my tablet.”

She hopped up and was gone from the room. 

“That woman is annoyingly perceptive. Perhaps she should take the inspector’s position.”

Ellie chuckled. “Yeah, but I bet he would be just as shitty a nurse. Now that would be dangerous.”

“True.”

A light jingle from the wrist restraint drew their attention. _“What happened to me? Where is my brother? Is he injured as well?”_

Ellie rubbed Kili’s ankle where her hand lay, but Dwalin, ever the brutally honest answered first.

_“We retook the mountain, lad. Erebor is being resettled. You were injured in the battle and your injuries would not heal. We brought you to Ellie’s people to help you,”_ he explained.

The door clicked open in the middle of Kili’s question but he continued to sign undeterred. 

_“We retook the mountain?! Smaug is dead?! How? Who fell him?”_

_“Lad, what do you last remember?”_ Dwalin pressed.

_“Beorn’s house. How long has passed since then?”_

Ellie’s lips tightened and Dwalin nodded in acceptance of the situation. _“A year and a half.”_

The monitor above Kili’s head blipped as his heartrate caught up with his shock before settling back out. The medications made it easier for him to take all of this in stride. 

Laura, for her part, was watching in the interactions with great interest. She had no idea that her patient knew a form of sign language and was pleased to see that he could still communicate while intubated.

The room paused as Kili assimilated the latest information. So much could, and did, happen in a year and a half. While Kili sifted through some of the disjointed images in his head Ellie asked a question.

“What about his memory? He seems to have forgotten some of the more recent events before his injury. Will he get that back over time?”

Laura nodded. “Most likely he’ll get some of it back. It might still be a bit fuzzy and parts may never return but usually with seeing familiar places and faces, doing familiar things, even being told the stories of events he can’t quite recall can all jog his memory so to speak. By experiencing those things over again it’s like it helps the brain reconnect those places and bring them to the surface of consciousness where he can access those memories at will.

“Now as for medical history can you tell me birth date?”

Dwalin and Ellie looked at one another. _“Oh yes, he’s 78 but looks like a child of 18. That will be well received.”_ Ellie snarked. Dwalin said nothing nor did he react to her comment.

“I don’t know it,” Ellie lied. “Your guess is as good as mine. He’s a young adult.”

“Mmm hmm,” Laura mumbled as she made notes, clearly disbelieving of the reply. “And childhood illnesses, injuries?”

“Nothing more than what a child would normally acquire,” Ellie supplied.

At that Laura looked up and set down her stylus. “Really? Do you expect that I’ll just jot that down then? ‘No previous injuries.’ Are you daft? That young man is covered in scars, some years old, some only a few months. A few of those injuries appear severe. You really can’t tell me anything else?”

“He broke his left arm as a child falling out of a tree, his left ankle a couple of years later when he fell from a horse. The scars on his right arm, chest, and left shoulder came from a drunk _uburm shirumund_ wielding a knife. There were no illnesses,” Dwalin answered.

Laura nodded as she wrote on her tablet. “And the more recent scars then?”

“You’d have to ask him,” Dwalin responded. “I did not see how they were inflicted and he couldn’t exactly speak until recently.”

“Of course, of course. Now the head wound. Could you elaborate upon that?”

Ellie cut in, “He took a baseball bat to the head.” Trying to explain that he was hit with a mace probably wouldn’t go over.

“And how long before he was recovered at the tube station did this injury occur?”

“Approximately two months,” Ellie answered with a fair amount of resignation.

Again the stylus and the tablet were lowered. Laura’s face was in shock. “Two months?! You can’t be serious? Why on earth would you wait so long to have such a serious injury…” She trailed off, evidently having come to the understanding that of course they waited so long because they immigrated, such as it was, especially for the purpose of having him treated.

“Right then. Two months.”

There were more questions- allergies, family medical history, prefered name, hobbies, etc. The questions seemed a little pointless to Ellie and Dwalin but they answered just the same. Around the time that they finished a truly ridiculous number of questions the doctor on rotation came by for her rounds.

Many of the same questions were asked and answered. Once again their immigration status was deftly put aside since it was deemed that it would do the patient no good whatsoever to have his only family rounded up and sent away by authorities. Also, the doctor seemed a bit concerned that such a severely injured person was, ostensibly (since they had neither confirmed nor denied their nationality, or lack thereof), toted such a great distance due to lack of modern medical care. She said that they would be careful of authorities until he was good and thoroughly well enough to return home.

“You do your profession a great honor with your service,” Dwalin stated. 

“We truly appreciate that you’re putting his health above politics,” Ellie added.

The doctor looked more annoyed that anything. “I do put my patients’ well being above all else but that does not mean that I condone medical tourism or illegal immigration. I understand that you might be doing what you think is best but people like you put a strain on a system that others pay for. So don’t try to buddy up to me.”

Ellie simply nodded without reproach. “I understand your position. I believe he has some questions.” Ellie added motioning to Dwalin.

“Pneumonia- I have never met someone who has recovered from it.”

The doctor raised an eyebrow. “You really don’t have any kind of medical care where you come from do you?”

Dwalin looked put off. “Aye, we do, and they are quite capable but pneumonia has always been fatal.”

“Well with some heavy antibiotics he’s coming along nicely, even in the last couple of days. His oxygen levels are up, he’s progressively more alert- as well as more combative, though I assume you can help with that- and I expect he’ll be entirely weaned from the trach tube in another couple of days. I’m confident in his recovery.”

Dwalin nodded and accepted her pronouncement with silence.

“Now his shunt will need to remain in place until the amount of cerebrospinal fluid that’s draining decreases. Again, he’s coming along much faster than expected so I would estimate another month or two before we can remove it, but he’ll be discharged to a rehab facility before that. Until then it would be beneficial if you could keep him from fighting so hard.”

“We’ll do whatever we can,” Ellie promised.

“I don’t doubt that given the lengths you’ve gone to for him already.” The doctor finished her notes, closed the flap on her tablet and looked up. “Well this has been enlightening. We’ll see how he is tomorrow.”

She turned and walked out without another word.

“She’s a ray of sunshine, that one,” Laura quipped after a moment of silence.

Dwalin grunted his agreement and Ellie huffed a laugh that was less amusement and more frustration.

They chatted a bit more before Laura left. A little while later a nurse rolled in a chair that folded into a horrendously uncomfortable bed so that one of them could stay with Kili overnight as it was decided that he would be better off never being without at least one of them. In the meantime Kili slept on and off throughout the day and signed with them in between when he was lucid enough.

Dwalin wasn’t sure enough about the staff and the array of machines to feel useful being the one staying in the room. That left Ellie the hiding away chair/bed that, in terms of comfort, reminded Ellie of the flyover she slept under their first night. Dwalin slept on something similarly accommodating in the waiting room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _uburm shirumund_ : drunk beardless man  
> (I apologize for the butchering of Khuzdul.)
> 
> Lil: short for Killian. I think we all get why this would be his "Earth name." I'm trying here, okay?
> 
>  
> 
> SUMMARY for those who elected not to read the chapter:  
> Ellie and Dwalin take Kili into her world. For lack of a better solution they leave him outside a tube station knowing that a vagrant would be asked to move along. Once he was discovered to be unresponsive he was sent to a hospital. Ellie and Dwalin spent two weeks living in a hostel waiting for their fake IDs to arrive by post (BTW reddit is a surprising resource for shit like fake IDs and how to get money for gold w/o documentation). 
> 
> Anyway, once they have some reasonable background they went to the hospital, posed as mere acquaintances, and got lucky on not being checked out by the lousy inspector assigned to Kili's case. Kili was recovering well enough and regained consciousness but is under the impression that the medical staff are captors and he is being tortured. Feels ensue. 
> 
> Their status as undocumented immigrants is outed (or rather assumed) but the medical staff is willing to overlook it for the obvious needs of the patient. They camp out at the hospital to keep him company (and calm) for the time being.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a revival of the angst that this story is really known for. It's short but dense.
> 
> Warnings for all the things: mentions of rape, torture, medical stuff, graphic violence, and anything else that makes grown dwarrow cry like little dwarflings.
> 
> Also, sorry I haven't posted sooner. I think my kids finally dragged my laptop to its death (ie the kitchen floor). I've also been busy organizing for a racial justice workshop in my city. I didn't expect it to be so well attended but in light of the recent shootings it's getting a lot of interest. So it's taking more of my time to prepare than normal. But at least this time I've got a good reason to be late right? Not like any of that childbirthing nonsense I did last year that took up so much time.

The following days seemed to fly by, especially after two weeks of doing nothing but waiting. Kili stopped fighting with the nurses and doctors as long as Ellie or Dwalin were there to talk him through it and reassure him. He was calmer while he was awake and, much to the ongoing surprise and disbelief of the staff, improved at a seemingly unbelievable rate. 

Once Kili promised to stop fighting and pulling the lines out the restraints were removed. Two days after joining Kili he was off the vent for good. Three days and they let Kili try eating and drinking and two days after that they pulled his ng tube altogether. With the return of drinking and eating he bitched and moaned until Laura agreed to take out his catheter. After another week he was allowed to take short walks around his room and sit in chairs for a while. He still slept a lot and his dreams were not always pleasant but someone was always there to reassure him when awoke.

So, for all the joy and relief that Dwalin and Ellie felt at his rapid recovery, Kili simply went through the motions most days. They could understand. They had felt it. They had managed to dodge the hard questions until he was cleared from the vent because of his initial reaction when they arrived and how the sobs had impacted his already weak breathing, but when his speech was no longer hindered he made it clear that he needed to know. 

They had tried to start from where he had his last clear memories. That endeavor was met with an instant and resounding “no.” Kili could tell that they were hiding something from him and he knew it could be nothing good. Ellie had known that the time was coming where this conversation would be had and she informed the nurses ahead of time that he had some difficult news coming. So when he screamed as though his soul had been rent from his body before, rather than after, death the nurses checked the video feed in the room, saw that he was in the arms of his kin, and returned to their work with heavier hearts. 

Of course Kili wasn’t one to cry in the long term. He had prepared and been prepared all his life for a place in public eye, for a place as nobility, as a leader. Leaders put themselves aside to meet the challenge at hand. Thorin would never have allowed him to withdraw, mired in depression, never mind that Dwalin was right there to drag him along if he had thought of it anyway. 

He was heartened to hear of Fili’s recovery and of Bilbo and Bofur’s union. The prospect of a little crossbred cousin delighted him endlessly and he picked at Ellie for her accidental union with Thorin. But, more than anything, he was intrigued to know that he was married and asked hours of questions about his wife. Dwalin delighted in making every joke, jest, and jibe under the sun at Kili and “his elf,” especially since all the old barbs were new again. Kili relished the distraction, and, being young, was rather enamored of the whole concept. The more they told stories of her, the more he seemed to remember- her hair, her knives, her eyes, the shape of her bow, he even awoke one morning and, when Dwalin had gone for breakfast, told Ellie that thought he had heard the sound of Tauriel’s laughter in his dreams. 

The story of how Bilbo learned what same sex dwarrow pairs got up in their private time left Kili gasping for air and set off every alarm in the room. A fleet of nurses rushed in because on the video feed all they could see was him hunched over holding his stomach. Kili haltingly choked out the story for their benefit and everyone got a good chuckle.

But even the good moments could not outweigh the loss of the only father he had ever known. And finally, when Kili was ready for a telling, they spared him no detail of battle because the telling was just as much for them as Kili. Ellie had never been afforded the time and Dwalin had never given himself the time. They sat together and held one another when it was required.

For the most part it was done in Khuzdul. The matter was private and the subject was questionable to outside ears. Even so, there were parts that Ellie just couldn’t express in her new tongue and it spilled out in English, but mostly the words existed only in their world, as though the room was somehow transformed by their words and they were home. 

Ellie talked about watching Nori go down and not knowing what she would find when she got to him. She talked about the mohawked dwarf and his dwarrow and how, after earning their camaraderie, she got to watch them all die one by one. She talked about the elf, Maeron she later learned, who clutched at her ankle begging for mercy while his guts lay spilled across the ground. She sobbed as she told them how she rammed her sword through his throat and into the base of his skull without a second thought. She was nearly sick as she told them how the light in his eyes went out, how it was different than when men or dwarves die, how she had not truly understood how different they were in that respect. She went numb, finally, when she told them about Thorin and about Fili. The shock of having watched it with no chance to help was the hardest. It was watching Isaac die again. It was listening to Ari scream but not being able to get to him. It was every helpless moment since. It felt like her life was consumed, even defined, by those moments of helplessness that never seemed to end. 

She talked about how that helplessness continued from the battlefield into the sickroom. How Oin and Nwari and Jnor had cut and sawed and put her back together again and again. How in those days she needed nothing more than to be held and how that was one thing no one could offer her. She cried again for her unborn child who would never know their father and for her children that she had left behind with the hopes of saving her nephew. And when all her tears were spent she fell silent.

They sat in that silence for a time before Kili and Dwalin offered their support, _“Dayamu Khuzan ai-menu.”_

When Ellie was well and thoroughly done it was into early afternoon. The doctor would be by soon for rounds and then a bit of light OT for Kili as his bow hand was still quite a bit off. They paused until the next day.

When they began again it was Dwalin. He started by talking about losing Thorin. He talked about when Thorin tried to rape Ellie and how empty and lost he felt. Kili lost his lunch at the thought. Dwalin understood he said, he felt the same. Dwalin talked about how that feeling followed him into battle. He talked about how, for the first time, he wasn’t sure who he was fighting for. Sure, Dwalin was fighting for Erebor, for his fellow dwarrow, for everyone on the field that day, but he wasn’t sure if he was fighting for his king or not. He admitted that he was scared of losing his best friend. Then, finally, Dwalin broke down crying. 

The nurses had asked what was happening during their obviously emotional talks. Ellie explained that a tragedy had happened and they were recounting the dead. Not entirely accurate but it explained enough to placate the staff. It also meant that, even though they had planned to come in and check Kili’s IV bags at one point, they checked the video feed first and, seeing them deep in their grief, thought better of it. 

When Dwalin was able he talked about carrying Thorin and the boys from the battlefield. How their bodies were broken. How Oin’s face dropped when he saw Thorin and Fili. How Thorin screamed as they held him down and burned him with his own sword. How they all failed in the end and his suffering was for naught. How was forced to hold down other dwarrow, hold down Bard, hold down Ellie- all with the intention of helping and healing and how they screamed and begged for mercy when there was none to give. 

Ellie was surprised at his reaction. The killing, the death, the general suffering and chaos of war wasn’t what got Dwalin- those things had been the constant companions of his long life. For him it was the simple loss of his loved ones and his hand in the suffering, the near torture, of his kin and loved ones. In the end, though, Ellie realized that it was simply helplessness that she, too, felt.

 _“Dayamu Khuzan ai-menu,”_ echoed Kili and Ellie and they held their hands on his shoulders as if to hold what of his pain they could. 

The next morning it was Kili’s turn. Kili’s telling was different. He spoke of waking alone, in pain, surrounded by people who he did not know and who did not know him. He spoke of his fear and how he had tried for all he was worth to fight them. He talked about his shame when he couldn’t even get out of the door of the room before he was caught, before they pinned him to a bed, before they stuck him with needles and drugged him into compliance, before they shoved that Mahal forsaken tube back down his throat, before the catheter went back in. He recalled his burning humiliation when he discovered that his hair and beard had been shaved, shorn like the worst criminal. His shame and fear at having been naked and touched, invaded in a way, with the catheter. How he wanted for no more than a bath to rid himself of the feel of their hands upon his skin. That in those moments, he said that he knew that he was being tortured, that they intended to break him, and that they would do it by taking his dignity and honor bit by bit. 

Kili paused. It made him sick to his stomach. Knowing now what was happening didn’t erase what he felt then. It didn’t change the past, though it felt like it ought to. He thought, that maybe, he understood Ellie a bit better now, what with Ari’s birth. Her healers might work wonders but they were terrifying in their methods. Though he recalled Ellie’s description of her surgery at the hands of Oin and the others and thought maybe medicine was just terrifying in general.

As he gathered his composure he went on in a slightly different direction. He had remembered his training for interrogation he said. He hadn’t given them anything. For that, despite it all, he was proud. Dwalin put his hand carefully on the back of Kili’s neck, well below the shunt, and brought their foreheads gently together.

“Aye, lad. I’m proud too.”

Direct praise, without bringing up areas for improvement, was something Dwalin only offered once every few decades. After everything that one thing was too much to contain and Kili finally lost his composure. Somehow amidst the tubes and wires he ended up carefully positioned under Dwalin’s arm, side by side on the bed, just like he used to be as a small child when something bad happened. 

After a time Kili’s breathing eased, the tears stopped, and he straightened. Dwalin moved away. Kili nodded and that signaled the end of his telling.

_“Dayamu Khuzan ai-menu.”_

\---

Finally, they were done. It had taken three days. Three long, painful, tear soaked days for them to tell the horrors of their experiences. They were spent, but it was good kind of spent. It was the complete body exhaustion of a good round of sparring. It was setting down your pack and lying down to camp at the end of a day long hike. It didn’t mean the battle or the journey was over. It meant that you got a break. They would cherish it because, as they all knew, the telling helped heal, but it was no more than a bandage. The wound would still be there. There would be other tellings as the days went on, new bandages to be applied. The ones to come would be more informal. A quiet conversation over one particular moment. A held hand while someone cried. A gentle voice to wake someone from another nightmare. 

They celebrated the end of their telling by ordering in pizza. Dwalin had grown particularly fond of the meat lovers pie from the local chain of Pizza Express. Ellie didn’t know if it was because of the pizza itself or because you could have it delivered to you still hot, maybe a bit of both. In any case, three large pizzas and some breadsticks happily found their way into the stomachs of two dwarrow and a woman who had had brighter days. Ellie used her phone, an internet streaming subscription, the hospital’s wifi, and a wireless casting device to play movies on the TV in Kili’s room. After they demolished the pizzas she popped some popcorn in the microwave at the nurses’ station and they settled in to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. 

It was surprisingly well received and Dwalin laughed so loud that a timid little nurse came in to ask him to tone it down as he was waking the other patients. He apologized and managed, barely, to keep a lid on his amusement.

Next was Princess Bride and after that Clue. It was late and they were all tired by then. For that night, at least, they slept well.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who suddenly got their shit together? (It's not me. I was just asking. I need role models in my life.)
> 
> Anyway I have some momentary motivation. As it turns out there are people who follow this story? And they comment with nice things sometimes? I'm not sure why but here's your reward. You people who read obviously incomplete stories to the end and then leave delightful comments give me enough push to do stuff like work on this. 
> 
> (Hint: if you keep plying me with sweetness and comments I might keep writing this just for you.)
> 
> See end notes for translations and more worthless commentary.

Before a full month on Earth was up Kili was transferred from the SICU to neurological trauma stepdown unit. The monitors and wires were mostly gone. The IV was out. Kili was free to go outside with a wireless monitor so long as he allowed someone to push him in a wheelchair. The sights and sounds of the outside world were confusing and occasionally frightening but overall he enjoyed the experience. The weather had grown warmer and flowers were beginning to bloom. He felt like he was coming back to life along with the world. 

Ellie introduced them to the wonders of the internet and bought them each a cheap laptop to bide their time. They could read whatever struck their fancy and listen to or watch whatever drew their attention. At first Dwalin was solely interested in conducting searches for “blacksmithing,” “warhammer” (which was a huge disappointment as he failed to find much of anything that was unrelated to the videogame), “armed combat,” and “how to heal brain injuries.” Over time, though, he diversified into listening to the harpejji, the harp, the cello, and finally Tchaikovsky, Stravinsky, Rimsky-Korsakov, and Shostakovich. It was the Russian composers that he liked best. The strife, the revolutionary spirit, the anger in Russian arrangements were things that he could feel in his soul. 

Kili on the other hand spent his time looking at pictures of faraway places. He loved the Himalayas, the Swiss Alps, the Andes. Deserts left him in awe. The Sahara, the Atacama, the Gobi, the Mojave, the Empty Quarter- to Kili it was pure mystery. But nothing for Kili matched the photos taken from under the ocean. Even Dwalin was enraptured. The brilliance, the color, the diversity- it was a whole world that they hadn’t even been able to imagine. It was both exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

While the dwarrow were enthralled with a world that they would likely never see Ellie had a different pursuit. Questions about the book and the movies where Ellie had gained her knowledge had been thrown around since their arrival. Ellie had been unsure of the wisdom of letting them see the movies or read the books, especially of them seeing or reading Lord of the Rings. But, Ellie conceded, the events of the Hobbit had already passed and she couldn’t see the harm. To reassure herself she made them promise to wait until she had reread the book and rewatched the movies herself. They agreed. So, while Dwalin and Kili listened to dubstep and looked at pictures of coral reefs, Ellie read. And when she had moments alone she watched the movies with headphones. 

Watching the third movie had been the hardest. Seeing them die all over again had left her reeling and Dwalin found her throwing up in bathroom in Kili’s room. She was too close to it all over again and yet she was also still not close enough for it to matter, to be able to change it. 

But aside from the hurt of watching it there was also surprise. There were no differences in the book or the movies from what she remembered seeing. She was never mentioned. Thorin, Fili, and Kili all still died. Bilbo was still obviously on Team Bagginshield. It made no sense. She had changed it all by being there. How could it not change? She came up against that question again and again, but no amount of reading on time travel or temporal disturbances or the shenanigans of Captain Janeway or Dr. Who could help her reconcile these events. In the end, she gave up and did something else with her time.

She googled herself. She saw the police report for when Isaac was found. She saw the missing persons bulletins for herself and Ari. She saw the coverage of her parents and sister. She even watched a heartfelt plea from her parish’s priest begging for clues from the community. Finally, she found a headline that declared her missing, presumed dead. Apparently she had lost enough blood at the crime scene for the police to assume the worst. After that she closed all the tabs. 

“What are you looking at lass?” Dwalin asked.

Ellie shook her head, “Nothing worth my time. What’s up?”

Dwalin raised an eyebrow. “Oh aye, that half-arsed question will keep me from noticing your state, but fine, keep it to yourself then.” 

Ellie glared. “I was looking up what happened with my family, with looking for me and whatnot, after I left. Nothing was surprising. Standard murder and missing persons reports. I don’t even know why I bothered. I already knew what it would say.”

“Aye, just like you knew what that man in the video would say.”

“Goddamnit Dwalin. Were you spying on me?” Ellie groused.

Looking not in the least bit sorry Dwalin lumbered his way in and sat next to her, “Aye, did you find what you needed?”

Ellie looked down. “I don’t know. Maybe? No? Yes? I mean I didn’t have anything in mind when I started. I just… did it. But now it solidifies some things. They’re really dead. I have nothing to come back to. I guess that lets me live my life back in Erebor without worrying that somehow I left something behind. But now I know they’re dead. I’m not sure if that’s better or worse. I’m not sure about any of it other than that it was probably a poor decision on my part to look in the first place.”

Dwalin sat beside her. “It’s likely what any one of us would’ve done.”

“Yeah.” Ellie was, again, ready to have done with this conversation. Apparently Dwalin gathered what he wanted already and simply nodded at her reply. 

Rather than sit there in a haze she and Dwalin decided to head out to see some sights. They were in their flat this particular morning. Kili’s fear of the hospital had diminished significantly and he was doing alright for long stints without their constant hovering as he described it. One of them still stayed at night as his nightmares weren’t so easily quelled by becoming accustomed to his surroundings. He might not remember what happened in battle, at least not consciously, but he sure managed to dream about it. At least during the day he was fine and mostly occupied by trips to the therapy wing and the book delivery system that the local library ran. 

On this day they finally decided to give the London Eye a try before joining in on the St. George’s Day celebrations. Heights weren’t exactly Ellie’s thing but this was a once in a lifetime chance and Dwalin was not passing it up. Ellie’s need for the cane was now limited to exhaustion, something she would certainly encounter by the end of their walking tour of the city, and she kept a collapsable one in her shoulder bag along with water and and lots of snacks. 

It was warm and not raining. It wasn’t even overcast. Dwalin seemed to have shaken off some of the hard years of his life for this chance to go out exploring. It was carefree as it deserved to be. The wheel provided an excellent view and, even though Ellie got a bit queezy with the heights, she was very glad Dwalin had convinced her to go. 

As they waited to unload from the gondola Ellie and Dwalin looked over the events flyer for the celebration. There was a medieval fighting demonstration listed and Ellie didn’t even try to bring anything else up. They trudged across the bridge to Trafalgar Square. It was a lively celebration though, from Ellie’s experiences in the US, not a very big one. For that she was pleased. It would be easier to take in the sights and exhibitions and it meant less walking for her.

The medieval weapons demo was less a demo and more of a historical reenactment of events where people happened to be carrying weapons. Nonetheless it was history lesson of a sort, no doubt embellished and only vaguely following the actually storyline. It only lasted for fifteen minutes before the actors bowed and offered a Q&A. There were some questions about the history of the celebration, plans for future events, and one little child who asked about their weapons. Dwalin listened as the actor explained that these were actual replicas which were suitable for battle. The actor bragged that he had even trained with his sword. 

Dwalin guffawed loudly at that assertion. As the crowd has already thinned significantly after the performance ended there were only about fifteen to twenty people still lingering at the stage. Unfortunately for him the actor decided to address Dwalin’s outburst.

“May I ask what you find so funny sir?”

“Oh aye, you’ve trained with that have ya? Then explain to me why you’re holding it like a wee lad.”

Some of the remaining observers departed, unwilling to have their day ruined by a confrontation between a clearly drunk Scotsman and a posh reenactor. Others, however, seemed quite ready for the ensuing show. 

“Well if there are no further questions you might show me how it’s done then,” he offered, thinking that he would get the better of Dwalin’s heckling. 

“Always glad to teach, lad,” Dwalin offered.

The look on the actor’s face went from bemused to angry in a split second before he schooled his features. He hadn’t actually expected this heckler to take him up on it. 

As Dwalin walked to the front the actor shucked some of his unnecessary garments and another actor offered his weapon to Dwalin.

“Not the worst quality I’ve ever held, though close,” Dwalin commented as he hefted the weapon. “It’s weighted poorly, the edge is dull, though it is a practice weapon, and the smithing is poor. See these imperfections along the fuller? If I were to actually spar full force the blade would snap in only a few hits. That’s dangerous for both parties.”

_“Don’t spar full force Dwalin. Pretend he’s me but worse. You don’t want to hurt him or we’ll get in trouble. I know he’s asking for it but no cuts or broken bones- you hear me?”_ Ellie called out.

“Aye I hear you. Taking the fun out of life, lass.”

Ellie snorted and watched the two square off. Dwalin swatted the actor’s blows away like it was as easy as breathing. For Dwalin it probably was. Ellie suspected that she could best the actor but, being still on poor form from her injuries and being bearing, she didn’t trust a beginner not to hurt her on accident. While Ellie mused on that Dwalin gave up on the actor and disarmed him with frightening efficiency. 

“There lad. Did you see how easy that was for me to take your sword? Now take it back and hold it like I do.” Dwalin stood next to him and pointed as the young man put his hands on the weapon. “Good. Now put that hand a little further over this way. There.”

After a few instructions on knees and elbows and keeping his head back, because he didn’t want it taken off did he, they squared off. 

More of the spectators had wandered away, frustrated at the turn of events. Apparently the heckling Scotsman was not drunk and really did know how to fight and for most the display became boringly technical. The actor for his part asked questions and got over his initial anger at being publically called out. Ellie came and sat to lean back against the stage. Her body was healing but with her ribs she just couldn’t seem to exercise hard enough to get her stamina up. She wondered it ever would return.

Dwalin ended that train of thought rather abruptly. “ _Athanu men._ Care to join us?” 

Ellie picked herself up gingerly. “ _Remenu!_ ” she shouted raising her fist in jest.

Dwalin had been putting her through her paces as best as they could manage given her conditions. Dwalin had whittled some boards he had bought down to practice swords and they worked through their forms whenever they were at the flat together. Ellie had, for all her aches, been itching to spar but their flat wasn’t quite large enough and going outside and attracting attention seemed a poor idea. Now, with the plausible deniability of this reenactment, they had their chance.

“I’ll be going easy on you, lass. There’ll be no rebreaking those ribs or hurting the wee one. Let me know if you need out,” Dwalin warned as she hefted her weapon.

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the warning mom,” she jibed. “Wow these really are shitty weapons. I thought I wouldn’t be able to tell but, yeah, no, this is awful. _Orcs make better blades._ ”

Dwalin chuckled. “Aye, I’ll give them that.” 

Dwalin and Ellie circled and clashed weapons. Dwalin hadn’t gone this easy on her in sparring since she got her feet back in Rivendell. Even so it felt good to get back in the saddle. They circled as Dwalin felt out her abilities and slowly ratcheted up the intensity of the round. At around the three minute mark Dwalin ended the bout as Ellie was visibly winded.

“Aye, lass. I believe that’d be enough for now,” Dwalin said as they dropped their guards together.

Ellie leaned on her metal practice device, she hesitated to think of it as a sword, and rubbed at her ribs, “Yeah, I was in much better shape… before.”

“You’ll get back there again,” he countered.

Ellie shrugged. She wasn’t so sure about that but then again she hadn’t really expected to survive so she decided that maybe she would just wait and see what happened after all. 

The actors looked positively impressed. “Thank you both that demonstration of skill. Do you teach?”

“Aye, that I do,” Dwalin answered.

“Well we obviously could be better and it looks like great fun. What’s your going rate?”

Dwalin looked to Ellie. The economics of this place were still settling in. So far he had figured out what it meant to be gouged by the hospital vending machines when you could get the same thing at the corner store at half the price. That was about the entirety of it though. 

“Depends. What are you looking for? An afternoon workshop? Regular classes and if so how often?” she countered.

The main actor who had invited Dwalin to teach him a thing or two shrugged and looked to his companions who just shrugged in return or offered lifted eyebrows. He turned back to Ellie, “Twice a week for an hour or two each time sound about right?”

Ellie nodded and Dwalin muttered under his breath, _“That’s not enough to teach someone to knit much less wield a sword.”_

Ellie laughed, _“No but you’re just teaching them to look good while wielding a sword. They’re not going into battle, just up on stage. You can still run them ragged though and enjoy that plus we get money without having to lie for it for once.”_

Dwalin nodded his understanding. He knew that Ellie was uncomfortable taking coins to the gold buyer, even though they had only had to do it twice now. She was worried about getting caught and what that would do for Kili and frankly how, then, they would ever get back home.

“Aye, we can do that,” Dwalin answered them. “But you’re going to need better weapons and some practice armor, leathers ought to be enough. Won’t be going too hard with you being beginners.”

After a bit more talk they negotiated the price, ￡50 for an hour and a half, all cash. They would meet Monday and Thursday afternoons. Right now Kili was scheduled for OT during that time so they couldn’t be there anyway and this gave them something enjoyable to do. After, Ellie and James, as she finally asked him his name, exchanged numbers they went on to enjoy more of the celebrations.

There was a cooking contest and they each got a rather hefty looking plate and went to sit and listen to the bands that were playing. They rested and enjoyed the music in companionable silence until the day got on into the late afternoon and it was time to head back to the flat to wash up before heading over to see Kili.

They walked across the square to the tube station and waited. A strange thump drew Dwalin’s attention, and apparently that of the other subway users judging by their panicked gasps, and he found Ellie crumpled to the ground.

“Ellie! Wake up, lass. Talk to me,” Dwalin laid her out in a more normal position while he tried to wake her. “Come on, lass. Come to.” 

When his ministrations proved ineffective he turned to someone nearby, “Call for an ambulance.” It was a very menacing instruction and one that the young man followed instantly, albeit with a bit of trembling in his hands.

An ambulance arrived not ten minutes later, though Dwalin still thought it took entirely too long. The medics evaluated her and calmed Dwalin by assuring him that she was not in imminent danger. They offered her smelling salts which did bring her around a bit. Since she was still disoriented Dwalin disclosed that she was pregnant and the medics decided that she would likely benefit from a trip to the A&E just to be safe.

When Ellie regained her bearings halfway through the trip to the hospital she was displeased, to put it mildly. 

“Dwalin, I never took you for one to panic,” she said, though to be fair her words were much more like a thrown projectile and much less like communication.

“Don’t you try that with me. I’ll not have the both of you endangered,” he threw back.

“ _Did you miss something? We’re going to the hospital Dwalin. We have no health information. We have no legitimate identities._ What the hell did you think would happen exactly?” 

She wasn’t yelling, though she wasn’t using her inside voice either.

The medic sitting in back put his gloved hand on her shoulder. “Ma’am you really ought to take it easy. You had a fainting spell and what with being pregnant and all we just thought it best if the doctors checked you over just to be sure.”

Ellie closed her eye and let her head thump back against the gurney. “I’m not unappreciative of your help, though it might appear that way at the moment. I’m just frustrated that he’s being so overprotective. Look I had major surgery about 3 months ago, I was already pregnant at the time. I lost a lot of blood and what with healing and the baby I’ve been struggling to pull out of the anemia. This isn’t a surprising turn of events given everything else. I’m just pissed that he panicked for no reason.”

The medic nodded. “That makes sense. Fainting is pretty common during pregnancy and if you’re already anemic it’s no wonder. I’d make sure to visit with your regular care physician and see about supplements, but for now let’s go ahead and rule out anything more insidious at the A&E, yeah?”

Ellie knew that there wasn’t much to be done at the moment so she nodded, “Yeah, sure.” Of course the look that she shot Dwalin was decidedly the opposite of “yeah” or “sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations   
> Athanu men: My queen  
> Remenu: To arms!
> 
> So I ended it there because that was the _obvious_ place to break the chapter. I mean it's not a cliff hanger or anything. Definitely nothing going on here.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blah blah blah... plot propelling things happen
> 
> No particular warnings for this chapter... unless of course I missed something and I need to add it. Tell me.
> 
> Also, plying me with comments and kudos is working. I'm getting closer to the end. You're not, there's a bunch of stuff for me to post yet, but you're motivating me. Don't stop now or it'll be another year before I finish this.
> 
> BTW this is unbeta'd and only sort of edited because it's really hard to type or think or really anything while a small child beats you with pillows and you're reading some Frozen storybook to another at the same time. If you find a stupid tell me. If you want to beta also please tell me.

As soon as the medics transferred her care to the A&E and departed she and Dwalin were left alone in a room while a nurse went to get something or other, Ellie hadn’t really been listening. 

“Come on. Now. We’re going before she gets back,” Ellie said as she got out of the bed. She didn’t spring out of it like she wanted to, though the fear of being caught and turned into the authorities was enough to make her feel like springing. She took it easy so as not to faint again and they walked out as nonchalant as could be. 

They made it as far as the main doors, which slid open as they approached, before they heard, “Hey, miss, wait a moment! You weren’t checked out. Please wait a moment.”

“I wasn’t ever checked in so that should solve your problem,” Ellie shot back over her shoulder as she continued her path to the doors. 

The sound of the nurse’s approaching footsteps let them know that she was jogging to make up the distance between them. It only encouraged Ellie to move faster.

“Please, miss,” the nurse tried again as they started down the street. “You’re blood pressure is low and you’re finger prick test shows that you’re dangerously anemic. Combined with your condition that could be very dangerous. I would highly advise you to come back inside and let the doctor meet with you.”

The nurse was adamant, Ellie would give her that, “Look, I appreciate your concern, I really do. But I am not going back in there. So just give up and go back in there and help someone else, alright?”

Undeterred she followed Ellie and Dwalin down the block. “I really don’t think you understand your condition. Please. I’m not sure what you’re concerned about but I assure you that no harm will come to you. We’re here to help you.”

Ellie stopped and spun around to face her. “Really. I’ll see my family doctor. I’ll do it. First thing in the morning. I swear. But I am not going back with you. So, if you’d be so kind, piss off.”

The nurse looked like she finally got the message, though she was clearly a bit stunned. Before she could turn back a familiar voice called out, “Ellie is there a problem?” They all turned to see Laura, coming down the street, apparently about to go on shift.

“Mahal’s hammer. This is just getting better,” Dwalin groused under his breath.

Ellie turned her head to eye him, “I don’t wanna hear none of your bitching sir. We wouldn’t be in this shit if you hadn’t let them take me to the hospital.”

“Hello there! It’s been a bit since we last saw each other. I was so delighted when your friend got transferred from SICU to the step down unit. I heard he’s doing well with rehab at the moment, yeah?” Laura started. 

Ellie nodded and Laura forged ahead. “So what’s going on here? Are you alright?”

Ellie waved her hand as if to dismiss her concerns. “I’m alright. I had a fainting spell on the tube and genius here thought I needed to take a visit to the A&E via an ambulance. But really, I’m fine.”

Laura eyed Ellie suspiciously and the nurse who had followed them from the A&E piped up. “Actually, she’s not alright. Her hemoglobin levels are dangerously low for someone who is pregnant. She needs to be seen urgently.”

Laura nodded and spoke to the nurse. “I know these folks. I’ll make sure that she gets care right away. I think that I’ll have a bit better luck than you.”

The smile that Laura gave the other nurse was apparently enough. The other woman threw up her hands and conceding the point with a terse, “Fine,” before stalking away and back inside.

“Now,” Laura started in her lecture voice, “do you want to tell me why you’ve not mentioned this pregnancy before? And let me guess, you’ve not seen anyone for care yet either?”

Ellie sighed and leaned against the building wall. “I think we both know why I’m not getting any medical care. Besides, minus a bout of torture during my second pregnancy they were both rather uncomplicated.”

“And this pregnancy? Why are you suddenly having low hemoglobin if nothing’s the matter, hmm?”

As she finished her question Laura started walking towards the hospital again and motioned for them to follow. 

“I had a bit of an accident. While I was healing I found out I was pregnant.”

“Uh huh. This wouldn’t have happened around the same time your friend ‘not-Lil’ was injured, hmm?” Laura had taken to calling Kili ‘not-Lil’ before he left the SICU since it was obvious he did not ever respond to that name when called.

Ellie sighed. “It might have been a related injury, yes.”

“Can you be more specific, love? I mean she seemed a bit worried. Surely it must have been quite the injury.”

“I’m a bit winded from time to time but I thought that it was just a combination of being out of shape and the broken ribs that are still healing. Look I’ve been getting better. I had a bit of sparring match earlier and felt alright afterwards.”

Laura nodded. “Ah, I see. And when did you faint?”

“Uh, we went for a short round with some reenactors at Trafalgar Square- all light contact no worries, got a bite at the St. George’s Day stuff and then sat to watch the bands for a bit. After that we wandered back to the tube station across the square. I was fine all the way there and then, while waiting for the train to arrive, I just… plop.” Ellie indicated her fainting with an onomatopoeia and a wave of her hand. 

“Change in blood pressure. Could still be related to the anemia but more likely is just related to the pregnancy. I’m not worried, but I’d still like to check up on you. Come on with me, my shift doesn’t start for another 15 minutes. I can check your hemoglobin and vitals and set you up with someone who is willing to take on your prenatal care given your difficult situation.” 

“Thank you,” Dwalin murmured. 

“Oh of course, love,” Laura replied. “So your friend, how is he?”

“Better every day. He’s having some difficulty with his hand, brain and hand not on the best of terms and all that, still working on getting up and about for much time, but with respiratory therapy, PT, and OT he’s doing alright. Right now he’s more trouble to keep calm and in bed than anything. He feels much better and is dying to get up and around,” Ellie informed her.

Laura laughed a gentle laugh as they boarded the elevator. “Well if he’s feeling so well I bet they send him home before too long and then he’ll be off to the races.”

Ellie beamed and Dwalin even appeared to smile, at least about the eyes. “Home sounds good.”

“Aye, that it does,” Dwalin added.

\-------

Laura left the pair in the nurses’ lounge while she put her things away and grabbed some supplies. Dwalin helped himself to a cup of coffee while they waited.

All told her vitals were acceptable. Her blood pressure was a bit low which, given the day’s and last few months’ events, was wholly unsurprising. Another fingerstick confirmed that she was indeed very anemic. Somewhere in the SICU, or maybe elsewhere, Laura had acquired a doppler.

“Let’s check that heartbeat,” she beamed.

Ellie grinned. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time was always a treat. She didn’t think she’d get the chance this pregnancy so the opportunity was especially sweet.

Ellie settled back on the institutional couch in the lounge and pulled up her shirt and wriggled her pants down a bit. Laura froze with the bottle of gel midair.

“Christ, Ellie. That scarring. You weren’t taking the piss when you mentioned torture.” 

Laura reached a hand out to touch one of the scars that ran the length of Ellie’s stomach. Ellie reached up and gently caught her hand.

“Don’t. It’s not something I particularly enjoy thinking about.”

Laura blanched. “Oh god, of course not. Sorry. Usually the only scars I see are fresh and intentional, minus accidents you know. So let’s change subject, yeah? Tell me about this ‘accident’ you had a few months ago.”

Ellie flinched at the cold gel. “I got knocked in the ribs and broke a few, or rather shattered. The shards were removed and some prosthetics were installed. It’s this scarring here on my side that’s fresher looking.”

Laura nodded as she mashed the doppler around on Ellie’s uterus. “I thought you didn’t have modern medicine where you came from. How’d you get bone grafts?”

“We don’t. And believe me it didn’t feel very modern. The implants are stainless steel with coral beds for bone attachment. Homemade and home installed. We’re a crafty folk but Lil’s injury was a bit beyond us,” Ellie explained. 

A quick swooshing sound on the doppler got Ellie and Laura’s attention. “Listen, that’s the heartbeat.”

“145. That’s a great rate and it’s steady. Your baby sounds just fine. I’m not worried about you waiting until tomorrow to go to the surgery,” Laura pronounced.

Laura passed some tissues to Ellie and she wiped off her stomach and righted her clothes. When she sat up Laura pressed a post it into Ellie’s hand.

“Here’s the number and the address to a free clinic that treats people in your situation. They don’t ask for money, though if you can afford donations they could use them. They can’t help deliver your baby but they can do all the prenatal checks and bloodwork to make sure that you don’t need any more specialized care, alright? Now I know the ANP that runs the clinic, she’s an old colleague of mine. I already let her know to expect you in the morning and you’ve got an appointment at 9 o’clock. But just prepare yourself, okay? She’s going to need a full medical history, that includes whatever horrible things happened to you. I know that’s going to be unpleasant but if you just stick to the dry details it should be easier. 

“Anyway my shift started a minute ago. Come back and see me in a few days yeah? I want to see how you’re doing. Tell me all about that baby!”

Laura bustled out of the room before Ellie and Dwalin could say much more than “Bye” and “Thank you.”

Ellie looked over to see Dwalin in a state that she did not yet recognize. “Hey, what’s going on?”

“He already has a heartbeat. I didn’t realize they did so soon. He’s already alive,” Dwalin marveled.

Ellie huffed a small laugh, “Yeah, I guess so. Come on.” And Ellie stood, bumping Dwalin congenially to get him moving on their way home.

\--------

“Do you have a date for your last period?” the intake nurse asked.

Ellie shook her head. “My guess would be 4 to 5 months ago.”

“Alright. Well this anatomy scan should help narrow that down and at this stage of pregnancy we should be able to tell the sex if you want.”

Ellie smiled and nodded. “I’d like that.”

“Alright, well there’s a few more questions I’ve got and they’ll be a moment before you can go back anyway. Looking at your questionnaire it seems you’ve got some complicated medical history- cesarean, torture, recently shattered and replaced ribs. Let’s do this is chronological order shall we?”

Ellie nodded stiffly. She reminded herself that she was sharing only the important bits- protracted labor, uncomplicated cesarean, blowtorch to the ribs, face, and eye, lost fingers, unmedicated VBAC, shattered ribs and implants. 

She absently rubbed her shoulder while she spoke. The ache in her shoulders had seemed minor when she had first stumbled into her new life, and in all honesty a shoulder ache wasn’t anything to write home about, but it was always there in the back of her mind. It seemed to assert its presence while she spoke, reminding her of why those ligaments had gotten so stretched in the first place. 

For her part the nurse was professional and politely detached which Ellie appreciated. She did not want or need anyone else’s sympathy for the past. With a light smile and a gentle “This way” the nurse led Ellie to the lab for a blood draw. She must have collected Dwalin from the waiting room because he was waiting with the nurse outside the door when she exited the lab even more lightheaded than the day before.

“Let’s go look at that baby then,” she announced and off she went leading them both along down another corridor to the sonographer. 

\-----

Dwalin stood silent and as imposingly as he could at 4’ 11” and watched the screen. 

“I’m just going to take some measurements first you we can calculate the gestational age of the baby and get you your due date,” the sonographer excitedly explained. 

_“Why is she so happy?”_ Dwalin asked.

_“She gets to show people their babies all day long. She makes people happy, usually.”_

Dwalin gave a noncommittal “hmm” in response.

“Well I have some exciting news. First though, you look to be at about 13 weeks and 2 days so the date of your last period is probably just a bit off. That gives us a due date of October 27. Now about that good news- you’re having twins!”

The sonographer happily turned the screen towards Ellie and Dwalin and moved the little wand around pointing out the heartbeats and little body parts. 

“Mahal….” Dwalin breathed. “Twins...” 

Ellie smiled at his expression. It was the same one from last night. She wondered if every milestone from pregnancy would be as emotional for him. 

After another minute of scans Ellie cleared her throat. “Would you be able to tell sex yet?”

The sonographer looked pensive. “I could try to guess but this early that’s all it would be. Because you’re having twins though you’ll be getting scans every month to check up on them. I’m sure that we’ll be able to tell when you come in next time, so long as they cooperate and lie in the right position for me to check.”

Ellie nodded. “Is this high risk?”

The sonographer shrugged and her head bobbed back and forth a little as if to say ‘maybe?’. “Technically all multiples are high risk but at the moment everything looks good. In fact, your configuration of twinning is called dichorionic, diamniotic, or di-di. It means that your twins have their own sacs and placentas. If everything goes well this gives you the best chance of another VBAC. I’m sure that the doctor can explain this to you further if you have more questions. I’m not really supposed to be giving you diagnoses outside of the scans.”

“Yeah, of course,” Ellie agreed.

\-----

The sonography tech shuttled them to another waiting area so they could get on to their appointment with the ANP. Ellie had stuffed a few printed ultrasound scans into her backpack. They had little text boxes excitedly exclaiming “Baby A!” and “Baby B!” while others had little arrows, “Hand,” “Foot,” “Face,” “Spine,” and so forth. 

Dwalin had pilfered one from the backpack and stared at it with some unreadable expression.

“You alright?” Ellie prodded after watching him for a minute.

Dwalin nodded. “Thorin’s sons. It’s… I don’t know what to say.”

Ellie nodded. “Yeah. I know. But you’ll be here to help raise them and that matters. He’d appreciate that.”

Dwalin nodded noncommittally without looking away from the print out. “Depends on who inherits you I guess,” he finally said.

Ellie rubbed the back of her neck. “Yeah, about that. It’s been on my mind to talk to you about-”

“Ellie Durinson,” called an older lady with graying dark brown hair. 

Ellie and Dwalin immediately rose to go with her. ‘Durinson’ had been Ellie’s choice with the false IDs. Dwalin had gawped when she mentioned it. But in the end who was he to object. Ellie had sworn her oath and claimed the lineage of her husband. Dwalin did not object on his own behalf given that it was also his lineage and he had to admit that it did lend their lie of marriage a bit of credibility since apparently that was how surnames worked here. 

“I’m Mrs. Thomlinson. Laura called me last night and had me work you in as a favor. Said you were in a bad way. Let’s see what we can do about that,” she directed as she led them into an exam room. 

When the door closed she sat on the doctor’s stool and turned on her tablet. She scrolled for a few moments absorbing the information before thumbing the screen off and looking up.

“I’ll get your hemocrit back with the rest of the panels but your hemoglobin is 7.9. At this level you need to be admitted to a hospital for a blood transfusion immediately. I understand that you refused treatment last night after a fainting spell?”

Ellie drew a deep breath and nodded. “I did. We’re… in a difficult situation. Did Laura explain?”

The ANP pursed her lips. “She did. Your immigration status complicates things significantly. There are a couple of surgeries in London which would see you in the absence of a NI number for the right price but if you’ve had to resort to illegal immigration I doubt you’ve those resources available.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Why don’t you give us their info and we’ll see,” Ellie offered.

The older woman raised her eyebrow. “Very well. I expect that you’ll be offering us some of said resources?”

Ellie nodded. “I hope you take cash.”

\------

The rest of the exam was standard prenatal care. A pap smear, breast exam, listening to lungs and heart, listening to the babies, peeing into a cup. 

Dwalin did his part to look completely unaffected by being present in the room while Ellie was virtually naked with some other woman poking around and in Ellie’s nether regions, though it took some convincing from Ellie.

_“Don’t even try to leave Dwalin. We’re married remember? You can’t plead modesty when you’re supposedly the one who knocked me up. We’ve bathed together. It’s not much different.”_

Dwalin snorted. _“No one was grabbing at your breasts. Certainly no one had their fingers in you, poking about with little sticks and whatnot, when we bathed.”_

_“I know. Isn’t this more interesting?”_ she teased.

Dwalin glared back, “Shut up, lass.”

Ellie snorted an aborted laugh as Mrs. Thomlinson finished. The elder woman shot a questioning look at Dwalin but made no comment.

“Get you dressed and let’s talk about getting you to that surgery this afternoon,” she directed as as she gathered the trash into the bin and set the culturette by the door for one of the assistants to take to the lab.

Ellie dressed in the little curtained alcove in the corner of the room, glad to be rid of the scratchy paper gown. When she was done she sat by Dwalin in one of the institutional chairs. Mrs. Thomlinson was already on the phone negotiating Ellie’s treatment.

After a couple of minutes of medical talk, appointment set-up, and a bit of small talk Thomlinson looked up at Ellie and Dwalin. 

“How does ￡275 sound? Can you come up with that today?” she asked. 

Ellie looked at Dwalin. He shrugged. “Sure we can. I’m assuming that this is a cash endeavor anyway, yeah?”

Thomlinson nodded her assent and directed her conversation back to the person on the line. “They’ve got it and they’ll be there.”


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst and medical talk.
> 
> Why do I even warn you anymore? Isn't that every chapter at this point? Geez.

Ellie left some cash with Becca, the receptionist at the front desk, and Becca gave her a card with her next appointment time. 

As soon as they were outside Dwalin looked hard at Ellie. “Something about this appointment this afternoon bothers me.”

“What? You mean paying for something that is clearly illegal or at least unethical? Picked up on that did you?”

His bushy eyebrows knit together and he glared as he walked. “How can you tell?”

“Two thinga: you don’t negotiate medical costs here and you sure as hell don't pay cash. There’s likely some scheme going on where the doc pockets the money and writes the medical costs off on someone else’s chart. It’s not a big deal for the other patient because the NIH will cover it but nonetheless it’s definitely not above board.”

Dwalin grumbled, “Fraud then?”

Ellie nodded, “Exactly that.” 

\--------

They passed their time waiting by eating some shwarma and lounging on a bench. They had taken the tube to the nearest stop by the surgery and then found a park. It was warm enough not to be discomfited by sitting still outside for long periods and the sun felt good on Ellie’s skin. The walk to the surgery was nice. She was little winded by the time they arrived but it wasn’t anything she wasn’t used to. It was a pleasant, if a bit stressful, afternoon.

On their way, she had texted the number she was given and followed the instructions she was received. They were to wait behind the surgery in an alley and someone, no indication of who was given, would appear, eventually, to usher them in. Under no circumstances should they enter the lobby. 

“This is ridiculously shady,” Ellie remarked as they waited. 

No sooner were the words out of her mouth than the door on the rear of the building opened and a man in a white lab coat waved them in with a finger to his lips. He led them quickly and quietly to an empty room and shut the door. The IV supplies and everything but the unit of blood was already laid out.

“Let’s make this quick shall we? I have a 2:15 so you need to be in and out. Do you have the money?”

Ellie jammed her hand in her bag and brought out an envelope. She counted out the agreed upon amount on the exam table.

“Great. Hop up and let’s get started,” he said putting the money in his pocket.

The doctor, as he turned out to be, appeared to be in his late 20s and wasn’t much in a talking mood. He checked vitals, asked a bare minimum of questions, set the line quickly, and attached the prep solutions.

When he finally decided to speak Ellie flinched at the break in the silence that had enveloped the room. “That’ll keep you for about 15-20 minutes and then I’ll go get the transfusion. You’ll get two units as anemic as you are.”

Without further ado he settled himself at the counter by the sink and unwrapped a sandwich. When he did glance at Ellie to see how she was doing, he wasn’t inattentive just unethical, he caught sight of Dwalin’s clearly unimpressed glower.

“What?” he shrugged unrepentantly, “It’s my lunch hour.”

\-----

In the end, it was possibly the least eventful part of their day. Ellie had no reactions to the transfusion and finally felt like her breathing counted for something. The general fog that she had been living in lifted just a bit. In fact, it wasn’t until she wasn’t foggy that she realized she had been in the first place. 

\-----

The following week she returned to the free clinic to meet with Mrs. Thomlinson.

“Your hemoglobin is up to a tolerable 9.5. It’s not great but it’ll do for now. How do you feel?”

Overall, Ellie had to admit that she felt pretty good. She’d done more walking and sparred more with Dwalin and for longer. 

Mrs. Thomlinson was pleased and sent Ellie on her way with firm instructions regarding her diet and some very specific iron supplements. 

Again, Ellie left cash with Becca and took another appointment card.

\--------

Dwalin and Ellie went for lunch at a diner promising Southern Style American cuisine while Kili worked with a respiratory therapist. Ellie wasn’t holding out any hope for it to be too great. But when she saw the menu she could have cried for the fried okra, baked mac and cheese, fried catfish, chicken fried steak, shrimp etouffee, gumbo, and every other thing she missed since she left home. 

She settled on the sampler dish where she could get small amounts of five different sides. Dwalin got a three meat plate with a couple of sides. They shared their various dishes with one another and Ellie melted into each bite. Dwalin could see the homesickness and longing on her person but kept his silence. She managed to keep her composure even over the pecan pie and vanilla ice cream but it was a near thing. 

Afterwards they sat sipping sweet tea, cold not hot, and Ellie finally worked up the courage to revisit the conversation she had tried to start several days before in the free clinic.

“Dwalin…” Ellie paused long enough for Dwalin to interject.

“Aye, that’s my name, lass,” he replied.

Ellie rolled her eye. “Don’t make me rethink this, alright? Geez. Look, the other day, in the clinic when we were talking about who would raise the kids you said it depended on who inherited me. I talked about it with Thorin you know, the night before. There weren’t a lot of options. Oin, Fili, that little shit Thorin the third, and you. 

“We both know Fili’s out. Obvious reasons right? I think I’ve made my feelings about Dain’s spawn clear enough and that leaves Oin-”

“And me,” Dwalin concluded as he set down his iced tea. 

Ellie nodded. “I don’t want to pressure you. Four kids is a lot. A wife is enough alone. I just….”

“You just what?”

“I trust you and I can’t think of anyone else I would rather raise the kids with,” she admitted all in one breath.

Dwalin slowly lifted his glass to his mouth for another sip. “Not even Nori?”

Ellie looked up at the ceiling like mercy might come from the heavens if she stared hard enough. “Oh for Mahal’s sake. Can you not? I’m trying to be serious. That was a lot and-”

“Of course I’ll marry you. It would be my honor,” Dwalin said with a slight smirk, though his tone indicated nothing but sincerity. 

Ellie sounded exasperated but she felt relieved. In the style of their relationship, though, she covered her apprehensions with cheek. “I’m not sure I’m prepared for this. Thorin was at least dignified in his ribbing. You’re going to run me ragged.”

Dwalin smiled slyly, which could not mean a single good thing. “Aye, there’ll be no going easy on you now.”

\------

“Really, I’m fine,” Kili said for what must have been the fifteenth time that day. “I’ve got family to take care of me. Going home overnight won’t kill me.”

Clearly, his neurologist was not having it. “You’re not going anywhere yet. Don’t be dense. Besides, you’re on the homestretch. Once the shunt comes out you can go home in another week, if there aren’t any severe complications. Can you try to be patient?”

Kili put on his thickest charm out of sheer desperation. “Oh I can if you insist.”

The doctor crossed his arms, unsure as to why this young man insisted on flirting with him. “I do insist. Glad we cleared that up.”

Kili sighed heavily and settled back against the bed. “Fine.”

In the chair beside the bed Dwalin snickered. “You might have better luck convincing your doctor if he were a lass.”

Kili sighed the sigh of the put upon but said nothing.

“Next Tuesday has an opening in theatre. We’ll schedule you then, unless of course you have more pressing matters?” the doctor offered.

Kili sighed again, harder this time, “You know I don’t.”

“Great!” he replied with false enthusiasm, “then we’re good to go!”

Kili rolled his head to the side and narrowed his eyes at the balding doctor who sat typing on his tablet by the side of the bed. “Wee,” he muttered in the least excited tone he could muster.

“Wee indeed,” came the reply.

\------

Kili squeezed Ellie’s hand until the bones ground against one another but refused to otherwise complain.

“Hey, I’m here. I’ve got you,” Ellie tried to soothe but Kili's eyes screwed up at the sound of her voice.

It had been two days since the shunt came out. Kili continued to reassure them that the pain was decreasing and even though a spinal headache was on the list of complications they were worried. The doctors were waiting on his pain levels to be more tolerable so that they could assess his neurological state. Every moment made him vomit and there was no point in trying as nothing he did could be representative of his actual function. 

Ellie was on Kili-duty while Dwalin slept in the waiting room. He couldn’t stand the sound of anything so he would slowly and carefully sign in Iglishmek what what he needed- water, food, bedpan. Sometimes what he wanted most was just to be touched, though he would never ask for that. 

Ellie gently settled her palm on his cheek and he slowly and carefully relaxed the weight of his head into the warmth. Ellie rubbed small circles with her thumb and Kili let out a shaky breath. It took nearly an hour of gently supporting his head in her palm before his grip began to relax and then went slack altogether as he finally fell asleep for the first time since he came around after the anesthesia wore off. 

Since Kili was out and had released her now very bruised hand she took a moment to text Dwalin an update on Kili’s status. 

“Finally asleep. Don’t bother with your shift. Don’t wanna wake him.”

“tahnk mahal. he couldnt take mcuh more.”

There wasn’t anything to reply in all honesty. Ellie had been worried about the same thing. It might not be physical damage but being without sleep for so long while being in so much pain was just a recipe for PTSD later- as Ellie and Dwalin were both well aware. 

In an effort to make sure that Kili stayed asleep she took the extra pillow and folded it up under her elbow to support it, and thus her hand on Kili’s face, while she slept. She would regret it in the morning, sitting in the chair but laying face down in the bed next to Kili, but for now he was peaceful and there was nothing she wouldn’t do to keep it that way.

\--------

“ _Ydadnam’_ , can’t a guy have one small seizure without you watching me like I’m a prisoner?” Kili complained.

Ellie raised her eyebrow at him. “No.”

Kili stifled a small, but frustrated laugh, “Alright. I guess it’s good to be loved then.”

“Why would I be stuck in this room with you otherwise?” 

Kili chuckled. In reality he was unendingly grateful for her and Dwalin’s continued presence. But even with that presence the level of pain and the return of all the invasive medical equipment that he had so hated had been hard. Having a hand to hold had been invaluable. 

He was the one who had pushed for the removal of the shunt against medical advice. Shunts were intended to be permanent. There were probable complications, most likely in the form of severe and irreversible brain damage. He could also die. All of that information had been conveniently withheld from Ellie and Dwalin because he was of age and could therefore make his own decisions.

The truth of the matter had only come out after the surgery. Immediately the pressure on his brain began to increase leading to the soul-rending headache that waylaid him for over a week. Scans showed that the increased pressure could be causing damage but that had only been verified after he began to have seizures when he woke up in the morning and his blood sugar was low or when he wore himself out in PT. 

Against medical advice, again, Kili refused to have the shunt replaced. Dwalin and Ellie understood why. In Erebor there would be no medical care if the catheter fractured or became obstructed. Kili was trying to prepare himself for the rest of his life, one without modern medicine. Still, they worried. 

“I’m not going anywhere. You can stop staring, _Ydadnam’_ ,” Kili muttered without opening his eyes. 

“Maybe I’m just contemplating how I’m going to explain your questionable life choices to your mother when we return,” Ellie threatened.

Kili’s eyes opened enough for him to glare. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Ellie chuckled mischievously. “Damn right I would. I’ll make sure to tell her about all the times you’ve snuck out to the courtyard when you were supposed to be in PT, too. We’ll all have a great time. Well, Dwalin and Fili and I. You maybe not so much.”

If Kili could have narrowed his eyes even farther he would have. “You’re awful. I’m going to need Tauriel to protect me. Get your own personal guard, she’s mine.” 

“Nah,” Ellie shook her head to drive home the point. “For now at least I’ve got the authority. I’ll just keep her long enough for your mother to dress you down properly.”

“And you said you wouldn’t abuse your power against your friends and family,” Kili snarked. “I see how it really is now.”

“Yeah you do, _namadin_.”

Ellie and Kili both laughed lightly. It was good to joke again. Things had been semi-normal until the shunt came out but that had quickly been thrown out the window after Kili’s difficult medical choices. The ensuing week and a half had tested them all over again. 

They were only able to relax when the fourth scan came back showing that the pressure was decreasing naturally, as though his body was acclimating to the smaller amounts of cerebrospinal fluid that were now needed. Theoretically this had been the possible outcome but the doctors had been quick to point out that the body rarely made the adjustment before more, and permanent, damage was done. In Kili’s case the lasting result was a worsening of the weakness in his left hand, he now had a tremor as well, and this new seizure disorder that may or may not resolve itself. 

Ever stoic, Kili insisted that the price was well worth being unencumbered by the catheter. There no longer remained concerns that his injuries could come back to haunt him in decades when the shunt would eventually fail. He felt, finally, like there would be an end this ongoing horror. 

Ellie had felt the same way when the last of her eye was gone. It was awful to know that there was nothing to do to regain any sight, though it had honestly been long since lost, but it was good to be done with the frequent scrapings and debridements. It signaled some form of closure and she finally felt like she could leave it behind her, even if it had come at a price. She could see that relief now in Kili’s face. 

While she was contemplating the nature of life, as she dramatically put it in her own mind, her phone went off.

“Trying to give me another seizure to justify your hovering?” Kili quipped.

“Shut up. Mahal, you are sassy lately,” Ellie shot back at the smirk directed at her. “No that’s my alarm to remind me to head to the surgery. They’re gonna do another scan of the babies today.”

Kili nodded. “Dwalin coming by for a shift soon?” The nightmares that he had from his stint in the SICU had resurfaced after the most recent operation and, even though he would never admit it, he needed the company.

“Sorry dear. You got stood up for the babies. You know how soft Dwalin is for babies…. Don’t you tell him I said that though,” Ellie warned as she got up from her chair. 

“No chance of that…. Unless of course you’re willing to overlook my ‘questionable life choices’ as you call it and leave my mother out of it.” Kili was not above a bit of blackmail.

“I’ll take my chances with Dwalin then. Besides if I name one of the girls after Dis she’ll have my back forever,” Ellie teased.

Kili groaned, “Mahal’s hammer you are devious. The real tragedy of _Adadnam’s_ death that you won’t be able to turn this on him. He’d keep you busy but now you’ll just be harassing Fili and me forever.” 

Ellie smiled down at her bag which lay at her feet as she stood by Kili’s bed. The loss of Thorin was still fresh and while she was amused it still stung. To add to that she didn’t feel like sharing her arrangement with Dwalin. For now, that knowledge was for them and them alone. 

“Well I had to try to save one of you for that. Who else would I bother so much?” She snorted a small laugh as she leaned forward to bump foreheads gently. “Love ya, punk. Dwalin’ll be here long before dark.”

“Ya, alright then. Love you too. Tell the girls ‘hi’ for me,” Kili called as Ellie walked towards the door.

Ellie waved over her shoulder and was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ydadnam: aunt (in this case 'wife of brother of mother')  
> Amadnad: uncle (also a portmanteau 'brother of mother')  
> Namadin: nephew (sister-son)
> 
> Even in the all the gratuitous angst things happened. It's a miracle. I managed to move the storyline along by about a micrometer.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there. So things are happening which are, mostly, not angsty. Hell, I couldn't even find anything to warn you about for this chapter. I know you're disappointed but it has to happen sometimes. No worries though, the next section will be rife with more feels and stuff. 
> 
> Also, my motivation is directly correlated to the amount of feedback I get from you. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

It was testament to the length of their time in London that Dwalin could successfully close up the flat, get to the tube station and on the right line no less, and then make his way to the surgery without Ellie. Nearly seven months had passed and he was almost settling in. He no longer recoiled at all the seemingly magic contraptions around him. He easily dressed himself to blend in and it almost didn’t bother him to do so anymore. But even so he was ready to go home. 

Kili’s progress, hindered though it was by the removal of the shunt, was nearing the end of what the healers could do. After much effort he was talking, walking, and able to complete his own self-care. All that remained to was to monitor his newest condition and he would be released. After that there seemed no reason to continue to remain in this realm. Home and duty called and if Nori hadn’t already fenced the whole damn place Dwalin would be surprised.

He could tell Ellie was anxious about the babies though. He was too. Twins, and girls at that, were nigh unheard of. It was a gift from Mahal, the legacy of Thorin, and he understood her protectiveness. Dwalin conceded that medicine could do miraculous things here and he did wonder if it wouldn’t be best for Ellie to remain until the babies were born. Ellie hadn’t said anything on the matter, conflicted herself, but when Kili was released from the hospital in the next week or two they would need to choose. 

Deep in his thoughts, Ellie, for what would probably be the only time in her entire life, got the drop on Dwalin. “Hey, you look especially dour today.”

They fell in walking together about a block from the clinic. “What’s on your mind?” Ellie tried again after a pause.

“Erebor. Kili will be well enough to return soon. We need to make plans,” he finally ground out.

Ellie sighed. “Yeah, I know. Let’s bring it up with Thomlinson then. We need to see what complications we might face with the birth in Erebor rather than here.”

Dwalin nodded his understanding.

“One thing though,” Ellie said as Dwalin held open the clinic door, “I want to take you and Kili to Sea Life before we go back.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a place where you can see the ocean but it’s inside. It’s called an aquarium. You can see animals up close, sometimes you can touch them. And they have tunnels under the water that are clear glass like windows where you can watch the fish and stuff from below. It’ll be a once in a lifetime experience.”

Dwalin looked pensive. “So a museum for the ocean?”

Ellie smiled. “Exactly that. Good analogy.”

Dwalin shrugged, as though he weren’t interested. “Kili will enjoy it.”

Ellie shook her head at Dwalin’s inability to express excitement. “Yeah, yeah he will.”

Any further conversation was halted as Ellie was called back by the sonographer. 

“You know, I’ve never seen anything like it,” Mrs. Thomlinson commented as she watched the scan. It wasn’t something the ANPs usually did but in Ellie’s case she made an exception.

“The bone density is much higher than expected, even so early, and they’re not maturing as rapidly as they should be even though there’s no obvious congenital problems.”

Ellie just shrugged. After she did it she realized immediately that it was the wrong response.

Mrs. Thomlinson raised her eyebrow. “Really? No questions then? You know most parents would be asking anything they could think of but not you. I wonder if it’s not because you’re unsurprised but unwilling to share that information.”

Dwalin stared at Ellie and muttered, _“Subtle, that.”_

Ellie rolled her eyes at him. “We gestate longer.”

“How long?” Mrs. Thomlinson felt like she was prying every syllable from Ellie.

“13-14 months give or take?” she guessed.

Mrs. Thomlinson looked surprised, wary, but mostly just done with today and so very done with Ellie. “Alright. So this,” she gestured aimlessly at the screen, “is normal?”

Ellie shrugged again, this time appropriately. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen an ultrasound of our babies.”

“Oh for God’s sake. Some days I doubt you’re even human,” she declared as she quit the room.

The sonographer watched the door click shut and shrugged herself. “Well,” she said putting the wand away, “it is all rather strange.”

\----

When Ellie and Dwalin and expressed their intentions to return home well before the birth Mrs. Thomlinson sighed and hung her head. “Absolutely nothing about you is easy. You know the risks of stillbirth are still high with twins, compared to singleton births, even though the girls are di-di. You also know that the chances of needing a cesarean are quite high as well. This is quite the risk you’re taking.”

“I know,” Ellie sighed. “I would like to stay but I just don’t know if we can. Giving birth in a hospital would put as in danger. We plan to leave to go home. We don’t want to stay in London any longer than necessary but getting rounded up by immigration wouldn’t serve that end very well.”

“No, it wouldn’t,” she agreed. “Will you take back supplies and information then? I know you have capable doctors, I’ve seen their work on your ribs and eye.”

Ellie nodded. “I’d like that. Maybe tips on how to do a cesarean without killing the mother might be nice. I’ll pay you well for supplies and whatnot.”

“Very good then. When are you leaving?”

Ellie and Dwalin looked at one another. “Another couple of weeks maybe? Our business here is concluding rapidly.”

“It would greatly improve things if you had electricity. I could send you with a tablet and an external hard drive full of information. As it is you’ll have to carry books. It greatly reduces the efficacy of this,” Mrs. Thomlinson lamented. 

“You’re telling me,” Ellie agreed, mentally recounting all the books and music that she wishes she could bring back so conveniently.

They set a follow up appt for two weeks out when everything would be ready. Dwalin found his way to the hospital for the night and Ellie went to the flat to lay out on the mattress they had purchased. It was thin but it beat the hell out of the hospital furniture and since she had slept on bedrolls, prison floors, and dirt for nearly two years it felt more than sufficient. 

The flat was nice for the privacy and the shower and the bed but it was awful for waking up alone. Especially after the medical talk during the day she was wishing that she had gone with Dwalin. In the end she left the bathroom light on to keep the flat dimly lit and tried not to call out in her sleep. The one time the neighbors in the adjoining flat called the Met because she was screaming in her sleep had been more than enough. She did not wish to repeat the encounter.

\-----

Dwalin and Ellie leaned on the empty hospital bed while Kili put on “civilian” clothes in the bathroom. His hair was still buzzcut length but his beard was nearly full, or as full as it could be at his age. He covered his head with a knit cap and looked in the mirror. He was pale and much thinner than he remembered looking but Mahal he felt good. He felt free. 

They smiled at him when he emerged and directed him to the wheelchair. Ellie pushed him while Dwalin carried reams of discharge paperwork and care instructions. The staff knew once he was gone he was gone so they had printed anything and everything that they could think of to send with them. It reminded Dwalin of Mrs. Thomlinson’s near library of books and manuals that she had procured. 

The air outside the hospital was chilly. Summer had passed already and it was well into late October. Kili didn’t mind because the air hadn’t been filtered and cycled through numerous ducts before reaching him. It wasn’t clean obviously but it was crisp and it tasted differently and for that the cold was worth it. 

The ride to the flat wasn’t overwhelming but it was definitely a lot of sensory input for one day. Rather than go anywhere else, they stayed in with the window open just a crack. Though Kili played it off well he was having a pretty emotional day and that alone would be enough to cause a seizure. Their trip to the aquarium would wait until he felt a bit more settled. 

Virtually everything in the flat, which hadn’t been much, was already gone. It had been given to local charities or some of the homeless they had met. The mattress remained and when night came they all wedged their way onto it. Kili slept better than he had since he first woke, and Ellie and Dwalin rested well too.

\-----

The next morning Kili awoke to Dwalin packing and repacking. There were several boxes of medical supplies and texts to take back with them. They weren’t taking much back in terms of personal effects. Ellie had procured a Bible and a hymnal, copies of the Silmarillion, the Hobbit, and Lord of the Rings, a few photos of family that she poached from her old facebook profile, and the scans of the girls. 

Dwalin had bought himself a harpejji, replacement strings, and maintenance tools. He also bought a couple of books detailing the construction of some of the orchestral instruments. He wanted a cello but didn’t want to haul it back with him so he planned to commission it later. In one of the boxes he had a few books of cello and harpejji sheet music. He bought ones with his favorite compositions and planned to learn to read it later.

Kili didn’t really have anything. He found one book of poetry that he liked so Ellie had picked it up for him but beyond that he wasn’t interested. His life had been so different from theirs while in London that he wasn’t even sure what he would have looked for.

Dwalin went out after breakfast to get a moving dolly. The boxes weren’t too heavy, they were too many. They needed to get them all in one go and so the dolly. 

While he was out he converted the last of their gold to cash and pawned the rest of the gems. Ellie and Dwalin had been all over the city pawning and selling it for the last few months. To them, the gold and gems were a paltry sum compared to what lay in Erebor. To the free surgery where Ellie went it would fund them entirely for a couple of years. 

Ellie made the trip in the afternoon. They had just over ￡400,000 from the gold alone and another ￡250,000 from the gems. In all honesty they should have gotten well over ￡1,000,000 for the gems but pawning isn’t the most effective way to get your wares purchased for a decent market value. The money was in a small shoulder bag as it doesn’t take up nearly the space people think it does in movies. 

Becca was surprised to see Ellie when she had been discharged from the surgery.

“I just had to stop by to drop this off. Is Mrs. Thomlinson available? It won’t take but a second,” Ellie explained.

The nurse was busy but made an appearance shortly. “Good to see you again. Didn’t think we would.”

“Just saying goodbye. We’re leaving tomorrow evening and won’t be needing this anymore. Your currency doesn’t have any value back home so we thought we’d leave it with you.”

The ANP looked pleasantly stunned until Ellie opened the bag. Then, she positively gaped. “Holy shit!” she exclaimed, covering her mouth immediately. “Sorry. I just- What- How- That’s a lot of money.”

Ellie nodded. “It’s about ￡650,000 pounds, give or take. I paid my taxi fare out of it on the way so it might be a few short.”

“Where in the world did you get this?” she asked Ellie.

Ellie shrugged. “We had some goods to trade when we came and we made a bit with some services we could offer here and there.”

Becca and Mrs. Thomlinson stared mutely into the bag before Ellie zipped it. “You got a safe? I think this is the kind of thing that goes in the safe.”

They quickly agreed and jammed the stacks into a small wall safe in office behind the rows of medical files that had yet to be digitized. 

“You don’t know what this means to us,” Mrs. Thomlinson stammered.

“I think I do,” Ellie replied and the other two women just nodded their agreement.

Becca hugged Ellie with a ferocity she remembered from the battlefield. This meant life or death to someone and to them it was a kind of battle. She understood that but still did not expect the same from Mrs. Thomlinson and Ellie flinched at first from the hug before hugging back.

“Come back any time you like, dear. We’d love to see those babies if you ever are in town again,” she implored. 

“If I’m ever in town again of course I would. Thank you so much. For everything,” Ellie managed through a few tears.

Ellie’s tears cleared up with the fall chill and a brisk walk. She collected take-away on the way back to the flat with some of the money she had held out. They enjoyed their last taste of gyros before tomorrow. 

\-------

“So where are we going again?” Kili played Dwalin like a fiddle, not that it worked.

“Don’t give me that ‘again’ nonsense. You know you haven’t been told,” Dwalin growled.

Ellie laughed. “There’s a reason it’s called a surprise Kili.”

Kili flopped his head back against the headrest in the taxi. “Fine. Keep your secrets then.” 

They arrived early morning to Sea Life. There were gaggles of children with their parents and teachers. Ellie ran in to get a wheelchair for Kili who still couldn’t walk enough to enjoy such a vast exhibit without overtiring himself. 

Kili gratefully slipped into the chair and Ellie handed him a pair of earplugs. “For when the kids get to be too much,” she said and he nodded gratefully.

Once inside Kili realized what this was. “It’s like the ocean but here where we can see it up close. It’s incredible. Tauriel would love this.”

Dwalin snorted a laugh. “She would love the planetarium, lad. But we only have time for this before we go home tonight.”

Kili looked confused. “What’s that? The planet-thing?”

Ellie and Dwalin explained it and Kili demanded to know why that wasn’t also on the list of things to do before going home. Ellie explained that they could go to museums, zoos, amusement parks, botanical gardens, symphony orchestra performances, and anything else under the sun for months before they ran out. They had to draw the line somewhere and this was apparently it. Besides, Fili needed them and Kili could not argue that he didn’t want to see his brother as soon as possible. 

Kili put in his earplugs nearly immediately thereafter but stared in awe at everything. They took the whole day to see the place. Every tank, every informational poster, every show, every feeding. If they could do it they did. They signed all day long, never bothering to try and speak. To combat the sensory overload they took periodic breaks letting Kili sit in quiet corners and nap.

Even with the wariness they had about Kili’s state Ellie nearly cried from joy while watching them. Their faces were light as years of heartache and worry and pain melted, and they were enraptured by the underwater world in front of them. 

The jellyfish were especially beautiful to Dwalin who couldn’t seem to find words and instead stood rooted to the spot and watched them float gently around their cylindrical tank seemingly oblivious to the rest of the world. 

Kili loved touching the sea anemones. He laughed so clearly and brightly as the tentacles gently probed his fingers that even the staff seemed to brighten amidst the hustle and bustle of hundreds of loud children. 

_“If I ever needed proof of the Valar I have found it,”_ Ellie overheard Dwalin murmur as he ran his hand over the back of a ray. 

In the end, they were sad to go but glad all the same. The day was only dampened when Kili had a small seizure in the back of the taxi on the way to the flat. They assured the driver that it was normal and Kili came to a minute later. He was a little dazed but quickly caught up with the situation keeping his eyes shut as his brain came back online from the force restart it just had.

Dwalin carried Kili up the stairs to the flat and laid him down on the mattress for a nap. They ate a bit of ramen and some apples, the last of the food in the flat, and rested as well. 

Sometime after 11 they called for a taxi and began to haul their things down to the curb. There were five paper boxes full of supplies and books and two knapsacks with personal effects. Once Kili was situated in the taxi and Dwalin and Ellie had loaded their things Ellie slipped an envelope with the flat key and a letter in the neighbors’ post box and they left.

The park was unlit this time and Ellie wrapped her arm around Kili to support him on the trudge across the park to the pitch, while Dwalin hefted their things. The moon was high this time and it lent the pitch an eerie quality.

They paused at the edge and Ellie reached in her pocket for Bilbo’s ring. Ellie had always had a healthy suspicion of it, leaving it in the flat and never once touching it. In her hand now it was so, so cold. No matter how long it was in her pocket the metal had never warmed. As she looked at it the size began to change and a faint whisper wound its way through her mind. She could feel it pulling her towards the rift and she put it on without thinking, the compulsion overriding the sense of dread that came with its presence. Kili grabbed her hand as she tried to loosen her arm from around him. He couldn’t see her but he could feel her and that was enough. He followed gently and she did not try to pull away since he wasn’t impeding her forward movement. He had known to look out for the effects of the ring and acted quickly. Dwalin took Kili’s other hand and pulled the dolly behind their little group. 

The call, the pull of the ring, to take them back was nearly unbearable. It pulled at the loose threads of her mind and wove them into something else entirely, threatening to rewrite the parts of Ellie that were detrimental to the goal of the ring. She desperately wanted to remove it but at the same time couldn’t bear the thought of its loss. Without a backward glance or second thought she stepped through the rift pulling Kili and Dwalin along with her.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The things they are a-happening. 
> 
> Sorry it's short. I got distracted with a plot bunny elsewhere, nevermind going out of town and caring for my dad and my kids after he had minor surgery. This is hella unedited and we're just gonna go with it. 
> 
> Whump. Angst. Yadda yadda.

Immediately, Dwalin laid their things down, or rather dropped them, and wrapped an invisible but flailing Ellie in his arms. Kili did his level best and after Dwalin pinned the offending hand open Kili was able to wrest the ring from her finger.

Instantly Ellie snapped into view, collapsed, and after another moment she vomited on the floor. 

“Keep it away from me. I don’t ever want to see it again,” Ellie wheezed. Of course that wasn’t entirely true but she managed all of her strength to say what she needed to say and not what she wanted.

Dwalin pocketed the ring this time. It was on a silver chain that he fastened it tightly to his belt. He noticed that Kili looked at little gray but when he looked to Kili questioningly the lad simply shook his head to dismiss the worry.

A few moments of rest where Kili and Ellie leaned against a wall helped. Dwalin motioned for them to go and they helped each other up and then began the long hike home. 

\----

The walk was long and would have taken days for Kili but for the planning and consideration of Fili and Balin. They struggled up the remainder of the flight of stairs on which they had appeared. They began to slowly make their way across the landing to the next staircase when a torch pierced the darkness. 

Even with dark vision the carrier of the torch was too far away to truly make out, either for Dwalin or Kili. Dwalin dropped the dolly and moved to place himself between the newcomer and his charges, wishing for all he was worth that he had his axes. Instead, he drew one of the many knives Nori had equipped him with.

“Halt, by order of the guard,” Dwalin demanded. 

The order was met with a sharp click of boots on stone and the approach of the unknown person or persons came to an abrupt stop. Nothing more was said until Dwalin approached them himself. Ellie and Kili waited back, though whomever was approaching could likely see them if only for their outline. 

“State your business here,” Dwalin ordered of the pair.

Both guards stood at parade rest. “Sir, Regent Fili stationed us here to await your return.”

Dwalin nodded to them. Both were members of the vanguard in _Khagolabbad_ but had served under another. Deciding that they were not here for harm he turned and called to Ellie and Kili to approach.

“Do you have a rest station by your post?”

The same guard spoke again. “Yes, sir. We take five day shifts here so we have a small bunk room just this way.”

They slowly made their way. The one guard who was sleeping immediately vacated his cot and went off to alert Fili and the others. With his cot empty and another nearby, Ellie and Kili laid down and fell asleep in short order. 

\------

The panicked sound of the hushed voices of the remaining guardsmen woke Ellie and Dwalin. 

Dwalin immediately found his feet and Ellie rolled to the side of her cot and sat up. Without talking they rolled Kili to his side and Dwalin pried his mouth open to check the location of his tongue. The seizure passed in less than a minute. They covered him with a blanket and left him to sleep without bothering to wake him. If he was having seizures in his sleep he was clearly overtired and probably overwhelmed. 

Dwalin waved the guards off, not interested in explaining at the moment and they returned to their stations.

Curiously, he had two more in the next hour and after that Ellie shook him. “Hey, Kili. You gotta wake up for me.”

“Ungh. Wanna sleep,” he mumbled.

Ellie smiled. “None of that. Come on, get up,” she ordered. “Hey,” she motioned to the guards who were watching with deep worry, “can y’all get us something to eat besides cram?”

“Yes, m’lady,” one of them replied and began digging a cupboard for ingredients. 

Kili was fully awake, though not fully pleasant yet. “Can you tell me what’s happening Kili? That’s the third seizure you’ve had in less than two hours. It wasn’t even this bad when the shunt came out.”

Kili pulled himself to sitting and scooted back to lean against the stone. “I don’t know for sure. I just feel something is wrong.”

Dwalin looked concerned. “Do we need to go back, lad?”

Kili shook his head. “No, it’s not like that. Something wrong with my soul, like part of it is crumbling like weak rock. I can’t shake the feeling and I think it’s what’s causing the seizures. I can’t explain it.”

Ellie and Dwalin looked thoughtful but the guard who was cooking spoke up.

“If I may, sir?”

Dwalin nodded and the guard continued.

“They say elves make soul bonds or some such thing when they find their One. That might be what’s affecting you, your highness.”

Kili’s eyes widening in fear. “What do you mean? Has something happened to her?” Panic edged into his voice as he spoke.

The guard looked down and nodded. “There are few of us who know, but as soon as you left for the other world the lady Tauriel began to fade and then passed into a coma. Apparently the distance between realms was too great and severed the bond, or at least damaged it. It wasn’t enough to kill her though. She remains in a coma, tended by elves sent personally by Lord Elrond.”

Kili looked horrified and made to stand. “I need to get to her.”

Kili immediately tried to rise from the cot and was forced back down none too gently by Dwalin. “Come off it lad. We’ll get to her soon.”

When the look in Kili’s eyes showed rebellion rather than compliance Dwalin scowled and added, “Rest or I’ll tie you to the cot.”

The fight went out of Kili, though his resentment of the situation did not, and sat back against the wall again letting the feel of cool stone ground him into the mountain. The feeling of safety with the mountain at his back let him rest undisturbed until the food was ready. 

Dwalin passed a bowl to Ellie and sat with Kili. When Kili opened his eyes they were glassy and he was unable to wield the spoon so Dwalin fed him until the bowl was mostly empty. 

“We cannot wait for help to arrive,” Dwalin declared as he watched Kili’s head loll. “We’ll use the cot as a stretcher.” Dwalin collected the box with Kili’s discharge paperwork and motioned to the other boxes. “Come back later for the rest.”

Dwalin’s word was interpreted as law and the pair of dwarrow immediately gathered the cot with Kili in it and led the way back to the main hall. Ellie followed with Dwalin at her side. After an hour she pulled her collapsible cane out and leaned heavily on it. Had their journey consisted of walking on one level it might not have bothered her as much but the sheer number of stairs grew overwhelming after about the tenth flight.

“Do you need to rest?” Dwalin asked as Ellie hissed through her teeth on the sixteenth flight.

Ellie shook her head, breathing hard. “Ribs just hurt. Imma be fine. We can’t afford to rest with Kili like this.” That she was right was the only motivation to take her at her word and they continued their assent.

\--------

After another hour Ellie was forced to rest. As soon as the searing pain in her side abated enough for deep breaths she was staggering to her feet to press on. Dwalin let her lean heavily onto him and his dwarven warmth seemed to dull some of the ache. 

Before another two hours passed they heard the heavy footfalls of dwarrow descending a nearby flight of stairs and Dwalin called out to them. An elated Fili called out a reply just as they came into sight.

Fili’s face dropped into darkness the closer he got but he said no more until the parties met.

“I was informed that he was walking and well,” Fili stated by way of greeting.

Dwalin cast a gaze at Kili. “He was. But he started to suffer as soon as he crossed the rift. We think it’s tied to Tauriel and whatever happened to their bond.”

“Dwalin, dwarrow don’t have soul bonds,” Fili reminded him.

Ellie interjected. “Well it looks like he does. He mentioned his soul feeling like it was crumbling before he became unresponsive. If their bond was damaged but it’s trying to reassert itself then the damaged bond could be causing the problems. Hypothetically speaking.”

Fili stared at his brother for a moment and Ellie got impatient. “Look this is the only damn idea we got. He was as fine as he could be when we brought him back. So let’s take him to her and talk to the elves. We’re out of our depth here.”

Fili looked to Dwalin who nodded. “Alright take him to Tauriel and summon the elves,” Fili commanded. 

The guardsmen carefully transferred Kili to the stretcher in lieu of the rather unwieldy cot. A fresh pair of guardsmen took over carrying duty and followed Fili’s quick pace. Several others were sent back to the guard post to collect the boxes and bags that were left in their haste.

“Dwalin I can’t keep pace. You go. He’ll need you to help explain things. Leave me with a guard. I can catch up later,” she panted after only a minute.


End file.
